Forums » RP Discussion » Are YOU an RP commitmentphobe?

I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to say commitmentphobe, but I definitely have trouble putting myself out there, mainly because I'm such an erratic poster. On good days I can post rapidly, one right after the other. On bad days, which tend to come in sets, I can't post at all. Since roleplays tend to get made on good days, people will get six or seven posts out of me on the first day, then I'll vanish for a couple of weeks, and who wants to deal with that?

I really like roleplaying, but I feel like the kind of partner most people wouldn't want to have, so I just don't bother most of the time.

Perhaps this would be a good group creation? RP Commitmentphobes.

Networking area for those of us who aren't able to post for days or sometimes weeks at a time?

Though I am not completely averse to that suggestion, I'm not too on board with that proposition also. What if there comes a time when we are unable to respond to our commitment? We hit bumps in our life all the time. We would end up expecting commitment from the other party, and when it never comes, our expectations will only get lowered even further.

In my mind the goal felt like a network of people where the understanding is that people have irregular schedules and that it was geared towards slower posting rates or even those who could only post once every few weeks or so.

If there were to be a time where you wouldn't want to continue an RP at all I would imagine it'd be the same as any other, let your partner know so they're not in limbo. Otherwise, as a lot of people have posted, they don't seek out partners to avoid upsetting others with slow reply rates. If you were in a group specifically for people in like circumstances it might take some of that unease off.

"We're all turtles here, welcome!"

I'm going to make this short and sweet because there would only be repetition by this point. Fiebs described my life exactly -- from the arcade analogy all the way to having tiny hints of my creativity shine through in small snippets of art, a prose, or some collective gathering of thoughts that mesh in to something worth sharing with others. Y'know, like, "I made this. I actually made this." Or in some instances, I had this made for me when it comes to commissioning others when you yourself can't artistically render what's trapped in your mind, but nonetheless, something out there that signifies that there's still a fire in your belly for the world to see -- that you haven't given up despite all the busyness of your schedule or the lack of sleep, etc.

I really couldn't have said it any better than Fiebs, honestly. My disappearance is a complete attribution to those notions, the chasing of dreams, the providing for family, the experiencing a world beyond the keyboard. It's all there and it's all happening, and I too am fighting with insecurities. I too take hours on a single post. I too have pushed forward from being too intimidated to join an RP because everyone is better than me (not really, I'm still working on this one!). The fact of the matter is, I've been encouraged and to see that I'm not the only one who's going through this and being busy and having to provide for loved ones and getting to go to conventions and trying new things beyond the putter is reassuring.

Role-Playing was a way of life for me. It was escapism and I love(d) it. I will always love it and I will strive to better myself at it, but I am coy and tired and stressed. It's difficult to plan each day because despite the unchanging hours, there's always something different and typically distressing happening. I get through each day though, but generally not with a lot left in me for creativity.

Anyhoo, this ended up being way longer than I intended, and I haven't posted anywhere in a very long time, but when I saw this, I had to jump on board because it was very therapeutic for me, especially seeing Fiebs's post. It gave me hope and a sense of 'well, I must be doing something right since it's not just me'. Hah hah hah... I really hope this is relevant.

I don't know if I have trouble committing, maybe more so than I used to. I used to try to go out of my way to meet new people, and I had a lot of really fun and interesting RPs that way.

But overtime people in those RPs fell away, and I didn't always know why. At first it didn't always bother me, as I'd see them from time to time and just assume they got busy with other things; but eventually they just seemingly faded out of the characters existence.

So I guess I may be a bit more scared to go out there, and I do understand that instant gratification thing people were talking about in other posts. I didn't used to find RPs like this, I used to be able to slowly work through my ideas, whether that took days, weeks, or years just to move to one plot point. I didn't mind some of the complications that came with RPing with other characters that may have delayed it or even progressed it faster than I wanted; it kept things interesting. What I do mind is all these new RPs where it feels like I do something, or try to pose some kind of challenge, or game, or goal... and they want it within a few hours, days if I'm lucky. It feels like there's no plot left, it's like... give me what I want, and give it now.

I've actually come to a point where I feel I'm not even catering to all the ideas and characters I've come up with over the years... I've ditched so many. Not simply because of others, they might not have been good ideas to begin with, or after a while of RPing with them I realized I had no where else to go... mainly because I felt I wasn't really getting anything from the other parties involved. Like they got to their comfortable place in that RP relationship and want to stay there, and it'd either get really dull really quick, or I'd have more or less gotten out only the basic facts about the character; and while I might still have some ideas to explore... I've lost interest to do so.

I probably should try to keep some new ideas to existing characters, but there are ideas that just warrant new characters; and I can't say there haven't been times I've tried to bring back old characters; because I feel that spark for them again... only to have them wind up back in the dust pile of forgotten stories.

I guess all in all... lately the quality of RP feels dead... so I don't always know if I want to commit to new people, because I worry they might just leave right away.

There is also the clique thing that was mentioned... this only happened once that I'm aware of. But as earlier I was saying I used to go out and find RPs so I had a main group of people who liked to hang out with certain alts of mine. While... they didn't always like when I tried to bring new people in, to try to get new ideas out or the plot moving again as it came to a stand still... or just for something new to the mix period; and sometimes chased the new people off.

I've also had that whole people of the group try to intentionally monopolize your time, knowing there are several other people who want to RP with you. Now you can do whisper RPs at the same time on furc... but sometimes this gets hard. I actually like giant group RPs where everyone is in a room taking turns... not always, but some of the craziest ideas come out of things flowing like that... and some of the most amazing stories.

All in all I guess what I really miss the the spontaneous-ness that once seemed to be furc; I used to not only try RPing with strangers, but people would come up and RP with me, not just whispers but among whoever was there in the range; and while you didn't always know if everyone in the range was idle, or just waiting for something like this to happen to give them something to do other than stare at an unchanging screen... too scared to start something on their own. But I had some amazing RPs come out of the blue, from people who... honestly were probably one day RPs... they'd come in and yell crazy things like "you killed my parents" ... it was amazing the absurdness that came out of that. My character at the time was having black outs and couldn't account for his whereabouts all the time; so nearly had a nervous breakdown over that he might have gone out and killed someone... it was awesome.

I miss that... and well I do admire places that have schedules and communities, I also dislike how hard it is to try to get into those places. Sure it's one thing to get accepted in, but to actually get people to accept you as part of the community and RP with you, and not just shot RPs out there and hope for the best...

I guess in a sense, it is nice to have a small group of friends, that you do wish you could sometimes drag to these places; but seem to have become more phobic to meeting new RPers than me... just to have an RP going and hope someone finds it interesting and joins in. It's hard RPing there, with no one replying... I used to do that... just random continuation posts or posts only to myself (with no other alts there, just a bunch of people who for all I knew weren't at their PCs) into a room, hoping for a bite.

I might need to get out there and start trying this again... take that step and just start RPing like I used to; see if I can reel in some new blood and life, and get my story telling days going again.

I'm really glad that you stumbled on this thread, then! You're definitely not alone. Welcome to the fraternity of once-a-month posters and stressed out creatives. "Veni Vidi.... Tandem"

I like the way Mewsie worded it and provided some examples. I've had so many similar experiences, and I couldn't help but think that Mewsie voiced it better than me. Spontaneity was one of the prime reasons why roleplaying seemed so appealing to me. To me, it's more of a collaborative storytelling process, and that's probably what it is at the heart of it. The fact that we've gained some experience in this expenditure of ours has made us perhaps more pragmatic in a sense as well as more hesitant to take risks due to smarting from unsavory incidents (but that's stating the obvious).

Like I said in my previous post, adopting a policy of "blind faith" might just be the best option. Get in there and do something wicked, so long as you don't rain on someone else's parade. When I try that with this crowd, usually it'll end up with me having to discuss what my character is, how it will impact the ongoing group roleplay, and so on and so forth. In short, it gets tedious, and it soon becomes obvious that my sudden character insert is unwarranted as well as unwanted. My origins (a.k.a. a cringey chat room on Flipnote Hatena) are one of my more fonder experiences of roleplaying, due to the out of character bonds with my friends, the willingness to put some effort into your character and the way they interact with the environment they are placed in, and even the cliche moments literally cut and pasted from some silly trope, they all were great because we had the heart to put in something. Plus you could just throw yourself in there, and nobody cared.

I think we've lost that kind of haphazard "all in" spark. The farther we delve into roleplaying, the more we realize the grimmer realities that people don't live in your computers and actually have real lives. I'm going to put out there that I've been hit hard so many times in the past, and can remember how many times I've built together a decently sized group of friends on many different platforms (echat, discord, even rpr surprisingly) with the intent of roleplaying only to see it fall apart (seven and counting). Of course, it takes some time to recover, and sometimes you just want to drop it flat out, but you might as well put yourself back together and throw yourself back into the thick of it. Even if the roleplays end up going stale, at least try to maintain something.

I feel like I'm not fully conveying my words, and it's probably because I'm not entirely fluent in English (I've learned all my English from associating words to images and Chinese characters, and I imitate my grammar from authors I idolize) but I think that perhaps the saying "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." would do my opinion a little justice.

"If at first you don't succeed, try try try try try try try...try again."

Now, truthfully, I believe that I'll never find a group that will stay with me, after all my experiences. Why do I still believe in my "blind faith"? Well, there's a lot of people out there...Maybe...Just maybe you'll get lucky. As Michael Scott said, "You miss all the shots you don't take."

This concludes my rant of lofty idealism and self-righteous pretentiousness.

All of this. Even though I may be open minded to other people's amazing ideas, in actually I'm beyond picky about who exactly I want to RP with (commitmentphobic or otherwise). When it comes to profiles, I also tend to look at grammar, spelling, and prior RP replies they've sent if at all possible. If they have a good grasp of grammar on profiles and previous replies, then I can expect the same kind of care and quality in a RP, and vice versa. Of course, like the length of a profile, this isn't completely cut and dry and there are some exceptions to the rule.

I do wonder from time to time if lowering my standards would be a good idea; despite my best intentions, maintaining them always leaves me drained enough to not be able to put my all into a RP when I end up finding what I'm lookinf for. Then there's people who have much more talent and experience than you asking for RP. I always find myself comparing my own skills to theirs, and it's also a depressing drain of motivation and self-confidence. It's strange: I have high RP standards for myself, but I worry when more skilled roleplayers take an interest in RPing with me and I compare myself to their standards out of fear that I don't fit them.

I love RP, and I love my characters and ideas so very much. If not for them, I would have never gotten to experience as much of the RP multiverse as I have. But I do wish I had the motivation and/or time to find people who share my (deeply, deeply hidden) enthusiasm for it all.

So I'm partially a commitmentphobe. Do I want to stay that way? No. Unlike other people who have RL social lives, kids, etc., I don't have any of that aside from my own dream chasing, career goals, and bill paying. Like Fiebs said, ultimately it's my choice to use my time for other things. And like many others, I've had RP experiences that have left me kinda (read: very) jaded, including being on the outside end of defensive cliquing. But I do miss the in-depth hours I used to put into a RP with some ease. The friends I made along the way. The alive feeling you get when exploring worlds and meeting new faces. The stories unfolding, and discovering facets of a character that you never thought about before. I miss it all. All I can do is continue to try reaching out more, and perhaps implement a bit of Maelstrom's blind faith into the equation. I may not find the "perfect RP partner," but I think the experiences I'll have along the way will come pretty close to it.

And thus ends my fussy and slightly (possibly?) defensive rambling. Back to your scheduled lives.

Ily friend ❤️

There's so much to go through. So much I've read here that I want to respond to, with agreement and otherwise. I apologize if what I write next somehow overlooks some of the great and valid points already made, or repeats too obviously what is perhaps already well-known. But I felt kinship with this topic and in failing to think of a way to address each post the way I'd like with any reasonable length, I offer only some sliver of what I feel, for whatever little it does. Live in good health.

Cast by a tear never shed
Among so many I've let slip by
Warranted by musings against aged pillows
Flipped for their chill
To escape spoken lie/
I have known myself never better
Than in the seeking of those who don't
While studying how not to remember
All the faces
Of those who won't/
Through mocking eyes and tethered heart
I once thought myself the grass
Growing on hills where dreams could play
Now covered in leaves
From a wilted past/
If tomorrow I carve myself a word
To express the void that denies the claim
I will wrap it tightly in your absence
With tears of amber
For an empty grave

I'm a lurker but this post and the comments really resonate.

Between mental health, adulting, work, hobbies and skill upgrading (in my case python and art) I'm fatigued. Despite my love for long multipage RP responses, I simply can't. I have the desire but the ability/time is lacking.

I'm lucky my present headcanon/plotting/rp partners are all 20 or above. I do enjoy OOC connections as well, it makes it so much easier to plot and headcanon and gives me a little more incentive to respond.

Not sure about others but I find it exhausting to run on multiple social media/chat platforms. I tend to be active on Discord and unresponsive everywhere else. My irl tasks do tend to make me forgetful as well, and I need to be reminded to respond.

That's not ideal for most folks, which makes it worrying for me when I try to engage... and so I rarely don't. think of throwing hooks occasionally before I think: "nah, I don't think it'll work" before I even start.

I have been in the past when employed - and probably will be so in future - far less active RP-wise than I was say, five years ago. I have a social life (or an attempt at one), I model and LARP as a hobby and I'm in the process of finding a job. I will also be starting a Master's degree in October. Therefore I will not simply have the time or mental energy to spend 8+ hours every single day in front of my laptop, no matter how much my creative juices might be flowing. 3 - 4 days a week at the most, with a couple of hours snatched here and there, sure, but nowhere near the massive amounts of time I did in the past. So long as people understand this, I'm sure I won't be short for RP if I state it all up front. But I wouldn't call myself commitmentphobic in the context of RP, as I don't shy away from new potential storylines or interactions. I am just very blunt to new people about my time management expectations. If they can handle that and understand it, awesome. If not... best for both that we move on.

That said, a lot of what has been said in this thread does resonate strongly with me.

I don't know about lowering your standards, it seems like you'd prefer those things for good reason. Picky's not a bad thing, either!

The comparison thing,in my humble opinion, is a disservice to yourself and even fellow writers. When I RP with someone it's not with the expectation of perfect grammar and long-winded descriptive posts. I'm looking for quality of story and content. If I wanted idealistic writing I'd be reading a NYT best-seller. If someone comes to you, whether you think they're a 'better' writer or not, and wants to hash something out, its because they like what you already have on offer. Especially if you're honest about it.

(oh my god I need to be taking my own dang advice in regards to my romantic relationship, haha.)



100% with you. OOC connections especially. In addition to finding a writer that tolerates tardiness and packed schedules, we have to find a friend in that person. I don't know about you but as I've gotten older part of my problem is that I've become much more private and introverted [online]. This is exacerbated by the fact that -- for better or worse -- I've also become picky and judgmental about the people I allow to touch my life period. There's no extra minutes in my life for petty behavior and hysteria at this time. Maybe when I was in school I could offer everyone I wanted to the patience that they deserve, but not anymore.

I have friends who aren't hip with the latest communication trends so I'm running multiple messengers on my phone to keep up with everyone. Discord, skype, FB messenger, and so on. Tiresome.



Good luck on your Master's! Whether it's RP or anything else remember to steal a little time for yourself once in a while

You're not wrong. It's something I am indeed working on: to have confidence in myself and my skills and to not be so... dazzled (Would I call it that? Meh.) enough to make comparisons when someone more experienced comes along. (Also, I know how you feel, I need to take the same advice with my own relationship too. )

I feel the same about the multiple platforms, goodness. I keep wishing they'd find a unified messenger I can view everything on (Imo was a godsend when it was still a thing), but I keep ending up back at this XKCD comic. Because this would definitely happen.

I certainly have that, as I get older my circle of friends gets smaller and smaller. It's not a bad thing, I prefer it this way since I'm not particularly extroverted. I prefer that there be an OOC connection so I feel comfortable sharing ideas. Making new folks with whom I can forge that OOC bond is few and far between - I do keep living in a sort of optimism and get burnt perhaps once or twice a year.

With my older friends who may unintentionally engage in emotional vampirism - I often ask for a few days breather. I've found it helps, but it's so exhausting.

I agree with comparing yourself to others who you believe to be better than you. I personally get overwhelmed and starry eyed at people who write and draw better than I. I am constantly reminding myself not to fall into that trap and use them as an inspiration to better myself instead.

(I should have edited the previous post with my response but I had a bit of a brain fart just now. Sorry all!)

It sounds as if you are looking into my mind right now, it's scary accurate. With school, work, a social life, and a bad memory I often fall off the face of the earth for a while and end up losing partners due to it. I'm trying to dicapline myself though and want to work on it due to work related reasons (I need to get back into date keeping badly), but its hard to get motivated with no one around me anymore. Idk, I'm hoping with me posting this here I can find people who are abit older in the community and want something else besides 'romance'? I love comedy and it makes my day. I'm just past that stage in my life where everything has to end in a kiss, you know what I mean?

I know what you mean, I find so many RPs seem to revolve around romance, and while I don't mind it; and there was a time that perhaps most of my RPs kind of had that as a central theme; I did still try to branch out from beyond that. I have to admit, while romance is nice and all, I am equally at a point where it's not really that interesting if everything ends in romance. Life is a mixture of things, and RP can be anything; adventure, comedy, drama, romance, fantasy, etc. It's dull to mainly lump everything on romance, and ignore any other aspects of the character. Sure maybe it's nice to have our characters have mates or someone special, but the RP shouldn't be just about that; I rather like the randomness that once seemed to be RP, where you would post and never know what you were getting back. That person across the screen could be RPing a serial murderer who wants you dead... well at least with Furc, before everyone had RPRs or other websites, you could only know so much about a character from their description. Which did mean you could have the most amazing sounding text with possibly an equally amazing artwork; and find out they are dual-personality. And while RPR hasn't taken all the mystery away, kind of why I try not to reveal everything about my characters; and sometimes even purposely leave their pasts a mystery, leaving an open door for people to come in and claim things. I feel, that as you said, a lot of the RP you do find seems all after one goal, romance or perhaps the nitty gritty of sex.

I like to say my muse is fickle....and it is. I am in no way an excellent writer but I will make commitments to thread with others and then my muse just folds. There are a couple select people that I never have trouble writing with, I am not sure if its their writing style or perhaps just character chemistry. And then with others its like pulling teeth to get a ok post out there. Getting close to the actual character player has given me hiccups as well. Sometimes it makes it difficult when your character is rather....difficult...to be harsh on someone you know. I have a tendency to take rp 'spells' where I'll write and write with no problem....and then the next day I can manage to write a single word. Perhaps I am just odd....but even thinking about the replies I owe stresses me out.