Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: I'm aroace

Ehh... Why not?
I debated for a bit about whether I'd start a topic like this, but here I am. Hi! I'm aroace. For those who don't know what that means, it's short for aromantic asexual. For those who don't know what that means, it means I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction to anybody, regardless of gender, or any other factors. I'm sure I'm not the only one around here, so it might not be the most unique topic I could bring to this event, but I considered some other options and decided this was what I was most comfortable with discussing, and plus, if I had someone I could ask about this in the past, I think I would have figured things out sooner and saved myself some trouble. So maybe I can help someone now.
So, ask away! ^.^

Hello there! I've always wondered this of aro-spec people, but how do you feel about most music seeming to be about falling in love, or romantic heartbreak?

(p.s. your avatar is super cute )

Hmm, well... On a surface level, I find the prevalence of love/breakup songs to be a bit annoying... But on the other hand, I know music is a deeply personal thing, and if writing/performing songs about those topics is what helps people express themselves, and listening to them helps people feel understood, then I think that's far more important than how I feel about it personally. In other words... I don't really like listening to those songs (most of the time. I mean, some are still catchy and enjoyable to listen to even if they don't quite resonate with me), they make me feel a bit weird and isolated... But I'm certainly not going to complain about it much.
Thank you for the question, and for the compliment I love my avatar it makes me very happy

Interesting, thank you! And you're very welcome.

If I have an aroace oc, what are some do's and don't's ? I don't wanna disrespect anyone, and since I'm not part of the LGBT+ community, it would be nice to get some advice!

P.S. I completely understand if people aren't attracted to anyone, for I am not 😅

Well... Not everyone's experience of being aroace is the same, so there's no one right or wrong way to write an OC who's aroace. And if it's not a big part of their character as a whole, it's not really something you need to put too much thought into, just like if the OC was any other orientation. All it really means is that your OC probably doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship (though some aroace people still do want to, for their own reasons, which I can't speak much on since I don't have that experience.)
I admittedly have quite a few aroace OCs (and some who aren't) and it doesn't really have much of an impact on them except when other characters or situations make it relevant. Some of them don't even know/express that they're aroace, they just are and don't concern themselves with defining that (or don't exist in settings where the label is available) while another OC of mine uses the label and probably has an aroace flag on their wall.
Ultimately, just like with real people, how characters acknowledge, define, and express being aroace and how they feel about romance/relationships as a whole, depends on their personality, outlook, environment, and how much you want that to be part of the story. It's the difference between writing a story about the aroace experience and writing a story about a character who happens to be aroace.
Idk if that was coherent. Basically you probably don't need to worry about it too much. Just write the character how you think feels right for that character and it'll probably be okay. Write them as a character, not as an archetype of their identity. And if you have more specific questions I can certainly try to answer them.

You describe aroace so well, it becomes easy to understand, thanks for that.
I have a question that might be difficult to answer, or it could wake some difficult memories, so please excuse in advance.
I know you are not, I know you to have feelings and remorse, you are not emotionally idling. But, have you been treated as ‘psychopathe’ as you don’t ‘fit’ to ‘normal’ social behavior?

I haven't, but this does happen to some people for sure. However, I also tend to keep quiet about being aroace, especially in real life; it isn't a secret, but it also isn't something I make a point to share, so anyone who is likely to think badly of me because of it simply doesn't know.
I have been told that being asexual is unnatural, that it means something is wrong with me, by certain people, which is part of the reason I'm hesitant to discuss it openly now. I know there's nothing wrong with me but I still don't want to have that conversation with others. I've also just come to understand that it's nobody's business and I don't owe them an explanation. When I was younger I thought it was more important to come out to people, but now I understand that I really don't need to and should only tell people if I actually want to.
Of course, I'm not too worried about anyone here on RPR saying anything bad or intentionally hurtful, so I don't mind discussing it in this post. People here are very nice and accepting... And even if somebody does decide to say something uncalled for, it will be dealt with.
Anyway, thanks for the question :​)

Regarding your characters that aren't considered aroace, do they experience romantic or sexual attraction? If they do, what does it feel like to write that? Do you find it difficult? Boring? Interesting?

I have characters who experience romantic attraction, but I don't focus on that when writing about them. One is in a relationship with the character belonging to a friend of mine, while some others are in relationships with each other (as in, my OCs dating each other instead of other peoples' characters), and some are single. I don't like to write romance; it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. Even when my characters are in relationships, it's not the focus of the story, just kind of a thing that also happens to be going on.
As for whether or not any of my characters experience sexual attraction... Well, some might, but I don't know; I haven't asked them :> It's none of my business.
I'm extremely uncomfortable with the topic of anything sexual, so even if they do experience that type of attraction, I won't write about them feeling it or acting on it. If I did want to write those things, I imagine it would be difficult for me since I have no real understanding of it... But fortunately I don't want to so there's no need to worry about figuring it out.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that I do feel more connected to my aroace characters and find them easier to write, even if that aroaceness isn't totally relevant to what I'm writing about most of the time.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question! While I don't consider myself aroace, I definitely understand the aversion you have to writing anything sexual. Though my reasons are different from yours.

Thank you again!

Ok, cool, thanks!! I just don't want anyone to end up offended by how I portray an aroace character, but that lifts a lot of weight off my shoulders lol. Thanks!!