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The Warwick Times

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    No murders, burglaries, or crimes to report. Our glorious city is as safe as ever.

    Juno Ishikawa from Warwick Police Department has recently totalled her fourth assigned car this year. Citizens are advised to please make way if they see a black and white police Honda coming through. Justice brakes for no one.


    s and his husband, Eirwyn Apfflamddwyn-Fychar-Folant, give an interview to The Warwick Times, talking about their charity work.
    "We just love doing our part for our wonderful community," ooking as handsome as ever- was quoted as saying. He wrapped an arm around his husband as they both shook hands with various reporters. Apfflamddwyn-Fychar-Folant added cheerfully, with his famously warm, vibrant smile, "Really, there's very little we wouldn't do to protect our city!"

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    "Kait Howard and her Crimson Queens are now at large throughout the city of Warwick. They are armed and dangerous, ready to take over this city and destroy those who stand in their way." says the Crimson Queens recruitment flyer. Is the Aeys family going to stop this dangerous or is it going to be the police who knows, but one thing is for sure life is going to become hectic around these parts, better choose a side! - Lana Sterling

    Drugs are destroying our good city, and influencing our children to be terrible. Do we want disgusting drug addicts running through our city threatening our lives and stealing from good tax paying individuals. Those homosexual black drug addicts stealing good tax payer dollars. What are we going to do about it? I'll tell you what we have to build a wall around that old department store, or maybe just burn it to the ground! - Anonymous Author