I don't have real-life friends aside from family so I'm coming here to whine about my day.
Today was my second day of illustration class, last weak was awful because I couldn't work a computer or the program, but today was worse.
I didn't do one of the assignments which are my fault so now have to do extra work to make up for the points I lost which is my fault for not managing my time. I at least turned in the other assignment but it's probably going to be an F because I did it last minute.
Back to class...my class is 80% digital but today we were doing mostly traditionally so I thought I would be good...I thought wrong. Nothing was going right and the teacher was showing off other people's drawings so I'm wondering is this right or is this wrong?
The teacher then wanted us to draw an egg to help us with value and to take a break if we needed to. I was doodling something else as my way of taking a break before I turned into meltdown city. (I also use medication to help with my meltdowns but I don't have any that doesn't help with the situation)
The teacher then took me outside of class to ask why I wasn't doing the assignment and I explained if I'm not in the right place in mind then I don't work productively. He encouraged me to at least try and I did, still managed to screw it up.
I'm a failure and a doomed adult and I'm not even in my 20s.
Today was my second day of illustration class, last weak was awful because I couldn't work a computer or the program, but today was worse.
I didn't do one of the assignments which are my fault so now have to do extra work to make up for the points I lost which is my fault for not managing my time. I at least turned in the other assignment but it's probably going to be an F because I did it last minute.
Back to class...my class is 80% digital but today we were doing mostly traditionally so I thought I would be good...I thought wrong. Nothing was going right and the teacher was showing off other people's drawings so I'm wondering is this right or is this wrong?
The teacher then wanted us to draw an egg to help us with value and to take a break if we needed to. I was doodling something else as my way of taking a break before I turned into meltdown city. (I also use medication to help with my meltdowns but I don't have any that doesn't help with the situation)
The teacher then took me outside of class to ask why I wasn't doing the assignment and I explained if I'm not in the right place in mind then I don't work productively. He encouraged me to at least try and I did, still managed to screw it up.
I'm a failure and a doomed adult and I'm not even in my 20s.
I know it's easy to feel this way, and your stress is valid to be experiencing. I also want to reassure you that you are not a failure or doomed, even when it feels that way so much. Even if everything goes wrong, everything falls apart, at the end of it you can still dust yourself off and start over. Some people have to do that again and again before things finally work out, and it can be exhausting, and sometimes you need some time before you have the energy to get up again (and that's okay!), but it is possible, even if sometimes it feels like it's not.
I'm going to hazard a guess that you have some form of mental illness, disability, or neurodivergency based on some of what you said? I deal with a few myself: anxiety, depression, ADHD, and a mild math disability. Stuff like that can make classes so much harder than they would be otherwise. I barely graduated high school, and did so with the help of summer school, being moved backward a class in the area I actually excel at, and was still a class behind almost everyone else in math upon graduation. Things might have been easier if I had had more support with regard to my issues, but they kinda flew under the radar. My family and I knew about the first three, and I didn't hide it, but we never took any action to get me support. If you talk with your teacher, though (sooner rather than later), you may be able to get the support you need - such as breaks when you're feeling extra stressed, without the teacher questioning what you're doing. I'm not sure if this is just a one-off class or part of a college course or anything, but if it's part of a larger, formal education system, there should be some form of counselor you can talk to about ideas for how to support you, and which of those ideas will actually help you (different things are good for different people). Alternatively, try talking to a therapist for ideas.
If you're taking an illustration class, I'm going to presume it's a love of yours - and if you're being taught foundational stuff that you feel like you already know, it can be so much harder to follow along with what you're supposed to be doing. One of the big things to remember is that practice is always good. Even if you're sure you know it, practice is good. Sometimes, you even find some missing pieces click into place and everything starts to make more sense and come out better. Another thing to keep in mind is that it's really hard to fail an art class. If you turn in nothing ever, you might fail. If you always do something entirely different from what's assigned, you might fail. But if you show up, make an effort on what's assigned, and you turn it in, then even if it's garbage you threw together just to meet requirements, you won't fail. (I don't recommend turning in garbage too often, because it feels bad, but it can help you get through. You can also ask about extensions.)
Again, the top thing I can suggest is to talk to someone. See if you can arrange some "breathing room" to allow you to work better.
I'm going to hazard a guess that you have some form of mental illness, disability, or neurodivergency based on some of what you said? I deal with a few myself: anxiety, depression, ADHD, and a mild math disability. Stuff like that can make classes so much harder than they would be otherwise. I barely graduated high school, and did so with the help of summer school, being moved backward a class in the area I actually excel at, and was still a class behind almost everyone else in math upon graduation. Things might have been easier if I had had more support with regard to my issues, but they kinda flew under the radar. My family and I knew about the first three, and I didn't hide it, but we never took any action to get me support. If you talk with your teacher, though (sooner rather than later), you may be able to get the support you need - such as breaks when you're feeling extra stressed, without the teacher questioning what you're doing. I'm not sure if this is just a one-off class or part of a college course or anything, but if it's part of a larger, formal education system, there should be some form of counselor you can talk to about ideas for how to support you, and which of those ideas will actually help you (different things are good for different people). Alternatively, try talking to a therapist for ideas.
If you're taking an illustration class, I'm going to presume it's a love of yours - and if you're being taught foundational stuff that you feel like you already know, it can be so much harder to follow along with what you're supposed to be doing. One of the big things to remember is that practice is always good. Even if you're sure you know it, practice is good. Sometimes, you even find some missing pieces click into place and everything starts to make more sense and come out better. Another thing to keep in mind is that it's really hard to fail an art class. If you turn in nothing ever, you might fail. If you always do something entirely different from what's assigned, you might fail. But if you show up, make an effort on what's assigned, and you turn it in, then even if it's garbage you threw together just to meet requirements, you won't fail. (I don't recommend turning in garbage too often, because it feels bad, but it can help you get through. You can also ask about extensions.)
Again, the top thing I can suggest is to talk to someone. See if you can arrange some "breathing room" to allow you to work better.
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