Skip to main content

Forums » Smalltalk » Friends????

How do adult people even make friends anymore? I'm a 21 year old woman who graduated in 2017 and have always struggled to make friends, but in more recent years it's been particularly hard. I've made online friends, but those relationships seem difficult to maintain, but maybe that's just me struggling with either talking to them too much or not enough. I don't go to college so I don't have that social setting to meet people yet, and at work I'm the youngest on my team with one person being within 5 years of me and the rest all 10+ years older than me. My social life has kinda gone to crap and I'm just curious to see how other people tend to try and make friends? I just want people I can game with and chat with and stuff, so I'd love to hear about how others make friends both online and offline!
From my experience, you don't.

I made 3 friends in middle school, and as an adult many years later, they're still my only friends.
QueenHate Topic Starter

RoundTableKing wrote:
From my experience, you don't.

I made 3 friends in middle school, and as an adult many years later, they're still my only friends.

I find that somehow both comforting and disappointing haha. That's been my experience as well. The one friend I have I met in middle school too, and while I now am friends with their significant other too, it's still so lonely because I'm terrified of bothering them too much? I think it's feeling so isolated that's the worst part. Thank you, though! It's nice to know I'm not alone in my experience!
Helluuuu Queen!

This is my personal opinion on how to make friends:

  1. Try to be polite and friendly to the people around you, and of course, be yourself too. Well, not 100% of course. I mean: obviously, you don't tell a certain person you just met EVERYTHING, right? It takes time for a relationship to grow. So, when meeting new people, try to respect a person's boundaries. Allow them to open up to you in their own time and own way.
  2. Get to know each other first, of course. Talk about your interests, hobbies, commonalities, and differences. Simple get-to-know questions or do a few icebreaker games if you have the time. After that, you can see if these people you just met are for you or not. You can also ask yourself: Do I like this person? Can we be potential friends?
    Don't get me wrong. Making certain connections with people is also accepting someone for who and what they are whether or not they have the same views and values as you. It's just that it is also good to be careful with who to befriend. It's not wrong to choose who to hang out with.
  3. Lastly, by doing 1 and 2, just slowly improve the relationship whether or not they do become your friends in the end. Don't push someone to be your friend. Just BE A FRIEND, and let it come naturally. And as we all know, we don't really need many people. Just a trustworthy and kind few.
To tell you the truth, I was a total PESSIMIST when it came to friends. Literally. I hated people and always felt distant from everyone like I was someone who can be easily forgotten. But one day, someone once told me:

"Friends aren't just people you ALWAYS hang out with or relate to all the time. They can be people you have had brief encounters with. They may not be as close as best friends or super-duper best friends, but they can also be genuinely caring people."

Thinking of what they said made me feel less lonely, so maybe, by reminding yourself of this, this might help you too. <3

In conclusion, just be yourself. Be friendly, polite, and respectful. Get to know them first through icebreakers or even small encounters like saying hello, goodbye, or having small chit-chats. I know it's hard to start a conversation, but that depends on your level of comfortability. Don't push yourself. Just take it slow. And again, let friendship come naturally. :)
i would... to be friends! if u don't mind.
As someone in the same situation…you don’t. In my experience, it doesn’t help my town is small and all the women my age decide to marry at 18 thus losing commonality you have with someone your own age because they’re 15 steps ahead in life and move away with their spouse years prior all at the same time and I know people don’t care for my company, I’ve started calling myself the “last choice” and always have been in that position for years and even had friends leave for others because they think I’m weird despite my hobbies being quite mainstream in the last decade now I just go to work and come home and come here to rpr
Hello QueenHate,

Keeping a positive outlook is always helpful. I know it has been a rough year and a half with or so with COVID, but if you have interests such as cooking, reading, boating, etc., see if you can join a club for adults in your area. Meeting people who share interests as adults is usually the best way. You can also join Discords for games you like and are passionate about.

It isn't easy as adults, but it is possible. It might take a bit more time, especially if you are naturally shy, but keep trying until you find your niche. :)

You are on: Forums » Smalltalk » Friends????

Moderators: MadRatBird, Keke, Cass, Auberon, Sanne, Ben, Darth_Angelus