Ship & Crew
-
The Red Raven
Okay, cockstains, I am Ygrainnephizorwynnordalice! But since your primitive brain can't pronounce my super awesome name, you can call me Fragrance! Today I am going to take you on a quick and dirty tour of the Red Raven airship owned by the super cool, very handsome, oh my gosh you can drown a man in my panties he's so sexy, your hero and mine, Captain Cody Darklance!
The Red Raven was originally a frigate, retrofitted with all sorts of neat toys and do-dads for maximum flight speed and firepower. But none of this would be possible if it wasn't for me, because it just so happens I am the power source for this whole thing!
And now for the oh so boring statistics that I am required to mention!
Tons burthen: 200 bm
Length: 31.4 m (103 ft)
Beam: 7.1 m (24.6 ft)
Complement: 60
Armament: 10 x 16 lb cannons, 5 x 24 lb cannons, 12 swivel cannons and 1 coil cannon
Ceiling: 1828.8 m (6000 ft)
Speed: 55 mph
Like bluh, so boring, right?
So now onto some specifics! While the crew complement is around 60 (depending on who gets killed or explodes), it only takes a handful to operate the ship on a skeleton crew of 6. This is because the Red Raven has all sorts of automated systems, rigged up with a system of pulleys, wires and other whackadoos I am not sure how they work. The ship comes complete with a captain's quarters that I am not allowed in because of one little fire I started, galley, cargo hold, latrines, crew quarters, a holding cell, and even on onboard petting zoo! Okay, it's not really a petting zoo, but it's where we keep our Scarhawks.
The armory is fully loaded with all sorts of weapons, we got pointy swords, we have sharp axes, blammo we got guns! And just to keep things super duper interesting, our cannons come with all sorts of things that will blow your head clean off your shoulders! Sangrenel rounds will fill your body with razor-sharp shards of metal, chain shot for taking down sails and just because we're kind of assholes, hot iron loads to set your shit on fire!
But if you're on the ship, you may also notice the really, REALLY big gun. This is called the coil gun and it was installed but the butthole who owned the ship previously and I am expressly forbidden from touching it. The rounds it uses are as tall as an average man and smell of magic. It has never, ever, EVER been fired because none of us are quite sure what it will do. Is it a fancy glitter bomb? Will it crack the world in half? GOSH, I really want to find out!
Oh, oh! We also have a dragon! Yup! Its name is Cyvern and it's a blue, lightning zappy dragon from the desert! Now Cyvern can't exactly, you know, be on the ship, but she...I think it's a she? Flies with us and serves as an advanced scout and some serious firepower when needed. I am not sure how Captain Cody convinced a dragon to join us, but I am sure glad it's on our side!
Now when shit really goes pear shaped and we want to board your ship or storm your castle, we have these ca-razy things called Pro-Gears. They are 10 ft tall suits of armor, powered by steam engines and magic! Because fuck your science, magic trumps all! They take a normal man and make him as strong as a hill giant, able to uproot trees, smash like...a whole lot of watermelons, and are impervious to small arms. Unfortunately, they're kind of not that reliable. They often break down and only work for about a couple of hours before needing a recharge.
And guess who the battery is?
That's right! Us fairies are the most powerful beings in this world, any other world, your world, and the upside-down world (that place blows). I am the key to the ship and the only one that can turn it on and power not only the Pro-Gears but the engine and lights! Sure, it's a little tiring but keep stuffing my face with cakes and pies and I will happily do it!
What I am not so happy about is "popping". No, I said "popping", not taking a dump. "Popping" is what Captain Cody calls the holy shit button. I can focus all my power and "pop" the ship to another location instantaneously! But it has its drawbacks. First off, it's SUPER exhausting, like, sleep for a week. That and we're not always sure where we'll end up. We have only had to use it once, and it landed us in some hot water...well, a volcano, but we're still in the up!
Well, I hope you enjoyed the tour! Below, you can meet some of the crew and learn more about us! The Red Raven has gone through a lot in its short lifespan, terrible dangers, great triumphs and a lot, I mean a LOT of almost crashes.
Still, it's not just some flying boat, it's our home. -
Connections
