Stepping out of one's comfort isn't such an easy task, but at some point in time something we all must do for one reason or another- Whether it be for another person, or your own personal reasons. Or maybe you're doing it out of pressure, something I don't recommend of course. But why am I rambling on about this? Because I've come to a sudden obstacle in the roleplaying aspect of my life, something I've done as a hobby for years now as its a way to let my love for creating characters and stories flow freely.
The obstacle? Well, I've always been a fan of a good romance but because of very important comfort reasons (very personal things I won't be going into detail about here, as that is not what the thread is about) I've only written M/M romances. Not the yaoi types, those are very toxic and I don't enjoy them in the least- But a genuine romance between two men, not something forced for entertainments sake (please do not take this thread as an opportunity to talk further on this topic, it in fact greatly makes me uncomfortable).
However as of late I've been feeling as if I've been slumped into a category that is very much considered toxic by many regarding this type of romance. I feel as if though I may not be taken seriously as a writer for this reason, or that perhaps my characters aren't taken seriously either. Now, this could simply be a result of anxiety, of course, it wouldn't be the first time I've been driven to believe something by my anxiety. I'm sure some of you may be able to understand that all too well.
My point here is that to avoid being branded with awful stereotypes or assumptions I've considered trying to branch out and write out other forms of romance- F/F or M/F, but everytime i begin to work my courage up to do so the anxiety the thought of writing it brings tears me back down. My question to you, the amazing community of RPR, is what do you think is the best route to take here; Do I continue to try and force it out of myself until I finally do it, should I keep taking my time, or should I simply stop trying to force myself out of my comfort zone all together?
Roleplaying is suppose to be enjoyable, its always been a creative outlet and escape for me that I absolutely love, but hitting this wall of anxiety and worry has brought me to a very abrupt confusion on what to do.
Have any of you experienced anything similar, as well?
Again, this is a thread for advice! I am not looking for any critique on my characters on this thread (not that critique is bad at all, just please not on this thread! its not for that!), I'm not looking for any shaming or bullying of other writers. Just friendly and hopefully helpful advice! Please, nothing negative.
The obstacle? Well, I've always been a fan of a good romance but because of very important comfort reasons (very personal things I won't be going into detail about here, as that is not what the thread is about) I've only written M/M romances. Not the yaoi types, those are very toxic and I don't enjoy them in the least- But a genuine romance between two men, not something forced for entertainments sake (please do not take this thread as an opportunity to talk further on this topic, it in fact greatly makes me uncomfortable).
However as of late I've been feeling as if I've been slumped into a category that is very much considered toxic by many regarding this type of romance. I feel as if though I may not be taken seriously as a writer for this reason, or that perhaps my characters aren't taken seriously either. Now, this could simply be a result of anxiety, of course, it wouldn't be the first time I've been driven to believe something by my anxiety. I'm sure some of you may be able to understand that all too well.
My point here is that to avoid being branded with awful stereotypes or assumptions I've considered trying to branch out and write out other forms of romance- F/F or M/F, but everytime i begin to work my courage up to do so the anxiety the thought of writing it brings tears me back down. My question to you, the amazing community of RPR, is what do you think is the best route to take here; Do I continue to try and force it out of myself until I finally do it, should I keep taking my time, or should I simply stop trying to force myself out of my comfort zone all together?
Roleplaying is suppose to be enjoyable, its always been a creative outlet and escape for me that I absolutely love, but hitting this wall of anxiety and worry has brought me to a very abrupt confusion on what to do.
Have any of you experienced anything similar, as well?
Again, this is a thread for advice! I am not looking for any critique on my characters on this thread (not that critique is bad at all, just please not on this thread! its not for that!), I'm not looking for any shaming or bullying of other writers. Just friendly and hopefully helpful advice! Please, nothing negative.
Why write things you don't find enjoyable? That defeats the purpose. Engage in themes that make you happy, as long as there are no intentionally harmful stereotypes (which I don't believe you would ever do, judging from our interactions so far) or laws being broken. If people have negative things to say about your characters or writing it's a perfectly viable option for them to click that cross in the upper right corner of the window and never return to your page. Remind them of that if they give you any trouble.
That's not to say that stepping out of your comfort zone is a bad thing, but it should be something you want to do and expand upon. I normally think of it as skydiving- it's scary, really scary, but you do it because ultimately it's an enjoyable experience. You wouldn't do it if all you felt gazing at the ground was sheer terror and nausea.
Tl;dr:
Roleplay is an outlet for creativity, and as such it should be meaningful and enjoyable or it will lose its purpose and meaning entirely.
That's not to say that stepping out of your comfort zone is a bad thing, but it should be something you want to do and expand upon. I normally think of it as skydiving- it's scary, really scary, but you do it because ultimately it's an enjoyable experience. You wouldn't do it if all you felt gazing at the ground was sheer terror and nausea.
Tl;dr:
Roleplay is an outlet for creativity, and as such it should be meaningful and enjoyable or it will lose its purpose and meaning entirely.
@Spook That honestly makes me feel much better about it, I'm glad that you haven't had any negative vibes or feelings about our interactions. I actually quite enjoy our chats! And you're absolutely correct, it should be something that one enjoys. I tend to forget to stop and think about myself when anxiety has its hold, so thank you for that- even if you may not have meant it in regards to that, it certainly helped.
Spook is 100% right. I know this is hard to apply because I've had the same difficulty myself, but try not to let other peoples thoughts and opinions force you to do something you really don't want to. If anyone has actually held you to that kind of expectation I would call it bullying personally....and if I'm not mistaken that's written in the rpr rules, so if that's the case it should be reported.
Of course, I get the feeling it's more yourself feeling compelled by the opinions others generally hold that is bothering you, and again I can only default to don't listen. We all roleplay for fun, the direct reasons differ somewhat but overall this is an enjoyable creative outlet, and if one is no longer enjoying something, they tend to stop doing it. I would hate if a feeling you had to accommodate others resulted in you quitting rp for any amount of time.
My advice, don't force it. If you don't want to you don't have to, period. If like spook said you have a genuine desire to step out of your comfort zone then by all means, but if your uncomfortably forcing it its damaging for you mentally I think, and I daresay your rp partners would likely not be comfortable with you forcing yourself to do something you didn't want to if they knew. I certainly know I wouldn't want my partners to spare themselves because of something like this.
Hope this helps
Of course, I get the feeling it's more yourself feeling compelled by the opinions others generally hold that is bothering you, and again I can only default to don't listen. We all roleplay for fun, the direct reasons differ somewhat but overall this is an enjoyable creative outlet, and if one is no longer enjoying something, they tend to stop doing it. I would hate if a feeling you had to accommodate others resulted in you quitting rp for any amount of time.
My advice, don't force it. If you don't want to you don't have to, period. If like spook said you have a genuine desire to step out of your comfort zone then by all means, but if your uncomfortably forcing it its damaging for you mentally I think, and I daresay your rp partners would likely not be comfortable with you forcing yourself to do something you didn't want to if they knew. I certainly know I wouldn't want my partners to spare themselves because of something like this.
Hope this helps
@Voldarian_Empire
You're actually spot on, its my anxiety practically screaming at me to listen to the opinions and assumptions of others when in reality, I'm the only one who knows my characters and I know they aren't any way representing what/made for the plots some might assume. I forget to remind myself of this especially when anxiety has such a strong grip.
I can say its nothing specific that has happened here on RPR, I can say I've only been (what I would call) bullied on here once and I no longer am in contact with said user. But this is something I notice everywhere I write or have written; people spouting these awful assumptions and such all for what a writer enjoys or has comfort in writing. I think that at times people forget there are more than these reasons they assume for a writer preferring certain things.
I suppose as of recently I've been letting my anxiety drift a bit too close to the worries of being someone these awful assumptions have been slapped on to. But honestly, I need to remember that if someone is so quick to judge them I shouldn't be interacting with them at all, something I often don't tell myself enough.
You're both absolutely right, and I shouldn't change how I write or how I've written my characters based on the possible assumptions or opinions of others. I'm quite proud of my characters as they are. Maybe I should slow down on forcing myself out of my comfort until I'm 100% sure I want to.
You're actually spot on, its my anxiety practically screaming at me to listen to the opinions and assumptions of others when in reality, I'm the only one who knows my characters and I know they aren't any way representing what/made for the plots some might assume. I forget to remind myself of this especially when anxiety has such a strong grip.
I can say its nothing specific that has happened here on RPR, I can say I've only been (what I would call) bullied on here once and I no longer am in contact with said user. But this is something I notice everywhere I write or have written; people spouting these awful assumptions and such all for what a writer enjoys or has comfort in writing. I think that at times people forget there are more than these reasons they assume for a writer preferring certain things.
I suppose as of recently I've been letting my anxiety drift a bit too close to the worries of being someone these awful assumptions have been slapped on to. But honestly, I need to remember that if someone is so quick to judge them I shouldn't be interacting with them at all, something I often don't tell myself enough.
You're both absolutely right, and I shouldn't change how I write or how I've written my characters based on the possible assumptions or opinions of others. I'm quite proud of my characters as they are. Maybe I should slow down on forcing myself out of my comfort until I'm 100% sure I want to.
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