This was interesting to read. I looked up all the terms I didn't know, so I learned something.
What I wonder is, when you say "undirected libido," does that mean, for instance, an ace person could have fetishes which activate their libido, but it's just that a person...a person's body...doesn't necessarily active that libido?
I can relate quite a bit with the whole "look at his butt" thing and not knowing what they're talking about, but (in my case) playing along to satisfy social pressure. I've also never understood anyone's obsession with boobs, either, whether it be straight men or lesbians like myself. For me, the attractive things are things like a person's hair, smile, eyes, voice, overall body shape at times, and definitely a big one is personality. The rest of it...the things that are typically supposed to "turn people on," normally don't do anything in particular for me. I feel like Spock, just analyzing these features.
So I'm a probably a mostly asexual homoromantic or whatever, but I think these labels make me feel uncomfortable when I consider applying them to myself. They just don't seem quite right. Because I am sexual attracted by some scenarios. Which involve people, of course. But as for being attracted to traditionally sexual body parts--not so much.
Watching the L word with other lesbians was interesting. They were all about talking about who had the best this or that, and I'm just like, "Meh...but what about her smile."
What I wonder is, when you say "undirected libido," does that mean, for instance, an ace person could have fetishes which activate their libido, but it's just that a person...a person's body...doesn't necessarily active that libido?
I can relate quite a bit with the whole "look at his butt" thing and not knowing what they're talking about, but (in my case) playing along to satisfy social pressure. I've also never understood anyone's obsession with boobs, either, whether it be straight men or lesbians like myself. For me, the attractive things are things like a person's hair, smile, eyes, voice, overall body shape at times, and definitely a big one is personality. The rest of it...the things that are typically supposed to "turn people on," normally don't do anything in particular for me. I feel like Spock, just analyzing these features.
So I'm a probably a mostly asexual homoromantic or whatever, but I think these labels make me feel uncomfortable when I consider applying them to myself. They just don't seem quite right. Because I am sexual attracted by some scenarios. Which involve people, of course. But as for being attracted to traditionally sexual body parts--not so much.
Watching the L word with other lesbians was interesting. They were all about talking about who had the best this or that, and I'm just like, "Meh...but what about her smile."
@Abigail - For your question, a short answer is yes. If you'd like to ask further, feel free to PM me. Remember, I'm trying to avoid questions within the thread itself. (But I might still post some answers publicly if it is appropriate and seems helpful.)
Something you might want to look into is primary, secondary, and tertiary sexual attraction! Primary is for immediately apparent traits, like appearance, voice, etc. Secondary is for things you have to learn - personality, sense of humor, etc. Tertiary isn't really attraction, but rather a willingness to participate in sex for other reasons, like helping a sexual partner feel loved or to have kids.
Also, I have a friend who is a cisgendered heterosexual male, and he is all about a pretty girl's smile. He considers the other stuff fun, but it's a smile and a bit of silliness that really wins him over. You don't have to be ace to favor stuff like that! You can look into grey asexuality if you want, but if you don't feel comfortable with labels, you absolutely don't have rto use them. They're just shortcuts that some people find helpful.
Something you might want to look into is primary, secondary, and tertiary sexual attraction! Primary is for immediately apparent traits, like appearance, voice, etc. Secondary is for things you have to learn - personality, sense of humor, etc. Tertiary isn't really attraction, but rather a willingness to participate in sex for other reasons, like helping a sexual partner feel loved or to have kids.
Also, I have a friend who is a cisgendered heterosexual male, and he is all about a pretty girl's smile. He considers the other stuff fun, but it's a smile and a bit of silliness that really wins him over. You don't have to be ace to favor stuff like that! You can look into grey asexuality if you want, but if you don't feel comfortable with labels, you absolutely don't have rto use them. They're just shortcuts that some people find helpful.
UwU I found this. 
Ohhh, nice find, Holly!
Happy ace week from someone of indeterminate orientation!
I was doing my usual thing where I space out and listen to music for hours, so I decided to put it to good use and find you folks some upbeat songs with aro/ace connotations.
* I'm contractually obligated to inform people that they may contain curses and swears but mostly good vibes
Have a great week!
I was doing my usual thing where I space out and listen to music for hours, so I decided to put it to good use and find you folks some upbeat songs with aro/ace connotations.
* I'm contractually obligated to inform people that they may contain curses and swears but mostly good vibes
- Never Been In Love - Will Jay / lyrics
- The Sh*t - Goldhouse ft. Nevve / lyrics
- complex feelings about my own existence - in love with a ghost / electronic
- Friend - FRND / lyrics / acoustic version
- Sugar Rush - nanobii / electronic (made me think of the space ace pun)
- Lollipop - Mika / lyrics
- Love On Me - Galantis ft. Hook N Sling / lyrics (arguably the least fitting of the bunch but it's an absolute bop idk)
Have a great week!
Thank you Hollyfrost and Yersinia! Wow, Ace communities are actually always on the lookout for media we can better identify with!
And thanks for sharing the census, too! I did it yesterday, but didn't think to share it here. That reminds me that some folks are trying to gather experiences for a book though, so I'll see if I can share that, too.
Edit: Here it is, from TAAP (The Asexual Awareness Project). From what I understand, they are making a reference for service providers such as doctors and therapists to better understand aces.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdiwnsg0mCDRD3uSN6Z70tarC7O4RbOK2ZRjrE5nCTmX_i4fA/viewform
And thanks for sharing the census, too! I did it yesterday, but didn't think to share it here. That reminds me that some folks are trying to gather experiences for a book though, so I'll see if I can share that, too.
Edit: Here it is, from TAAP (The Asexual Awareness Project). From what I understand, they are making a reference for service providers such as doctors and therapists to better understand aces.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdiwnsg0mCDRD3uSN6Z70tarC7O4RbOK2ZRjrE5nCTmX_i4fA/viewform
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