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just post funny moments in rps! you could take direct posts from it or explain everything
Mothunny Topic Starter

[Ekibio is trying to assassinate Amaimon, the king, and is pretending to be a cook]

Ekibio looked at him and bowed low. "Hello, King Amaimon. Would you like me to make you anything?"

"You don't need to call me that. And no, I'm kind of making something right now. Wait, when did I hire you?"

Ekibio froze a bit. Shit, he didn't plan for if he paid attention to the servants. "I-I... y-you hired me about fifty years ago, sir. Anira? W-well, I came out... a-as transgender..."

"Hmm.. how much do I pay you?"

"12 an hour, sir."

"You're lying to me."
I mean, my character Aspen vandalized a "never give up" poster by turning it into a Rickroll. I found that one amusing.
Mothunny Topic Starter

TheLorekeeper wrote:
I mean, my character Aspen vandalized a "never give up" poster by turning it into a Rickroll. I found that one amusing.
that sounds beautiful

This was in Great Days before it got confusing with some of the..plot

[Juliet appears and Josuke asks if he is handsome in the future}

Josuke: “I don’t know…great Uncle?!?”, he said then looked at Juliet, “Am I handsome in the future?”

Rose (Played by the wonderful NiftySpiffy): "that's your only question?"

“Hey! I take great pride in my looks”, Josuke replied.

Wakumi Aokawa (Played by the also wonderful AgateTurtle): “I can see why.“ Wakumi took a great look at Josuke.

it's coming up on the three year anniversary of possibly the best rp scene to ever be written in existence. I've written 5000 word fantasy starters to rival Tolkien, some of the spookiest horror moments, emotional dramas that yoink the tears right out of your eyeballs...but nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to the peak of my career.


Walmart.™ now featuring extremely heavy censoring because a word that rhymes with truck is used every single sentence

And no, I'm not going to provide context for any of this.

"Baby's first tactical hunting knife," Venus idly commented as Roy led them into the depths of the hardware section, where several poor, forlorn Dads™️ were lamenting over the unforgivable quality of the available tool selections. She was fairly certain that she saw one of them wearing a fanny pack, but little did she know that it was the Ultra-Masculine-For-Men™️ version. "You think they'd be mad if we bought her a machete?"

Still slurping away at her unhealthily sized slushie, Venus was perfectly content with staggering along after her girlfriend who was apparently on some kind of god-given mission. More than once, she became distracted by the unholy offerings of the ripe, succulent flesh of virgin maidens laid spread-legged in sacrifice to the gluttonous gods of corporation various nonsensical products she saw on the shelves, and momentarily lost contact with Roy as she stumbled off to investigate further. Judging from how long it took her to return on some occasions, it was safe to say that she had probably engaged in vicious hand-to-hand combat with the murderous fiends of the American Abyss, claiming the victor's spoils that belonged to her through bloodright after she had bare-handedly ripping their spinal cords from their still trembling bodies shoplifted a thing or two.

Because old habits died hard. Or something.

Also her sweatpants hung lower than they had previously and her pockets were bulging suspiciously.

Fortunately for the kleptomaniac, Roy had successfully engaged in a battle of wills with the weasel-faced attendant and the mentally challenged hillbilly just ahead. Like she had been there the entire time and definitely hadn't finished stealing miscellaneous items approximately thirty seconds ago, she casually slid in right beside her socially challenged partner and...remained helpfully silent in the duel that was presently playing out. Instead of stopping her from causing a riot like a normal person would, because it was clear by now that neither of them were even the slightest smidgen close to normal.

"We don't got'a minuuute," Venus drawled, finishing one fantastically large sip of her drink with an obnoxious smack. "This shithole gave me cancer and I only got five minutes 'fore it kills me. I'm gonna tell Make a Wish that you won't grant my dyin' wish."

She fake coughed, making a point out of imitating one of the many chain smokers that had been congregated outside the supermarket hell. The slushie made her sound especially phlegm-y. "CAAAAANCEEEER."

Her and Roy were on completely different agendas in terms of advancing in their mission, but both approaches were equally [BLEEP]ing stupid. It was a testimony to the sin of mankind that either of them had managed to make it to adulthood, and an even greater proof that no god could exist if they had been allowed to partake in a relationship that would combine the fullest extent of their moron-ism.

"SIIIR I'M A SINGLE MOTHER AND I GOT CANCER AND MY BABY'S GONNA DIE 'CAUSE YOU THINK YOU'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME BUYIN' HER SOME BABY STUFF," she melodramatically wailed, draping one arm over her face and collapsing back into Roy's arms, her eyes rolling back as what little strength remained in her broken body ebbed away. "HOLD ME, LOVER."

She peeked out of one eye as she violently hacked one last time, and then went limp with a loud 'bLEGH.'

With one single, wavering hand, she reached out to the valkyrie clad in yellow vest battle-armor, her voice a sickening wheeze as she made her final plea. "T-take the not-baby-baby aisle...[BLEEP]."

Venus' world was shattered.

In an instant, the dying, cancer-stricken girl was brutally struck by the widespread damage path of the raging behemoth, her shoulder chipped with a force that was like a sledgehammer against her fragile flesh. Consumed by righteous fury, her grieving lover rushed to intercept the one that had cut her down, but that act of vengeance led only to the poor soul's broken, battered body colliding with the cold tile.

The world spun as it was consumed by pure tragedy. An unfinished slush spiraled through the air, landing in a decimated heap of red syrup and ice, its precious ambrosia spilling like the blood of the fallen.

But God refused to let such a monumental display of homosexuality die that day.

Like Jesus emerging from his burial tomb, Venus rose to her feet, her angelic features cast with a heavenly, fluorescent light glow. Let no homo despair, for their messiah had arisen from the ashes to usher them into a new age of prosperous gayness where all of the heteros would be cast down with holy rage. Their savior had arrived.

Fueled by utmost passion, her former, lethal illness cured by an unprecedented miracle, she pointed a single, accusatory finger in the direction of the fallen beast. And he was set aflame, his demonic soul shrieking in anguish as the light purged the evil from his flesh. Also he converted into a drag queen.

"You spilled my slushie, [BEEP]." With her guardian at her side, the Father and the Holy Spirit™️ scorned the sacrilegious hellion with all the fury of ten thousand sacred leagues. "Eat shit."

Then their faithful disciple of the yellow-robes opened the way for them.

Clumsily meandering about at Roy's side, Venus casually produced a stolen Slim-Jim (NOW FOUR FEET LONG!) from her pocket and cracked it open as the Weasel Lady led them through various ransacked aisles. She began to munch on it, at some point offering it to Roy with the perfectly serious remark of, "Fake meat?" Apparently, she didn't care enough to not partake in shoplifted goods in front of store employees. What were they going to do, arrest her?

As might have been expected, the children's section of Walmart was a dilapidated hellhole of roaming heathens, destroyed and discarded products, and a disturbing amount of stickiness and moistness. Venus found herself staring at the ground in utter disgust as the sole of her boot stuck to something. It continued to make a horrific 'squelch, sQUELCH' noise every time she moved, and she decided that it was better not to think about what was now attached to her shoe.

Also she was pretty sure she saw a small child snorting dual pixie-sticks in Aisle 4. You go, kid.

"What do like, kids even wear? [BEEP]in' overalls? Y'know, back in my day, I'm pretty sure my mom just let me run around half-naked," she idly said as she observed the barren wasteland in front of them, passively reaching out to tug at the corner of some piece of bright clothing. It had dinosaurs on it, so of course she added it to her arm, because kids [BEEP]ing love dinosaurs. She didn't bother looking at the size because she was a genius who could just eyeball it from a distance.

Venus blinked, then glanced up at the Weasel Lady. A brief moment of deep thought, and another snap of her Slim-Jim stick. Then, she decisively shook her head.

"I'd ask you, but you don't look like you got no kids. I mean, like, you gotta convince someone to [BEEP] you first."

"Hold my [BEEP]in' stick, kid," she snarled as she approached, chucking her Slim Jim at the mewling face of the lard's offspring. "I'm about to make your mama wish she still had Obamacare."

did i mention that during all of this there was another scene going on where one character was having a severe mental breakdown and existential crisis

like, in the exact same posts
The actual posts are long since lost, but a friend and I once had a rather... interesting combat encounter.

My character was, at the time, basically just an NPC; he was roughly a badass, supernatural-hunting agent type who was only meant to be a temporary barrier for my friend's character to get past (and instead, that NPC went on to become the now long-unused Gregor Moretti). My friend's character was... well... technically a sword. Like, literally an intelligent sword, and no shapeshifting or anything to have any capability of acting without a wielder to act through. He was created as part of a project to improve a fighter's skills beyond human limitations. So, basically, we had a couple of high-level expert fighters who, as the scene opens, are both in disguise - one trying to escape, the other trying to capture. And they're in a highly public, busy space in a city.

The first absurdity comes prior to the scene. A flaw with the sword had gotten it determined to be a failure, as it simply didn't seem to work; in reality part of the standard human brain was blocking it out, and turns out it could only work with someone who had the right sort of brain damage or abnormality. The individual this ended up being was this huge oaf of a guy with some pretty solid strength, and not much else. Adding to it was the disguise that the sword got this wielder into: a clown on a pogo stick. A functionally giant clown on a pogo stick. Meanwhile, my character was just pretending to be a street vendor until the target could be identified.

The fight ensued very quickly after each had sufficiently figured out the other... but it ended even faster. A couple miscalculations between us resulted in this giant clown falling on top of my guy, just about crushing him and rendering him pretty much useless for most of the rest of the scene as the clown and the sword proceed to make their escape.

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