Step City

Bonnie was never one to let her emotions affect her driving. Even with the whirlwind of thoughts buzzing through her head, she had complete control. Smooth turns. Fast, yet steady speed. She easily navigated the bulky vehicle around the road's numerous potholes.

She and Oz had taken this ride dozens of times before, ever since Bonnie'd bought the refurbished bike - Janis - for herself on her 40th birthday. They started at the Cat Cafe and toured, looping, around the RD. Past the Luxe, past STEP tower, past the new Purple development…

Bonnie's long, dark hair was tucked up in her riding helmet, so it didn't slap Oz in the face as they went fast. She wore riding gloves, jeans, and her leather jacket: her go-to fit when driving. The leather jacket was an artefact from her teen years - it still fit thanks to the help of Dr. D's fabric Vendy. It had a huge patch ironed across the back: a hissing black cat, accompanied with block pink letters - HELLCAT. Her very first roller derby pseudonym.

She felt Steven's Oz's hands on her waist. His grounding touch, warm even through the gloves. The steady bass of his Vibe, pulsing in time with the beat of her heart…

Idly, Bonnie realized she was humming. Her curated driving playlist (all her tunes on shuffle) played Carole King over the bike's speaker system. It was just loud enough to be heard over the rumbling motor:

...used to be so easy, living here with you
You were light and breezy, and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy, and I feel like a fool
And it's too late, baby, now it's too late
Though we really did try to make it–

Bonnie grimaced, slowing the bike down enough to fish her phone from its dashboard clip and pass it to Oz over her shoulder.

"Play something you like."

Steven Oz had been a little too keyed up on emotions and Vibe to put on his helmet this time around when Bonnie offered to take him on a drive, though being this close to Bonnie, feeling and hearing the sounds of her body through his own skin and the rumble of the engine was enough to take in off the edge as everything bled away with the passing scenery.

He lazily blinked as Bonnie offered him the phone, flashing her a thumbs up and rested his chin on her shoulder as he thumbed through her phone, listening to a song before skipping to the next till he landed on one that got his fingers tapping against Bonnie’s tummy.



Oz sung softly along with the song, mostly to himself, while slipping the phone into Bonnie’s pocket before zipping it up tight and went back to holding Bonnie, hugging her from behind.

Some other time, Bonnie would have joyfully joined in singing along to The Strokes. Some other time, she would have melted into that chin perched on her shoulder, those warm arms wrapped around her waist.

But she was upset. She was oblivious to the depth of Oz’s emotions in that moment. She only knew his body language was noticeably more relaxed since the start of their ride. To Bonnie, the way Oz casually held her, the way he tapped out a carefree beat on her skin… it irritated her.

Was he seriously acting like nothing was wrong? Like she hadn’t just walked in on him threatening Max? In her restaurant?

To her vast annoyance, Bonnie hadn’t overheard any of their conversation from the walk-in. She hadn’t heard the true nature of Oz’s violent promises. She’d only caught static. But the fact that she’d heard static at all was reason enough to believe Steven had said… something. Something terrible enough to leave Max with that distraught parting expression. Something terrible enough for Max to agree to a paid sick day.

Bonnie didn’t know what words were exchanged between the two men. And that pissed her off. She and Oz needed to talk, now.

To their right was the sprawling vista of the ocean. One scan over the beach showed driftwood, seaweed, and all manner of debris washed up from the waves. It was cold, and windy. Gulls squawked up above.

Bonnie slowed down. She pulled over to the shabby dune fence which made up the RD beach’s perimeter. She powered the bike off, one of her legs touching down to act as a temporary kickstand.

Oz would have to get off the bike first before Bonnie could properly park it. He would have known this without Bonnie having to say anything, given how many times they’d done this before. Still, Bonnie leaned her head towards the beach, speaking to Oz over her shoulder: “C’mon.”

Oz knew Bonnie and Steven knew her better. He knew she was angry at him, it wasn't the first time she’d been since they had started their relationship, though when the bike pulled up to the beach, his lenses narrowed slightly.


If she wanted to talk, Steven couldn't be himself here. He would have to be Oz, argue as Oz, be angry as Oz… He didn't care as much about being Oz with others but not being able to be truly himself when he knew Bonnie was angry with him made him feel--


He hummed the closing chorus as he slid off the bike as parts of himself slid back into place for Oz, letting Bonnie park her bike, still feeling the reminisce of his Vibe under his skin from his interaction with Toma/Max, reminding him who he actually was.

Oz’s blank lenses blinked once before he nodded, following after Bonnie as she made her way to the beach, eyes following the line of tension in her body rather than the soft curves of her body, preparing himself for her to be… angry? Disappointed?

When they finally stopped near the ocean’s edge, a good distance away from the shore, Oz pressed on two of the valves on his mask and once they read his biotech, the valves hissed open and thick black smoke coiled out, filling the air with the smell of blister and grilled citrus on an open grill, slightly charred. A reminisce of his little Vibe colour swap it seemed.

When the smoke cleared, Oz took one deep breath of unimpeded fresh air and closed his valves again before tilting his gaze back to Bonnie, voice low, quiet but undeniably Steven’s candour over the crashing waves.

“ I came here today to warn you about a dangerous Ex-UG terrorist I personally had to remove from my district after the War, caught on one of the ‘Prom’ streams not that long ago… Thought it would only be proper to warn you about him since FM and UG alike know he’s not dead. Unfortunately… I found him washing dishes in your kitchen before I could speak to you first…” He spoke first since Bonnie was being curt with him and he didn't feel like dancing around the issue.

“I didn’t start a fight. I didn't lay a hand on him. I did threaten to kill him though if he’d brought any bullshit or harm to you…your family… your coworkers like I’d imagine you’d do to me if I ever brought any of my messes to your door… "

"More of an empty promise on my end, thought I would beat him within an inch of his life if he did….“ The lenses and mask made Oz’s expressions unreadable as his voice which was calm, steady and factual. He may have been pissed at the idea of that fucker being around people he loved, but that wasn't Bonnie’s fault, she didn't know. Bonnie wasn’t cruel enough to purposely hire him if she did know what Max had done and how he felt about it all.

“I apologise for that. My anger got the best of me in the moment. It won't happen again.”

Bonnie stood across from Oz – because he was still Oz, so long as he was incognito – with her jacket zipped up, shielding her chest from the buffeting ocean air. The Vibe-cloud scent of grilled citrus was pervasive, even over the sea's salty aroma. The pleasant, familiar combination of smells reminded Bonnie that the person standing across from her was someone she trusted.

She would hear him out. She would give him the benefit of the doubt.

And she listened to his explanation patiently, until…

“Threatened to ki–” Bonnie’s eyes went wide, eyebrows twitching in fury. Still, she held back on interrupting his piece.

When all was said, she inhaled sharply through her nose and pinched at the bridge between her eyes. She took a beat, attempting to collect herself.

“I. Appreciate. The apology.” The words were gritted out through clenched teeth. “But… god, Oz--”

”You couldn’t have waited to tell me first?” were the next logical words to say. But as she registered this new information about Max, Bonnie was of two minds.

The first part of her recognized this warning for what it was. Steven was worried enough about what Max was capable of to do something brash. Bonnie had the same protective instinct for him. She cared about him, after all; loved him, even. If she could do anything to shield him from hurt, she would. Steven didn’t need protecting, but the instinct was there, and returned in kind.

The second part of her was… shockingly apathetic. The words “ex-UG terrorist” meant little to her without context. But she didn’t want to ask for more details. She didn’t want to know what Max had done. It was an unsaid rule of Banditodom, even of Squaredom: your past didn’t define your future. Outside of a few outliers, banishment to the RD meant a chance at a new life. It didn’t matter where Max came from, or what he’d done before she met him. Bonnie knew him as a hardworking employee, a polite (if not prickly) guy, and Vel’s boyfriend. Maybe he was even a friend - though apparently, not one she knew very well.

But if Max had hurt Steven, really hurt Steven… could she remain as impartial as she claimed to be? Bonnie’s brain stumbled. Her ideals were at odds with her affection for the man standing before her.

Ugh, Bunny. You and that bot have really made a mess of things.

“...I hear your concern. But the RD has been my home for– 21 years, now. I know what kind of people live here. I know how to protect myself and my child. So I would have appreciated it, if you’d waited for me, before you threatened Max’s life...!” Bonnie inhaled sharply, realizing her voice was rising in anger. Oz was calm. She tried to meet him at his level.

“What did you say to him? Tell me exactly, please.”

The quasi-Square eyes shift behind opaque lenses, watching Bonnie as her emotions roil inside of her, feeling the tug of his own wanting to follow and bleed out after hers retreated. There had been open honesty in their relationship, he’d hadn’t been very used to and seeing her upset with him made him feel upset in turn. It conflicted with what he’d learnt and been taught while being in UG’s leadership roles over the years which was to show a form of truth, filtered through a mask of half-truths and misdirection.

It was sometimes uncomfortable to a degree how … soft she made him feel.

The small expressions he’d only let people close to him see, the slight pang of guilt at acting rashly to the biting of lips in concern were all lost and hidden from Bonnie under the physical mask of his, the only flicker of any outward emotion was the whirling of lenses and a slight shift in pose as he adjusted his weight in the unstable sand.

“Bonnie…” Oz’s voice came out a little strained before he spoke her nickname a lot softer, a little breathless and full of warmth. “Bon-bon.”

“I told him I know who he is. I told him now he got himself outed, not to bring any of the shit he’d brought upon himself to your establishment or I’d kill him. He thought I was telling him to quit his job, I told him no. I don't make those decisions, you do…I was going to tell you, was waiting for you…”

Oz swallowed as he paused before closing his eyes tightly and letting out a sigh. He couldn’t leave it at that.

“This isn't one of your Dito pals who do a bit of disrupting Throwdowns here, a little vandalism there. Stealing and being belligerent.” The silent ‘This isn't like you were’ was ever-present in those statements because Steven knew this wasn't coming from a true Square’s point of view, he knew her opinions would always be tinged with a splash of green.

“We are talking about the targeted strategic bombing on densely populated areas with a high toll of Purple Civilian and FM casualties to insight War. Three hits, each resulting in deaths of adults, the elderly….children in the high end of double digits and injuries ranging in the hundreds. I-” The mask seemed almost suffocating at that moment, making it feel like he couldn’t fully take in a deep breath but he knew that was just mind making him think he couldn’t. He forced in a large breath, audible through the mask and visibly as his shoulders slid back and his chest expanded with concerted effort then exhaled before spilling his guts about emotional UG things Bonnie doesn't want to talk about.

Oz doesn't talk about that.

But Steven? He wants to. He needs to make things clear.

“I did my best, didn't start a fight. I followed your rules for 4 years now, never said a thing about the company you keep, even if some of them have or still wish me dead to my face directly or behind closed doors… “

“I worry about you. About Kip… Benson. And if I know FM and if I know some UG, knowing ‘Max’ is alive and well… If they figure out he’s at your Cafe, dragging all those y e a r s of hurt and loss to your door…” There is a slight tremor in his shoulders and he exhales shakily, eyes darting down and to the side, as he can easily imagine the FM who lost people, family, loved ones and children to the Green Thumbs, felt and breathed their pain before looking back towards Bonnie, his hidden smile full of guilt, hurt and love she could not see.

“You might think you know him, but I know his enemies better.”

Although her body language radiated don’t tell me this, Bonnie unwillingly took in the severity of Max’s apparent crimes. She scrubbed a hand over her face, clearly distressed. She tried to tell herself that there were two sides to every story. But this…

“The Green Thumbs.” It wasn’t a question: bombings in Purple, just before ‘99? That’s all it could be.

Shit.

Still listening as Oz spoke on, she took a few steps away from him. She looked out over the ocean as her mind reeled. But then, desperately latching onto something to avoid admitting that she’d fucked up, Bonnie pettily addressed what Oz didn’t say.

“Oh. Because things have been so easy for me, and my Bandito pals, have they?” Bonnie exhaled an incredulous laugh. “You’ve always known the kind of company I keep. Terrorists, murderers, and, yes, people who aren’t the biggest fans of UG’s Leader. Yet you keep coming around! So don’t blame me for that…!”

Bonnie realized she was baring her teeth. Once again, she backed herself down from the edge of fury. She exhaled sharply, frustrated by this whole situation.

She tried to focus on the fact that she really did appreciate the warning from him.

“Enemies. Do you– do you know something specific? Names? Plans?” Anything she could know, or do to help prepare herself against whatever was coming her way would be helpful.

Clearly picking up on Oz’s distress, she frowned at him, this time in concern. The tension in her body relaxed by a fraction, and she took a step towards him. “...You’re uncomfortable, aren’t you? Why don’t you take that off? It’s just us out here.”

Oz wanted to follow Bonnie as she moved away, wanted to soothe her with a calming touch but knew that touching her right now would result in some emotional transfer of her Vibe or worse. So instead he hunched his shoulders and crossed his arms, fingers rhythmically squeezing his bicep in some kind of facsimile of human touch to keep himself grounded.

“Nothing’s easy, Bonnie. Not here. ” It was starting to get a little hard for Oz to stay still, locked in place. By now as Steven, he would be pacing and dancing and doing anything to work this energy out, but he was stuck here as Oz less he wanted his Vibe to flare up and out, blanketing the beach in sunset oranges and liquid sunshine.

“I’ve known you to be around some badish people, but not like this…The Bonnie I know has her head on straight and got out of that life. So don't act all coy, Ms Square.” There was a slight roll of Oz’s head as he rolled his eyes, barely holding his tongue, knowing he could be harsher-

“I’m not blaming you for hiring Max. I'm getting angry though that you seem to be good with others threatening my life, but not me doing the same to some fucking dude you've known for what? A year? Because what? You think someone cant harm me? That I don't feel[/i] like everyone else?”

“I put up with it all for you, Bonnie. I come around for You and Kip and sometimes even Benson. And I always play nice with some of the good people and assholes you hang with. You don't do the same for me, so don't even go there.” His shoulders hunched up in a shrug as he looked around before he kissed his teeth loudly, eyes finally settling on the ocean

“I don't know specifics, I just fucking know FM. I know what it feels like to lose people like you do. If you could find the people who killed your Ma… Wouldn’t you want to… do something? Make em hurt even if it was just for a bit…It is what most of the island is trained to do.The only way they know how to handle their feelings.” He trailed off for a moment before harshly whispering out more to himself than anything. “It's how I’d feel if something happened to you cus of him, Bee.”

Oz didn't shift away when Bonnie took a step closer, though he didn’t look at her either.

“Of course I'm uncomfortable, but naw... Mask stays on when I'm outside with you. Those are the rules. Unlike some people, I'm not gonna be the reason you could be in danger, yeah?”

“Hey. Don’t accuse me of shit I never said. I’m not fucking choosing anyone over you. I can’t hang out with your UG friends, and you know why. I have never, not once said you were invincible. Or that I’m okay with anyone threatening your life. But that’s just a condition of dating you, Vee.”

So many enemies. So many people and things that wished Steven harm.

He hurt so much, all the time. Lying in bed with him, watching him sleep, Bonnie couldn’t help but trace the plethora of scars and bites all over his body. Including the fresh ones he’d come back from the South Island with, that he refused to talk about with anyone but Bonnie. She’d woken him from so many nightmares, stayed up with him through the night, comforted him with talk, affection, and care.

And Steven trusted Bonnie. He’d been the one to say ”I love you” first. He’d once told Bonnie that theirs was the first normal relationship he’d ever had. He’d shared stories from his past that had made her break down into tears, heartbroken that this person she loved had endured so much, alone. When they were together, Steven wasn’t UG’s unkillable Leader– he was her Satsuma.

So she told herself she had to be the rock in their relationship.

What an unfair standard to hold them both to. It was all too much, Bonnie was just now realizing.

She stared at the side of Oz’s face, breathing hard, her eyebrows and hands trembling with emotions she’d held back for four years. This wasn’t just about the Green Thumbs anymore.

“I love you so fucking much, it hurts. So don’t you dare put words in my mouth.”

It was all rushing out, now. The dam had been broken, and Bonnie couldn’t repair it.

“You want to know what I’d do if I found the people who killed Ma? I would hunt them down, FM and UG alike, border security be damned. I would corner them, one at a time. Then, I’d beat them until they stopped moving. I would sing to the sounds of their bones breaking under my fists. I would spit on their unconscious bodies before I skated away, covering my tracks with the help of my Bandito pals. And I wouldn’t stop until I found every. Last. One of them.”

Without realizing it, she’d stepped closer, a mere pace away from getting right up in his masked face. She’d been yelling before, but now she spoke quietly, intensely. Green cat-like eyes bore into the sockets of his mask.

“And afterwards? I’d feel just as fucking grief-stricken as before. I know this because it’s already been done. Twenty years ago. Long before you came into the picture.”

She’d never shared this story with him.
There was so much she’d never shared with him.

“So you don’t need to protect me from shit.”

Oz couldn’t stop himself from swaying to the sound of Bonnie’s rising voice, felt the hairs on his arms rise as each wave of sound tore across his skin, lighting up the network of Vibe that began to bubble and boil underneath his flesh. He wanted to shout back at her the more she spoke because he felt like she was talking in half-truths, like he was fucking blind.

It was very clear where her loyalties lay. She was the only one who couldn’t see it.

Oz watched the ocean, even as Bonnie’s intensity and distance came closer, her words echoing and decimated against his side by his Vibe, trying to regain a semblance of normality as he imagined he was wave lapping at the shore, his anger bleeding out of him slowly with the tide. But then he was suddenly pulled out too far at Bonnie's revelation about her mother as he was felt like he was suddenly dragged out under the rolling waves and into the cold depths.

“What-” His voice cracked, sounded small and distant as his head tilted to Bonnie, eyes searching her features to see if this was some kind of joke- there was a sharp intake of breath and a slight step back as Oz couldn't find that this was just a sick joke a shuddering breath that could be barely called a laugh escaped him.

“Why wouldn't you tell me- Bonnie, we promised.” The last word came out harsh and wet as he took another step back. They had promised to be honest with one another as much as they could, to be a team to make this relationship work. It took a few attempts to swallow, feeling nothing but pain and ache for the woman in front of him, for her loss and her grief, but something else was simmering underneath it all.

“You may love me but you don't…. Trust me with you, do you?” He wheezed out between clenched teeth, the lenses of his goggles narrowing shut.

“I love you to the point I'm not myself anymore. I poured out my heart for you at your request, would bleed for you if you asked me, die for you. I twist and cut and force myself into this-” He spat as he motioned down at himself with a jerk of his hands, fingers slightly curled like he wanted to tear this disguise off.

“For you. I followed every rule you asked for and for what? You never introduce me to your friends, I don't get to talk about whole parts of me because ‘no Factions allowed’, you never let me help you because ‘Bonnie never needs help’, then get angry with me if I don't. And I keep on leaving doors open for you to come to me to talk and share with me like you have done for me so despite me not even Osric, but Oz, you decide the best time is to throw something so important in my face, to hurt me-” The lenses fluttered for a moment as Oz’s fingers came to his eyes to try and wipe away something but the hand pauses an inch shy from the coverings when he realises he couldn't so he balled his trembling fist instead, his voice quieter than it had ever been.


“You get to be yourself solely with me and you choose not to because you don't trust me with you. And that hurts more than you could ever know.”

Bonnie knew, as soon as the story of her revenge quest had left her mouth, that she’d screwed up. She knew Steven’s damage. She knew how important open and honest communication was to him, to their relationship. Keeping her hurt a secret all these years, only to throw it in his face in this vulnerable moment… what a horrible, petulant thing to do.

She stood there, quietly hating herself and this whole situation, as she listened to Oz pour his heart out to her.

She watched the way he moved to wipe tears away, only to be impeded by the mask. Moments earlier, she’d asked him to take it off. But he’d refused. He felt like he needed to be Oz for her. Not Steven.

It was for Kip’s safety, they’d always said. Even with no biological connection, Kip looked more like Steven’s kid than Bonnie’s, at least as far as skin tone went. All it would take was the wrong person getting the wrong idea, then suddenly “Steven’s” kid would be attracting bad attention from all of the UG Leader’s enemies.

Neither of them got to be their true selves around each other, did they? Not that Steven had ever asked such a thing from Bonnie. It was a role she imposed on herself. Why did she feel the need to do that? It was a part of herself she didn’t understand.

Bonnie wanted so badly to go to him. To hold him, to reassure him that she did trust him. The problem was her, all her, she was sorry, so so sorry. But another part of her knew… these issues they had would just keep leading them in circles.
How badly she wished things could be different.

She inhaled sharply, face screwing up, ugly. She fought to keep her own tears back.

“Then what are we fucking doing here, Steven?”

Bonnie’s words hung in the air for a beat then three as Oz stood there unmovingly, the only tell tale sign he was still present was when his lenses shuddered close before he turned away from her and forced a few deep breaths that left him feeling light headed but still in the moment.

“Ah-” It was a pained sound that escaped him at his name being used,followed by a strained laugh as the slouch and roll of shoulders that always accompanied Oz’s persona to make himself smaller began to be ironed out in real time. Steven straightened his posture, chest pulled up by that invisible string that had been so heavily ingrained into him by his contemporary ballet teacher.

All that was left of Oz now were clothes on the man in front of Bonnie.

....

...

“I dont know.” The voice was undeniably Steven’s now, low and deep but it was still much too quiet, wet and raw it was barely audible over the gentle sounds of the beach.

Steven turned back to the ocean and thought about all the times he wished to come here with Bonnie, Kip and Benson as himself… A silly dream.

“I never asked you again to join UG when I found out how your mum had died.” Steven mused to himself as he pressed the back of his hand to his mask, unable to wipe away anything as he sniffed.

“But you never asked me to move out here with you. Not once.” Steven's lens-covered eyes turned to Bonnie once more, expression unreadable before he turned away to leave.

“…I would've considered it if you did….Stay safe, yeah?”

He didn't look back as he trudged through the shifting sand, not knowing what he would do if he did. He just knew for the both of them, he couldn't be here.

Bonnie watched Steven’s retreating back. The harsh words she held back made her whole face tremble: her lips, her eyebrows, her nostrils.

Steven living with her, as his true self? Making a home together in the RD? She would have liked that. It was a possibility she never allowed herself to imagine.

Sometimes she even let herself envision the opposite: an alternate timeline where she’d swallowed her stupid pride and joined UG years ago. What would her life be like now, if she’d been by his side all this time?

But even as Steven confessed his secret dream, each word dripping with vulnerable honesty, a part of Bonnie couldn’t help but think:

Liar.

You’ll bleed orange until the day you die.

Only once Steven’s form was a black dot on the horizon did she pivot on her heel, booted foot kicking out at the nearest piece of debris. The driftwood log went sailing with all the lightness of a branch, thanks to Bonnie's strength. It hit the water some metres away, loudly ga-plunking with a splash. Eyes screwed shut, Bonnie screamed, wordless.

Up ahead the gulls startled, wings flapping desperately to change course away from the loud noise. When Bonnie opened her eyes, she saw ripples in the water, drifting out from the path of her shout.

-

-

-

**[Text from Bonnie to Steven, one week later]**

Happy belated birthday, 🍊. I hope it was a beautiful day - you deserve it.
Can we talk? I don’t want to leave things like this.
Name the time and place, 🧡 or 🤍, I’ll be there.

-

Bonnie was on her apartment building’s rooftop. Despite the offer to visit him in Orange, Steven insisted he’d meet her here.

It was a windy day. The planter boxes behind her whipped up smells of sage, rosemary. The herb garden had been a present from Steven for her 40th birthday, almost a full year ago now.

Truthfully, she was rotten at gardening: tending plants without the immediate reward of harvestable produce felt like just another chore. But Kip had really taken to it. Bonnie’s kid enjoyed the research and meticulous grooming required to keep the garden growing. And Bonnie got to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

Bonnie wished she had a cigarette. She'd quit years ago, but she hated standing around idle like this. She craved something to do with her hands. As a compromise, she twisted a branch of rosemary between her fingers, rubbing each leaf down to the stem. At least it made her hands smell nice.

She leaned her elbows against the railing, looking out over the city, anticipating Steven’s arrival.

Steven hadn’t replied to the message right away, though when he did he did thank Bonnie for the pie she sent for his birthday.

He didn't mention he’d thrown it away originally before he’d gone and impromptu shaved his head just before he went to his birthday party in a burst of volatile emotions. Nor that he’d fished the box out of the trash when he got back, tispy and still emotional but more sentimental this time and had sliced it up and frozen each piece separately to make it last much longer…

He’d already told Lolo that they had broken up despite it not being official, but having the time apart…. Steven had gone through all the stages of grief to a degree, enough that he’d been able to sort out his feelings, written a list that sat deep in his pocket as his Vibe propelled him from rooftop to rooftop.

He’d opted to be himself today. To be Steven, all glow and orange streaking across RD’s skyline as he made his way over to Bonnies, dressed in black and orange comfy sportswear, hair short and bread grown in thanks to a UG Hair Vibe user.

When he reached Bonnie’s rooftop, his landing light followed by a soft pulse of bass before he took a few steps into the garden, fingers trailing through the rosemary and mint before he spotted Bonnie. He took a quiet breath before he made his way over to her, leaning on the railing a few feet from her and joined looking out over the city with her in silence for a little bit before finally speaking.

“Hey.”

Bonnie heard Steven’s approach before she saw him; the oontz of his Vibe as he bounced from rooftop to rooftop. At his landing, she turned her head towards him, and by the time he made his way over to her, she was smiling at him. It was nice to see him on her rooftop, outside of the Oz persona.

She stood in the quiet with him, until he was ready.

“Hi, Steven.” It didn’t feel like a good time to use a cutesy nickname.

“Your hair.” Her arm twitched towards him, as if she wanted to reach out and rub the fuzz of his freshly shaved head. But she wasn’t sure if it’d be appropriate - especially with Steven’s aversion to unexpected touch. So instead, she turned the movement into a look at you! gesture, scanning her palm from his head to his beard. “It looks great. Suits you.”

“Thanks for meeting with me.” Bonnie kept twirling the rosemary branch. “I owe you an apology… several apologies. But I think if either of us deserves the first word, it’s you.”

Steven had to force himself not to move closer to Bonnie, to not anticipate her gentle touch, the only kind of surprise touching he didn't need to be forewarned about, especially when it was coming from the woman he still loves despite everything…

“Thanks.” He gave a little half smile as he ran a hand over the shortly cropped hair. “Needed a bit of a change of pace.” He huffed before resting his arms on the railing once more, glowing eyes watching Bonnie as she allowed him to speak first- His eyes darted away for a moment at the mention of an apology from her, a little glad he’d got to go first because he didn’t think he would follow through with what he wanted to say otherwise.

“Yeah, Um.” He pulled up to his full height as he turned to the Square/Dito in front of him, his eyes finding hers as he spoke, he wasn’t one to usually avoid eye contact, even if it was something that was going to hurt.

“So, I’ve been thinking things over. About you and about me and er- I think despite how much I love you and how much good chemistry we have and do we have good chemistry-” He can’t but smile widely as the apples of his cheeks are dusted with a touch of Orange before the smile turned a little more sombre.

He had to pull the bandaid off.

“I don't think we’re in the right…space to be a unit right now… I mean like, I feel we aren't following the same tempo, you know?” He felt a wash of heat roll across his nose and eyes as his eyelids fluttered, blinking back the oncoming wetness.

“I really, really do love you, Bonnie. But last week- “ His eyes roved over her features, wanting to look anyway but her but he had to say his piece and he had to stay honest.

“Not just last week. And not just the thing with To-Max. I’ve told you I tend to put up with a lot with people I care for, even if it hurts. But you taught me I shouldn’t and… “His eyes do leave her this time but only for a moment to blink a few times as he sniffed.

“I know me being UG is a big part of it. I can’t change how you feel about them, about me… and I want for us to work it through but if last week … this whole time we’ve been together there has been all this… secrecy and resentment?... We’ve been together for 4 years and not even a peep.” The last word escaped his like he’d been punched, breathless and a little wet.

“And I’m not here all the time to help you, and I wasn't here to help you then, and I keep on not being here when the big things happen cus shit keeps hitting the fan and how could you ever trust yourself with me? Who knows what bullshit is gonna tear me away from you again-?” Steven had been looking in Bonnie’s direction, but his gaze was unfocused as he started getting lost in his emotions.

How many fucking times had he let her down? He didn’t reach out to her after the police incident when they were kids, he wasn't there on Vday when her father died, he wasn't there when her mum died, wasn't there when Kip was born, wasn't there, wasn't there, w a s n t t h e r e -

“Sorry…” He whispered as he pressed his palms into his eyes for a moment and forced a deep, shaky breath, exhaling wisps of tri-coloured smoke.

"You go... I need a minute."

The rosemary branch fell to the street below. Bonnie reached towards him. Finding he was receptive to her touch, she twined one arm around his back, squeezing him close to her. As Steven grounded himself, Bonnie held him in silence.

“I don’t resent you, Steven,” she said, finally, firmly. “I don’t. You only ever gave me reasons to trust you. But I was too stubborn to take them. Four years together, and not once did I lay my burdens at your feet. All the while asking, even expecting, you to do so for me.

“To throw my grief in your face like that, back on the beach…” She exhaled through her nose, lips screwing up, sickened by the memory of her actions. “I wish I could take it back. I’m so sorry, love. I should have told you a long, long time ago.”

For a beat, she was quiet again. She tilted her head, looking over at him fondly.

“What you said last week, before you walked away… it surprised me. I never thought to ask you to move in with me, or to leave your life behind, because, well. You are UG. Your faction would not exist without you. Your people love you, need you. I figured asking you to give up that part of yourself would be asking you to give up your identity.

“But I was already doing that, wasn’t I?” Seeing as he hadn’t pulled away yet, she brought her other hand into the hug. Steven’s shorn hair was soft beneath Bonnie’s fingers as she ran them over the top of his head. She smiled lopsidedly at him, sadly. “I'm a stupid, stubborn woman. Hiding my love for this beautiful person away from the world." She sighed, softly.

“You deserve to be with someone you don’t have to wear a mask for. You deserve to be introduced to your partner’s people. Your partner should come to your birthday parties when they’re invited, even if some of your friends don’t like them. You should be shown off, paraded around town on their arm like the eye candy you are. There should be no secrecy in loving you.

“I haven’t been that person for you, Steven. If things were different…” The hand on his head moved to cup his cheek instead. “But I’m quite fond of my little life here. I couldn’t imagine giving up any of it, even if it meant a safer or easier time in Orange... at your side as the partner you deserve.

“I love you, too. But you’re right. Our tempos don’t match.”