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  • Gender: Female
  • Age: 39
  • Birthday: February 21

Current Status: Doing ok now. Will be back soon.




Have you seen this? It's kinda neat.

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Hey there. I'm full on RPs, but please do feel free to shoot me a PM to chat OOC anytime. I like messages in my inbox. :)


I wrote a poem today, 9/22/18. I am overly proud of it, so, like the ham that I am, I am putting it here, so you can all see it!!! lol. CLICK HERE!




Meet Me There
by: me

Do you want to take a break
From the chaos, from the heartache
From the seconds ticking by
From the constant urge to cry

Do you want to step outside
Find a quiet place to hide
Where time stands still, and thoughts dissolve
And there is nothing else to solve

Come, and rest inside my arms
There's no hustle, no alarms
Nothing that you have to do
Except to let me care for you

Let's escape the universe
A place where time and space reverse
Through a loophole, through a door
That no one's ever found before

If I could, I'd take you there
I'd gently brush away your care
I'd wrap you in a sweet embrace
I'd rub your hair, and touch your face

I'd let you take the time you need
To rage, to cry, and just to breathe
To rest your head upon my shoulder
Until we're both two hours older

They won't see us disappear
No one would even know we're here
Everything would stay the same
There'd be no heartache, be no blame

Just peace and quiet solitude
You with me, and me with you
Moments, stolen from the wheel
To transfer all the love I feel

Skin to skin, and heart to heart
Two bodies that don't have to part
Not for a while, not 'til you smile
And realize why it's all worthwhile

I know we can't. I know. It's fine.
That place is just inside my mind
But if that place exists somewhere
I wish that you could meet me there.




Running in Circles


Do you ever try as hard as you can
To get something that you can never keep?
To try something you don't want to succeed?
You run at top speed
To somewhere you don't want to be.

With every single signal
Your heart begins to race
And every time a barrier falls
A smile lights up your face

Oh, the drive, it's so powerful
I'm trying not to try
But every time I hear her voice
I feel like I could die

Do you ever try to win somebody's heart
When you fear that, if you do, they'll fall apart?
And you tell yourself you ought to stay away?
You can't stop coming back,
You're like a moth drawn to a flame.

Do you ever take it right up to the edge
Just to feel that calming buzz inside your head
But you know you'll fall and drag them down instead
You thought that you could fly
But your boots are made of lead

Oh, I just want to know her
I just want to read
Oh, I just want a picture
I just want to see
Oh, I just want to hear her voice
That's really all I need
Oh, I just want to hold her...

I just want to hold her...

I just need to hold her in the dark and hear her sing...

Oh, god...

I just want to hear her voice
(Quiet now, be quiet now.)
I just want to have a choice.
(Quiet now, be quiet now.)
Now, I finally heard her voice.
(Quiet now, be quiet now.)
I just want to hold her in the dark and hear her sing...
(Shut up!)

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?
It's taking over my daydreams.
Well, don't believe your daydreams.
What's the use of daydreams?

What are you doing?
Keep your daydreams!
But you're wanting more and more
Of the real estate inside her head
What will you use it for?

And silly as it sounds right now
What if she fell for you?
She's got her whole life planned out,
Then what would you do?

There'd be nothing
Only heartbreak
What a damn waste
Of a heartache

Yet you try,
You can't stop trying
Yes you lie
You can't stop lying
To yourself
About your feelings.
And it's working
Yes it's working
'Cause we have
So much in common
But I don't know why I'm trying
It will leave somebody crying
But I want it
No I need it
'Cause the building blocks for friendship
Are the building blocks for romance
So I'm building a foundation
For a house I'll never build
Installing irrigation
In the soil I'll never till

But the building blocks of friendship
Are the building blocks of love
I can admire it from a distance
I can watch it from above

Maybe I can even touch it,
But I can't hold on too tight
Cause we've both
Got someone else
To keep us warm
Throughout the night.

But god, I wish that I could hold her
For the feeling that would bring
I'd hold her tight and keep the darkness out
And just listen to her sing

Her voice would wash over me
Full of sweet sentimentality Endearing vulnerability
I need to hear her sing for me

And hold her when it's all too much
Sometimes we all need a tender touch
And tears can fall, they won't be seen
They'll dry up if we start to sing

I'll go low and you'll go high
We'll sing until our lungs go dry
We'll blast the radio and scream and shout
And wax philosophical until the stars come out

Just one time
Just one day,
Please?
But 'once' can bring us to our knees.


Just once,
I say,
But we know I'm mistaken.
'Cause "just once" becomes forever.

And forever's taken.





Nicknames I made up for most of the lovely folks I roleplay with. *updated


I'm going to give everyone nicknames, because, why not? If you want me to remove you, shoot me a PM, but these are meant to be compliments, of course :)


LadyOfGondor: SHE'S A BADASS WITH A HEART

Hikari_Yagaza: The Sweetness Thing Ever...with a dark side...dun dun dunnn.

Vali: Maker of Magic

BLNK: The Headspace Explorer

LowRezCrab:
The World-Weaver

EMO: The Chivalrous Poet

Skrifa: The Starlight Surfer (with a cottage in Middle Earth!)

TardisCatTwo:
Friend of the Doctor, or
The Wordsmith With a Tale

BooksAreBae: The Wisecracking Smile-Bringer

Cookiesareyummie: Pia Douwes Fan (a.k.a. PDF)

Pearlprettiness: Firestarter!

The Girl With A Voice That Could Rule The World.

Putty.

In her hands.

Forever.


Hollyfrost: Protector of the Last Unicorn, Sentinel of the Light Within

We don't roleplay, but...


This one girl I knoooow :)

She's the:

Scrabblemaster
Ennegram Diviner
Bestower of Eloquence

Her words are not used like a sword, but a scalpel. If words are arrows, hers almost always meet their mark. If the mark she's shooting for is to make you smile or laugh, it's all but guaranteed.


North-wood: Conjurer of Supernatural Beings both Great and Small, both Fearsome and Fantastical.





POETRY

A Psalm of Life
By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.



SONGS

I just need you to know that...

...this song is beautiful. It's a great song to sooth your mind if you're unnecessarily worried (or even if you're necessarily worried). It's like a balm for the mind. Here ya go: (Credit: LadyOfGondor) 🎡

Everything's Alright from J.C.S.S.


β˜€Here is another song. This one is aimed at ✝ Christians ✝ struggling with 🌈 LGBT issues 🌈...but honestly anyone that needs a pick-me-up, this is a gorgeous song about God's unconditional love, which I've found to be true.β˜€

No Matter What by Ryan Stevenson

Favorite genres:

F/F Hurt Comfort (multi-para)
F/F Romance (multi-para)



Hiiiii my beautiful fellow creative minds...I am probably maxed out on new roleplays unless we have already role-played together (if so, ask me!) , but I don't mind chatting! Right now I can't keep up with every single roleplay I have and it causes delayed responses on some of them, so I don't want to make them more delayed by accepting new RP's. Thanks for understanding! :) I'll remove this note when I get caught up on all of them... I have about 16 or so, I really ought to stick to about 10...some people can do 40...I have no idea how some people manage that! *Tips hat to them*

However if I have role-played with you before, you are very special to me so don't hesitate to ask if you have a good idea! I'll likely say yes, because who says no to a guaranteed good experience? That's how I feel about the people I have in the past or currently am role-playing with. I will always say yes and MAKE the time, darnit. Because you're amazing.***

*Healing well from fender bender on 7/19/18. Feeling good. Have a different car now.*

Roleplay Preferences! :)

✨✨✨✨✨ <3 <3 ✨✨✨✨
FxF stories are my favorite, but I sometimes also play male characters and engage in traditional romance stories.
✨✨✨✨✨ <3 <3 ✨✨✨✨

πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”
I also like stories about things like psychic abilities or secret fantasy hideaways found in the modern world (a la Chronicles of Narnia).
πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”πŸ”


<3 .<3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 <3 <3
<3 Also, FxF hurt/comfort plots.<3
<3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 . <3 <3 <3 <3

πŸ––*And Star Trek.*πŸ––


~~~~~~~~~πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§~~~~~~~~~~
πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ *And maybe Doctor Who.* πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§
~~~~~~~~~πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§~~~~~~~~~~


πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ
πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ*American Revolutionary War πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ romance*
πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ


πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡·

*France/England medeival Joan-of-Arc-era romances*

πŸ‡«πŸ‡·. πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡· . πŸ‡«πŸ‡·

~*~*~
Roleplay is amazing. You can be vulnerable without being vulnerable, because it's your character that is being vulnerable. You can be angst-ridden and nihilistic even if you're normally a cheerful and optimistic, because it's your character being angst-ridden and nihilistic. You can be romantic even though you're normally shy, emotive even though you're normally stoic, angry even though you're normally tame, emotionally intimate even though you're normally distant. Roleplay is amazing.
~*~*~

*PLEASE PM not comment, 'cause I don't usually see the comments on posts that I publish unless I specifically go back to that post (it doesn't notify me). So please just PM me. Thanks.*

I respond about every day or every other day. Not usually longer than a 3 day lag. I like literate role-playing and I tend to post multi-paragraph responses.

**********************************
Favorite Quotes by People I Roleplay With!

Note: I can't fit all my favorite quotes on this page, but here are a few particularly eloquent, meaningful, or interesting quotes that impressed or touched me, written by the wonderful people I roleplay with. They might not seem to follow a theme, but they all have one thing in common: they all made me smile.
TO CALM DOWN:

"Stop. Breathe. Take a deep breath. Count to five as you breath in. Exhale, and count to five as you do. Now look around.

Name five things you can see.

Name four things you can touch.

Name three things you can feel.

Name two things you can smell.

Name one thing you can taste.

Repeat."

- LadyOfGondor


"I am weird! I find beauty in strange things sometimes"

- Me

"You aren't weird, hush. You're perfectly you."

- LadyOfGondor


"You can do whatever you set your mind to do."

- Hikari_Yagaza

"Nihilistic post-ironic anti-sincerists"

-Blnk

"At the end of the day roleplaying is supposed to make you feel."

-Blnk


"You can do it, I believe in you!"

- CelestinaGrey


"Without the small step of man, the giant leap would never have occurred"

- LowRezCrab!
"She makes rainbows in the sky whenever it rains" <---my RpR friend said this about me and it made me cry. It still does.

- Vali

TardisCatTwo: "Rename: Death"

Me: "Death = something to be avoided but not to be feared. A doorway to another world opening perhaps after our destiny is complete. A narrow road navigated by a good shepherd who is everywhere for those who see him and nowhere for those who don't, but always available, a mystery hidden in plain sight.

Rename: Beauty"

TardisCatTwo: "That"
Quotes that I thought of and am working on perfecting:

"I speak the language of stories."

"The language we speak is the language of stories. Thoughts are the letters of this language, events are the words, entire stories are the sentences, and with these sentences, we can say things that are incapable of being communicated through any other language."

"If you think something might be about you, it's probably not about you."


**********************************
/END OF QUOTES BY ROLEPLAYERS SECTION


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OTHER QUOTES
(From: Richard Bach, Running From Safety, pp. 126-130, shortened)

"There’s something out there and it’s like...it’s sort of calling to me. You hear it too, don’t you? I don’t mean hear, but you feel it sometimes, don’t you?

He looked me straight in the eyes. β€œIt’s a light inside me,” he said, β€œlike I swallowed a star."

β€œYES! And cut somebody open you’re never going to find that star, you’re never going to find it with a microscope big as a house! . . . The light’s a silver chain, like an anchor-chain in my mind, going out of sight down into deep water."

β€œAnd we’re divers, gliding down, and way way deep the chain leads to this sunken star. That’s our anchor...”

"An anchor of light! I swim down there, and no matter how bad anything is, everything’s okay."


(End of Richard Bach quote from Running From Safety)

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ROLEPLAYING?

Role-playing, for me, is a way to express dramatic emotions that don't always have an opportunity to be expressed in every day life: love, longing, hate, loyalty, sacrifice, anguish, loneliness, hope, desperation, awe, salvation, chivalry, bravery, boldness, and even insanity. Role-playing is a safe way to explore our own Jungian Shadow, and our unconcious mind. On a lighter note, it's fun meeting new people.


A stream-of-consciousness moment

Have you ever sung with someone? Done the high part, while they did the low part? Or done the low part while they did the high part? Done the part of the background singer while they sustained the long notes, perfectly in synch, perfectly in time? Have you done that? Because there's no feeling quite like that. It's the feeling of flow that artists get. You all get it, when you're writing, I'll bet. When feelings just come from somewhere beyond, or some part of yourself deep inside, and they seem to approach perfection. Dancers get it, when everyone is in synch. Maybe even athletes get it. Anyone who brings what they do up to the level of art. To a level beyond themselves somehow, where they're one star in a starry sky, one dancer in a line, one marcher in a marching band that's sliding around to make the shape of a football out of human bodies who are also playing "the eye of the tiger," and they pull it off flawlessly.


Flow.


I crave that. I crave my voice melting into someone else's voice who knows how to stay two notes above the note I'm singing, our consciousnesses surfing the sound waves together. I crave it like I crave touch. And I crave touch all the time.


Music is touch. Think about it. Music is touch, because those sound waves are vibrating the air molecules that are vibrating the little bones in the inside of the listeners ear which triggers a signal to their brain. When you're singing to someone, you're touching them. When you're taking to someone, you're touching them.

But there's something about music, I'll tell you what. It's like the difference between haphazardly bumping into someone, and intentionally reaching out and stroking their face. It's a controlled motion. Your voice maintains control of itself as does theirs, and your voices travel together, on a journey, sometimes vibrating at the same frequency and sometimes diverging into beautiful and complex patterns.

I just....I got to sing the other night with folks during a night out. And I miss it. I miss it bad. It's just like all the other things I crave. Or maybe it's the same thing. Closeness. Harmony. Personal attention. Emotional intimacy.

Being seen, being heard, being felt, being known.

If you listen to me sing, you know me. If you read what I write, you know me. God help you, if you write with me. You've been on a journey inside of my mind and heart and soul and you hold a sacred place there...or is that overdoing it?

It's not everyday people create worlds together.

It's special to me.

It's an honor to be known, and it's an honor that anyone on me would want to know me. I am honored. I'm just honored, all the time. I can't get over it.

That people could share these things, with each other, open their minds and hearts to each other, I hardly know what to make of it.

Its like an oasis. Where people can create art together. It's like...what is this? What is this place? Could this be real? Is someone going to burst the bubble and the illusion disappear? How could this be real? People that are so honest and so forthcoming about themselves? When are people going to suddenly clam up and start talking about the weather? How long am I going to have this privilege? How long will this magic last? How is it being sustained; how can I make sure I never break it?

For, anything good, I imagine I can break it. Any group of people, chatting, having a good time, I imagine I can break up the whole lot of them, scattering them back into their respective homes, with an uncomfortably long soapbox on religion or politics, an uncomfortably long pause between subjects, or an endless stream of mind-numbing filler that shoots out of my mouth like a fire hose shoots out water in an effort to fill the silence...and it destroys meaningful conversation. It sends people running for the hills, if only to get rid of me and regroup later. That's how I feel. That's what happens to me. In real life. Sometimes.

I am not a person of groups.

I have no clue what to do in a group.

I know what to do with one person. I know how to let one person at a time know that they're valued. I know how to do that. When there are 10 or 3 or 7--I don't know how to make those people feel valued! I don't how to shut up. I don't know how to wait my turn. I don't know how to relax. I don't know how to breathe. I don't know how to wait. I don't know how to listen. I don't know how to just. Let it Be. I don't know what to do with them. It's best for me to avoid groups of people that are not strangers.

So...what...a group of people who actually like me...who are not put off by me? Really? It makes no sense.

How long...how long before I screw it up, I wonder? How can there be this many understanding people in one place? Is it an writer thing?

Who are you people, and why are you nice to me? Who are you people, and why do you open your lives to me? Who are you people, and why are you so special? Why are you so beautiful? Why are you so amazing?

Who are you people, and why do you want to know me? Why do you hold me in high regard? What have I stumbled into here?

Why do you think I'm worth something? Instead of thinking I'm an awkward oaf who blunders through sentences, rambles through social gatherings, hides out in cars and bathtubs under many guises to avoid too much social stimulation, even from the people that are closest to me?

Who is late for everything, and interrupts everyone, who can't control a classroom, who can't not be awkward, who renigs on their responsibilities, who is barely hanging on but always makes the car payment and the rent, who knows what to do, but half the time can't do it, who doesn't know how to move forward? You treat me like somebody. Why?

But I know why. Don't tell me why; I know my good qualities. I don't need a boost, I just need to explain.

I need to explain what mystifies me about this place. Why I'm constantly standing in the middle of the plains of RpR, doing 360 degree turns, looking around like I've suddenly found myself in the Land of Oz. Why I'm always giving everyone compliments.

Who are you people, and why do you treat me like somebody important?

Why do I feel, every day, like I'm talking to the next Einstein, or the next Leonardo, or the next Picasso? Why do I always feel like I'm in the presence of genuis? What's happening here? Why are you all so good?

I feel known. I feel seen. I feel heard. I feel understood. I feel like I am in Bizarro World.

That's why. If you're wondering why, that's why. This is like water to a thirsty person. Like food to a staving person. Does it make more sense now? Why I seem like the Orphan Annie singing "the sun will come out tomorrow" in the middle of the Great Depression? It's not because I'm so wonderful and great. It's because I'm not. And, yet, you treat me like I am. And that mystifies me. And I appreciate it. And that appreciation overflows, like a river, and floods the plains. That's what you're seeing. A reject being treated like a worthy individual, and the gratitude that that engenders. Does that make sense? Y'all should expect it.



Extra poems by me...'cause it's somewhere to collect them, ya know? So yes.


another poem from stuff on my mind


I'm no more evolved than you.

I'm no more mature than you.

I'm no more responsible than you.

I'm no more immune to social pressure than you. In fact, less so.

I'm no less dependent than you.

I'm no less deperate than you.

I'm no less of a sell-out than you.

I'm no less willing to trade all my principles for acceptance and love.

When you don't have enough water, all you think about is water. When you don't have enough to eat, all you think about is food.

I am weak.

I am bendable.

I have a white flag in my back pocket.

If you want to bribe me, don't give me money, give me love.

If you want to corrupt me, don't give me power, give me love.

If you want to do anything to me, have your way with me, give me love.

I'll give you anything.

I'll be powerless before it.

It'll bring me to my knees.

Everyone has their price, and that's mine. Love.

It's alarmingly simple.

Go easy on me.




Rave Reviews

  • Abigail is a near and dear freind to me in this wonderful community. My nickname for her is "angelic blessing in my life".I aspire and am inspired by this woman. She's the ambassador of freindship and goodwill kindness for all of RPRepository. She should be...
    -- SexySultryAngelBabe
  • Though we don't talk much because I struggle with communication, Gail is one of the smartest, most creative, and kind people I know. She is very sentimental, talented, and I feel grateful when I get a message checking up on me. I'm glad to have met her.
    -- Mercyinreach

See all of Abigail_Austin's kudos »»

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