I feel like my life is falling apart. Slowly, in a crumbly way. Like every step I make in the right direction, some other thing is eroding and falling away.
Naturally, most of this feeling comes from being flat broke, but I found out yesterday that the job I got accepted for won't actually be starting for another two weeks - they got a backlog so I won't be on the schedule until then. Then it'll be another two to three weeks before I get paid.
Meanwhile, my house is falling apart, the one task my folks left me is the one I'm failing at most, and the rental property my dad is trying to keep up with long-distance (a worse idea than long-distance relationships, by a factor of ten imho) was absolutely destroyed by the last tenants. Because allegedly they tried to get in contact with him for two weeks about a busted AC unit, and then got pissy about the lack of response. I can' even confirm or deny the attempt, because I am outside that loop. Literally nothing about that house comes through me, but now I feel bad about not having been on top of things, since I'm physically closer to its location.
My dryer finally called it quits on the heating coil (or maybe the sensor?), water keeps coming into my house because it just won't stop raining and it's been enough years that the weather strips and other waterproofing have failed... Now it's coming in through a crack above a big window and I feel like I can't fix it without replacing the entire window area. Because just plugging the crack only forces the water to take a more creative path. I have bills I can't even pay, since my old job had six months where they didn't pay me for services rendered and it took me so long to get a new job. I don't even have the account information to pay these bills, since none of them are in my name - we only get paper bills when they're threatening to shut something off. And there's nothing I can do about it, since everytime I ask the parentals to send me the relevant shit, I get nothing. There's a 6 hour difference between us so I can't even time calling them when it's sensible for me. And half the time I actually do time it right, nobody picks up.
I can't even properly cry about it right now, and I don't even want to try and figure out why that's the case.
I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'll try my usual methods to deal - and they'll fail, same as always - but that's apparently just my lot in life. I'm gonna probably struggle until the day I die and then everyone's going to wonder why I lived the way I did. "Why didn't she ask for help?"
Well, let me tell you! It's because you demonstrated this lack of reliability in the little things so, naturally, I made the logical leap that you wouldn't be helpful in the big things. So I bottled all the relevant feelings and took them to the grave. Ta-da! Magic. You all thought I was reasonably well-adjusted, people-pleasing, and all-around nice when really I was a spiteful, angry, envious wretch who occasionally did kind things because I didn't want to feel bad about other people hurting.
This turned into a venting pity-party instead of an earnest "seeking advice" post, which is what I originally intended. So let me get back on track: tl;dr I don't know what to do to resolve even one of these immediate issues and I need help. What do I do?
Naturally, most of this feeling comes from being flat broke, but I found out yesterday that the job I got accepted for won't actually be starting for another two weeks - they got a backlog so I won't be on the schedule until then. Then it'll be another two to three weeks before I get paid.
Meanwhile, my house is falling apart, the one task my folks left me is the one I'm failing at most, and the rental property my dad is trying to keep up with long-distance (a worse idea than long-distance relationships, by a factor of ten imho) was absolutely destroyed by the last tenants. Because allegedly they tried to get in contact with him for two weeks about a busted AC unit, and then got pissy about the lack of response. I can' even confirm or deny the attempt, because I am outside that loop. Literally nothing about that house comes through me, but now I feel bad about not having been on top of things, since I'm physically closer to its location.
My dryer finally called it quits on the heating coil (or maybe the sensor?), water keeps coming into my house because it just won't stop raining and it's been enough years that the weather strips and other waterproofing have failed... Now it's coming in through a crack above a big window and I feel like I can't fix it without replacing the entire window area. Because just plugging the crack only forces the water to take a more creative path. I have bills I can't even pay, since my old job had six months where they didn't pay me for services rendered and it took me so long to get a new job. I don't even have the account information to pay these bills, since none of them are in my name - we only get paper bills when they're threatening to shut something off. And there's nothing I can do about it, since everytime I ask the parentals to send me the relevant shit, I get nothing. There's a 6 hour difference between us so I can't even time calling them when it's sensible for me. And half the time I actually do time it right, nobody picks up.
I can't even properly cry about it right now, and I don't even want to try and figure out why that's the case.
I just don't know what to do. I mean, I'll try my usual methods to deal - and they'll fail, same as always - but that's apparently just my lot in life. I'm gonna probably struggle until the day I die and then everyone's going to wonder why I lived the way I did. "Why didn't she ask for help?"
Well, let me tell you! It's because you demonstrated this lack of reliability in the little things so, naturally, I made the logical leap that you wouldn't be helpful in the big things. So I bottled all the relevant feelings and took them to the grave. Ta-da! Magic. You all thought I was reasonably well-adjusted, people-pleasing, and all-around nice when really I was a spiteful, angry, envious wretch who occasionally did kind things because I didn't want to feel bad about other people hurting.
This turned into a venting pity-party instead of an earnest "seeking advice" post, which is what I originally intended. So let me get back on track: tl;dr I don't know what to do to resolve even one of these immediate issues and I need help. What do I do?
Awww...Forta-ver....(((Hugs hugs hugs hugs.)))
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
With all the challenges you've just mentioned, I know I would be way past overwhelmed too. I don't have much good advice on the practical issues, like waterproofing or fixing leaks (and I hope someone else who reads this will maybe?), nor have I ever been a landlord, but I have been through the gaps in pay problem before, time and time again, so I feel you. Just about every summer, when my job in public schools is over for the summer, I go through a dry spell of about three months with very litte income if I can't grab a temp job. Personally, I've had to take out credit cards during those months, take out payday loans, and skip months of certain non-essential bills or put them off to get through until that first paycheck in September. So those are some ideas, maybe. If you have a car payment, sometimes you can call the financer and let them know you're going to be a month late and they will put the payment on the end of your loan period (I think they call this a deferrment, but I'm not sure I've got the wording right. A deferrment might be something else). Of course there are late fees involved, but depending on the situation, a late fee later might be worth a deferred payment now, because later is when you'll have the money. But if you don't have anything like that you can do...well, you might think about seeing if you can open a credit card. If you do, be careful...capital one is pretty good, but there are lots of companies that imitate them which are predatory lenders imo. You may have thought of all this...and also don't let me forget to say that payday loans are predatory lending and it's best not to get caught in that net of theirs, but as a last resort, it is available. Just depends on the situation.
I'm just brainstorming, but, do you have any other family members that live closer (or just who you talk to more or trust moer) than your parents who you could lean on and ask them maybe to make those calls for you to your parents or sort of...reinforce the fact that your parents need to take your request for the information seriously? You know how sometimes a parent who is not listening to their child will listen to their sister or brother or parent, so the child goes to their Aunt or Grandparent and says, "Can you please call Dad and ask him to do this?" Then sometimes, you'll get a completely different response. Also, do you have a support system, just in general, so you can talk to people and get this stuff off your chest and get emotional support? Meaning...family that lives closer or friends? Well...you know as well as I do, as we all do...we've gotta have a support system and, for some mysterious reason that made Freud famous and created an industry, it really does help to talk about our problems with people, whether or not solutions are forthcoming...it just helps that someone else knows your pain, it makes the burden lighter. I hope writing this out into words here has hepled do that for you a little bit.
Know that you're cared about. And I, for one, think you're awesome, and so smart; you share my passion for sci fi and smart stuff.
And I have faith that you can figure out the solutions to these problems and take action to execute the solutions. The first step is identifying the problem, and you've already done. I can see why you feel overwhelmed with it, because of all the different things coming at you from different directions, job house everything. But these problems are not insurmountable, you can overcome them...you just have to look at them one at a time and do it step by step by step. When things seem overwhelming, break things into smaller tasks, that way when you accomplish the small task, you feel a little jolt of achievement that motivates you to do the next step. It sounds like you know what you need to do...about calling your parents at a certain time and so on, and being persistant until they answer...be the squeeky wheel that gets the oil, but being down probably makes you feel less motivated to do all of that. I totally understand that and have the same problem myself. In many many areas of my life. So I can only say that when the problems and possible solutions are found, it's just the psychic energy to get over that hump and do it that's hard to get, but you can do it. I am believing in you and hopefully passing some of that faith along to you yourself to belive that you can take these things on and solve them too. I don't have a lot more practical advice. I am happy to hear that you have a job starting and that's really shocking and inexcusable that your last job didn't pay you for 6 months of work. But hang in there...you're almost there and you'll have paychecks rolling in again, and that will do a LOT for your mood, I'll bet. I know it does for me. Please PM me if you want to talk or if I can be of any help.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
With all the challenges you've just mentioned, I know I would be way past overwhelmed too. I don't have much good advice on the practical issues, like waterproofing or fixing leaks (and I hope someone else who reads this will maybe?), nor have I ever been a landlord, but I have been through the gaps in pay problem before, time and time again, so I feel you. Just about every summer, when my job in public schools is over for the summer, I go through a dry spell of about three months with very litte income if I can't grab a temp job. Personally, I've had to take out credit cards during those months, take out payday loans, and skip months of certain non-essential bills or put them off to get through until that first paycheck in September. So those are some ideas, maybe. If you have a car payment, sometimes you can call the financer and let them know you're going to be a month late and they will put the payment on the end of your loan period (I think they call this a deferrment, but I'm not sure I've got the wording right. A deferrment might be something else). Of course there are late fees involved, but depending on the situation, a late fee later might be worth a deferred payment now, because later is when you'll have the money. But if you don't have anything like that you can do...well, you might think about seeing if you can open a credit card. If you do, be careful...capital one is pretty good, but there are lots of companies that imitate them which are predatory lenders imo. You may have thought of all this...and also don't let me forget to say that payday loans are predatory lending and it's best not to get caught in that net of theirs, but as a last resort, it is available. Just depends on the situation.
I'm just brainstorming, but, do you have any other family members that live closer (or just who you talk to more or trust moer) than your parents who you could lean on and ask them maybe to make those calls for you to your parents or sort of...reinforce the fact that your parents need to take your request for the information seriously? You know how sometimes a parent who is not listening to their child will listen to their sister or brother or parent, so the child goes to their Aunt or Grandparent and says, "Can you please call Dad and ask him to do this?" Then sometimes, you'll get a completely different response. Also, do you have a support system, just in general, so you can talk to people and get this stuff off your chest and get emotional support? Meaning...family that lives closer or friends? Well...you know as well as I do, as we all do...we've gotta have a support system and, for some mysterious reason that made Freud famous and created an industry, it really does help to talk about our problems with people, whether or not solutions are forthcoming...it just helps that someone else knows your pain, it makes the burden lighter. I hope writing this out into words here has hepled do that for you a little bit.
Know that you're cared about. And I, for one, think you're awesome, and so smart; you share my passion for sci fi and smart stuff.
And I have faith that you can figure out the solutions to these problems and take action to execute the solutions. The first step is identifying the problem, and you've already done. I can see why you feel overwhelmed with it, because of all the different things coming at you from different directions, job house everything. But these problems are not insurmountable, you can overcome them...you just have to look at them one at a time and do it step by step by step. When things seem overwhelming, break things into smaller tasks, that way when you accomplish the small task, you feel a little jolt of achievement that motivates you to do the next step. It sounds like you know what you need to do...about calling your parents at a certain time and so on, and being persistant until they answer...be the squeeky wheel that gets the oil, but being down probably makes you feel less motivated to do all of that. I totally understand that and have the same problem myself. In many many areas of my life. So I can only say that when the problems and possible solutions are found, it's just the psychic energy to get over that hump and do it that's hard to get, but you can do it. I am believing in you and hopefully passing some of that faith along to you yourself to belive that you can take these things on and solve them too. I don't have a lot more practical advice. I am happy to hear that you have a job starting and that's really shocking and inexcusable that your last job didn't pay you for 6 months of work. But hang in there...you're almost there and you'll have paychecks rolling in again, and that will do a LOT for your mood, I'll bet. I know it does for me. Please PM me if you want to talk or if I can be of any help.
I'm just going to poke my nose in quickly and say that if you can't get a hold of your own parents that the tenants who lost their crap over the A/C and lack of communication is a legitimate claim. You're their daughter and they aren't communicating. That's.. pretty bad. Does it justify them destroying the house? No.
However, it sounds as though you are 'butter scraped over too much bread'. You sound stretched thin, and in need of a huge dose of hope and action. Try not to feel responsible for this property getting tanked, and that you should have stepped in merely because you were physically closer. It is your parents property, and their responsibilities as landlords to not only communicate but take care of it. That's not your burden, and yet you are feeling the weight. That's not okay. If you are kept out of the loop on bills until there's a cancellation notice, communication is something that needs to be worked on here to show some functionality and efficiency.
It really reads to me that a lot of this, aside from your own home and financial issues, that you need to be clear with your parents that this is too much. Letting you into the loops about the accounts will honestly only permit them to put more responsibility onto you. You need to have the freedom to focus on yourself. You're living in a leaky home and your behind on bills. That's a terrifying position to be in. Your environment isn't okay, and you can't be comfortable, and therefore cannot relax and re-energize properly.
I encourage you to talk to your folks, ask them for help and tell them you need to step back from helping them with properties because you need to focus on you right now; new job, and fixing your own home. I know that family discussions like this can be pretty heavy handed, but if you don't speak up for you, who will? You need a break, and to get some things off your plate so that you can focus your energy where you need it.
I wish you all the best.
However, it sounds as though you are 'butter scraped over too much bread'. You sound stretched thin, and in need of a huge dose of hope and action. Try not to feel responsible for this property getting tanked, and that you should have stepped in merely because you were physically closer. It is your parents property, and their responsibilities as landlords to not only communicate but take care of it. That's not your burden, and yet you are feeling the weight. That's not okay. If you are kept out of the loop on bills until there's a cancellation notice, communication is something that needs to be worked on here to show some functionality and efficiency.
It really reads to me that a lot of this, aside from your own home and financial issues, that you need to be clear with your parents that this is too much. Letting you into the loops about the accounts will honestly only permit them to put more responsibility onto you. You need to have the freedom to focus on yourself. You're living in a leaky home and your behind on bills. That's a terrifying position to be in. Your environment isn't okay, and you can't be comfortable, and therefore cannot relax and re-energize properly.
I encourage you to talk to your folks, ask them for help and tell them you need to step back from helping them with properties because you need to focus on you right now; new job, and fixing your own home. I know that family discussions like this can be pretty heavy handed, but if you don't speak up for you, who will? You need a break, and to get some things off your plate so that you can focus your energy where you need it.
I wish you all the best.
Oh no! My poor baby Forta!
*huggles tightly*
I know there is little I can do from here, and I dont know you personally like some other people, but you are an amazing writer, person, and from the sound of it, it's a matter of bad luck. I'm not really that great at being helpful, and I'm not gonna be that one person who makes it all about them in a feckless attempt to show empathy. But I do want to let you know that if you ever want to vent, or just need someone to cheer you up, pm me when you get the chance.
Lots of love,
Keat
P.S, I'm not ignoring our Rp, I am just really bogged down with stuff outside rpr, and don't want to send a crappy response.
*huggles tightly*
I know there is little I can do from here, and I dont know you personally like some other people, but you are an amazing writer, person, and from the sound of it, it's a matter of bad luck. I'm not really that great at being helpful, and I'm not gonna be that one person who makes it all about them in a feckless attempt to show empathy. But I do want to let you know that if you ever want to vent, or just need someone to cheer you up, pm me when you get the chance.
Lots of love,
Keat
P.S, I'm not ignoring our Rp, I am just really bogged down with stuff outside rpr, and don't want to send a crappy response.
Thank you all for your responses - it was kind of you, and my mood has improved considerably. I had a chance to sit down and cry, finally, and me and my sisters had a chat about things we can do about all this mess. We're all in the same boat, since we're roommates and all, and I feel terrible because I'm the eldest and they come to me for answers a lot. But it was nice being able to sit down and get our feelings on these matters out.
Tomorrow, we'll be having a chat with our grandparents to get some advice, and hopefully we'll finally get hold of the folks as well.
Um. This is probably not appropriate to advertise here, but I'm taking commissions to try and make at least a dent in things. It's up on the Art & Creativity forum, so if you would keep me in mind if you know folk looking for art, that would be great. Again, thank you all so much.
@Keaton: No worries! I figured stuff had come up IRL, and I hope all's well. Take your time! It makes each post all the more exciting.
Tomorrow, we'll be having a chat with our grandparents to get some advice, and hopefully we'll finally get hold of the folks as well.
Um. This is probably not appropriate to advertise here, but I'm taking commissions to try and make at least a dent in things. It's up on the Art & Creativity forum, so if you would keep me in mind if you know folk looking for art, that would be great. Again, thank you all so much.
@Keaton: No worries! I figured stuff had come up IRL, and I hope all's well. Take your time! It makes each post all the more exciting.
We don't know each other. Our circles likely might never even cross again. But even so, I read what you had to say and... I'll say this:
I've no advice to give that wouldn't come off as long-winded or trite. All I know is that, at various points in my life, I was living off the land. Literally. My entire home could fit inside a dufflebag. This happened more than once. Life can be a real cruel piece of work. But venting is good. It means you're aware of your situation, you're looking for real answers. And if you keep looking, you're bound to find something. Maybe it'll even be useful!
People care about you, and what happens to you. Even strangers like me. I mean, I'm not going to send you a care package or anything... but I don't want you to suffer, and I believe that great effort can yield amazing rewards. Stay focused, stay positive, choose who you trust wisely, and if you're ever trapped in an avalanche, spit before you dig too far; if it hits you in the mug, you're aimed the wrong way.
And here I said I didn't have any advice for you. Shucks. Now I feel all preachy...
Someday, if you get the chance, I want you to remember how bad it all really could have been. You'll laugh. It'll be a good laugh. I eat this hot pocket in hopes that, one day, that laugh reaches my ears. Good luck.
I've no advice to give that wouldn't come off as long-winded or trite. All I know is that, at various points in my life, I was living off the land. Literally. My entire home could fit inside a dufflebag. This happened more than once. Life can be a real cruel piece of work. But venting is good. It means you're aware of your situation, you're looking for real answers. And if you keep looking, you're bound to find something. Maybe it'll even be useful!
People care about you, and what happens to you. Even strangers like me. I mean, I'm not going to send you a care package or anything... but I don't want you to suffer, and I believe that great effort can yield amazing rewards. Stay focused, stay positive, choose who you trust wisely, and if you're ever trapped in an avalanche, spit before you dig too far; if it hits you in the mug, you're aimed the wrong way.
And here I said I didn't have any advice for you. Shucks. Now I feel all preachy...
Someday, if you get the chance, I want you to remember how bad it all really could have been. You'll laugh. It'll be a good laugh. I eat this hot pocket in hopes that, one day, that laugh reaches my ears. Good luck.
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