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She was a wild storm, unyielding and fierce, tired of dancing to the rhythm of men.
It was time for her to rise, to rewrite her own story.
Things you need the next morning after a night of drinking: Aspirin, repair beer, good morning blow job.
Things you don't need the next morning after a night of drinking: Hyper-friendly morning people, don't-drink-next-time-this-much advice, blue balls.
And the latter were bloody blue.
There's a 90% chance that this was exactly what was responsible for my aggressive driving style, which I would have been only too happy to indulge in if I hadn't been stuck in a damn traffic jam. 300 horsepower under my ass and no chance to use it – those damn Sunday drivers!
The sun was blinding, the heat was oppressive and I was in a damn bad mood. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and everything looked the same as always: prominent chin, dark smile, piercing gaze, muscular physique... why the hell hadn't my yesterday's prey let me? What had that snipe been blathering about?
"I'm worth it to myself..." I mimicked her in her squeaky voice. "I deserve a balancer." Whatever a balancer is supposed to be.
Sighing deeply and loosening my fingers – the expensive leather steering wheel didn't deserve my frustration after all – I switched on the radio just as the familiar intro announced the next program in a semi-erotic female voice:
Sit back, forget your worries, immerse yourself and broaden your horizons – it's time again for the interview of the week
I actually wanted to switch on straight away, but something stopped me. I at least wanted to know which Wannabe Famous they had brought onto the unnecessary radio show this week.
So while I almost kissed the driver in front of me, who was also stuck in a traffic jam, with my chrome radiator grille every now and then, I made an effort to broaden my horizons and listen at the same time:
Silla: Hello, dear listeners! It's me again – Silla. I have a very special guest for you this week! Her book has not only reached number one on the New York bestseller list within a week, but is also inspiring an incredible number of women out there to want more, demand more and earn more. Of course, you already know who I'm talking about. I would therefore like to welcome Alicia Catford to my studio. Hey Alicia, great to have you here!
Alicia: Hey Silla, yes, I'm very happy too. Thank you very much for the invitation!
Silla: I have to be honest... this time I'm particularly looking forward to the interview. I devoured your book myself. It's incredible how... logical everything suddenly seems.
Alicia: Haha, thank you! I'm of course delighted that you can take something away from it.
Silla: Oh-ho and how! But isn't that what everyone wants – to be a bit "Lucky"? Where did the ingenious title come from?
Alicia: Well, it's actually quite simple. With "Lucky Girl Syndrome" I wanted to say that everyone can catch it. Everyone deserves to be happy and to recognize the secret manipulation attempts around them. The word "syndrome" comes from medicine and describes the coincidence of various characteristic symptoms. This is also the case with my book. It is intended to show how everything works together to keep us down. And that's exactly what we need to break out of in order to be truly happy!
Silla: Ah okay, I see. That definitely makes sense! And I bet a catchy title never hurt in marketing either, haha. But well, you describe a wide variety of topics in your book, such as career, leisure and self-love. But the biggest topic in your book is men. Why is that?
Alicia: Well, first and foremost, the book is written by a woman for women. I love the strong women's movements of recent years and I want to do my bit for them. Besides, if we're honest: Most of the headaches are caused by men, aren't they?
Silla: Oooh, many women can probably agree with you on that! But what's the deal with the different categories you put men into?
Alicia: Well, categories have always helped us to make things less complicated. My categories for men are based on numerous studies and my own experiences. So instead of laboriously struggling through a date, you can recognize what makes a man tick from the very first signs. And then you can protect yourself from being disappointed again from that moment on.
Silla: So it's like a kind of recipe? Only instead of cooking yourself, you already know what's going to come out?
Alicia: Exactly. Either a five-course meal or a quick burger around the corner.
Silla: That's very interesting and according to the top reviews, your book is already helping a lot of women with their choice of partner. Which types of men are the most common?
Alicia: There are indeed a few. For example, if a man very often emphasizes that he is "different from other men" and that "women only like bastards", but at the same time expects something in return in the form of sex for his "helpful behaviour"... then he is a classic pick-me. A player, on the other hand, is the one who talks a big game, doesn't want a relationship, isn't above lying and very obviously hints at what he wants – namely the woman willingly at his feet.
Silla: Oh yes, I remember that category very well from my high school days. Brrr, creepy. But what type of man is the right one?
Alicia: They are very rare indeed. It's a mixture of protector and provider, but also proud and strong enough to stand in a woman's shadow. Ideally, both parties meet as equals. In my book, I call them balancers.
Silla: That really does sound like the dream of a partnership. And before we switch to the first advertisement, one last burning question: what type of man is the most dangerous?
Alicia: It was indeed difficult to find out, but at the same time it wasn't, because I encountered this category myself when I was at school. They are the kind of men who put you on a pedestal, who want you all to themselves and possibly also have an aggression problem with their environment – except towards the supposed "woman of their dreams". You get the feeling that only you could understand this man, that you have to be there for him and that he would only trust you. You are looked at with this gaze that simultaneously signifies sensual promise and possessiveness. He would lay the world at your feet or let it burn. Oh – and usually this type of man drives a swanky, expensive car with too much horsepower, haha.
Silla: Oh wow, that sounds very dark and unfortunately also very sexy.
Alicia: It's that pony farm dream that probably lies dormant somewhere in every girl: there's this one snappy horse that won't let anyone ride or even pet it. Every girl naturally wants to be the one to tame this horse and only with enough love, dedication and time will trust grow and you will be rewarded with unwavering loyalty. Then you feel like you're something special.
Silla: But spoiler: There's never enough love, dedication and time, I suppose?
Alicia: That's exactly how it is. That's why it's even more important to protect yourself from men like that – the dominator.
Silla: That sounds very exciting and I wish I had known all this earlier, because then I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, haha. So, dear listeners, after a short commercial, we'll continue right here. See you soon and don't miss Alicia Catford sharing more from her book Lucky Girl Syndrome!
I would have slammed on the brakes by now if we weren't still moving forward at a snail's pace anyway. I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't.
"Alicia Catford," I repeated a few more times, shaking my head. "I guess Alley-Cat really has grown up." And not only that. She had a whole damn category dedicated to me!
So not only had she been my favorite prey at school, now she was also immediately making sure that women emancipated themselves unpleasantly and ruining my number.
"But not with me!" A wicked smile crept onto my face.
So how could I get everything back to the way it was before? Because when women were still being led around by the nose, everything had been wonderfully easy. How could I ruin the reputation of an author of self-help books? How could I allow myself to have fun and at the same time put this emancipated woman in her place?
Well, there was only one answer to that.
I'd managed to make Alicia Catford fall in love with me once. Who said I couldn't do it again?
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© Midnightmuse
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