Allurean

Oh, Shenka... There's no way I can ever repay him for what he's done for me. A gorgeous set of wings, all these scales, and just look at Fawn. So beautiful that it's impossible to keep my hands off her. As if I didn't have enough trouble with that before she was covered in scales. Now I know what he meant and the next time I see him, he better be ready to end up pinned down for a few hours.

Perhaps one of these days I can get him to explain how he managed that type of genetic modification. I've been having the worst trouble with it so I can only imagine the obstacles he had to face. No matter now. What's done is done and won't stop me from completing my own research. All this means is my plans and dreams are finally being realized earlier than I thought possible and I have him to thank for it. Fawn, too, as she will be an excellent mother to the new generation of Exustian. Can I even call them Exustian anymore? That carries so many connotations and connections to a planet that doesn't even exist anymore. A species that was basically wiped from existence, leaving only me behind. To rename them would possibly trip up the Alliance and confuse their search, adding an additional layer of protection to my family. A word I'd never thought I'd be able to use again when Zairon and Pyr departed this world for new horizons. Different horizons. I remained, stayed to build and strengthen what I'd created here, and I am all the happier for it. The happiest I have ever been. I feel... alive again.

Even Molly has become Exustian now. Her eyes carry the Coil's color, but she is a gift, wrapped in gold scales. Perhaps some day she too will carry part of the new generation. My only hope is that our children will have an easier time conceiving with other species of dragon than myself. Although perhaps... perhaps that is also something I can speak with him about. Despite it all? I still wish my children to be his. Or at least, the children I bear and birth. Surely Ledge would make a fine father, too, but he is busy with other things. I cannot put my life on hold waiting, and so I'll set my sights on who I know I can trust to be there for me and mine until Ledge's return.

Nothing could destroy my joy. Not Ailment, not Birdy, not this strange phenomena of demons or Rath's potential possession. This is true happiness and I think I'm finally beginning understand what a mortal means when they say they love.

Even if I can't help what I am and what I feel - or don't feel, really - it's still hard to watch when others realize I'm not what they expected. That I can't be what they need or want. I have no capacity for 'love' as an Earthling understands it, especially those that are mortal. There's centuries head of me. I'm barely an adult in the eyes of my species. How can I mate when my life is barely entered into its second chapter? Fawn works because she asks nothing of me, understands me completely without any words needing spoken. She expects nothing and perhaps that is the reason I am able to give her absolutely everything.

All that wasted time. A collar, some armor. Is that all I have now? Another stab right through the heart. Good thing I never had one in the first place.

Why help me? You could just have easily set her free rather than give her to me, and yet here we are. Why threaten me? Only to tell her the truth? Why do that when you knew how scared I was? Why do you dredge up everything that I want to stay buried? Why couldn't it be one of them? You say I'm the one twisting everything, but what have I actually done? You used me. I tormented you, and you turned it back on me tenfold. There's nothing more evil than a good man with bad intentions. Stay away from me, asshole.

Zairon was right. I'll never learn my lesson. Guess that's why I'm stuck in this form now, covered in fur, wearing the marks of the wolven on my body. Least I'm on two legs instead of four now, so that's an improvement. But damn I look good this way. Maybe I'll even keep a copy for myself, once this mishap wears off. What will I do if it doesn't?

The one right thing I did in my life and she's mine. All mine. Now all I have to do is resist the urge to destroy her like everything else in my life. Maybe I really should have added a safety to the collar? Oh well. I'd like to see someone try to remove it. I could use a good snack. Let's hope that idiot knew what he was doing in giving you to me. I could just as easily turn you into the monster that he fears as save you. Whatever you are, whatever you become, whoever tries to take you will have to pry you from my corpse.

I have in my possession blood the color of the night sky, as though the dark heavens were called down and turned to liquid. It has a consistency like honey but it is anything but sweet. Mindless and foolish, I touched it when it floated up into the air. And I lost half a day of my life. Maybe more. But they were the best hours I've had since before the Alliance was forged to thwart our divine plans. My brothers... all of my siblings. The entire clan was alive and thriving. Father named us his heirs. We spent hours forming the world in our image. And then all at once... reality came back. I saw... I saw her standing on the shore before it all broke, looking at me with that same dead, desirable stare. That creature... what has it done to me? All I want to do is return home again, but I am hesitant. I do not fear, but if I could, I imagine it would feel something like the cold I felt when I looked upon it at the end. Maybe someday, I will master the art of possessing what I cannot have. For now, it is still a puzzling solution that eludes me, but I will not end up stuck in a dream. An... alternate reality. That is a past life and I cannot - will not - change the past.

Give me everything you have and I'll still want more. If ever there was one that deserved immortality and the protection I can offer, it is you. Perhaps the plainest creature I've ever crossed, but the most beautiful in my eyes. A fleshling that I must possess. Your body, your mind, your soul, I must have it all, and you... you offer it all willingly, allowing me to lap the nectar from your heart over and over again. The taste gets sweeter every time. Stay with me.

Anyone that knows you would be jealous of your mistress. I am practically green with envy. Even if I cannot have you, I shall groom you. You will be my willing, obedient test subject and I will pamper you beyond your comprehension. My only regret is that I cannot possess you.

This damnable beast will make me grey before my time. How do I claim what is already held? How do I bend and break this variant of pride? The approach needed is different than what I am use to, but I swear to the Fire Lord that I will have what I envisioned.

Capable of turning heads with a single footfall, a man approached me from the shadows and offered me a puzzle. He wasn't all there, the shadows twisting around him, a creation between illusion and reality. His words caress and rape the mind, his voice soothing and rich like you expect a man's to be. The very breadth of his chest and the chiseled square of his chin cause me to wonder what mind created such a beautiful creature. Power exudes from his every pore and I find myself intrigued despite my best judgments telling me that he cannot be trusted. But I have to know if he can answer my heedless eternal search. Now that I know there are answers, I must have them. Only what will be the cost? There is always a price. Zargen isn't the devil. He is worse.

The Tether's a welcome sight after being alone so long in all those various unfamiliar places. Eventually, I always end up back here, but that was the plan anyway, right? They're not here. I can't feel their pulses, not even that of those they've claimed or marked. That's okay. It has to be. Whatever the implications of their disappearance, at least I found interesting company. Some man haunted by shadows that I had to persuade into drinking even just one beer with me, let alone the two I managed to get him to down. Lokevius. He agreed to the business proposal I gave once he told me he dealt in cargo transport, after I promised that he'd have guards and the glass of the phials would be magically reinforced so as not to break, of course. Everyone's always so touchy about the phials! They're just filled with a little poison. It's not like he wouldn't be stocked with plenty of antidote - it's in every goddamn drink and meal I provide them on those trips! Not that it would do any good with the purple worm extract, but the tests being what they are I could use some more samples. Either way, he's done excellent work so far; business is practically booming. I'm impressed.

Pyr's left us, retreated into his gem. Dechtira's.. alive, though I do not know what mixing the power of the star with her life force and the old magics will have done to her; she appeared mostly the same as she was before, save for the... red bird. I've heard mention, but I don't recall what they are off the top of my head - Zairon said something when we were together in their room, discussing the whole thing at the beginning, with the Caelian ale, and her bed, the scrolls, the parchments, the vanity, the table, the window, the door. Every detail is etched into my memory and I don't want to be remembering any of it. Now it will be hers, forever, they will do as they will, forever, together. What's worse is that I don't want to be privy to it, I don't want to watch as he travels that path, yet I can't bear to tear myself away, for it would haunt me forever not knowing what had become of him, or of Pyr. He can tell me all the lies he wants, I know that look, and I know that if.. well, I know I'd do the same, it's just difficult to remember that. I can't be that selfish. I can't. There is hate, but then I respect it all too much to tempt the fires.

My heart yearns for the love of another, one that doesn't exist yet stands tangible, palpable, warm and welcoming, an oasis from the rest of the world. He sends shivers of delight across my body, makes me yearn for him, always on my mind with every passing moment, every motion reminding me of his body's rhythm and grace. Why can't I get him off of my mind? Why haven't I seen him in so long? It tears me apart to think I may have driven him away. I want to think that I can know him forever, but I realize that's a fantasy, a selfish wish. The only ones I have are Zairon and Pyr, forever. They are enough, but I want more. I feel hollow inside, where there's this pit I don't know how to fill. Nothing is ever enough. Nothing compares. No one compares. I miss you. Please come back to me. I need you, not for the pleasures of the flesh, but for the very essence of you, your voice, your scent, your wit, the way you make me feel as though I truly matter in this world, and that it deserves to be saved. I miss our calm nights hunkered down in the libraries, the evenings in the jungle, the fact you lay your soul bare without me having to fight a sense of egotistical pride and verbatim. What we shared was special, and of the few things I regret in life, somehow pushing you away is one of the greater ones.