I felt a little iffy posting about this but after seeing a few others post about their identities I felt safe to discuss my identity as the journey is meaningful to me and something I don't talk about a lot like other fun facts about me. I recently found out, or at least have a huge feeling, that I am bigender! Usually I don't like using labels to describe my gender but bigender is a nice word that describes how I feel without getting super into detail. Sooo I'll list out some things on how I figured out I was bigender/my identity!
✦ It's been a year and some months since I started calling myself bigender, but the clues were always there since I was 12 as I always enjoyed being masculine online!
✦ For years I enjoyed using masculine pronouns/presenting as a guy online. At first I didn't think much of it until I recently started dressing up to be more masculine in public/got a binder so I could make myself more masculine presenting at will.
✦ I identify as both male and female, usually I feel like both at the same time but some months I feel more masculine while others I feel more feminine. If I had to describe what I am on average it's 60% female and 40% male. Usually online though I just let people pick a pronoun to refer to me as since it makes things easy
✦ At first I felt like I was lying to myself because I never experienced dysphoria since I enjoy being a girl, however, whenever I am referred to with masculine pronouns, dress up more masculine, or get called by my masculine name (Sevil or Sev for short) I experience intense euphoria and get very happy!
✦ Sevil is my masculine name, it is a combination of a shortening of my favorite comfort character's name (Seb) and a name I really liked (Emil). Instead of choosing one or the other I just combined them! My feminine name Sable is a name that just seemed very elegant and I like the way it's spelled, I also love how Sevil and Sable look similar to each other. It took me a long time to find names that fit just right, and these two have stuck the longest so far! I love having a more masculine/androgynous name and a female name.
✦ It's been a year and some months since I started calling myself bigender, but the clues were always there since I was 12 as I always enjoyed being masculine online!
✦ For years I enjoyed using masculine pronouns/presenting as a guy online. At first I didn't think much of it until I recently started dressing up to be more masculine in public/got a binder so I could make myself more masculine presenting at will.
✦ I identify as both male and female, usually I feel like both at the same time but some months I feel more masculine while others I feel more feminine. If I had to describe what I am on average it's 60% female and 40% male. Usually online though I just let people pick a pronoun to refer to me as since it makes things easy
✦ At first I felt like I was lying to myself because I never experienced dysphoria since I enjoy being a girl, however, whenever I am referred to with masculine pronouns, dress up more masculine, or get called by my masculine name (Sevil or Sev for short) I experience intense euphoria and get very happy!
✦ Sevil is my masculine name, it is a combination of a shortening of my favorite comfort character's name (Seb) and a name I really liked (Emil). Instead of choosing one or the other I just combined them! My feminine name Sable is a name that just seemed very elegant and I like the way it's spelled, I also love how Sevil and Sable look similar to each other. It took me a long time to find names that fit just right, and these two have stuck the longest so far! I love having a more masculine/androgynous name and a female name.
Wowie... Two genders for the price of one... Did you have a coupon? :>
(Sorry I don't have a serious question haha... Congrats on your journey though!!)
(Sorry I don't have a serious question haha... Congrats on your journey though!!)
May I say: Hooray! You did it!
Don’t you feel something like relief? Something that tells you, on one hand ‘how could I have written this’ and on the other ‘yes it’s online, I said it!’ ?
Don’t you feel something like relief? Something that tells you, on one hand ‘how could I have written this’ and on the other ‘yes it’s online, I said it!’ ?
CrypticStardust wrote:
Wowie... Two genders for the price of one... Did you have a coupon? :>
(Sorry I don't have a serious question haha... Congrats on your journey though!!)
(Sorry I don't have a serious question haha... Congrats on your journey though!!)
Yes I had a buy one get one free lol, also its okay and thank you so much!! :0 It's just begun but I'm pretty excited to continue exploring it
Fantax wrote:
May I say: Hooray! You did it!
Don’t you feel something like relief? Something that tells you, on one hand ‘how could I have written this’ and on the other ‘yes it’s online, I said it!’ ?
Don’t you feel something like relief? Something that tells you, on one hand ‘how could I have written this’ and on the other ‘yes it’s online, I said it!’ ?
Yes honestly!! I get very shy talking about it online, but when I posted it I felt really happy. In a way it really makes me feel valid, like "yes I am this and I am proud and there is nothing wrong with being proud" because originally I was quiet about it not wanting to make a big deal. I do feel a little embarrassed admittedly but for the most part it's something that I've held in for awhile since I still have yet to tell the rest of my friends (only my close friends and some family members know)
AND TYSM!!! it means a lot, I get a little embarrassed talking about my identity online but it also helps me go "yes I am this and I am happy" if that makes sense lol
Are there any moments/experiences you've had where you felt this understanding of yourself sort of click into place? Or things from before, other than presenting more masc online, that feel like they should have been clear signs in retrospect?
I know that as part of my own journey, a really obvious sign that I managed to actually totally forget about for awhile came soon after I realized I'm a-spec and finally found a place to explore queerness for the first time. I made the mistake of asking if it was possible to be "trans-intersex." (I say mistake because, as intersex folks are another marginalized group that faces their own unique struggles in addition to often facing queer struggles whether or not they'd consider themselves queer, my question was seen by a number of folks as inherently potentially disrespectful of their experiences.) The reaction I got was firm, but not necessarily severe, and they did point me toward non-binary identities, but it still took me a few more years (and finally meeting openly trans people) to realize any actually applied to me.
I know that as part of my own journey, a really obvious sign that I managed to actually totally forget about for awhile came soon after I realized I'm a-spec and finally found a place to explore queerness for the first time. I made the mistake of asking if it was possible to be "trans-intersex." (I say mistake because, as intersex folks are another marginalized group that faces their own unique struggles in addition to often facing queer struggles whether or not they'd consider themselves queer, my question was seen by a number of folks as inherently potentially disrespectful of their experiences.) The reaction I got was firm, but not necessarily severe, and they did point me toward non-binary identities, but it still took me a few more years (and finally meeting openly trans people) to realize any actually applied to me.
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