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Forums » RP Discussion » Ghosting nuances - deleting anynomous characters

Abigail Metz (played anonymously)

Hello,

What is the consensus (if any) on whether ending an RP by messaging an RP partner with “So I decided not to continue this RP, bye” and then immediately deleting an anonymous character, thus preventing any further replies or contact, constitutes ghosting?

Is it better? Worse?

For me, just unilaterally deciding to end things is fine, obviously, but making it impossible to even write back “Cool, bye” or anything else by just deleting the chatacter is unpleasant. Do people think this is normal and OK?
kind of a power move tbh. barges into inbox. "we're over". refuses to elaborate further. leaves.

no but like, this isn't ghosting. ghosting would be them deleting the character without saying anything - they said they were ending it, and that does indeed constitute "saying anything". i kinda feel like people keep slowly pushing the definition of "ghosting" to include more and more, lol.

but yeah. 0 problem with this. completely negates the chance that someone is going to a) guilt trip you, b) insult you, c) beg for you to reconsider. i mean, what meaningful bit is there to say in response, anyways? :V is not being able to get in that last 'kthxbye' really gonna bother someone for the rest of their rp career?
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

First off, is it really okay to do absolutely anything that will not end up haunting people for the rest of their RP career? That being said, yes, it does bother me and I would like to block the person but it’s not a supported function once they have deleted their character.

I mean it’s like someone just disappearing while you’re in the middle of a conversation. You yourself say it’s a power move, power moves are about attempting to gain a higher ground or advantage over someone, and aren’t exactly in the spirit of cooperation, which is what this site is supposed to be about?
Abigail Metz wrote:
First off, is it really okay to do absolutely anything that will not end up haunting people for the rest of their RP career? That being said, yes, it does bother me and I would like to block the person but it’s not a supported function once they have deleted their character.

have you thought about why it bothers you, though? it really could have been as simple as someone going "hmm. this was a one off character for a one off rp. i do not need this character anymore. i will delete it so that it doesn't waste one of my slots." if the rp didn't last long, they probably didn't feel the obligation to stick around and exchange heartfelt goodbyes. if a person were to do that for every rp they lost interest in....they'd spend more time saying bye than they would writing.

folks tend to interpret these sorts of things as a slight against them personally, but it's usually not. one look at the other five ghosting threads on the front page will provide a look into why people do the weird things they do.
Abigail Metz wrote:
I mean it’s like someone just disappearing while you’re in the middle of a conversation. You yourself say it’s a power move, power moves are about attempting to gain a higher ground or advantage over someone, and aren’t exactly in the spirit of cooperation, which is what this site is supposed to be about?

oops sorry i dropped my tone tags in the floor. they're covered in dog hair and dust, but i'll brush them off real quick and they'll be good as new: "/j /ref"

i don't know if their reasoning goes that deep. memes aside, leaving mid conversation in online environments is....completely normal, at least in my experience. more so when people don't feel a strong sense of connection/obligation. anonymity grants the power of being able to do whatever you want. if it becomes a recurring issue, then...i'unno, avoid anon characters in the future? that's kinda the only solution lol
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

1. Yeah, I have thought about it, and the reason is that it’s impolite and it doesn’t give me a chance to have any closure on my end.

2. I am aware it’s normal in online environments, yes. And I block people who see it that way and feel OK just disappearing, because I’d rather block the player, not the anonymous character.



You don’t need to give me personal advice, I’m not interested. And this site has always been more polite than the Internet, so no need to tell me how the online world in general works, either. There is a reason why I don’t RP on other sites.
rp discussions regarding rp related problems often involve advice related how to fix that problem. you are welcome to not like someone's opinion, but that is no reason to be hostile. have a good one 🙂👍
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Still interested in knowing the consensus on whether this constitutes ghosting or not, so that I can know what to expect when someone tells me “I won’t ghost you” at the beginning of the RP (of their own volition, BTW. I don’t ask about this stuff).
inb4 OP deletes the anonymous character used to post this thread
Anyway I had this whole long explanation written out and then decided not to bother with it. in summary, I don't think the situation you described is ghosting. By definition, ghosting is "the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication." I think that saying "hey I can't/don't want to continue this RP anymore" is an explanation for why they're cutting off contact. A vague explanation, sure, but none of us are owed more than that. At the end of the day, we're all just people doing a hobby on the internet.
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Thank you for your opinion.
Unless you really weren't attached to the character or going to continue with it on any means, I don't see the point of deleting the entire character just to end the roleplay.

I don't think the saying it's over without explanation then deleting the character does much good. I don't think it is a way to block someone responding back because it is just as easy to delete the response back without ever reading it. So I doubt they are deleting the whole character to avoid an awkward conversation. Maybe they made a character out of their comfort zone or one they thought they enjoy but done. So they say the roleplay is over and delete it.

Honestly free time is too little for me to worry about why someone would just abruptly leave. I mean at least they said the roleplay is over so you aren't waiting for a post anymore. I think as others said, as long as they tell you roleplay is over it really isn't considered ghosting.

I don't know maybe it is me and have gotten really detached over the last few months and have been super flakey myself.

It's best to try not to let it bother you. Does it suck? Of course but time is way too short to really dwell on it.

Sorry if this post is a mess. The phone and I arent agreeing today :)
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Thanks for your opinion. I guess I don’t really see the difference between just deleting a character, and on the other hand between saying “it’s over” and then immediately deleting the character the same minute, in terms of being ghosting. If someone deletes an anonymous character, they have also just let you know that the roleplay is over.
Yeah pretty much. I mean it sucks. But it is kind of a risk when working with anonymous characters too. The important part is to try not to take it to heart. Because more than likely deleting the entire character wouldn't exactly mean something against you.

Personally I would delete a whole character to avoid the conversation so I doubt that is the reason to do it. Idk. :)

I didn't really through the whole thread just skimmed.
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Yeah no problem :) Thank you again.
fig

i do not expect explanations or consideration from other people, anonymous or not. i am not entitled to it, i believe you have to have a standing interpersonal relationship of some kind in order to expect that kind of thing from someone. if it is not given to me, i dont get broken up about it or anything

that being said, i think what they did for you was courteous. they could've just dipped and deleted without a word or explanation, but they didn't, and instead gave communication so you knew what was going on

if the vibe's not there, it's not. and there's nothing you can really say to someone who has ended an RP; they're not into it anymore! you can't force it or expect them to stay and continue writing with you if that is the case.

it is what it is, is how i look at it. and then i move on
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

The vibe not being there wasn’t a problem.

That being said, that you for your opinion. It’s interesting to see different perspectives.
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Thanks to everyone who responded so far. Just for context in case anyone’s interested in replying further, the situation is that:

RP is going well.
Partner has said that they never ghost people.
Partner deletes the character after suddenly claiming RP is over for them.

I acknowledge that people have the right to drop RPs (obviously) and I don’t begrudge people who ghost if the RP isn’t interesting.

I’m trying to gauge whether explicitly saying that you do not ghost, while simultaneously saying that the RP is fun, and immediately after that same message deleting the character, is hypocritical or not.
Sanne Moderator

Abigail Metz wrote:
I’m trying to gauge whether explicitly saying that you do not ghost, while simultaneously saying that the RP is fun, and immediately after that same message deleting the character, is hypocritical or not.

In order for something to be ghosting, it has to be a sudden disappearance with a complete absence of communication. So no, it's not hypocritical, because it's just not ghosting.

I think what's happening here is more a displeasure of how a boundary was set. The user PMed you saying they were done and deleted the character. That is clear communication, whereas deleting the character without a message is not.

Let's say the character showed up with a strikethrough without a message. How do you know they deleted it themselves? They could have broken a rule and had their profile removed by us, or they were a previously banned user who snuck back in whose entire account is now deleted. That is what makes a situation ghosting; the lack of information and communication.

The why isn't really important to define ghosting, only the how.
Abigail Metz (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Hi Sanne,

Thank you for the explanation.

I commonly dislike unfinished interactions, so basically I do really mind not being able to say “Ok, bye”. It’s good to know that if someone claims that they don’t ghost people, this is still considered an okay thing to do.
Sanne Moderator

I'm uncomfortable with your phrasing that suggests it's an okay thing to do. I certainly never said that, but it reads as if I confirmed this to be true. I just want to emphasize that that is not my opinion and perhaps could use some clarification on what you meant if it wasn't interpreting my post this way?

The definition of ghosting is to vanish without communication, typically over a prolonged period of time. I wouldn't consider getting back to you within 12 hours to explain what happened ghosting, anymore than I would consider replying to a message 12 hours later ghosting. Someone who ghosted you wouldn't have gotten back to you or sent you a message before deleting (again). Since you said your focus was on defining ghosting and hypocrisy, no, I don't think you were ghosted. I think you were treated unkindly without notice, but you weren't ghosted by definition.
Auberon Moderator

Abigail Metz wrote:
I commonly dislike unfinished interactions, so basically I do really mind not being able to say “Ok, bye”. It’s good to know that if someone claims that they don’t ghost people, this is still considered an okay thing to do.

This sounds like it was a really unpleasant experience for you. That said, it's really important to remember that this person drew a boundary in the end. They had their own reasons for doing what they did, and whether or not you personally find those to be legitimate, you have to respect their choice.

No one owes us an explanation for deciding to disengage. It's less about ghosting being considered "an okay thing to do," and more that we here on the RPR consider boundaries to be extremely vital to maintaining a healthy online space. For example, even mods use the block feature sometimes for one reason or another! I have also had RPs fade due to bad communication - or lack thereof entirely - and while no one likes to feel misled or ditched, it's just something that happens sometimes.

I hope you're able to find RP partners who engage you on the level you're seeking and that you have better experiences moving forward. There's a huge pool of people here looking to create some good stories. :)

I'd also like to take a moment to remind everyone to avoid discussing specific details of sour experiences with other players in the community. No one would want to log on to the forums and see someone speaking ill of them, even if they aren't named. It would feel pretty yucky for me, personally, to be on the other end.

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