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- - - (played anonymously)

Hiya!
Hope the topic is placed on correct and sorry on the weird title 🙈
I was wondering how y’all deal with partners who don’t reply in roleplays when you chat oocly❓ I do not want to be the partner who keeps nagging on them to reply because I love our rp’s and want to continue and keep sending messages like “Hey how are you?” because I am worried it will indirectly seem like I am trying to pressure them into responding in our roleplay if that makes sense 😬
For more details we are talking about that there are several weeks to months (this was not the expected timeframe between replies when we began roleplaying) between replies with the only reason as to why being that they are busy and will respond soon. Now I get that because it happens to all of us but waiting so long worries me that it is my fault for some reason, and I really do not want to end the good roleplays I have or appear rude when I only have good intentions 😅

Before y’all come running with that roleplay is a hobby and we all have our lives outside of it, trust me, I know ❤️ I am just looking for advice on what to do or say in this situation or if I should just do nothing at all
simple: i don't.

ooc communication is so important in rps that if a partner just blatantly refuses to be cooperative at all ooc (ignores attempts to world build, elaborate on future plot, or otherwise is nonexistent outside of exchanging replies), i politely tell them we're not compatible and that i am no longer interested.

i know that sounds like, really brutal, but the only way for an rp to survive in the long run 99% of the time is to have a healthy ooc friendship. or communication, at the very least. without it, it's pretty much just a business transaction. as soon as the first hiatus happens - and yes, every rp inevitably has a hiatus because life happens - that rp is as good as dead. if you're not actively talking, how do you know if they've had a life emergency, or had work come up, or simply lost interest and decided not to tell you? you don't, and so you probably end up writing it off as a lost cause and move on. only for a post to show up from the other person three months later lol

but yeah. some people are super shy and can take a few weeks or months to warm up to you, but if you're on, like, month three and they're still brushing off your every attempt to be friendly, you should probably think about if that rp is worth keeping around. for me personally, it wouldn't be. shitposting and raving about dumb rp stuff is half the fun, i find, and without it i have zero desire to keep an rp going.

tl;dr: the real rp magic is the friendship you find along the way <produces rainbow from thin air> don't keep a standoffish partner around just because you're scared of not having rp, there are plenty other friendly players out there to be found
- - - (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Luscinioide wrote:
simple: i don't.

ooc communication is so important in rps that if a partner just blatantly refuses to be cooperative at all ooc (ignores attempts to world build, elaborate on future plot, or otherwise is nonexistent outside of exchanging replies), i politely tell them we're not compatible and that i am no longer interested.

i know that sounds like, really brutal, but the only way for an rp to survive in the long run 99% of the time is to have a healthy ooc friendship. or communication, at the very least. without it, it's pretty much just a business transaction. as soon as the first hiatus happens - and yes, every rp inevitably has a hiatus because life happens - that rp is as good as dead. if you're not actively talking, how do you know if they've had a life emergency, or had work come up, or simply lost interest and decided not to tell you? you don't, and so you probably end up writing it off as a lost cause and move on. only for a post to show up from the other person three months later lol

but yeah. some people are super shy and can take a few weeks or months to warm up to you, but if you're on, like, month three and they're still brushing off your every attempt to be friendly, you should probably think about if that rp is worth keeping around. for me personally, it wouldn't be. shitposting and raving about dumb rp stuff is half the fun, i find, and without it i have zero desire to keep an rp going.

tl;dr: the real rp magic is the friendship you find along the way <produces rainbow from thin air> don't keep a standoffish partner around just because you're scared of not having rp, there are plenty other friendly players out there to be found

It is not that they are not cooperative so I am sorry if I did not explain enough (I did not want to risk over-explaining or blabbering on too much) on future ideas or worldbuilding. I think my issue might just be these long waiting periods between the replies with no answer as to why they happen aside from “currently being busy” when the expectation was something else because then I am slightly worried the being busy-period will never end and I will not ever see another reply from them lol. It is probably just me being anxious but I also worry that asking them about them will lead to them saying that this is not worth it and drop the roleplay so I will risk scaring them away 😨 I feel as though I am waiting on something that is never coming if that makes sense❓
You kind of need to ask further, dude. I know they will give you that reply, but you might need to insist a bit more because right now, it just sounds like an excuse for them to use due to them being bored.

Like before, when weeks or a month pass, I would just ask if they were still in the mood to RP. Just a simple direct and straight to the point kind of question. If they answer me the same answer you got, busy and will reply soon, then give them a few more weeks. If they don't reply, best to just drop it and move on. It doesn't seem like you're going to get any further answers.

But if they explain why the delay, like having a government job that takes up all of their time, then I'd give them some time or not expect an answer at all. I know my partner from last month, Yorn, told me, and right at the beginning of our nascent RP, that he had been so busy with a new job in Christmas that he has no time at all for RPs anymore. He told me that if he does have free time, he'll hit me up the first thing he comes back. So I just let him go. I still wished him a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Then after some time in January, he deleted his character. Probably because he was still getting messages and he was getting bothered or something. So I dunno if he'll hit me up. I'm glad at least he told me the reason why he had no more time.

Sorry, at the end of it, expect your RPs to be on standstill for life. Maybe it's time to move on to greener pastures, eh? That's just how it is here in this website.
When I feel it's been awhile, I'll ask directly if there's anything I can do differently, and then live with whatever they say. It helps reassure partners my other OOC has no ulterior motives, which isn't quite how you come across:
- - - wrote:
I do not want to be the partner who keeps nagging on them to reply because I love our rp’s and want to continue and keep sending messages like “Hey how are you?” because I am worried it will indirectly seem like I am trying to pressure them
Unfortunately, this is very often done by RPers who are in fact trying to pressure their partners in hopes enough hey-how-are-yous and other basic OOC will earn a reply. It's draining. Not saying that's you—only you know what's in your heart—but we only see what's on our screens, and to not "indirectly seem like" such a person you've got to be open about your expectations even if it's scary. As it is, a dropped RP and an eternal being-busy period aren't too different.

Good luck. It may help to revisit the advice from the last time you made this thread.
If you have expectations for how quickly your partners reply, maybe be upfront with that from the start. I genuinely enjoy RP, but I have a very time-consuming and emotionally draining job so I’m not always in the mood if it’s been a long week. Muse tends to ebb and flow and it’s not necessarily your fault as their RP partner. Oftentimes, it’s just real life interfering. I try to be upfront with my partners that sometimes, I cannot always reply quickly, and if I get especially busy I offer to wrap things up with a “let’s say” versus finishing the scene so things don’t have to be retconned.

I’m usually around to chat ooc even if I’m busy, but just not always in the mood to reply to RPs. That requires actual brain power and I don’t enjoy just throwing out a subpar post if I’m not on my game.
I don't like to chat OOCly unless it's about the story / characters.

WHICH IS A LIE bcos i will absolutely blab endlessly on about my daily life and then hours will have passed and i will have neither advanced the rp or spent time on aaaaany other hobbies -- like writing is just so very different from Talking In Meatspace, I can TALK and also play a video game or wash the dishes you know, but i cannot WRITE and also get a lot of stuff done around the house at the same time

so i try to put restrictions on myself against smallchat, only because i already know what a godforsaken timesink it can become (and even sometimes i just really don't want to lay my emotional or circumstantial burdens on strangers thousands of miles away, like if they aren't next door and can't eat a dinner i've cooked for them then maybe it's not productive to get all involved and invested with one another's daily lifes / emotions et c)

I MEAN THIS IS ALSO SOMEWHAT A LIE bcos i met my spouse on a writer's forum BUT we moved our interpersonal chats to direct e-mail to make room for being 'left on read' and speaking within an email inboxing space gave us time to breathe and actually think about our replies (as opposed to faster paced DMs or discords or texts). in e-mail the msgs also wouldn't get buried under the half dozen other rp threads or ooc chats we'd have running on the forums, too, so like -- location matters?

like are you at a roleplay forum to tell cooperative stories with writers who like the same things as you, or are you looking for a PERSON to TALK TO about this and that? of course these aren't mutually exclusive, at all, it's just that the content of your OOC chat does actually matter and quite a lot of writers do not actually have the emotional / mental badwidth for smallchat :v

i dunno for anyoen else, but i kind of DREAD the 'how are you' question. it sounds like a social nicety but i am ruled by honesty and i WILL burden the ooc chat with longwinded rants on capitalism and that's just never helpful to anybody. like, how am i? how AM I?? sick and dying early from poverty in this western hellscape, please don't ever ask me to explain that again lmao ~

so basically, just ask! consent is awesome! ask if your writing partner wants to talk ooc about the story or about theirs / your life; plenty of people DO want to talk about those things to writers living hundreds of miles away (you might marry one or more) and then plenty of writers are really just here to do artsy things while the sirens wail in the distance.

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