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Forums » Smalltalk » I'm bored....also I have concerns

Hiya~
I've been off and on with RPR for YEARS. Probably since I was in middle school, maybe even a freshmen in high school. Although school, life and work kept tugging me off. Making it pretty hard to come on and write with someone else. Now I want to be clear this is less of a rant and more a person both concerned and a bit bummed at how dead RPR has become. Even some people appear disenchanted in both stories, and in general chatting. Since I prefer to write with adults, the possibilities of them being tired from work, school, life in general is perfectly fine! Expected even! This isn't what's been rubbing me the wrong way. Although I'll grant it could be me, my excitement in sharing a possible story/adventure with another person might have impacted how my rp idea post is received. Yet there is one detail that is just so glaring obvious.

Interactions with posts.

Well waiting to see if someone is interested, I came across one forum for a roleplay where the person had been bumping to get someone to reply. I hope they've found someone, but to me it looks like they've been waiting a few months. I guess, in my boredom I've become a little anxious that my post will be ignored too. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it because I'm going with an original idea rather than something from a fandom?
Activity fluctuations are a normal part of things; plus a lot of folks even in my offline life are still recovering from how so much has been going on in the world over the past several years. And while we get new folks and folks returning from periods away, we also get folks who move on to other things or who go on breaks. Granted, I'm unsure how much of the younger generations (Gen Z and the oldest of Gen Alpha) will find this type of site appealing or how well it will hold their interest at this point; among various people I've tried to pull in because they love RP, the top reasons for them not really getting into it is how unfamiliar the formatting is compared to what they've become used to; whereas it's the kind of format I kinda grew up on and find comfortably familiar. So if the different setup and commonly slower-paced nature of this site isn't holding the younger folks as well anymore, and the older ones are grappling with more and more to manage in their lives... it is indeed possible that RPR just can't keep pace. But it is the place I've seen people return to more than anywhere else I've been.

Anyway... A lot of activity happens in groups, where a narrower focus and smaller, more familiar collection of people can be easier for some to manage. And in the public forums, there may appear to be less activity than there really is because of how many folks prefer to contact and be contacted via PM (or DM, if you prefer) as a more reliable way of getting attention. There have actually been times I've noticed that someone will have a given ad that doesn't appear to get much activity besides them reopening it or something, and it'll actually be because they have been getting contacted privately, playing games, and then want to see how the same prompt might play out with someone else or something. This doesn't cover all the quiet-looking ones, of course, just some of them.

And the most reliable way to find games is actually to build up some friendships first, then start talking about your characters with each other and find out what sorts of things might come of playing together. Yes, easier said than done, but even just a small group of friends can end up overwhelmed with possibilities!
Starry_Dragonflies Topic Starter

Beautifully stated. Especially with the younger generations. Everything is so well said - and has made me stop and think. I sort of figured there's a good number of RP ads that have probably had closed because they talked through PM, then opened back up later. Do have another question, have you been experiencing this weird disenchantment? For example, you want to have some sort of friendship, or at least talk on the side or discuss ideas and the other person seems...despondent?
Well... I'm afraid I might be one of those folks who might seem a bit despondent. ^^; That's an issue that expands well beyond RPR, though. I see it other places online when I've had time to, and I even see it offline. There's so much going on all the time, and it's easier than ever to learn about more than ever, and unfortunately, negative experiences tend to more easily leave a deeper impression than positive ones. It's easy to get overwhelmed by it, and to become jaded. And to bring up generations again... many Millennials (I'm one) are still kinda reeling from growing up with a massive bait-and-switch of promise and debt, and I'm afraid it's only recently that I've realized that the shockwaves and fallout of that are still pummeling a lot of Gen Z (on top of a lot of the same ridicule and blame we had to go though). So... yeah, stuff like that is heartbreakingly common.

Me, I'm still working on figuring out the many different aspects of self care and how to best balance them for myself. Partly, it's to try to be a better example to others and generally to better understand how nuanced it can be when I want to try to help others who are struggling. And partly, it's because I know that there have been times I've let myself get so buried in negativity that I haven't just been unpleasant to be around, I have actually ended up hurting people without meaning to. And I know I haven't figured out that balance yet - which, in turn, sometimes makes me a little more reluctant to properly engage with folks for fear of messing things up again, even though engaging with others is a necessary part of that balance, too. ^^;

And I know I'm not the only one trying to get better. Far from it. :)

For those you talk to who are struggling, you can try offering them RPR's mental health resource page, which lists a number of services that can be used for big issues and little issues alike. And with that, you might try inviting them to talk again later, when they're feeling a little better and up to focusing more on sharing ideas and stuff again. Basically, kinda communicating to them that you do want to talk with them and stuff, and also that you're human with your own needs and boundaries. Making and helping friends is wonderful, but we all have our own needs and limits, after all.
Starry_Dragonflies Topic Starter

I'm so so sorry - I started school yesterday and completely spaced. Can I say what have said, yet again, has helped think outside of the box rather than continue thinking how I used to. Prioritizing both self-care and mental health is important. Very important. Still - I'm pretty sad since many of my stories appear to be dropped. It's disheartening is a good way to put my thoughts.
No worries, and understandable.

Looking over your accolades, it looks like you haven't participated in an Epic Week yet? If you're able, try to be around and see what's going on here towards the end of April. You might find it a bit more encouraging, and it might help you make some more connections to see more of the activity that keeps buzzing in the background of everything. :) If you're not familiar with it, this page can take you to a couple places where you can find most of the info about it.
I hope I can soothe your worries somewhat by saying I've experienced this fluctuation in activity too. I've had posts that no-one responded to or cared about for months, and then suddenly I had 5 takers all at once - for the same story! I will also say, I very rarely have anyone comment on my posts and instead most reach out in DMs.

It's easy to get caught up in "am I just no fun - are my ideas no fun?" and wondering if people's inactivity is because of something you do or the ideas you have, but more often than not - in my opinion - it has more to do with this natural ebb and flow of activity on the site. Sometimes everyone is busy or exhausted all at once, and there is no activity whatsoever for a while. It sucks and I personally get really restless, but then other times there is SO much axtivity that I myself can't keep up and need a break. I think it's just the natural order of things.

Like it's been mentioned, it's best to just focus on your own mental, physical and emotional health and take a more relaxed approach to the site without letting the inactivity affect you. And, always continue to try. Engage with the community, be part of epic week, do all those fun events throughout the year and you will be helping keeping the site active and hopefully having fun in the process too :)
Starry_Dragonflies wrote:
Beautifully stated. Especially with the younger generations. Everything is so well said - and has made me stop and think. I sort of figured there's a good number of RP ads that have probably had closed because they talked through PM, then opened back up later. Do have another question, have you been experiencing this weird disenchantment? For example, you want to have some sort of friendship, or at least talk on the side or discuss ideas and the other person seems...despondent?

I also want to comment on this; I personally find it hard to keep up such OOC that is purely personal and not based on the RP. I love to discuss the plot, characters etc and build a friendship though there, but if people start reaching out to me and asking me about my personal life etc I get uncomfortable and suddenly the conversation gets exhausting. I think it's because I do this all as an escape, as a get-away from life. I don't want to come onto the site and go through all that stuff all over again - I rather focus on the characters and the fun plot.

I know it can possibly make me seem standoffish or cold, but I just am not looking for friends here in that way. Not to actively work towards it, anyway. I do have friends I've made through the site but it grew casually and through years, it is not something I personally can speedrun in a month and suddenly we are best friends. I also feel like there is effort in making a friendship, and I struggle with managing my energy so I feel like I only have so much to give, and I rather give it to the RP. I hope all of that makes sense and might give some insight into why some of us might come off cold. I don't mean to be rude, personally, I just am not interested in that kind of interaction unless it comes naturally to me.
Min-ya wrote:
I love to discuss the plot, characters etc and build a friendship though there, but if people start reaching out to me and asking me about my personal life etc I get uncomfortable and suddenly the conversation gets exhausting. I think it's because I do this all as an escape, as a get-away from life. I don't want to come onto the site and go through all that stuff all over again - I rather focus on the characters and the fun plot.

I know it can possibly make me seem standoffish or cold, but I just am not looking for friends here in that way. Not to actively work towards it, anyway. I do have friends I've made through the site but it grew casually and through years, it is not something I personally can speedrun in a month and suddenly we are best friends. I also feel like there is effort in making a friendship, and I struggle with managing my energy so I feel like I only have so much to give, and I rather give it to the RP. I hope all of that makes sense and might give some insight into why some of us might come off cold. I don't mean to be rude, personally, I just am not interested in that kind of interaction unless it comes naturally to me.

100% this. I know it seems harsh or rude or whatever, but I am not looking for friends online, and if I was looking for new friends, I would not be doing it through a site like this. When anyone asks about my personal life or tries to take an interest in me, I'm fairly quick to shut it down. There's two reasons for this.

First, I don't like discussing myself online as there is a lot of weirdos who take things way too far and cross all sorts of boundaries. It's safer (not to mention easier) to just stay tight-lipped and not speak about yourself imo.

Second, while I really enjoy roleplaying, to me it is a rather embarrassing thing to admit to doing so I wouldn't want anyone to know who I am as a person while rping. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather die than admit to a friend or someone I konw that I am into erotic roleplaying online lol

So yeah, while it may make me seem "despondent" just know that there's a lot of different reasons people like me don't want to talk about ourselves online.

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