I don't know if this has been placed here before or has been spoken about, or if it should be moved elsewhere, but I feel it is an important topic, both in dealing with every day people in our RL but also with RP partners.
When I was brand new to online RP (not here, but on another forum site six years ago) I was excited to have people who wanted to RP with me. I let things slide with my first partner because I loved the RP storylines we had going so much, but at the same time I ignored warning signs, even when others tried to tell me and some of my own red flags were starting to go up. It come to a point where I was walking on eggshells around this person because I had seen them blow up OOC at other people and I was never sure what could set them off.
I have since learned not to ignore the red flags, trust my instincts and set up very clear and strict boundaries, but of course nothing is full proof. Still, I hope this article may help. If you are or have been a victim of this, please ask for help, talk to someone you trust and help stop the cycle. This is not your fault!
Distance yourself from the manipulator and block if needed. Manipulators are people who need to be made aware of their behaviour so they may seek help if they are able to. Without professional help and self-awareness, change is very difficult.
How to tell if you are being manipulated
When I was brand new to online RP (not here, but on another forum site six years ago) I was excited to have people who wanted to RP with me. I let things slide with my first partner because I loved the RP storylines we had going so much, but at the same time I ignored warning signs, even when others tried to tell me and some of my own red flags were starting to go up. It come to a point where I was walking on eggshells around this person because I had seen them blow up OOC at other people and I was never sure what could set them off.
I have since learned not to ignore the red flags, trust my instincts and set up very clear and strict boundaries, but of course nothing is full proof. Still, I hope this article may help. If you are or have been a victim of this, please ask for help, talk to someone you trust and help stop the cycle. This is not your fault!
Distance yourself from the manipulator and block if needed. Manipulators are people who need to be made aware of their behaviour so they may seek help if they are able to. Without professional help and self-awareness, change is very difficult.
How to tell if you are being manipulated
Well, I have not been manipulated here or on any forums of any sort, but IRL, yeah. And while I don't talk about it a lot, it happens with my dad and stepmom. The manipulations includes gaslighting too (which is when they turn everything around on you to make you not know who is right or wrong anymore even if you were confident in your own argument). And, now, I don't know if I'm in the right or I'm just being sensitive about things at my dad's house.
And, of course, manipulation, emotional, and mental abuse is hard to prove in therapy or court (which is really annoying, because it's way too obvious with me), I have to just wait for 4 more years dealing with that. And it sucks because I feel helpless, useless, and like there's no way out. And the manipulation makes me feel like maybe I'm just being dramatic.
Idk, there's a way manipulation can mess someone up
And, of course, manipulation, emotional, and mental abuse is hard to prove in therapy or court (which is really annoying, because it's way too obvious with me), I have to just wait for 4 more years dealing with that. And it sucks because I feel helpless, useless, and like there's no way out. And the manipulation makes me feel like maybe I'm just being dramatic.
Idk, there's a way manipulation can mess someone up
Been here as a victim myself, IRL and on the internet. It happened a lot with my dad and step-mother which ruined a lot of my mental health in my earlier years. It certainly involves a lot of gaslighting, guilt tripping and possible sexual abuse (I don't know, the mind can block things out and there are certainly some mental black holes), they definitely spin everything you do to be bad or good depending on how they want you to feel at that point. Thankfully I managed to get out of there and live with my bio-mother, so my earlier youth went a lot better than it would've. Even then, I do experience a lot of issues from those times.
People online can be jerks as well, I've been pretty horribly harassed and am able to recall my experiences pretty accurately, things were done to me that I cannot really explain and it's definitely caused a nasty combination for my mental health. I can handle the common troll, but trust me, I've met some truly sickening individuals. I'm not paranoid or crazy, I know what I saw.
It's very hard to prove in court too, as stated by Ali. A lack of any physical wounds makes it difficult to prove that you've been abused.
This issue is further exacerbated by a lack of understanding from professionals and society as a whole. Sure, not everyone is a psychologist, but what happens when not even professionals will understand what's happening to you? It's downright crushing for the victim, who is sometimes even blamed and ostracized for such issues.
In some nastier cases, the abuser may even attempt to make them look crazy to their friends, family, relatives, and other social contacts in an attempt to isolate the victim. This can also involve sending them to mental health facilities, rehab ranches, and other homes as a form of institutionalized abuse. Some abusers are particularly charming, and can easily use such institutions to emotionally subjugate a victim. I do remember being forcefully abused by mental health staff in order to try and silence me with force. This will only further drive them to ruin and probable suicide or even mass murder, it's essentially forcing someone to act out so that they can be tortured even further.
This is the literal equivalent of having someone shoot you in the foot and being told they cannot be held accountable, maybe even saying you shot yourself. You're simply told that it's a "You problem", which, while partially true in some cases, is really not helping the victim. Some people are better though, and do make attempts to understand our problems at times. I don't wish to blame everyone else for what happened, but it does feel like some people lack a good understanding of the issue and further damage the emotional state of the victim.
Aother lesson to remember is that it is a very, very bad idea to ostracize the abused. This cannot be stressed enough, ostracizing and mistreating people will only back them into a corner and it will be bad for everyone. Remember, some abusers may have been abused in their past. This doesn't remove all responsibility, but do realize that treating someone like a monster can easily make them into one, like a self fulfilling prophecy. I have, at times, had thoughts of violence and revenge. I do my best to supress them but I am known to be able to snap relatively easily if confronted in an agressive manner.
It can definitely cause some pretty serious damage and is probably exacerbated by mistreatment from others. It's definitely worth looking at the signs of a manipulator, but it may also be worth looking at signs of someone who has undergone psychological abuse and manipulation.
A piece of advice: If someone is manipulating you, do whatever it takes to sever contact. Do not let them guilt trip you. At times it may be reasonable to offer support, but try to recognize the difference between manipulation and simply having been abused.
People online can be jerks as well, I've been pretty horribly harassed and am able to recall my experiences pretty accurately, things were done to me that I cannot really explain and it's definitely caused a nasty combination for my mental health. I can handle the common troll, but trust me, I've met some truly sickening individuals. I'm not paranoid or crazy, I know what I saw.
It's very hard to prove in court too, as stated by Ali. A lack of any physical wounds makes it difficult to prove that you've been abused.
This issue is further exacerbated by a lack of understanding from professionals and society as a whole. Sure, not everyone is a psychologist, but what happens when not even professionals will understand what's happening to you? It's downright crushing for the victim, who is sometimes even blamed and ostracized for such issues.
In some nastier cases, the abuser may even attempt to make them look crazy to their friends, family, relatives, and other social contacts in an attempt to isolate the victim. This can also involve sending them to mental health facilities, rehab ranches, and other homes as a form of institutionalized abuse. Some abusers are particularly charming, and can easily use such institutions to emotionally subjugate a victim. I do remember being forcefully abused by mental health staff in order to try and silence me with force. This will only further drive them to ruin and probable suicide or even mass murder, it's essentially forcing someone to act out so that they can be tortured even further.
This is the literal equivalent of having someone shoot you in the foot and being told they cannot be held accountable, maybe even saying you shot yourself. You're simply told that it's a "You problem", which, while partially true in some cases, is really not helping the victim. Some people are better though, and do make attempts to understand our problems at times. I don't wish to blame everyone else for what happened, but it does feel like some people lack a good understanding of the issue and further damage the emotional state of the victim.
Aother lesson to remember is that it is a very, very bad idea to ostracize the abused. This cannot be stressed enough, ostracizing and mistreating people will only back them into a corner and it will be bad for everyone. Remember, some abusers may have been abused in their past. This doesn't remove all responsibility, but do realize that treating someone like a monster can easily make them into one, like a self fulfilling prophecy. I have, at times, had thoughts of violence and revenge. I do my best to supress them but I am known to be able to snap relatively easily if confronted in an agressive manner.
It can definitely cause some pretty serious damage and is probably exacerbated by mistreatment from others. It's definitely worth looking at the signs of a manipulator, but it may also be worth looking at signs of someone who has undergone psychological abuse and manipulation.
A piece of advice: If someone is manipulating you, do whatever it takes to sever contact. Do not let them guilt trip you. At times it may be reasonable to offer support, but try to recognize the difference between manipulation and simply having been abused.
I've met this guy who is three years older than me in February 2020. He's childish, hypocritical and overall a toxic person. Our friendship didn't work out so this year in January I've told him that it's for the best we're not friends anymore due to confrontation and things like that.
What is so baffling is that throughout our so-called friendship he didn't dare to bring up the things he had gone through. But on that day he started talking about his personal experiences and how there were people who ended friendships with him. He even asked me if I ever ended friendships with someone, basically if it was I who wanted to before. Honestly, I was so weirded out that day, and was given an impression that he was trying to guilt trip me into staying friends. He even told me to go to my father's cottage/cabin "in order to think things through". Heck, I was quite certain back there to end our "friendship".
I felt relieved later on, and to this day cannot believe that experience...
What is so baffling is that throughout our so-called friendship he didn't dare to bring up the things he had gone through. But on that day he started talking about his personal experiences and how there were people who ended friendships with him. He even asked me if I ever ended friendships with someone, basically if it was I who wanted to before. Honestly, I was so weirded out that day, and was given an impression that he was trying to guilt trip me into staying friends. He even told me to go to my father's cottage/cabin "in order to think things through". Heck, I was quite certain back there to end our "friendship".
I felt relieved later on, and to this day cannot believe that experience...
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