So yesterday, my grandfather died.
While this is still very much not okay, the post that follows isn't simply bemoaning his loss. I posted it to the RP Discussion forum for a reason.
Little bit of background, the man was essentially a second father. Whenever things were difficult at the actual house I'd be over at his. Mom and Dad worked pretty regularly so most of the time I didn't get to see them, which meant he'd have me instead. He took me to the museum and instilled a love of history and science. When we were there he'd joke that he'd go see the statue of Isaac Newton and have a discussion (usually about something involving science or the other), because he wanted me to associate knowledge with fun. More importantly he wanted me to know that learning didn't have to be boring. He bought me a bb gun when I was 10, but didn't let me use it until I read the entire instruction manual, because he wanted me to know the consequences of what I held in my hand. He taught me to drive, and that hard work was it's own reward. He'd be there to pick me up after school, and always had wisdom or a joke to provide some manner of comfort to whatever I was dealing with.
My Grandfather was a warm, bright spot in my life. Had always been there.
Now, he's gone, and let me tell you it hurts.
His battle with cancer was a long one, and it was finally what got him in the end. However, he was 94 when he died. So that's a pretty good life.
Anyway, it hurts a lot. Along with the crying and the pain however, I've found a manner of catharsis.
Which, now we get to the whole point of me doing this post here.
Pain can be used as inspiration. The greatest painters and poets were some of the most tortured souls, and what they put out was utterly astonishing. I'm not saying that I'm anywhere near that, but I feel compelled to write again like I haven't in a very long time. I'm not an optimistic person, most of the time, but I have to believe that if anything good can come of it, is that I learned to get the feelings out instead of keeping them blocked in. It's fairly liberating as an experience.
So I guess the point in the end is that when you hurt, it doesn't just have to be a negative. If you suffer from depression you don't have to let it win. Use that pain instead to make something beautiful, or horrible, or whatever you are currently feeling. Just because it hurts, that doesn't mean you feeling it is a bad thing.
Use it instead, so that at the end of the day maybe you'll look back, and see that whatever horrid feeling you were experiencing, you turned it into something productive instead of letting it fester inside you.
I know that's what I'm going to try and do from now on.
While this is still very much not okay, the post that follows isn't simply bemoaning his loss. I posted it to the RP Discussion forum for a reason.
Little bit of background, the man was essentially a second father. Whenever things were difficult at the actual house I'd be over at his. Mom and Dad worked pretty regularly so most of the time I didn't get to see them, which meant he'd have me instead. He took me to the museum and instilled a love of history and science. When we were there he'd joke that he'd go see the statue of Isaac Newton and have a discussion (usually about something involving science or the other), because he wanted me to associate knowledge with fun. More importantly he wanted me to know that learning didn't have to be boring. He bought me a bb gun when I was 10, but didn't let me use it until I read the entire instruction manual, because he wanted me to know the consequences of what I held in my hand. He taught me to drive, and that hard work was it's own reward. He'd be there to pick me up after school, and always had wisdom or a joke to provide some manner of comfort to whatever I was dealing with.
My Grandfather was a warm, bright spot in my life. Had always been there.
Now, he's gone, and let me tell you it hurts.
His battle with cancer was a long one, and it was finally what got him in the end. However, he was 94 when he died. So that's a pretty good life.
Anyway, it hurts a lot. Along with the crying and the pain however, I've found a manner of catharsis.
Which, now we get to the whole point of me doing this post here.
Pain can be used as inspiration. The greatest painters and poets were some of the most tortured souls, and what they put out was utterly astonishing. I'm not saying that I'm anywhere near that, but I feel compelled to write again like I haven't in a very long time. I'm not an optimistic person, most of the time, but I have to believe that if anything good can come of it, is that I learned to get the feelings out instead of keeping them blocked in. It's fairly liberating as an experience.
So I guess the point in the end is that when you hurt, it doesn't just have to be a negative. If you suffer from depression you don't have to let it win. Use that pain instead to make something beautiful, or horrible, or whatever you are currently feeling. Just because it hurts, that doesn't mean you feeling it is a bad thing.
Use it instead, so that at the end of the day maybe you'll look back, and see that whatever horrid feeling you were experiencing, you turned it into something productive instead of letting it fester inside you.
I know that's what I'm going to try and do from now on.
Thank you for taking the time to post this in spite of (or in lieu of?) everything you have going on. Your inspiration in the face of loss is inspiring, in and of itself. I wouldn't blame a single soul for being crushed by this experience, but you're growing from it instead of letting it cripple you completely, and I'd say that's admirable. I really don't like to make assumptions, but with the value your grandfather placed on growing and having fun, it sounds as though he would absolutely want you to keep creating, and find comfort in your resolution to do so. It was kind of you to honor him like this.
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