Skip to main content

Forums » Smalltalk » Thought That Popped Into My Mind Last Night

Secret Identity (played anonymously)

If someone who identifies as non-binary is only interested in other people who identify as non-binary are they homosexual?

Remove this ad

As a non-binary person who likes other non-binary people, I consider myself to be very very very very very very gay. Not "homosexual" since I'm ace, but that's a whole 'nother thing. (I am, however, NOT queer. I respect those who use the word but I hate it being used to describe me.)
But! I also think it's up to each individual to decide for themself what labels and descriptors they'd like to use. So there's no definitive answer to the question.
Kim Site Admin

Since "non-binary" is an umbrella term that can describe dozens of identities, this question is probably much too simplistic.
Secret Identity (played anonymously) Topic Starter

Right, I was just kind of surprised by my thought that people who don't identify with a specific gender (female, male, trans female, trans male) could be homosexual since they don't identify with a gender? which I suppose seems rather silly on my part. I just thought it seemed interesting. I might not be making any sense.
Most consider anyone who is interested in anyone who isn't solely the opposite sex/gender to be queer in some manner. With nonbinary it's complicated because some nonbinary people identify as strictly they/them and are androgynous. Some are masc, some are femme, some go by they/she, some by they/him. There's also a general nonbinary spectrum, demigirl, demiboy, genderfluid and some others I cannot remember at the moment are technically all on the nonbinary spectrum/under the nonbinary umbrella. Example, I identify as demigirl but I am also technically nonbinary because demigirl is considered under that umbrella.

Since queer in general just means attracted to the same sex/gender, multiple sex/genders, ect, I think from a technical standpoint nonbinary x nonbinary relationships would be considered a queer relationship because it's two people of the same gender umbrella, - but is a more case by case thing if people chose to consider themselves queer, from my experience most nonbinary people do considers themselves queer regardless of who they are attracted. I as someone under the umbrella certainly do.
Queer identities can get super confusing in general, for a lot of reasons. You kinda have to leave strict definitions at the door.

There are many nonbinary folks who consider themselves gay or lesbian as well, even being attracted to cis folks, simply because those terms still end up feeling right or accurate to them for one reason or another. Some still feel some connection to one (or both) of the binary genders, some feel comfortable using it with acknowledgement to their assigned gender at birth (AGAB), and yeah, feeling their attraction falls outside the binary could also be a reason for some.

There are also other orientation terms that help buffer between gender and presentation and such. For example, someone might use "sapphic" instead of homosexual/gay/lesbian as femme-aligned people attracted to fellow femme-aligned people, and "achillean" for the masculine side. Toric (masc) and trixic (femme) are also options nonbinary folks can use to specify attraction toward one of the binary genders. Other options for nonbinary folks to describe their attraction include enbian (attraction to fellow nonbinary folks) and diamoric (does not specify a gender/direction). I'm pretty sure there's others, too.
Hi, local Non-binary here.

So... What's important is to remember that: NB is not only an umbrella term but not a third gender. You can have two people who experience it in an entire array of this or that because it isn't a marginalized gender and is more like a spectrum than anything else. From my personal experience through friends and being on media compared to myself, a feminine NB person, it is entirely different everywhere you look.

There's a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of 'myths' that can be pretty harmful to the queer community. Among them are things like transgender individuals owing masculinity, femininity, or androgyny based on how they express gender and identify. (i.e thinking a transgender man owes you masculinity or that they cannot be feminine or anything other than "manly")

and that heavily applies to NB 'culture' as well; quite heavily actually... There is this stipulation that enby folk should simply be 'genderless' or androgynous because they're some weird third gender or simply must be devoid of identity to fit into this tight-knit box. That actually goes against everything a NB person is. There's also plenty of other identities under the umbrella that simply do not meet the ill-defined thresh hold that has been put out by others.

The other harmful 'myth' is that NB folk are simply not accepted in other sexualities. A prime example being the massive 'debunk' of Enby Lesbians or They/Them Lesbians... when the flag actually has a white stripe to include that identity! It's madness! Truthfully as far as I can tell it's the opposite...! All sexualities accept transgender and non-binary individuals and it is down to a case-by-case basis to see if someone is inclusive on a personal level. (i.e A lesbian that may not have a preference for an enby, etc) It isn't really possible to tell if an enby is this or that either, you really have to ask and not assume what their sexuality is based on their gender identity.

Non-binary folks typically identity with their sexuality not based on their gender. That means you can have Gay NBs, Lesbian NBs, Demisexual NBs, etc. They don't assign a binary to themselves to match up with their partner... they just go with what feels best. The same goes with pronouns... There are plenty of NB people who identify as she/her, he/him, etc. It isn't They/Them or go home. (i.e She/Her does not make you a cis-gender woman) It's argued time and time again specific sexualities (like lesbians) should only be attracted to their same sex on the gender binary but plenty of sexualities, like the lesbian sexuality, have been including NB for ages. Contrary to popular belief...

Enby folk have been around for ages and aren't just a new thing.


TL;DR: NB people are different breeds under one umbrella and to try and slap a sexuality on them as a whole just isn't possible.

You are on: Forums » Smalltalk » Thought That Popped Into My Mind Last Night

Moderators: Keke, Libertine, Cass, Copper_Dragon, Sanne, Dragonfire, Heimdall, Ben, Darth_Angelus