Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: Moderating the RPR

It's been a bit since I hosted one of these as a mod, and we've got a fair number of newer folks on the site who may have missed it.

Disclaimer: There are some things that I may not be able to elaborate on, either to ensure our ability to continue to work effectively behind the scenes, or because some subjects may exceed the PG-13ish nature of public spaces of the site. I will also not comment on specific individual moderation actions. If there's a situation that you need help with, feel free to PM myself or another moderator.

That said, I'll answer as transparently as I'm able!

So... what burning questions do you have about RPR moderation?

Do you ever get burnt out from dealing with stuff here?

I'm actually curious how being a mod here may have shifted over the years - like, updates to how various issues are approached, changes to what sorts of issues are most common, overall vibe, etc.

Sometimes, I absolutely do need to just take a breather and step back. All members of the team are encouraged to prioritize their mental health, and we have a feature called "vacation mode" on the back end. This removes that moderator's name from the bottom of the forums to make it less likely that someone might reach out to that mod for help.

The great thing is that we've got such a big team, so we tend to have some folks present at any given time.

Honestly, being a mod hasn't changed much at all in the time I've been moderating. Kim keeps the experience and ethos consistent. The biggest difference is that we have more tools now that Kim built to make our jobs easier and more efficient. It REALLY helps!

As for how various issues are approached, we are constantly in conversation. If, for example, we get a report that raises an ethical issue we haven't yet established precedent for, we hunker down and have a big group discussion to reach a consensus. Virtually all rule or policy changes are made through this collaborative process.

The great thing is that we've got mods from all over the world and various walks of life, so we bring a fairly diverse range of expertise and viewpoints to a meaningful dialogue. I especially love when we (politely) disagree sometimes because I gain new perspective. We are constantly learning from each other.

Not for naught, but we've also revisited age old policies to update them, such as instituting a blanket ban on RPing hate group characters such as Nazis. Sometimes we realize change is needed, and we try to go about it as mindfully and fairly as possible.

I wanted to be a mod on a site like this one day I don't think I'll ever be able to apply to RPR but,
Q1: What skills would you recommend for a moderator for a website like this? Not a big, cash-grabby one, mostly focused on fun and community over profit, etc?
I noticed that some moderators are disabled, or neurodiverse which always made me personally feel like, that would make me a terrible moderator, yet people in here are beyond amazing!
I am aware that it's all also heavily influenced by the fact that this is not one of the huge (anti-)social media platforms that keep people glued to their screen and the mods neglected
Q2: As a long-term moderator, do you expect the site to become more lively again? I've been here since teenager days, just taking breaks, changing accounts from time to time, so I did see a few 'quiet' phases in here myself.
Q3: Not a question. Sending virtual hugs, because I saw your status and it kinda sounds like you need some. Things have been tough recently, stay strong!

Two of the biggest skills I can think of that would be useful are healthy boundaries and distress tolerance (this is a therapy term--I'll explain more below).

You need to not be afraid to show someone the door if it's made obvious they're going to cause a lot of problems. So often people want to stick to the Three Strikes rule, but sometimes it's obvious from the get go that someone is just here to make trouble. You need to be able to gauge when to end a conversation, and when to say, "Sorry, but you're not a good fit for our community." Being able to draw boundaries for yourself and on behalf of your community is so so so important.

Disclaimer: This next bit is a skill that I personally find to be very useful, and I am speaking on behalf of myself and my own experiences, not every other moderator.

"Distress tolerance" is a term I picked up in over a decade of outpatient therapy. It's associated with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and essentially building it up involves learning how to be uncomfortable without spiraling. While we all work to trade off cases that might potentially be triggering for us, you have to be prepared for the inevitability of at least initially encountering something that might be deeply upsetting or wildly uncomfortable to you.

From dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com:

There are certain kinds of cases I cannot handle. This is true for other mods as well, but I have to be prepared to come across potentially triggering material while reviewing the image queue, for example. Being able to be uncomfortable without having a breakdown over the exposure is really kind of a vital aspect of the job. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: mods are basically meat shields who face the bad stuff so that no one else has to.

We have a broad range of backgrounds on the mod team, and it really works to our benefit. More than a few of us are some flavor of queer, too, which has really helped us to navigate a lot of complex issues. I myself am disabled and neurospicy, as well as trans and bisexual. The key is to really make sure you're taking care of yourself and prioritizing your well being. Some days I just can't do mod stuff, but that's okay. We're a big team, and someone else will be around to help. I pitch in as I've got the spoons for it, and the same can be said of others. Life's about balance!

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. The site is very active, at least in private spaces. We still get hundreds of image uploads to review daily from long-time and also new members to the site who are working on their profiles. New faces are joining daily, too!

If you're referring to the public forums, lulls do tend to hit from time to time. I'm sure things will pick back up, but in the meantime... be the change you want to see in the world?

Thank you for this!

Without oversharing, I have quite a complicated medical situation that I'm navigating as best I can with what few supports I've got in place. It can be a lot to manage multiple chronic conditions when you live alone.

I don’t have a question…
I’m without voice….



Distress tolerance, emotional implication, assertiveness, empathy… a holistic view and a metaphysical approach of a given scene…



Is there a place for a simple little lovely hug?💕

Hi Auberon! You mods do a wonderful job keeping RPR safe and running smooth.

My question is this...

Has becoming a mod on RPR affected your roleplaying and having fun on the site?

I'm not much of a big e-hugs person, but I appreciate the sentiment!

Thank you for saying so! We certainly try to do our best.

As for my use of the site, I actually ran a decently sized group on RPR while doing site moderation for a while. It closed for unrelated reasons, but the only thing it really affected was that I'd recuse myself from site moderation cases involving people I may have had disciplinary interactions with inside my group to prevent applying any bias I may have had.

I'd weigh in with my experiences regarding a particular user, but then I'd step back from discussions about what should or shouldn't be done about whatever their behavior was. This is actually something other mods have done, too. We try to step back from cases in which we can't be fair and impartial.

I really only RP on Discord and Google docs these days. Aside from now inactive my group, I've never really done a lot of actual RP on the site. For me, it's just a great place to host character bios and chat. Most of my time on the site is spent doing moderation tasks these days, and I'm perfectly content with that because I love the community.