Daxson

Losing Oliver to sunlight was a nightmare but it's now a memory.
I tried my damnedest to make sure he had any protection offered, had high hopes that his husband would cover the spots I missed.
I befriend witches, make nice with other vampires, do anything I could to provide him a life that's still somewhat enjoyable...but.

Parenthood was never something I planned on personally experiencing.

Coming back home hurts. I mean, it's...not truly home, but the first place I came to after being remade. Of course it's not the same city, but it feels so close to familiar.

I'm lingering in the shadows of what remains of my almost-family, and if I fall down into alleyways and rabbit holes called basement bars with strong-handed management, then...that's on me.

I don't have much to live for, but...maybe I can try again.

I keep bouncing from coast to coast; when will I find somewhere that doesn't remind me of everything I gave up?

Probably never.

I'll keep my head down and cash flowing; bartending works for me. Even if I am just an empty shell of myself.

They're engaged and the hint is taken, as well as the barred doors at wineries of those I thought worked out for me. I had to dig their marks off my skin, had to had to had to and here I am, back in the town I tried to break up with.

Oh, New Versailles, I think I'm not done with you yet. Even if you don't feel the same.

My fledgling ran off with his foolish cradle robber, and you best believe I'm chasing after them.

I've been following after him these last few months, and realizing that...I can't step back into the shoes of the man I was before I found moonlight. The distance away from the cloud of feelings was...I can't say refreshing, she was a big part of me, and still would be if I ever step back into her neighborhood, her life...

I can't do that. My flaws don't mesh with anyone's, my appetite bigger than I ever expected.

Smarter to cut ties, break hearts before I let myself back in. Necklace on window sill, wrapped up with a pair of house keys. It's her's, if she wants it. I don't think I'll be coming back.

It's been nice, Louisiana. The south treated me well, but I don't think I held up my side of our relationship very well.

The west coast calls, dears.

Unless you're like me, don't hold your breath.

---

Sometimes you have to remind yourself over and over that the past is set in stone. But then.... things crack, and plants, ice, get through, and that stone can be shaped, worked.

That's my heart, I guess. I was too busy trying to protect it that I forgot how it works, to be in love. Love is a weed, it spreads even when you're not looking. You can pluck it, but it'll return...

Her roots were deep inside. They've shattered me. I think I'm better off for it.

It's easy to write these silly poetic things when I've got my personal goddess, my muse, humming something in the next room and I can see the curve of happiness in the swing of hips, the toss of curls as she raids my fridge.

It's easy to let myself make this bubble of happiness. We fought hard for it, and I'd like to keep it.

Who knows how long it'll last, how fragile it is, but...I think we make each other stronger. Something about bridges and supports, letting wind rock us instead of fighting against it. I've lost my momentum, she's looking at me and smirking. Saying something that's very lovely but in her language, so of course (she knows this) it goes right over my head.

Well. Right to something.

I was never very good at optimism, even before seeing miss liberty those years ago. But...for her? I'd try anything.

Weeks turned into months and...we can't keep going like this. Constant cycles of apologies and promises to be better.

I'm not better. I'm full of hot air. Pop like a balloon.
Just an empty shell, nothing worth keeping around anymore.

Watching my little boy grow up so fast, grow into his fangs with more grace than I have even now, I wait with baited breath to see my own faults in another...so far, I haven't exhaled.

Thank heavens I'm dead, right?

She gave me a parting gift of something I don't deserve, a way to feel the sun again...she remembered a passing comment and made something of it, and all I managed to ever do was hurt her.

This is for the best, I have to keep telling myself that. I can't...I won't continue to hurt someone. Lanna deserved better than me, and I think even she knew it...but we were just both fools.

It's...over, and I can finally...

Not dead or run off; first things first.

Wasn't in the plans when I took on this job, wasn't in my plans ever in my long lonely lifetime, but...can't change things now.



We've been buried and I've been...handling. How do you handle something like this, honestly? I don't even know. They don't exactly give you a guide to immortality, bloodlust, the whole fun party.

I miss Lanna like I'd miss one of my senses. Feeling pretty color blind lately.

Time to present my little prince to the world. Let's hope he doesn't eat it alive.

Another night with her, another night of foolish, childish giddiness. I forget how it feels to make a fool on the dance floor, to feel no shame from loss.
It didn't feel like loss, honestly, and maybe that's why I'm not...why things went so well.
Sure, she couldn't let her hair down, but I don't really blame her at all for it. Next time I won't wait until the last second, wait until there's barely any time to prepare...maybe...maybe by the next little...dance like that, we've mastered the rhythm between us.

Bringing her home, to my home, to my little coffin on wheels that is my whole world...the thing that lets me see the whole world, if I want, was actually almost nerve wracking? Here, princess, come down to my hovel....

But she enjoyed her time there, got the ice cream I owed her, and maybe....well. Maybe things could be serious between us?

Seeing that bite of sassiness again, the fact I might actually...might have... Words fail me, for once. I won't go into details; as shameless as I am, she deserves any privacy I can give her.

But....know this, journal, I'm probably losing my mind. Happily.

How in the world did this fledgling make me so powerless?

There's so many unanswered questions, but the sun is setting and I can only write so fast before she wakes....

One thing's for certain...she looks made for my bed.

It was supposed to be just a quick stop, a hello, an invitation of more of your time....not...
Kisses
not
Movies
not
Cuddling Suddenly I found myself with a loose tongue, telling this fledgling all my secrets and worries like I wasn't past feeling this anymore. How do you explain to someone that you, in a short few days...no, in the few weeks since you first saw their face without the burn of bad magic blinding you, that you haven't thought of anyone else?

I tried, and...it probably...I think it went well.

Maybe?

Well...she agreed to go with me to the Hop, and she...she's fine with...everything else. I said too much, too soon. Again. My tongue doesn't know how to stop wagging when near her. It must've been a puppy's tail in a past life.

I'm not...you might find me eloquent, might find a quick tongue, but you're only seeing years of practice, decades and centuries of acting honed to a perfect sword, something that fits my grip and will always defend me.

But then you came along...a princess in a tower, a foreign gem with big eyes and a bigger heart. You're so gentle, and I'm glad my horrible terror of a first impression didn't spook you away from giving me a chance to know you, and not just passing glances in bars or behind the shadows of others.

I don't know what, exactly, you see when you look at me, hell, half the time I barely know who's really me myself, but I hope it's something that you'll remember, that you want and will dream of.

I've never found myself seeking out the same company twice, not from someone with the same tastebuds as my own, but with you...I might just share a meal instead. Speaking of taste, you're good at giving me that, a small little treat here and there of what you'll be, once you find yourself unafraid.

I want to say there's no reason to be, around me, but we both know that the passion of our kind has limits; burns quick, hot, is stronger than mortal man's. I'll bend for you, but eventually...

Let's just hope we can control that outcome.