A lot of the rpr community is LGBT+ so I know I won't be the most unique, but mostly I wanted to share it to be the person I needed..
I saw this man on tiktok who said that he hadn't started t until he was in his fifties and it was basically a it's never too late post.
But.
I am transgender and only accepted this at the age of 31. I am now 32, lol. So that's my ama is that I wasn't accepting of myself until my 30s!
This time last year, maybe 3 people really knew I was trans like my boyfriend and roommate knew at the time but it was very passive Know? Like an uninterested parent, "That's nice honey" but not in I don't care because of course I support you kind of way, more like a, "Okay just don't start acting like it" kind of way 😆 ok.
I tried to do the whole discovery thing in my early 20s wanting to use a more gender neutral name and I feel I had a supportive friend but we were having struggles and i think she took at as a personal attack that we'd been friends for over a year and I hadn't told her. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd have had the tools to explain myself and understand but at that time it felt like blatant rejection and I tucked that away in a little box. As is also common.
About 2 years ago I just kinda switched everything on rpr but I had no friends or active rps, then joined a server... Accidentally made friends. Made up some ObNOXIOUS lie about why I couldn't talk. (I am truly embarrassed is anyone from there sees this post 😆)
Anyway if I remember correctly one of my friends was having a really bad day and said they just needed someone to talk to and then I started crying and I was like listen I can talk to you I sound like a girl because I'm trans. And they were my first little cheerleader and since then I just kinda... Covertly told people. To which.. of course I picked the right friends for that.
Earlier this year I got sick and went to the hospital where I met two amazing NBs and you know I looked like a girl, but we were all in that safe walls down environment where I was like I'm never going to see y'all again so I kind of gave them my whole life story that in a better life I would be a man. And they didn't skip a beat. Called me by my preferred name, used he him pronouns, and then they became my best friends irl. Outside the hospital.
Changed my gender on rpr (from cos to trans), my pronouns on discord (because I had irl friends on discord) and just decided to chose my friends based on their reactions.
One friend messaged me out of the blue and just said, "Hey man just so you know I love you and I'm proud of you."
He didn't explicitly say what that was about but I feel like I can take my guesses.
And you know.
Here we are.
End of year 2...
And it's wild because it's been directly related to my mental health recovery I feel like?? I've been in and out of hospitals for years dealing with a certain mental disorder. But this last time was the time I stuck it through and waited to deal with the fall lit, picked up my little pieces and went to therapy and actually had things make sense and was able to make responsibility for things that weren't my fault, and accountability for things that were. And genuinely I think because I look in the mirror and see who I want to see, now and I have the freedom to be myself even if myself is not accepted by everyone.
Don't get me wrong. Still very femme looking but. I think that's my charm. 😆
I saw this man on tiktok who said that he hadn't started t until he was in his fifties and it was basically a it's never too late post.
But.
I am transgender and only accepted this at the age of 31. I am now 32, lol. So that's my ama is that I wasn't accepting of myself until my 30s!
This time last year, maybe 3 people really knew I was trans like my boyfriend and roommate knew at the time but it was very passive Know? Like an uninterested parent, "That's nice honey" but not in I don't care because of course I support you kind of way, more like a, "Okay just don't start acting like it" kind of way 😆 ok.
I tried to do the whole discovery thing in my early 20s wanting to use a more gender neutral name and I feel I had a supportive friend but we were having struggles and i think she took at as a personal attack that we'd been friends for over a year and I hadn't told her. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd have had the tools to explain myself and understand but at that time it felt like blatant rejection and I tucked that away in a little box. As is also common.
About 2 years ago I just kinda switched everything on rpr but I had no friends or active rps, then joined a server... Accidentally made friends. Made up some ObNOXIOUS lie about why I couldn't talk. (I am truly embarrassed is anyone from there sees this post 😆)
Anyway if I remember correctly one of my friends was having a really bad day and said they just needed someone to talk to and then I started crying and I was like listen I can talk to you I sound like a girl because I'm trans. And they were my first little cheerleader and since then I just kinda... Covertly told people. To which.. of course I picked the right friends for that.
Earlier this year I got sick and went to the hospital where I met two amazing NBs and you know I looked like a girl, but we were all in that safe walls down environment where I was like I'm never going to see y'all again so I kind of gave them my whole life story that in a better life I would be a man. And they didn't skip a beat. Called me by my preferred name, used he him pronouns, and then they became my best friends irl. Outside the hospital.
Changed my gender on rpr (from cos to trans), my pronouns on discord (because I had irl friends on discord) and just decided to chose my friends based on their reactions.
One friend messaged me out of the blue and just said, "Hey man just so you know I love you and I'm proud of you."
He didn't explicitly say what that was about but I feel like I can take my guesses.
And you know.
Here we are.
End of year 2...
And it's wild because it's been directly related to my mental health recovery I feel like?? I've been in and out of hospitals for years dealing with a certain mental disorder. But this last time was the time I stuck it through and waited to deal with the fall lit, picked up my little pieces and went to therapy and actually had things make sense and was able to make responsibility for things that weren't my fault, and accountability for things that were. And genuinely I think because I look in the mirror and see who I want to see, now and I have the freedom to be myself even if myself is not accepted by everyone.
Don't get me wrong. Still very femme looking but. I think that's my charm. 😆
As a trans person who struggles with mental health sometimes, I'd like to know how you were treated in the hospital. Only answer if you're comfortable, of course!
Were you "out" at the time? If so, did they room you with a man, woman, or neither?
Were you "out" at the time? If so, did they room you with a man, woman, or neither?
Thank you for asking!
If you mean how was I treated in the hospital because of my gender identity, this was around march, at that time irl I was still presenting as female. However we had two nonbinary folks (who were placed in the middle of the dorms right across from one another) one trans woman, who was placed on the women's side, and at the time that I went there wasn't enough people for any of us to have to share. However based on overheard conversations with staff and with patients I really think it was an overwhelming thing LGBT+ positive site and they would have done anything to accommodate and make all of us comfortable.
As with physical health, a lot of times you just have to find the place and the time and the people that listen to you. Some hospitals are totally going to suck but some are amazing. 🫂
If you mean how was I treated in the hospital because of my gender identity, this was around march, at that time irl I was still presenting as female. However we had two nonbinary folks (who were placed in the middle of the dorms right across from one another) one trans woman, who was placed on the women's side, and at the time that I went there wasn't enough people for any of us to have to share. However based on overheard conversations with staff and with patients I really think it was an overwhelming thing LGBT+ positive site and they would have done anything to accommodate and make all of us comfortable.
As with physical health, a lot of times you just have to find the place and the time and the people that listen to you. Some hospitals are totally going to suck but some are amazing. 🫂
Thank you for answering! That's heartening to hear. 