Forums » Smalltalk » Kinda Need Some Advice About Depressed Friend

Need some advise here guys. tw. suicidal/depression mentions

I have a friend that lives in Argentina, just turned 15. I'm alllll the way in the US. She's starting to talk a lot more about her depression and has been telling me a lot, especially today, how suicidal she is. I've almost lost several other friends to suicide and have no idea what to do. I fight depression on the daily but it's much easier for me to hide it as I have for years. She's in the whole "no one can help me, no one ever can" kinda mindset. I've only known her for a few months but have gotten relatively close.

I've always been more of a listener than a helper so I don't know what I can do except spam her with retarded pics and videos that I find. Anyone know of something I can do? I don't have her parents' numbers and kinda can't even call her except for skype but she's freaking out too much right now to even skype.

Sorry if this doesn't belong her, I just kinda find this site is pretty active in responses like this... As I stated, she's still pretty young, and isn't a fan of her parents. As far as I know, she isn't abused or anything. Has a boyfriend she really cares about.

Tell her your here for her and even though she feels like no one understands you do. sennd her this.

You may not feel like it but there is an entire world out there that is here for you and understands whats going on.You arent alone. You are an amazing person and i know your thinking your not but you are. Your smile lights up someones day. You are completely worthwhile. I know you feel like giving up will solve it all but it wont. You are a strong brilliant intelligent person. Please im begging you not to give up. Listen to Unkle Adams : I am stronger song on YouTube. You are an extraordinary person and giving up is not the answer. If you want someone to talk to and need someone here to listen, there are entire website's set up to be here for you. If you feel like giving up, do something you love. Listen to bands that make you feel better. But i beg of you please dont give up.

I hope this helps and if it doesn't i have other ideas to help, please let me know as soon as possible so i can do all in my power to help.

bring up her boyfriend. Tell her That if he cares for her her listen and help her somehow

I experienced the same situation as you. And the only thing you could possibly do now is tell her that you are there for her. Now it might sound maybe too simple. But trust me, don't tell anyone you think 'can help'. She will only think you're handing her over to someone she does not trust. Tell her you trust her, that you know she wouldn't do that, not when you're alive.

Thanks @JazzyBear and @Woozy. I really appreciate it. I also know her boyfriend's name on dA and may go to him if I can't get through to her. Thanks again

Keep being a good friend. Remember the resource of the internet too; if you have her IP address and you genuinely believe she's going to hurt herself, see what you can do about getting that to the Argentinian police. The world's a much smaller place now and under exigent circumstances they can often track down the physical address via the IP.

The important part for her is to find professional help. I know a lot of comments on this thread are well meant in nature, but we tend to not really make good therapists on our own and can make a situation worse if the problem is so dire her life may be in danger. We are not substitutes for professional help (although our friendships are very important and necessary to support!), which sounds like the thing she needs the most right now.

I strongly suggest you encourage her to reach out to someone, like her doctor, to get redirected to the right person who can help her cope with her feelings and heal the wounds that caused this. There is also a 'checklist' in my group that helps ground you when you're feeling really down and unable to cope, which has helped me and several people I know in the past to deal with our situations.

http://www.rprepository.com/g/hereforyou/3014

It's also important she has the number of her country's crisis hotline readily available, and that she is encouraged to get in touch with them when things get a bit much.

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/argentina-suicide-hotlines.html

This may also be important information to give to her boyfriend, as he may be a stronger positive influence on her due to their relationship.

Thank you for reaching out and requesting help, I hope your friend will be alright and that the information is useful!

Check in with her often. Just let her know you are thinking about her and care about her. Don't let her withdraw completely. You may have to be the one doing all the work on that, as she may not have the energy to reach out even when she really needs it. Encourage her to do basic self-care like take showers and go for short walks.

It can be very stressful and draining to act as support for someone with depression, so make sure that you are caring for yourself too, and set your expectations carefully. Remember that clinical depression is a medical condition; just like a diabetic may not produce enough insulin, and people being sympathetic about how crappy it makes them feel might help a little, it isn't a cure (nor is any amount of positive thinking!) A person with clinical depression is simply not producing enough of the chemicals their brain needs to function optimally, so sympathy may help the person to cope with their symptoms, but won't clear them up. Studies show over and over that a combination of drugs and talk therapy is by far the strongest treatment for this. Exercise can help too, but isn't always enough on its own.

Keep encouraging her to try and find professional help, just as you would for someone with any other chronic long term condition. I don't know what the public health resources are like in her country, but almost everywhere at least has a hotline, and the people on those hotlines may be able to point her in the direction of potential resources. Even with all the resources in the world, it can be hard to find the energy to take steps like this when you are depressed, so this may be a long slow process of baby steps. Baby steps are still steps and are worth celebrating!

Good luck to the both of you.

(General disclaimer: I'm not a medical doctor, just a concerned citizen who once went through severe depression and recovered with professional assistance.)

Thank you guys very much for everything. She's alright for now and actually informed me that she's wanting to break up with her boyfriend (and I kinda have a suspicion that she doesn't care for him as much as I thought she did.) I'm keeping an eye on her right now though, and I appreciate all the advice ♥