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Heaven

“Anaïs, I don't know how to tell you what I feel.
I live in perpetual expectancy.
You come and the time slips away in a dream.
It is only when you go that I realize completely your presence.
And then it is too late.
You numb me.

This is a little drunken, Anaïs.
I am saying to myself:
"here is the first woman with whom I can be absolutely sincere."

I remember your saying - "you could fool me, I wouldn't know it."
When I walk along the boulevards and think of that. I can't fool you - and yet I would like to.
I mean that I can never be absolutely loyal - it's not in me.
I love women, or life, too much - which it is, I don't know.

But laugh, Anaïs, I love to hear you laugh.
You are the only woman who has a sense of gaiety, a wise tolerance - no more, you seem to urge me to betray you. I love you for that.
I don't know what to expect of you, but it is something in the way of a miracle.
I am going to demand everything of you - even the impossible, because you encourage it.
You are really strong. I even like your deceit, your treachery.
It seems aristocratic to me.

Henry Miller, A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin Henry Miller, 1932-1953

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Inquiring minds want to know why we too should befriend Heaven!

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