Super Secret OoC
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Hey, Kiddies!
"Let's get one thing straight, honey bunnies."
This character was not made for you, nor to fit into your neat little head canon, nor (and this is a big one) to diddle and lurve up on your original characters. Maybe just diddle. Diddling is okay.
...Diddle.
I've amalgamated my Wade from the comics, movies, and games, so things may seem wonky to you, but they make sense to me, so... shrug? And if you are offended easily by language, gore, or sexual themes, then what the actual FUCK are you role-playing with Deadpool for? He is obscenity epitomized. If you can't handle it, tough titties - go get your jollies elsewhere.
THAT SAID! I am so down for plotting, crack pairings with various canons, alternate universes, fourth-wall breaking, dick joke-making shenanigans. You got an idea? Whisper me, cutie pie. You never really know what I'm gonna say.
PLAYER: Jesse the Bananasaurus
ACTIVE TIMES: Most days, afternoons-to-evenings(EST/FST)
FAVE 'SHIPS: Deadpool-Spiderman (
), Deadpool-Wolverine, Deadpool-Nightcrawler, Deadpool-Captain America
(opposites attract, amirite? He IS my hero~!), Deadpool-Loki (I'd love to give him a little 'POKE-y'! Hah.), Deadpool-Daredevil and some more I'm forgetting, but I'll list later.
SUPER AWESOME TRIVIA: <<HERE!>>
"WheeeeEEEEEEeeee! I'm bathing in BAAAALLS!"
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His Story
THE FOLLOWING IS OOC KNOWLEDGE ONLYHA-HA! Made ya look!
But for real, though... A long time ago in a galaxy far, far awa--
Oops, wrong story.
Eh-em. HIS story begins in the Great White North, Canada. 'Lil Wade was born to Thomas and Hailey Wilson in a a sleepy little town in the middle of frickin' nowhere, waaay back in 1950. Unfortunately for them (and Wade), his birth had been an accident, thanks to some misinformation about how long it took for getting the old snip-and-clip to take effect in Thomas, who was a retired veteran who and served in the U.S. during World War II. Since it wasn't really the kid's fault, both parents tried to make it work, but the bitterness of the situation often boiled over, and sometime around high-school in the late 1960's, Wade dropped out, skipped town, and started living with those kids his dad had always warned him were no good.
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He made easy money running simple errands for the higher-ups, scored dome big deals, and started using his natural charm and good looks to land him bigger and bigger contracts until, one day, he thought he'd drilled as deep as he could drill there and thought it'd be a gas to cross the border to capitalize on his dad's dual-citizenship. Lucky him (not) that the Vietnam War broke out shortly thereafter in 1969...
During the war, an explosion caused head trauma that gave Wade long-term memory issues. When he was "accepted" into the Weapon X program - the same program that Wolverine was in, and the one that manifested Wade's powers - only partially cleared up the damage done. Now he is able to recall major events prior to the 80s, but pop culture and minor events are beyond him.
When the war ended, Wade met Carmelita Comacho. Carmelita was the daughter of the owner of a small market store in New York, who was killed by the goons of the White Man. Carmelita's mother hired the Heroes for Hire, who at the time were being accompanied by Deadpool, to bring him to justice.
Carmelita was shortly after kidnapped by the White Man, and then accompanied by Deadpool, who had also been captured. Both hostages were taken to a room in the White Man's lair. Believing she was in the last moments of her life, Carmelita decided to "spend [them] loving" and have sex with Deadpool. However, they were interrupted by the arrival of the Heroes for Hire to rescue them. After a battle against the White Man and his men in which Deadpool and the Heroes for Hire won, Deadpool took off his mask, and Carmelita ran away, in horror.[1]
Unknown to Deadpool, Carmelita had been impregnated, and she raised their kid, Eleanor, alone, after Wade abandoned them, not knowing Carmelita was pregnant.
Not long after, Wade and Raven Darkholme, a fellow mutant, fell in love and were married. It was only when an agent of SHIELD, Emily Preston, had a vision of Eleanor that Wade found out about her and the death of Carmelita. Knowing he was not fit for fatherhood, he relinquished custody of Elle to the Preston family to be raised right.
At one point, Wade was hired by the leader of the Red Room, where he helped train Natasha Romanova and her 'sisters' to be ruthless assassins. Tasha (as Wade took to calling her) entered into a short fling with Wade, only to literally and figuratively stab him in the heart when she escaped the Red Room.
Things didn't work out for Raven and Wade thanks to Wade's infidelities, and they divorced. It took many years, but in the early 2010s, he met and married the demoness, Shiklah. They had a rocky relationship as well, but there was still a lot of love there.
However, this marriage wasn't to last either. They separated, but are still technically married, and Wade met Peter Parker, a.k.a Spider-Man. He was instantly head over heels for the college-aged kid, but Peter found it weird and pushed him away, even if he was also attracted to Wade.
Unfortunately, on Christmas Eve of 2016, Wade was in Montreal attempting to tail someone with connections to the Brotherhood as a favor for the X-men when he climbed down a man hole (decidedly less sexy than it sounds, and with far more ass-stench), only to pop back up in the Sweeps of San Angeles.
Welp.
Here he met Kira Slater, Mollie Loveless, and even Captain-freaking-America himself, the guy he had posters of when he went to war. He helped track bruce Banner down, and for a while, the Superfam (minus Deadpool) were happy.
Mollie fell in love with Wade and the two had sex, which might have been a miscalculation on Wade's part, as when Peter Parker himself showed up in San Angeles and Mister Pool went after him like a hungry dog after steak. He broke the news to Mollie that he just wasn't interested in a relationship, and she proceeded to black out, cut off his arms and shish-kebab him with his own katanas.
He forgave her, though. Wasn't like she did it on purpose, right? Totally.
Anyway, come around 2020 in San Angeles and shit got real. A volcano burst and the rest of the Superfam fled. Wade tried to follow but was caught in the toxic smoke of the volcano, trapping him in a mountain of ash for days until, blessedly, another portal opened up - this one to a new town called New Scarborough, in a completely different universe.
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Gallery of Things
Things that are possible but not necessarily canon, and also things that are canon. But which is which~? -
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Logfile
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I Fall to Peices September 11th 2019, 5:17 pm
UPDATE: Patty Cline basically wrote a song in the past for me, because I do this.
A lot.
And it's (usually) not on purpose.
In related news: Ow. I know I'm a handsome devil (pause for laugh track), but I'm definitely not worth getting into a stabby hissy fit over. Granted, I shouldn't have slept with her, but that doesn't mean I deserved to get shish-kebabed with my own katana through at LEAST three vital organs.
Plus, the tearing off of my arm at the socket via The Force was totally over-kill, IMHO. And this all started because I got maybe a tiny bit further in my ingenious plot to make Petey fall for me, fell asleep on his couch (that I paid for, thank you), and came home a little bit late.
A lot of bit late. I dunno. At least I can use my own limb as a sick Halloween decoration if I want - just gotta Febreeze it and keep Chica from gnawing on it. It'll be fine.
It'll all be fine.
Really hope Mollie comes back.
TARGETS: All the fuckin' same, except:
Peter Parker [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE; HIGH-PRIORITY]
DP, out. -
Literally Everyone Is Here Now, And I Live in a Cockroach Breeding Ground May 25th 2019, 9:26 pm
LOCATION: One-roomed apartment at the dead-end of an alley in the Sweeps. Damn door to this shitty building is never locked. Third-floor walk-up. Always smells like musty carpet, piss and tobacco smoke.
One-roomed apartment with the living room and entry room being the same place, with a galley kitchen separated from the rest by a formica-covered island. Appliances/amenities include a microwave, a gas oven/stove, a sink, and a fridge that looks like it's from the mid 80s. Cigarette burns and various stains littered the carpeting, and the only furniture in the front room is a futon, two egg cartons overturned in lieu of a coffee table, and a rabbit-ear TV set on another pair of egg cartons. So, you know: a dump.
KNOWN RESIDENTS:
"CLIVE": Black male, mid-70s. Always on the stoop smoking weed, yet somehow still manages to be kind of a dick. Not really sure if Clive is his real name, or I just made it up.
MOLLIE LOVELESS: White female, 20s? Further information to be transcribed from other notebook, when I fucking find it. Under surveillance. I invited her to live with me since she has no other place to go, and I'm a sucker for street orphans.
LIN PHO: Landlady. Asian female, early 60s. Bitch and a half. Does NOT like animals, but doesn't seem to fucking mind the rats and cockroaches infesting this place.
TITO AND THE JACKSON 500: Adorable name for the cockroaches skittering around my place. What do I even pay rent for?
CHICA: Tan, female dog. Unspayed, left chained and abandoned to a post outside. Likely abused. I've been feeding her, but Mollie insisted we bring her in. Keeping her hidden from the landlady when she pisses like a fire hydrant (the dog, not the lady, though that'd be funny as fuck) is extremely difficult.
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TARGETS:
Steve Rogers [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE; HIGH-PRIORITY]
Loki Somethingoranotherson [UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
Thor Somethingoranotherson [UNDER SURVEILLANCE; VERY LOW-PRIORITY]
Anthony "Tony" Stark [UNDER SURVEILLANCE; HIGH-PRIORITY]
Bruce Banner [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
Kira [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
Mollie Loveless [LIVE-IN; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
James "Bucky" Barnes [UNDER SURVEILLANCE; LOW PRIORITY]
UPDATES:
- Helped Mollie move in. She convinved me to bring Chica in, too. Now we're one big fucked up family, just like the superfam - only with less testosterone and gayness everywhere. Seriously. That place must smell like Bath & Body Works + the YMCA locker room.
- Saw Kira, Mollie, AND Steve all hanging out with some tall ginger dude in Gatsby's. Not invited, I guess.
- Won a few fights. Not much money coming in still.
- Kira and I sparred. She's definitely a Terminator.
- Slept with Mollie. Not sure if it was the best idea I ever had, but it sure was fun. Really hoping she doesn't think I'm looking for love in all the wrong places, though.
- Saw Kira and Mollie schmoozing with Steve's butt-buddy, Bucky, and some other fine-as-hell chick with some wicked scars. Guy seemed way too tense for someone surrounded by three gorgeous ladies. PTSD hits people harder than others, I guess. Lucky me?
- Sent letter to Bruce informing him of Loki and Tony's address. Drew him a nice picture of the two lovebirds, too. Hope he showed them. I'm kinda proud of it.
- Contracts have come to a grinding halt despite the call to wrangle up supers and metas. Thinking about handing myself in.
DP, out. -
Dear Diary... Wait, Scratch That April 14th 2019, 11:04 pm
DATE OF DEPARTURE FROM MY UNIVERSE: Unknown. Sometime in the year 2016, most likely.
DATE/LOCATION OF ARRIVAL TO THIS SHIT-HOLE: December 25th at roughly 08:00. Merry fuckin' Christmas. The sewers beneath the Sweeps, in San Angeles, California.
CURRENT LOCATION: The Sweeps.
STATUS:
Found a few odd jobs while I got my head around being a fictional character, started fighting in South's underground fighting ring in the Warrens below the Rabbit Hole.
Made contact with Steve Rogers, A.K.A. Captain America. He doesn't know I know who he is, and that obviously means he doesn't know who I am. What I know fromstalkinggathering intel on him is that he found his old war buddy, Bucky Barnes, and they're likely shacking up.
They're both living with Tony mother-fuckin' Stark, who is ALSO apparently a flaming homo for some tall guy that looks suspiciously like he could murder everything in sight if he wanted to. Hey, if you're gonna go gay, might as well go in deep! Who the fuck am I to judge?
Wait. This is a log entry, not a LiveJournal. Fuck. back to military-speak.
TARGETS:
Gary the Vampire DouchenozzleELIMINATED
Other Vampire Ass-hatELIMINATED
Kimmy the Human Pile of CumragsPERSUADED TO DEPART
Another Fucking Dickbag Vampire, But This Time a LadyELIMINATED
Steve Rogers [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
UPDATE: Three women met: Mollie A.K.A. 'Honeybunches', Kira A.K.A. 'Princess Hater', and Stella A.K.A. 'Kitten'.
UPDATE: Matches won, 3-0. Injuries sustained negligible. Note to Self: CLOSE THE BAR TAB, YOU FUCKING MORON.
Mollie and Kira know who I am. Keep under surveillance. New targets acquired. Learn to shut mouth.
Kira drew me in her super secret sketchpad. Codes next to my face appear to be gibberish. Must work out later.
'snpr', 'grkgher', 'fpne/ebhtw', 'envfvat/ybjrevat'
Also noted: Fermi paradox. Google tomorrow at library.
About to leave ring and head home. Following updates will require new page.
TARGETS:
Kira [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
Mollie [IN CONTACT; UNDER SURVEILLANCE]
DP, out.
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