Forums » Smalltalk » I need a hand, All help is appreciated

As some of you may know me and Victoriantruth (Another Rper on here) are together, we met on this site. I never really reach out to others for help but this is a topic that I need you guys to help us with.

We've had a strong bond for years now, It's hard for us to be living apart and having a relationship. We want to move in together.

I live in the UK and she lives in Belgium, I plan on moving to her. Is there anyone about that can give me some insight on this topic or help me figure this out. If you've gone through the same thing or have time to research then I could really appreciate that

10 years ago, I packed all my belongings into two suitcases, and boarded a plane with a one way ticket from the US to New Zealand.

There was a girl involved.

You are going to want to look into the immigration policies of the country you are going to. I don't know how things work in Europe, but I know I had to look at visas, work permits, and eventually residency requirements.

Additionally, you will need to save money.

I don't know your experience level of living in your own, but start up costs are not cheap. Rent, security deposits, utilities and deposits... Furniture... Food. Hell, when I went to NZ, they needed me to have x amount of money available to live on... And proof of it.

It takes planning.

Don't just fly blind into this. Research if there is a Belgium immigration web site. Call the Belgium embassy or consulate if you have questions on immigration that can't be found online.

Look up rent and utility prices where you plan to move.

I didn't do the money part... Not well. And I didn't spend it wisely. I only did about half the research I should have.

The other lessons I have learned since.

Thank you for replying, are you still in NZ?

I lived in Morocco for 5-6 months, and as TaintedCaribou said, you should save up some money and lookup stuff about immigration agencies in Belgium. Since you're a UK citizen, I would look up information on how Brexit will influence you in the future. When the UK leaves the EU, it might influence how easy it will be to cross borders, and how easy it will be for you to get some sort of residence and work permit in Belgium. Also, figure out how important stuff like medical care apply to foreigners.

Also, I can't state enough that you should be really certain about if this is what you really want to do. Moving across borders is tough on a person, even if they're moving to be with some one they really love. A thing I would do if I were to move abroad is, that I would rent out my apartment, so I would always have something to come back to, just in case something went wrong. That goes both for moving in with some one and also deciding to work abroad. Always have a backup plan!

Now, I don't know either of you, but I would also advise you to finish everything up before moving. Are you studying? Finish that before you move, so you'll at least have that with you when you move - it could be how you'd land a job in Belgium. Working? Let your employer know in good time. My father always told me not to slam the door when leaving a job.
Another word of advise would be to take language courses before leaving the UK, and continue to take them once you arrive. Speaking the native tongue will really help you in the long run. Last thing: be practical. I know it seems like love might solve it all, but it's really important to remember to be practical all the time. It'll make it easier on the long run.

I wish the both of you best of luck, and I hope that you'll be really happy together

I am happily married, with two kids.

To a different woman.

In the US.

Things didn't work out between me and the afore mentioned girl.

I had not established a skill set, or higher education. New Zealand is particularly hard on immigration due to their small size. They don't want you if you cannot contribute. My visa and work permit ran out. My savings ran out. I had to pull my residency application and leave the country. If I stayed illegally, a deportation order would have been issued precluding my return in the future.

It all falls in line with what Penholder said about a back up plan.

Love is great, but there is a reality to things the romantism hides.

You are about to uproot your life, and move a fair distance away. That means you'll be cut off from friends and family. It's quite a bit to deal with.

Then living with someone... It brings this whole new level to things. You get all the things you know about a person, and learn of the things you don't.

Have you ever met her in person before? Have you visited for any duration?

I hope things work out for you, and encourage you to try.

But there's this whole culture and way of life shock you get slapped with. Be ready for it.

And don't forget, she'll be getting one with you as well.

I moved away from my family for a guy that I met on Furcadia. At the time, my now 4 year old was about to turn 3. I thought I would make it back for her birthday; I didn't.

I know you probably don't have any children, but what I wanted to get across with opening with that is this: Make sure that you are moving for the right reasons! I moved to get away from my life in my home state. What I ended up getting was nothing but heart ache, more suicidal than I already was, and pregnant with twins that their father has never seen.

Please!!! Make sure that you are moving because of LOVE and not because you feel like you have nothing to gain staying where you are now.

That's my rant. I hope everything works out for you two!

Also, YES!! You seriously do need a backup plan! And make sure you have your ducks in a row BEFORE the move. Like, having a job lined up, your own place if she lives with her folks...

Thank you all for this, I am certain that this is what I want to do. I have a back up plan but the job thing is really hard. Right now I'm saving up and moving there next year ish but I need to apply for the work permit and visa and look for a job.

I am also studying Dutch so I have that covered too.

I appreciate all the help guys, thank you ❤️