Hello. I want to apologize in advance if this topic and its contents are not allowed on this site. I would like to make a very important announcement.
After twelve years of roleplaying on and off on many different sites, I’ve come to the realization that I am not in the right state of mind to continue roleplaying. Unfortunately, I’ve been through a lot of mental trauma such as online grooming, manipulation, being ghosted, and severe cyberbullying. By continuing to roleplay whether it’s on here or on a different website, it will end up reminding me of the severe mental trauma I went through over the years and I’m going to need some time to heal from everything I went through. Although I am unable to remember exactly what I went through, bits and pieces come up in my mind and I can feel when I’m traumatized. This year has been the worst year of my life and I thought last year was the worst year when my mother died unexpectedly and I ended up leaving my toxic gas station job, only to be thrown out of my stepfather’s house and forced to go live with my grandmother. Let me remind some of you that I am on the autism spectrum and I did not deserve any of what happened to me.
I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, although it’s a psychiatric nurse practitioner and not a medical psychiatrist. I’m currently not in therapy. I am on a long waitlist to see a therapist in the same building as my psychiatric nurse practitioner. You might wonder, why can’t I just see a therapist virtually? It’s because I do not feel comfortable talking about my trauma with my grandmother right nearby. Nobody in my family has any idea about the trauma I went through online. I have a huge fear of confrontation and I feel that if my grandmother knew about what I had gone through, she’ll trigger my huge fear of confrontation by yelling at me and nagging me. All she does every single day is nag me and complain about what’s going on in the world.
On top of that, my maternal uncle has been in contact with a social worker to get me the services that I truly need. It’s been a very long process, unfortunately. It took me a year to get an autism evaluation as an adult. No matter how many times I express my frustrations, I realize that it’s not going to make the process go any quicker. I have to be patient and take one day at a time. I don’t feel that roleplaying is an escape for me no more because of how I’ve been treated by certain roleplayers on RolePlayer.me and their sister sites. It’s gotten worse and worse. As much as I believe that I truly deserve so much better in this cruel world, I’m starting to believe that it’s been all my fault the entire time. I shouldn’t have said yes to any of those certain roleplayers who wanted to roleplay things that are inappropriate in general just to make them happy. I should’ve listened to my grandmother, uncle, and other family members and did what I was told. I shouldn’t have quit my gas station job. I shouldn’t have had a severe falling out with my cousin who I’d been close to ever since we were kids over my severe jealousy of what she gets to do with her husband. I shouldn’t have told her to have a shitty rest of her life, I’ll never accept her husband, I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in the first place, etc.
Going into 2026, I feel like I need to keep my mouth shut going forward. I shouldn’t complain about anything in life. It’s not going to get me anywhere. I should be grateful for what I do have and be more appreciative. I should start listening and start doing what I’m told to do. I’m deeply sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll understand if this post ends up getting deleted. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the best.
After twelve years of roleplaying on and off on many different sites, I’ve come to the realization that I am not in the right state of mind to continue roleplaying. Unfortunately, I’ve been through a lot of mental trauma such as online grooming, manipulation, being ghosted, and severe cyberbullying. By continuing to roleplay whether it’s on here or on a different website, it will end up reminding me of the severe mental trauma I went through over the years and I’m going to need some time to heal from everything I went through. Although I am unable to remember exactly what I went through, bits and pieces come up in my mind and I can feel when I’m traumatized. This year has been the worst year of my life and I thought last year was the worst year when my mother died unexpectedly and I ended up leaving my toxic gas station job, only to be thrown out of my stepfather’s house and forced to go live with my grandmother. Let me remind some of you that I am on the autism spectrum and I did not deserve any of what happened to me.
I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, although it’s a psychiatric nurse practitioner and not a medical psychiatrist. I’m currently not in therapy. I am on a long waitlist to see a therapist in the same building as my psychiatric nurse practitioner. You might wonder, why can’t I just see a therapist virtually? It’s because I do not feel comfortable talking about my trauma with my grandmother right nearby. Nobody in my family has any idea about the trauma I went through online. I have a huge fear of confrontation and I feel that if my grandmother knew about what I had gone through, she’ll trigger my huge fear of confrontation by yelling at me and nagging me. All she does every single day is nag me and complain about what’s going on in the world.
On top of that, my maternal uncle has been in contact with a social worker to get me the services that I truly need. It’s been a very long process, unfortunately. It took me a year to get an autism evaluation as an adult. No matter how many times I express my frustrations, I realize that it’s not going to make the process go any quicker. I have to be patient and take one day at a time. I don’t feel that roleplaying is an escape for me no more because of how I’ve been treated by certain roleplayers on RolePlayer.me and their sister sites. It’s gotten worse and worse. As much as I believe that I truly deserve so much better in this cruel world, I’m starting to believe that it’s been all my fault the entire time. I shouldn’t have said yes to any of those certain roleplayers who wanted to roleplay things that are inappropriate in general just to make them happy. I should’ve listened to my grandmother, uncle, and other family members and did what I was told. I shouldn’t have quit my gas station job. I shouldn’t have had a severe falling out with my cousin who I’d been close to ever since we were kids over my severe jealousy of what she gets to do with her husband. I shouldn’t have told her to have a shitty rest of her life, I’ll never accept her husband, I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in the first place, etc.
Going into 2026, I feel like I need to keep my mouth shut going forward. I shouldn’t complain about anything in life. It’s not going to get me anywhere. I should be grateful for what I do have and be more appreciative. I should start listening and start doing what I’m told to do. I’m deeply sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll understand if this post ends up getting deleted. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the best.
I wish you all the best for your future!!
You came here and came back twice, be sure that if you come back once more, the door to your barn remained open and that panicked little doe was meant to be a friend.
Just be aware of one thing with ‘if’ and ‘I should’ one can build a whole world.
If there weren’t the word ‘if’, I should be a millionaire…
What I mean is, decisions are made, even if not always the right ones, you can’t change them, only learn and grow 😉
Be good ‘honey’
You came here and came back twice, be sure that if you come back once more, the door to your barn remained open and that panicked little doe was meant to be a friend.
Just be aware of one thing with ‘if’ and ‘I should’ one can build a whole world.
If there weren’t the word ‘if’, I should be a millionaire…
What I mean is, decisions are made, even if not always the right ones, you can’t change them, only learn and grow 😉
Be good ‘honey’