Daevi

Journal

• Journal

  • A tomb

    I've been home for all of a week and I already want to leave. Deva and I are finally on good terms again, fortunate as we're the head of the company, but I seem to be on the outs with the rest of my family. They are appalled by my arrangement with Alanso, more so than they were over my brief marriage with Aimery.
    
    It wasn't enough this man ruined your marriage, but you allow him to give you a bastard child? And a girl no less? You gave Aimery an heir!
    
    I've heard it all over the last few days, and I've stayed cooped up in my office or room because of it. Taking care of sweet Esme and working on getting things in order for me to work from afar. Deva agreed to head things here so I wouldn't have to endure it any more than need be.
    
    I was surprised to see Steffano so at home with my family. Since my fathers passing, though, I suppose I shouldn't be. He was the only one to really disapprove of him, and it was for a reason outside anything to do with his ability to work.
    He's been watchful since the day I got back and Dhiraj had an outburst, striking me over everything I had done to dishonor our family.
    

    I have elevated this family, even if it hasn't been done traditionally.

    
    I still secured trade in Kasuria, I took over with the passing of our father. Steffano broke his nose over it, and I appreciated it, since I would have liked to, myself.
    He loves Esme, but I can see the look in his eyes from across the room when he watches us play together. Disgust just like my family, with envy thrown in there still hoping for something we could never be.
    I lead him on and I'm aware of it. We spend nights together, still go on walks, have dinners, but at the end of the day he knows I plan on leaving and don't want any ties to anyone here.
    
    I found myself thinking about William the other night, unexpectedly. In the color of wine I saw his hair, and the golden glint of the goblet seemed to match one of those unique eyes of his.

    I laughed at myself over the thought.

    We never had a future together, but he was a man I could admire. He wouldn't let me push him around, and I need someone like that. Someone in his image with station. We would have made glorious lovers, though, but I doubt I'll ever see the scoundrel again.
    For the better, I seem to make a mess out of ever man that I touch. First Steffano, then Aimery, and Alanso bore the worst of it all from me.

  • A future heartbreaker

    I've been too exhausted to write. I was found unexpectedly unwell a few weeks ago, my brother swept me from Greystone in an instant. I didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone, though he promised me the letters I wrote would get to who they needed to. I've spent the last few months of my pregnancy bedridden and unable to do much. Three nights ago I gave birth to a little girl, but this is the first chance I've had to really see her.
    
    She's beautiful.
    
    A full head of jet black hair like Alanso, and eyes as golden as mine are. She'll break hearts when she's older. She is already so curious, reaching for everything her tiny hands can get a grasp of. She's a fondness for my hair and balls up fists of it whenever I hold her, which seems to be always. I refuse to put her down for fear I'll never be able to pick her back up again. I sent a quick letter to Alanso letting him know about his new daughter, and I suppose we'll see what comes of that.
    I named her Esmarie. Truthfully I have no idea where it came from - I had wanted to name her Revati, after my sister, but the name didn't find it's way off of my lips. I thought Alanso wouldn't like it, and I wanted something beautiful he would be proud of, like his other daughters. So Esmarie it is, though I call her Esme and Deva has taken a liking to Essy. Despite all his crowing over my getting pregnant while unmarried he adores his little niece, and brought her the largest plush kiwi he could find while I was in labor.
    I could hear him fretting outside the door the whole time, hear the insistence of the midwife that midwife that I was fine and was supposed to scream like that. I think he thought I was dying the way he looked at me when they finally let him in. I remember his wide eyes, and he's tended to me and Esme with loving paws till I've gotten better. It's mended the rift between us as siblings, at least somewhat. It's a foundation we can finally build on, and take this company farther because of it."

  • Strange Friendships

    To start with the good news, I'm pregnant. Not far along, but that damned morning sickness gets to me at all hours of the day. I avoid the tavern like it's a prison not that I mind, it's been beautiful out since Summer finally settled.
    My second piece of news is that... Well, I think I've grown up enough to move past Alanso. My expectations, anyways. I was naive to think things could go back to normal, or that a kit would help that along. He called it all a perversion, despite wanting to be involved where he could. Help me. I told him not to worry about it and left.
    

    Moving on from him... It feels like such an impossibility.

    
    Then there's William. Oh, William. A few weeks passed I mentioned a male that offered to go remove those blasted stones for me.. that was him. He's become quite the companion for myself as of late. We make jokes, mock one another endlessly, wander around and just enjoy each others company. He's a dear friend and I'm glad I was able to spend one night of the Kings Day festival tucked away with him. We danced, swam, teased one another. I told him about my coming child before Alanso, even. He made a passing joke about how we must be past lovers to get along the way we do, and I'd be almost inclined to agree if it weren't so silly. He and I couldn't be more opposite from one another and yet so similar.
    Being around him as drawn out an impish nature I missed, I even settled in for a drinking game with a few femmes the other night. I think I won... at the very least, one round was certainly mine. I was so far into my wine I really couldn't tell.
    
    Then there's Air. I offered her work, again. For my brother, certainly not myself. She seemed to actually consider it this time around but we'll see. At least she admitted to needing help. Three kits with no income is too much for anyone to deal with, and she looked near starving from the effort.
    
    I can smell the kiwis roasting all the way from my room, I swear this place is hellbent on killing me.

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