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My Secret Person (played anonymously)

I have to share this so people know there is a risk of this... even if it's not concrete... My heart just breaks for anyone that goes through this.

I have suffered with Panic attacks for years. After the first one, I went a year without one, and my therapist and I decided that it was a one off, probably caused by some undealt with trauma. I was already seeing her for other conditions. Those have comorbidity with panic attacks anyway, in that life feels unreal, or focusing on death or fear or being too far gone to think about leaving the house. I made a mistake, and I hope this is okay to share, because this is our theory on why they happen more often. This is what is believed to have started my dad with them, too.

I got way too high.

I started this new medication and now it's been 2 months rather than two weeks, so I'll just thank my psychiatrist for that until I have a reason not to. I'll still get mild symptoms of just being super scared for no reason, or feeling like something bad is going to happen if I get out of bed...but it's not as bad as...


"...this"


You're Sitting by yourself at home, writing a post on RPR. You can hear your roommate snoring in the next room. Your guinea pigs are making noises at each other, probably arguing about who gets the last piece of carrot. It's quiet and peaceful, and you are thinking about some music to play after you finish your post. Everything is fine. In a split second, you feel you just jumped from an airplane without a parachute. Your life is flashing before your eyes, your heart is pounding, your chest constricted to where you can't breathe, you're drenched in sweat and freezing at the same time. There is a deep gnawing in your stomach and all your brain can comprehend is the screaming to tell your body to move and get away from the danger.

But there isn't any.

And you can't go wake your usually loving understanding roommate, because they'll keep asking you what you're scared of, and you can't tell them because you can't see or comprehend what the danger is, because it doesn't exist. They'll get frustrated with you because you can't explain, or they'll tell you to get over it or that there is nothing to be afraid of. You KNOW there isn't anything to be afraid of. You fully grasp there is NOTHING to be afraid of, and yet you're terrified, worse than you can ever remember being before (Even if this isn't your first rodeo)

So all you can do, is take some medication turn off the lights, hide under a blanket, and hope it's a short one.

Then, the next few days, you stay off RPR because that's the last thing you remember doing before it happened, and there was nothing else it could have been, so your mind tricks you into thinking that must've been the danger.
Auberon Moderator

Has your therapist done any work with you when it comes to distress tolerance skills? I find that having a concrete safety plan for how to get through my panic attacks helps a lot. What are some things that you do to help calm yourself down?

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