In The
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Journal
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A Son
I've had my son and though Vidarr is gone again with out a word, I know I have a little bit of him left. I am moving on with my life though I hope he does return. My heart can not take this leaving and returning with out a single word. -
The Pains
I first had thought I lost our child when you were late in returning home my love. Yet as my stomach grew I knew I hadn't lost our babe. In the months that passed I cared for myself closely and then you finally came home. You took notice in how I missed you dearly, my Vidarr. You were also quite surprised y the swelling in my stomach. We are a family once again.
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The Past forward
I hate the fact there is slavery in the world but it is an evil that will not fade I fear. Part of me feels like I stepped into it today as I bought a slave. His name is Ozmandias and he is a phoenix. I could use a guard when Vidarr is not around and I am on my travels. I will feel safer with this gladiator by my side as we can both fend off quite a bit. In speaking of Vidarr , I have not seen him in some time and I hope he s healthy and well. Hunting has probably kept him from our bed but I will not worry. He is strong man and he will return.
I did manage to sell some more of my wares and I must show Bryg this ginger chocolate. I am sure she will find it good nd maybe twist it a bit for her own sweets. I hope her stuff does well too! All in all everything seems to have calmed down for a while but I feel as if a storm is coming...
~G -
What Hurts the Most...
It started off as good day. Clingy won her arena match against the large wolf that beat her before. I'd like to think it was because of my Tusk Caps I made her. Then Vidarr and I watched a match where it seemed Raging castrated someone? I don't know. Then it was our turn to finally fight. I have been preparing myself for this and the nights rest before had me ready for the fight. What ever Vidarr had done he probably was talking to much and not enough rest. We fought in one of the quickest matches I have fought. Maybe I was to rough but I did tell him I would not hold back. He bruised my back with the edge of his sword but I tore up his arm, ripped up his throat and stomach. I am so sorry for causing the wounds... if you are reading this. I am really sorry. But after the words you spoke it hurt. I only want best for you and I've been betrayed so much in my life by the ones closest to me. You knew my mother sold me for money and I was trained to be a harem woman for Sultan. Yet it never came through that these things in my past that have left me scarred? Yes we all have our hardships but you've never been in my shoes.
*tear stains blur out some words* tonight made me feel you are unhappy. I only want you to be happy so I will give you the space you need. Find your brother get closer to him as you can. I've got nothing to... return to or search for. I'm alone in a strange world with only you who seems to give a damn. I think I might love you but I don't know what love is. Yet I'll always be there, the lion of your heart and the Ghost to chase away the demons in the night. My roar will be in the thunder of the clouds to let you know where ever you go... I'll be there... Your not alone.
~G -
Freedom... At last...
It has been a long time coming. I have saved up enough from selling my wares to buy my freedom. Yet though I could not find my Master Sedrik I know my price and what he had bought me for. Twenty Five gold and I have given he a platinum bar in exchange for my freedom. I left it in his home with a note as my services to him are no longer. I have been set free and I will forever remember the Kindness of his house. I wish Him and Madde the best of luck and my blessing of a long happy life for their son.
I also witnessed Hauk win his fight today. We praise him at the bar. Mjodis, Vidarr and myself toast and drink in his honor. I wish you many more fights and victories my friend many more! Vidarr and I also discuss fighting or sparring one another. If he wins I will be humble and I could never hold a grudge towards him. If I win I will be humble and heal our wounds as well as know we are both very good fighters. I also know... I love him. Is it to soon to really say I do... yes it is. I will wait for the day he tells me to return the words to him from my heart. Who knew the lioness with in me could feel so drawn and connected to a wolf from the north? When North and South met... there could only be happiness through the harsh times and the good times. I look forward to many more... as I am no longer... a slave, but a free woman and stand as his equal.
~G -
I am His...
Night was one to remember oh yes. It started off kind of slow with just working at the smelter working on rings for the Jarl and his Huskarls. I need to make up for way I acted when I was drunk. Maybe gift for the men as rings for fighting dragons and earrings for the women of the house will help right? I hope so but it is much work to shape these metals. Got to put book back but I'm going to make a note, fire opals seems very immune to fire. Had help from a dragon with this information so maybe it will helps with this enchantment right? Anyways I must put book away new metal is a bit strange to work with and don't want to burn. I will write later.
So its lunch time and I keep thinking about last night and the fight with Muun Bremusa Raging and Vidarr. Vidarr lost but it was very close. I was there to help heal him but it took a lot. Then Clingy and some big armored wolf fought. Another very close fight and Clingy lost. Why do my friends lose? Maybe I need to teach them a few things when both better. How to fight beasts properly yes yes.
So after fight and healing Clingy I got very weak. Vidarr took me to room he rented so I could rest. We talked about what clingy had told us: "We make good couple, would make strong offspring." I understand her thoughts but still it made me feel very hot. Its so strange to hear it finally from anothers mouth at how we seemed so good for each other. Vidarr and I talked about it in the Room and he asked me to be his woman. I accepted and now I am luckiest woman ever to live. He is my... my Sultan and I will forever to what I can to make him happy. Maybe one day this will lead to more but... small steps for now... small steps..
~G -
Blood Stained...
It's just one of those days... where you just want to break shit... fuck everything up or anything that gets in your way. I did that today and it felt so good... the taste of blood stained my lips and tongue... Reminds me of my curse, the want to hunt, the need to kill and eat fresh meat. I couldn't do it... I let him live though my instincts drove me to kill. I really wanted to kill him and take out my anger on him but I didn't. This Hauk... seems related to Vidarr from what I remember earlier in the day. I beat him good though yet I feel bad for him too. Part of me wishes I would of lost but if I had would I just die right there? I might have let my self bleed out... But I can't. Time to get patched up and shit faced at the same time. Whiskey is calling my name....
So after much drinking I find Vidarr had watched my fight. In short I also find Mauk had been opened up. Did I injure him that bad? They would not let me heal him and in the end made enemies and friends today. I left to go back home to Vidarr's room. Little do they all knows I made lots of money off other things to lady who I sold trident too. Have many more money then they think. It all went though tonight in my room at Tether. I will Tell Vidarr tonight no matter what threats they threw at me it matters not.
Maybe I should sell these rings I made with money earned? No Will give one to Vidarr and bloods related to make better what I fucked up. I didn't know they didn't want them to know. No one said anything so how was I to know? I shouldn't drink so much when depressed. I just wanted to find him and be in his arms again, thats all. Prove I am worth woman of... companionship. But I am not worth even that am I?
*stains of some blood and tears are dropped into the next writings.*
I just wanted to help its all I ever wanted to do. They all lie they cheat to make things my fault. I didn't want... this life and agreement was hidden from them by Sedrik... he never told them so its his fault for punishments... I will buy freedom from what I've hidden. They will not find it even if they find my journal. I could of made them very rich, but they fucked it all up. Yes... They... DID!
But must sleep. I wait for Vidarr to come... will stay up a bit longer.
~G -
Why so Cold?
So I've found out my plans are ruined... Will I ever be free to chase my dreams? No... I'm a slave to the whims of a master who seems to care not where I am or what I do... I know he has a family but I wanted to give the money that was my cut to him to earn my freedom... Yet here, I was told I can't... I have no rights even to our prior agreement on how I was to be paid. I was lied to, made a fool. Are all of them the same, even Vidarr? I hope not, he seems different but I barely know him... if this is what he is, is it even worth my time? I care, maybe it's just lust or the fact he was my frist, maybe... But I'd like to think not. Time will tell before true colors fly. So far, Sedrik, has proven why I can't trust people. Our agreement that I get my share of what ever I make... was a lie. Fuck you Sedrik.
But all is not lost right? I met this new person, Matthew Accursio. He seemed pretty nice and even bought me a drink food and one night in my own room. I owe him that's for sure but I have promised to not speak of his kindness to a woman who seemed to drown in her sorrows. Which I will remind myself to take it easy on the whiskey next time, or at least, less of it at one time. My head hurts soooo much. Vidarr where are you? Am I to greedy to wish to be with someone who actually cares about my existence? Even if its just the same room and he's there. I'd feel safer or at least not so alone... The world is colder then what I remember. I think I should sleep this one off....
~G -
Oh dear...
So I chose to stay in bed all day and get some rest. I did wake up in time for Vidarr to come back to his room drunk and beat up! Oh it was dreadful but why would he plunder his earnings soo... So after much clingy-ness and stinky drunk mess he was, I was able to heal his injuries. It took alot out of me yet what can I do? I wasn't going to let him suffer... even if it drained me of energy and I passed out in his arms... It was nice... to actually feel needed... wanted for once. I hope it doesn't end.
~G -
A night to remember...
So after our raid on the Church with the Ulfrikson's, I was made to table dance for entertainment. Great I love to dance just not for people and I was just fresh out of my lion form so of course they made me dance in the nude! I was hating it until I saw the eyes of a young man. He must be around my age right? I hope so at least but it doesn't matter to me. He's quite handsome and I do remember him from the raid. So I over heard he was a virgin... least i could do was tease him right? So I did and it was more then effective. I'm just glad he was a drunk idiot and he knows, even if new to it, how to properly care for a woman.
I will make a note to take one of his shirts before waking around... Its cold and I have nothing here!
Gloria's new life... my life... begins tonight.
~G
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