So I wrote my first ever OC, and I don't feel very proud about my work. I feel like I just wrote randomly and there's no order, just jumping from one topic to the next, then I go back. Aside from that, I feel like im missing things in my character, any tips and additions?
https://www.rprepository.com/character-site/1496016
https://www.rprepository.com/character-site/1496016
Hi there!!
I'm going to give my take on it, though I'm nowhere near a perfect character writer or anything. I have noticed that with your posted character, it reads more like a descriptive log where it is focusing on pure facts and absolutes, and not leaving much to the imagination. Not only that, but it focuses more on the actions rather than the character itself.
The first thing I would always do is take those facts that you've written out, and ask yourself; why does this matter?
"It travels around northern India but was temporarily in western China near Taiwan before quickly returning to India. "
This is perfect to getting a sense of the setting that your character takes place in, but I would go on to describe what impact this had that would matter to someone reading. I think it is okay to add stuff that you like just because you like it, but does this character change at all if you remove this information? How do they move around? Why do they move around? Does he have a pattern of travel, or are his targets completely random?
Not only that, but you need to ask yourself if things make sense in the setting. If this creature was going around killing relentlessly, even if one by one, then there likely would be either a united or desperate effort to stop it. You mentioned the US military, which is a great start, but they wouldn't stop at simply sending more troops. What would happen against AT units? Helicopters, jets, bombs, missiles? It probably wouldn't make sense for them to simply shrug and say, 'well we tried!'. Raising the stakes to this makes something more interesting to interact with. If, for example, it has shown regenerative powers or resistance to incredibly high calibers, then perhaps by remaining near undetectable and avoiding rural areas, it could force the militaries to reconsider missiles or other explosive means of destruction. Maybe a character could be a researcher, trying to uncover a way to stop them.
Likewise, there isn't much about the personality. I struggle a lot with personality myself, even with tons of research into different tropes or personality theories and all this other nonsense. The point is, roleplays are based on interactions. If your character couldn't interact with another, it doesn't matter how interesting they may be. You mentioned how Siblisk has been interviewed, and how if he is targeting one person, another can talk with him. How does he talk? What does he talk about? Does he focus simply on violence, or does he speak of a more moral or ideological reasoning behind his actions? What does he say about himself or where he came from, if anything at all? Even if these answers aren't clear to others, its important to set a basis to lead towards interactions. Emphasizing what traits make him humanlike or relatable is more important than just the powers. The powers set the stakes, but without that juicy filling of interaction, it doesn't mean much.
Also, one other thing that adds to a character is flaws/faults. Somewhere, somehow, there should be a sort of cost somewhere in his abilities. If he was truly unkillable, unstoppable, resistant to any means of stopping and killing anyone who thinks otherwise, why would anyone interact with him? Why would the world not spend all their resources to stop him? How could anyone make a character that would ever be to the same scale of that? Limits create conflict, and conflict creates stories. It seems like you've written the cost as him going insane and being careless with the killing, but why does that matter? Does he care about how many people he kills? You wrote that he dislikes killing his victims, but never really touch on that in his descriptor.
https://springhole.net/writing/character-playability-test.htm Here is an amazing tool I run my characters through almost always before posting them. It is oriented towards 'good' characters, and I am not sure if you are trying to have Siblisk be a good guy or a bad guy in terms of roleplays. There is a link on that page for information about roleplaying villains which may also help!
I also think it would help to separate your description and history a bit more. RPR gives you a separate tab to start labeled history, and I saw you gave a brief summary there! But either moving the history towards that, or simply making a separate text box on the main page, will help you see more of what is missing. My big three are always these; physical details, personality, background/history. Sometimes, seeing different sections help you realize how much or little one part has, and can help you see where you're missing stuff.
Point is, just try and ask questions. Any questions! If you write a fact, ask why. If there isn't a reason, then make one! Sometimes you just have to give a random answer, and then try to explain it.
phew
Anyways that's just my two cents! I think you have the groundwork of a good character here that has a lot of power and tension. You just need to consider how others will view this, and how they will figure out what character interacts best with them. You don't have to answer every lore question, or come up with every possibility. But if you focus on playability, then the important details ask themself!
I'm going to give my take on it, though I'm nowhere near a perfect character writer or anything. I have noticed that with your posted character, it reads more like a descriptive log where it is focusing on pure facts and absolutes, and not leaving much to the imagination. Not only that, but it focuses more on the actions rather than the character itself.
The first thing I would always do is take those facts that you've written out, and ask yourself; why does this matter?
"It travels around northern India but was temporarily in western China near Taiwan before quickly returning to India. "
This is perfect to getting a sense of the setting that your character takes place in, but I would go on to describe what impact this had that would matter to someone reading. I think it is okay to add stuff that you like just because you like it, but does this character change at all if you remove this information? How do they move around? Why do they move around? Does he have a pattern of travel, or are his targets completely random?
Not only that, but you need to ask yourself if things make sense in the setting. If this creature was going around killing relentlessly, even if one by one, then there likely would be either a united or desperate effort to stop it. You mentioned the US military, which is a great start, but they wouldn't stop at simply sending more troops. What would happen against AT units? Helicopters, jets, bombs, missiles? It probably wouldn't make sense for them to simply shrug and say, 'well we tried!'. Raising the stakes to this makes something more interesting to interact with. If, for example, it has shown regenerative powers or resistance to incredibly high calibers, then perhaps by remaining near undetectable and avoiding rural areas, it could force the militaries to reconsider missiles or other explosive means of destruction. Maybe a character could be a researcher, trying to uncover a way to stop them.
Likewise, there isn't much about the personality. I struggle a lot with personality myself, even with tons of research into different tropes or personality theories and all this other nonsense. The point is, roleplays are based on interactions. If your character couldn't interact with another, it doesn't matter how interesting they may be. You mentioned how Siblisk has been interviewed, and how if he is targeting one person, another can talk with him. How does he talk? What does he talk about? Does he focus simply on violence, or does he speak of a more moral or ideological reasoning behind his actions? What does he say about himself or where he came from, if anything at all? Even if these answers aren't clear to others, its important to set a basis to lead towards interactions. Emphasizing what traits make him humanlike or relatable is more important than just the powers. The powers set the stakes, but without that juicy filling of interaction, it doesn't mean much.
Also, one other thing that adds to a character is flaws/faults. Somewhere, somehow, there should be a sort of cost somewhere in his abilities. If he was truly unkillable, unstoppable, resistant to any means of stopping and killing anyone who thinks otherwise, why would anyone interact with him? Why would the world not spend all their resources to stop him? How could anyone make a character that would ever be to the same scale of that? Limits create conflict, and conflict creates stories. It seems like you've written the cost as him going insane and being careless with the killing, but why does that matter? Does he care about how many people he kills? You wrote that he dislikes killing his victims, but never really touch on that in his descriptor.
https://springhole.net/writing/character-playability-test.htm Here is an amazing tool I run my characters through almost always before posting them. It is oriented towards 'good' characters, and I am not sure if you are trying to have Siblisk be a good guy or a bad guy in terms of roleplays. There is a link on that page for information about roleplaying villains which may also help!
I also think it would help to separate your description and history a bit more. RPR gives you a separate tab to start labeled history, and I saw you gave a brief summary there! But either moving the history towards that, or simply making a separate text box on the main page, will help you see more of what is missing. My big three are always these; physical details, personality, background/history. Sometimes, seeing different sections help you realize how much or little one part has, and can help you see where you're missing stuff.
Point is, just try and ask questions. Any questions! If you write a fact, ask why. If there isn't a reason, then make one! Sometimes you just have to give a random answer, and then try to explain it.
phew
Anyways that's just my two cents! I think you have the groundwork of a good character here that has a lot of power and tension. You just need to consider how others will view this, and how they will figure out what character interacts best with them. You don't have to answer every lore question, or come up with every possibility. But if you focus on playability, then the important details ask themself!
EndlessSpiral wrote:
Hi there!!
I'm going to give my take on it, though I'm nowhere near a perfect character writer or anything. I have noticed that with your posted character, it reads more like a descriptive log where it is focusing on pure facts and absolutes, and not leaving much to the imagination. Not only that, but it focuses more on the actions rather than the character itself.
The first thing I would always do is take those facts that you've written out, and ask yourself; why does this matter?
"It travels around northern India but was temporarily in western China near Taiwan before quickly returning to India. "
This is perfect to getting a sense of the setting that your character takes place in, but I would go on to describe what impact this had that would matter to someone reading. I think it is okay to add stuff that you like just because you like it, but does this character change at all if you remove this information? How do they move around? Why do they move around? Does he have a pattern of travel, or are his targets completely random?
Not only that, but you need to ask yourself if things make sense in the setting. If this creature was going around killing relentlessly, even if one by one, then there likely would be either a united or desperate effort to stop it. You mentioned the US military, which is a great start, but they wouldn't stop at simply sending more troops. What would happen against AT units? Helicopters, jets, bombs, missiles? It probably wouldn't make sense for them to simply shrug and say, 'well we tried!'. Raising the stakes to this makes something more interesting to interact with. If, for example, it has shown regenerative powers or resistance to incredibly high calibers, then perhaps by remaining near undetectable and avoiding rural areas, it could force the militaries to reconsider missiles or other explosive means of destruction. Maybe a character could be a researcher, trying to uncover a way to stop them.
Likewise, there isn't much about the personality. I struggle a lot with personality myself, even with tons of research into different tropes or personality theories and all this other nonsense. The point is, roleplays are based on interactions. If your character couldn't interact with another, it doesn't matter how interesting they may be. You mentioned how Siblisk has been interviewed, and how if he is targeting one person, another can talk with him. How does he talk? What does he talk about? Does he focus simply on violence, or does he speak of a more moral or ideological reasoning behind his actions? What does he say about himself or where he came from, if anything at all? Even if these answers aren't clear to others, its important to set a basis to lead towards interactions. Emphasizing what traits make him humanlike or relatable is more important than just the powers. The powers set the stakes, but without that juicy filling of interaction, it doesn't mean much.
Also, one other thing that adds to a character is flaws/faults. Somewhere, somehow, there should be a sort of cost somewhere in his abilities. If he was truly unkillable, unstoppable, resistant to any means of stopping and killing anyone who thinks otherwise, why would anyone interact with him? Why would the world not spend all their resources to stop him? How could anyone make a character that would ever be to the same scale of that? Limits create conflict, and conflict creates stories. It seems like you've written the cost as him going insane and being careless with the killing, but why does that matter? Does he care about how many people he kills? You wrote that he dislikes killing his victims, but never really touch on that in his descriptor.
https://springhole.net/writing/character-playability-test.htm Here is an amazing tool I run my characters through almost always before posting them. It is oriented towards 'good' characters, and I am not sure if you are trying to have Siblisk be a good guy or a bad guy in terms of roleplays. There is a link on that page for information about roleplaying villains which may also help!
I also think it would help to separate your description and history a bit more. RPR gives you a separate tab to start labeled history, and I saw you gave a brief summary there! But either moving the history towards that, or simply making a separate text box on the main page, will help you see more of what is missing. My big three are always these; physical details, personality, background/history. Sometimes, seeing different sections help you realize how much or little one part has, and can help you see where you're missing stuff.
Point is, just try and ask questions. Any questions! If you write a fact, ask why. If there isn't a reason, then make one! Sometimes you just have to give a random answer, and then try to explain it.
phew
Anyways, that's just my two cents! I think you have the groundwork of a good character here that has a lot of power and tension. You just need to consider how others will view this and how they will figure out which character interacts best with them. You don't have to answer every lore question or come up with every possibility. But if you focus on playability, then the important details ask themself!
I'm going to give my take on it, though I'm nowhere near a perfect character writer or anything. I have noticed that with your posted character, it reads more like a descriptive log where it is focusing on pure facts and absolutes, and not leaving much to the imagination. Not only that, but it focuses more on the actions rather than the character itself.
The first thing I would always do is take those facts that you've written out, and ask yourself; why does this matter?
"It travels around northern India but was temporarily in western China near Taiwan before quickly returning to India. "
This is perfect to getting a sense of the setting that your character takes place in, but I would go on to describe what impact this had that would matter to someone reading. I think it is okay to add stuff that you like just because you like it, but does this character change at all if you remove this information? How do they move around? Why do they move around? Does he have a pattern of travel, or are his targets completely random?
Not only that, but you need to ask yourself if things make sense in the setting. If this creature was going around killing relentlessly, even if one by one, then there likely would be either a united or desperate effort to stop it. You mentioned the US military, which is a great start, but they wouldn't stop at simply sending more troops. What would happen against AT units? Helicopters, jets, bombs, missiles? It probably wouldn't make sense for them to simply shrug and say, 'well we tried!'. Raising the stakes to this makes something more interesting to interact with. If, for example, it has shown regenerative powers or resistance to incredibly high calibers, then perhaps by remaining near undetectable and avoiding rural areas, it could force the militaries to reconsider missiles or other explosive means of destruction. Maybe a character could be a researcher, trying to uncover a way to stop them.
Likewise, there isn't much about the personality. I struggle a lot with personality myself, even with tons of research into different tropes or personality theories and all this other nonsense. The point is, roleplays are based on interactions. If your character couldn't interact with another, it doesn't matter how interesting they may be. You mentioned how Siblisk has been interviewed, and how if he is targeting one person, another can talk with him. How does he talk? What does he talk about? Does he focus simply on violence, or does he speak of a more moral or ideological reasoning behind his actions? What does he say about himself or where he came from, if anything at all? Even if these answers aren't clear to others, its important to set a basis to lead towards interactions. Emphasizing what traits make him humanlike or relatable is more important than just the powers. The powers set the stakes, but without that juicy filling of interaction, it doesn't mean much.
Also, one other thing that adds to a character is flaws/faults. Somewhere, somehow, there should be a sort of cost somewhere in his abilities. If he was truly unkillable, unstoppable, resistant to any means of stopping and killing anyone who thinks otherwise, why would anyone interact with him? Why would the world not spend all their resources to stop him? How could anyone make a character that would ever be to the same scale of that? Limits create conflict, and conflict creates stories. It seems like you've written the cost as him going insane and being careless with the killing, but why does that matter? Does he care about how many people he kills? You wrote that he dislikes killing his victims, but never really touch on that in his descriptor.
https://springhole.net/writing/character-playability-test.htm Here is an amazing tool I run my characters through almost always before posting them. It is oriented towards 'good' characters, and I am not sure if you are trying to have Siblisk be a good guy or a bad guy in terms of roleplays. There is a link on that page for information about roleplaying villains which may also help!
I also think it would help to separate your description and history a bit more. RPR gives you a separate tab to start labeled history, and I saw you gave a brief summary there! But either moving the history towards that, or simply making a separate text box on the main page, will help you see more of what is missing. My big three are always these; physical details, personality, background/history. Sometimes, seeing different sections help you realize how much or little one part has, and can help you see where you're missing stuff.
Point is, just try and ask questions. Any questions! If you write a fact, ask why. If there isn't a reason, then make one! Sometimes you just have to give a random answer, and then try to explain it.
phew
Anyways, that's just my two cents! I think you have the groundwork of a good character here that has a lot of power and tension. You just need to consider how others will view this and how they will figure out which character interacts best with them. You don't have to answer every lore question or come up with every possibility. But if you focus on playability, then the important details ask themself!
Whoa, you wrote a lot. Thanks for that! I completely understand your points and will be revising my description and making my character page more separated and in-depth. I understand that a global effort would be made to stop this thing, but the (rather pathetic) attempt made by the U.S was very recent, and they are still planning their next move.
As for a researcher, I'm not entirely sure how to implement it, considering Sibyl would probably target them after their current victim.
I do understand the need for flexibility in the character, and leave some room for people to imagine so they can actually attempt to roleplay with it.
Thanks again for taking the time to help me!
(I'm just going to leave this here. To help others. In character, but really, I'm usually always in character online. It's how I like it.)
🪲 BUG'S TOTALLY UNOFFICIAL, ABSOLUTELY CORRECT GUIDE TO MAKING A CHARACTER (PROBABLY)
---
Posted by: BugUnderTheFridge
🖊️ Writer. Fighter. Slight biter.
---
Alright listen up, ya beautiful weirdos—
You wanna make a character? Something that sticks to the scene like gum on a goblin's boot? Let’s get cookin’.
---
✏️ Step 1: What’s the Vibe?
Don’t write a novel. Gimme the flavor. What do they feel like? Hit me with something I can snap my fingers to.
> 💬 “Like if a cowboy got cursed by a jukebox.”
💬 “She’s what happens when caffeine drinks a human.”
💬 “Tragic backstory wrapped in leather and petty theft.”
Boom. That’s your spine. Now we dance around it.
---
👁️ Step 2: Gotta Look the Part
Yeah yeah, height, hair, whatever. But throw me a curveball. I wanna see them in my head and go, “What’s their deal?”
> 🚫 Meh: “Short blond elf in traveler’s clothes.”
✅ Juicy: “Wears a cracked monocle, swears it's lucky. Always smells like cinnamon. No one’s asked why.”
Add a detail that’s weird on purpose. That’s what makes ‘em real.
---
🧠 Step 3: Brains, Baby
What do they believe? What do they want? What keeps ‘em up at night and what gets ‘em outta bed in the morning?
> Are they hunting someone?
Hiding something?
Hurting, hoping, pretending?
If you don’t know yet, pick an emotion and turn the volume way up. You’ll find ‘em in the noise.
---
🎒 Step 4: Give ‘Em a Gimmick
A thing. A curse, a tool, a weird compulsion, a personal flavor. Don’t explain it. Not yet.
> 🧃 “Only drinks expired potions.”
🎲 “Can’t say ‘no’ to a bet.”
🦴 “Carries bones in their pockets. None of them theirs.”
This is the hook where the rest of us go: “I gotta know more.”
---
❤️ Step 5: One Secret. Just One.
Doesn’t have to be big. Just true.
> They betrayed someone once.
They don’t remember their real name.
They saw the ending already and said nothing.
You don’t have to tell anyone right away. But keep it tucked behind their eyes. It’ll bleed out in all the best ways.
---
Make ‘em messy. Make ‘em fun to write, not just strong on paper. A good character gets knocked down and says something unforgettable on the way up.
And if they trip and fall into a love triangle with a vampire, a golem, and a jar of cursed pickles?
Perfect.
---
— BugUnderTheFridge
"Small bug. Big drama."
🪳 [Offline] Under the Fridge, Online in Spirit
🪲 BUG'S TOTALLY UNOFFICIAL, ABSOLUTELY CORRECT GUIDE TO MAKING A CHARACTER (PROBABLY)
---
Posted by: BugUnderTheFridge
🖊️ Writer. Fighter. Slight biter.
---
Alright listen up, ya beautiful weirdos—
You wanna make a character? Something that sticks to the scene like gum on a goblin's boot? Let’s get cookin’.
---
✏️ Step 1: What’s the Vibe?
Don’t write a novel. Gimme the flavor. What do they feel like? Hit me with something I can snap my fingers to.
> 💬 “Like if a cowboy got cursed by a jukebox.”
💬 “She’s what happens when caffeine drinks a human.”
💬 “Tragic backstory wrapped in leather and petty theft.”
Boom. That’s your spine. Now we dance around it.
---
👁️ Step 2: Gotta Look the Part
Yeah yeah, height, hair, whatever. But throw me a curveball. I wanna see them in my head and go, “What’s their deal?”
> 🚫 Meh: “Short blond elf in traveler’s clothes.”
✅ Juicy: “Wears a cracked monocle, swears it's lucky. Always smells like cinnamon. No one’s asked why.”
Add a detail that’s weird on purpose. That’s what makes ‘em real.
---
🧠 Step 3: Brains, Baby
What do they believe? What do they want? What keeps ‘em up at night and what gets ‘em outta bed in the morning?
> Are they hunting someone?
Hiding something?
Hurting, hoping, pretending?
If you don’t know yet, pick an emotion and turn the volume way up. You’ll find ‘em in the noise.
---
🎒 Step 4: Give ‘Em a Gimmick
A thing. A curse, a tool, a weird compulsion, a personal flavor. Don’t explain it. Not yet.
> 🧃 “Only drinks expired potions.”
🎲 “Can’t say ‘no’ to a bet.”
🦴 “Carries bones in their pockets. None of them theirs.”
This is the hook where the rest of us go: “I gotta know more.”
---
❤️ Step 5: One Secret. Just One.
Doesn’t have to be big. Just true.
> They betrayed someone once.
They don’t remember their real name.
They saw the ending already and said nothing.
You don’t have to tell anyone right away. But keep it tucked behind their eyes. It’ll bleed out in all the best ways.
---
Make ‘em messy. Make ‘em fun to write, not just strong on paper. A good character gets knocked down and says something unforgettable on the way up.
And if they trip and fall into a love triangle with a vampire, a golem, and a jar of cursed pickles?
Perfect.
---
— BugUnderTheFridge
"Small bug. Big drama."
🪳 [Offline] Under the Fridge, Online in Spirit
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