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Forums > RP Discussion > Are YOU an RP commitmentphobe?

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Bishop wrote:
This almost makes me wonder if we can't get a mostly-functional RP tinder app with an algorithm instead of just randomizing searches for characters/partners. "This player is also a paragraph RPer who likes post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, and fantasy plots. They are available to RP once in a blue moon."


I'm going to be replying more specifically throughout the day and after work. But keep up the input, it's very interesting.

RP Finder searches skew slightly toward showing people who are in the same average post length category as you (we calculate this automatically)

Expanding the intelligence of the RP Finder's offerings is a major goal of mine.

Kim wrote:
Bishop wrote:
This almost makes me wonder if we can't get a mostly-functional RP tinder app with an algorithm instead of just randomizing searches for characters/partners. "This player is also a paragraph RPer who likes post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, and fantasy plots. They are available to RP once in a blue moon."


I'm going to be replying more specifically throughout the day and after work. But keep up the input, it's very interesting.

RP Finder searches skew slightly toward showing people who are in the same average post length category as you (we calculate this automatically)

Expanding the intelligence of the RP Finder's offerings is a major goal of mine.

That's the bees knees. Do you think it would be possible to make some sort of anonymous way for players to select characters they're interested in, and only inform players if there's mutual interest? I've noticed a few folks mention mental illness and anxiety being a limiting factor with reaching out, it would be cool to introduce a low-pressure icebreaker.

I'm still incredibly excited to see the development of the search function.

Claine wrote:
One thing I've noticed is that I've started having a strong preference for partners above the age of 20.

Age and lifestyle definitely appear to be a major factor. One of the folks I discussed this phenomenon with independently manages her family's contractor business along with tending to her portfolio as a professional artist. Frequently she was pressured to RP by folks with normal 9-5 employment or university students who didn't understand the importance of being a small business owner. Eventually she just stopped logging into the client because it wasn't worth it to have people up her sphincter when she was trying to put food on the table of multiple families and file all their insurance plans with total liability weighing on her shoulders 24/7.

I'd definitely agree with and empathize with those feelings. Finding people who say they understand is one thing, but finding folks who really do is another ballgame entirely. Age really helps narrow the field to players who either have first hand experience, have come close, or know more people in the same boat. It's not a catch-all and I've seen young folks with a great deal of empathy and alternatively people in their 20s and 30s with fewer responsibilities who can log several hours into a game and can't relate.

cami wrote:
I recently got married (literally 2 days ago), and my now-husband is leaving for the Navy sometime in the next month - so (hopefully undersignificant portion of time/energy). Couple this with the fact that I'm a full-time forensics student and it's a recipe for disaster where finding rp-partners is concerned.

Congrats on the nuptuals! And good luck with school. Always great to see lady STEM majors around.

Personally I've found it near impossible to break into cliques or even do group rps for the same reason. It's difficult to join a plot and tell people, "oh by the way I'm going to be gone or out of my mind for two weeks because something happened at school/at work/to my child." And hold up four other folks. So I can see why they're wary of the busy folk. You're not alone. :(

Am I a commitmentphobe? Yeah, I'd say I am a bit. Part of it is just my general shyness, of course. I still find it so hard to talk to people out of nowhere, even with people that I have RPed with before. And even with the RP groups that I am part of, I do sometimes feel like an outsider. That's a pretty hard feeling to overcome for me, personally.

And yes, there is just the problem of not having enough time. Clearly, I'm not the only one who's had less and less time for RP as the years have gone by and I've taken on more and more work. Real life has to come first, after all, as much as I would like to spend my time roleplaying.

I think a big problem for a lot of people is that sometimes, you just don't click. Finding someone who's writing really meshes with yours can be difficult. And sometimes you think it's working and they don't. It's more of a communication problem, I think. When people die off on me, I don't think it's because they're being rude and I definitely don't do it to be rude. I think sometimes people just worry that voicing these things- that it doesn't feel like it's working, that you aren't as excited for this as you thought you were, that your styles aren't compatible- makes people feel like they're insulting/hurting their rp partner. It's not even that. Like, go ahead and tell me we're not working. I've been TRYING to make sure I do the same for people too, by using this mindset. I'm not afraid to commit to roleplay- my best friend and I have storylines that are YEARS old that we're still active on- it's just sometimes difficult to go into a roleplay with high expectations on both sides and to realize it's not working out.

Owelle wrote:

Another slightly-related issue is that I'm super introverted and have trouble initiating conversation and RP, even if they're both things I really want to participate in. Coming back from long periods of being away makes it even harder because I feel as though I've missed so much in the meantime and that folks have either forgotten about me, decided that I'm not worth the trouble or seem very close to one another with no room for stragglers (which might not even be true).

I relate to this so much. I always feel the Most Annoying Person Ever, especially when I take a small break due to being busy or just emotionally distracted. I am almost always too shy to ask for role play, and then get heartbroken that I have no role play, then slip into a emotionally uncomfortable place where I can't even post. It's a vicious, self-harming cycle I have going here. T.T
I have so many ideas and things I'd love to try out, and I'm so open to anything... just so afraid to put it out there x.x

I wouldn't say I'm precisely a commitmentphobe, but instead I'm someone edging on 30 with more free time than others in my age group. I'm also pretty choosy about the kind of people I'll play with and the types of characters and plots that interest me which does me absolutely no favours. That said, I become a level 5 clinger when I do find someone I write well with which results in frustration on both our parts because they never have as much time as I do. They have actual careers on top of real life social lives, some of them kids, and the fact is roleplay is on the very bottom of the To Do List for them whereas I have regular 8-10 hour work days with no children or other responsibilities afterward.

I know for a fact I've been unfair with some of my partners in regard to the lack of attention from them. It's not their fault. I stopped logging onto Furcadia in any real capacity around 2 years ago and since then my drive to roleplay has steadily waned. I still have an intense creative drive, but I channel it into personal world building projects because I've given up on finding steady RP. It's not worth the hunt nor the creative blue balls. I seldom use RPR anymore as well.

Bishop wrote:
Clove wrote:
More often than not I feel disappointed by the lack of responses and follow-through via my partners in rp and often am left wondering if it is something that I have done on my part to be unappetizing with plotting and art. However, this is not to say that this is the case with every partner that I have had but like anything interaction between partners and even friends to have it's hills and valleys of interaction and interest. All I think I could ask for a potential partner is to be thoughtful and considerate of their partner and their feelings and obligations.and that they communicate with their partners instead of disappearing on to the newest and shiniest of toys to fulfill their attention span.


The part that's left a bad taste in your mouth as far as partners goes is exactly the aspect I struggle with providing. "The Follow-up" I take weeks to post at times. Sometimes longer. When I receive pressure or criticism for the lousy attention I can afford my current creative pursuits I feel forced to push them away because it's legitimately not fair to my partners if I can't meet their creative needs, too.

For what it's worth, I have moments too where I just can't post. I work long hours also and have family commitments that don't let me sit at my computer like I could when I was 18, unattached, and had all the time in the world.

So, if you ever wanted an RP with a very casually paced person, I'd be happy to give it a shot. I don't get upset if replies are slow so long as it's not waiting five weeks for a one-liner ;).

Definitely.
Writing for me is enjoyable, but it's a process I have to drag myself through. My writing is slow (especially since my prefered method is long form. Very long form). When I have free time, writing can feel like much more of an investment than other hobbies I might want to do - if I have a day to myself, generally it's a choice of writing a post when I could use that same time to say, draw some personal work, play a couple of hours of games and maybe do a little housework. Which can seem like a waste, since personal art would be helping develop professional work and gaming for me is generally actively socialising. Committing too much time to writing is something that can really make me feel guilty - especially since I work freelance currently, where all time spent doing personal work makes me feel guilty generally.

I'd love to branch out, but I've looked at groups and immediately balked because there's no way I can commit the sort of time and energy as other people. I know in those sort of environments it does mean I'd get left behind pretty quickly.

I can get why people would be upset at others being flaky, but spending that much time and energy is a big deal for me.
Awhile ago now I split with the main partner I'd been RPing with for something crazy like 5 years. Honestly? In that time I had one main character who I threw so much into developing. It's been about a year since I've RPed, and the idea of committing that much time and energy into not only RP itself, but developing new characters and worlds and, lets be real, new relationships is pretty daunting.

In terms of RP partnerships - I think like any other relationship, there needs to be communication and those involved have to be on the same page. The past several years I've RPed purely with people I have established friendships with (feeding into the clique commentary already discussed). As you've pointed out they're all closer to my age, either at uni or working post uni, so often are in the same boat in terms of limited time. People who understand time and effort restraints (physical and mental problems can mean it's a challenge to even do things I enjoy!) and who are also casual about RPing.
Let's fund RP tinder.

My problem with finding partners is that I am so stupidly picky! That comes to both characters and plots. If I was to look at a random character list page in the characters section, there will maybe be 2 at max that interest me.

I am also highly judgmental when it comes to profiles as to me: Long detailed profile=likely long high quality posts=happy Katia. On the other hand, sparse profile=short posts=bored Katia. I'm not saying that this is true 100% of the time, but this has proven to be pretty accurate for me. Also I'm not trying to sound elitist with the post length, it's just that I do quickly lose interest and thus become bored when presented with short posts.

That being said when I do see a character/plot that interests me. I can be very flexible to modifying my existing characters to even potentially making one custom made for just that situation, tho the later can be dependent on my mood and how much I have been burned doing that recently.

I think part of the issue at hand is pointing fingers. We want to see someone who shares coinciding interests with us. We want to impress ourselves upon other people and have them accept us and perhaps maybe even go further. I think that adopting a mindset that we will never be able to find that perfect other person is wise, since you'd only be looking for a mirror.

Of course, perhaps there may be that one special role player who just so happens to lock in with you. But let's be real, the chances of finding that person is unbelievably slim. We all probably had different factors influencing our lifestyles and values, and we shouldn't try to push these upon other people and force them to feel an obligation to us. What are we, the Spanish Inquisition? No, we are just some people exploiting the internet for what it's worth.

Commitment is hard to find, especially on something so familiar yet foreign at the same time like the internet. If you want commitment you need to trust that the person may be engaged with something else that is higher up on their list of priorities than roleplaying.

I can't even begin to express how many times my roleplays have been left unanswered for months, only to find that something happened to my partner in real life. It'll happen to us as well eventually. I think that someone before wrote that life is cruel or something along those lines. It's true, through and through. If life was fair we would never have to work, be always happy, and even find that special partner (for roleplaying).

To wrap this up, perhaps what you're seeking is writing a novel yourself. Roleplay is like a collaborative writing process. You need to work with the other person and have them do unto you. This means that you'll have to concede that there will be bumps along the road. Maybe that's for the better. I certainly wouldn't be able to bear dealing with a bunch of me's, otherwise I'd know exactly what was going to happen next and roleplaying wouldn't be as exciting anymore.

Commitment is hard, but I think adopting a policy of "blind faith" and sticking to it no matter what is what we need to do.

I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to say commitmentphobe, but I definitely have trouble putting myself out there, mainly because I'm such an erratic poster. On good days I can post rapidly, one right after the other. On bad days, which tend to come in sets, I can't post at all. Since roleplays tend to get made on good days, people will get six or seven posts out of me on the first day, then I'll vanish for a couple of weeks, and who wants to deal with that?

I really like roleplaying, but I feel like the kind of partner most people wouldn't want to have, so I just don't bother most of the time.

Perhaps this would be a good group creation? RP Commitmentphobes.

Networking area for those of us who aren't able to post for days or sometimes weeks at a time?

DarkonDreams wrote:
Perhaps this would be a good group creation? RP Commitmentphobes.

Networking area for those of us who aren't able to post for days or sometimes weeks at a time?

Though I am not completely averse to that suggestion, I'm not too on board with that proposition also. What if there comes a time when we are unable to respond to our commitment? We hit bumps in our life all the time. We would end up expecting commitment from the other party, and when it never comes, our expectations will only get lowered even further.

Maelstrom wrote:
DarkonDreams wrote:
Perhaps this would be a good group creation? RP Commitmentphobes.

Networking area for those of us who aren't able to post for days or sometimes weeks at a time?

Though I am not completely averse to that suggestion, I'm not too on board with that proposition also. What if there comes a time when we are unable to respond to our commitment? We hit bumps in our life all the time. We would end up expecting commitment from the other party, and when it never comes, our expectations will only get lowered even further.

In my mind the goal felt like a network of people where the understanding is that people have irregular schedules and that it was geared towards slower posting rates or even those who could only post once every few weeks or so.

If there were to be a time where you wouldn't want to continue an RP at all I would imagine it'd be the same as any other, let your partner know so they're not in limbo. Otherwise, as a lot of people have posted, they don't seek out partners to avoid upsetting others with slow reply rates. If you were in a group specifically for people in like circumstances it might take some of that unease off.

"We're all turtles here, welcome!"

I'm going to make this short and sweet because there would only be repetition by this point. Fiebs described my life exactly -- from the arcade analogy all the way to having tiny hints of my creativity shine through in small snippets of art, a prose, or some collective gathering of thoughts that mesh in to something worth sharing with others. Y'know, like, "I made this. I actually made this." Or in some instances, I had this made for me when it comes to commissioning others when you yourself can't artistically render what's trapped in your mind, but nonetheless, something out there that signifies that there's still a fire in your belly for the world to see -- that you haven't given up despite all the busyness of your schedule or the lack of sleep, etc.

I really couldn't have said it any better than Fiebs, honestly. My disappearance is a complete attribution to those notions, the chasing of dreams, the providing for family, the experiencing a world beyond the keyboard. It's all there and it's all happening, and I too am fighting with insecurities. I too take hours on a single post. I too have pushed forward from being too intimidated to join an RP because everyone is better than me (not really, I'm still working on this one!). The fact of the matter is, I've been encouraged and to see that I'm not the only one who's going through this and being busy and having to provide for loved ones and getting to go to conventions and trying new things beyond the putter is reassuring.

Role-Playing was a way of life for me. It was escapism and I love(d) it. I will always love it and I will strive to better myself at it, but I am coy and tired and stressed. It's difficult to plan each day because despite the unchanging hours, there's always something different and typically distressing happening. I get through each day though, but generally not with a lot left in me for creativity.

Anyhoo, this ended up being way longer than I intended, and I haven't posted anywhere in a very long time, but when I saw this, I had to jump on board because it was very therapeutic for me, especially seeing Fiebs's post. It gave me hope and a sense of 'well, I must be doing something right since it's not just me'. Hah hah hah... I really hope this is relevant.

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Forums > RP Discussion > Are YOU an RP commitmentphobe?