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Forums > RP Discussion > Wimping Out

Well,not wimping out. But… purposefully stopping replying to RPs. I don't want to ghost, I hate it and the guilt revolved in it, but sometimes I feel like I'm up and over my head with someone who is frickfrackingfabtablious whatever that means at writing up RP posts, and I just…

well, wimp out. They have a great story, great intoduction, great characters,great writing, and I feel like I have nothing to bring to the table. And there's no good way out of a trap like that. I either reply nd feel like I'm letting down the other party but they're responding out of pity, or, well, put it off until I've ghosted them and would feel awkward responding after a week of time has passed.

And by the same token, when someone doesn't reply after I do for linger, it just, no matter how irrational, helps my brain cement how horrible I am at replying to RPs when it comes toanything but one-liners(not that there's anythig wrong with that! I just apire to write… more.) and how they jut got driven away with disgust.

So, any tips for advoding those types of trapd and emotions? Or any writing tips overall?

Why do you immediately assume your writing is bad? I dont claim to know for sure but the mere fact that they continue to respond to you, to me, suggests that regardless of how you think your writing is coming across to them.....they are at least in some way enjoying the rp. Dont assume they are just responding out of pity because that really hurts the both of you and the rp I would say.

If you cant seem to manage the feeling that something is wrong, the key to everything is always communication. Have you tried simply mailing your partner and asking how they think you are doing? Or get right to the point and ask if there is something they would like to see improved?

To just ghost someone for this reason is really a tragic end to what could really be a potentially great experience for both of you. I for one would much rather a partner who was a not so good writer kept mailing me than an incredible writer ghosting me (or any level of writer)

Were not in competition with our partners, were here to have fun and tell stories and I think maybe your problem is confidence. My suggestion is communicate with your rp partners and simply keep trying, despite what you think about your own writing, someone out there is probably enjoying it.

Yo, I've only been rping with you for around a month now. All of your responses are absolutely beautiful! It puts everything into detail and helps everyone out.

I'm not sure if this is a combined thing or one specific person, but ou have amazing replies! You are an eccentric roleplayer and have pretty good grammar! It doesn't matter that you may do one liners because you can't think of anything else, that happens to me too. You're not a bad roleplayer and you have awesome replies. And when it comes to me, I'm not much better! I usually can't answer for a long time because of work. It's not your fault! Just... think well of yourself because you have no reason to think differently. ^v^ Make sure to try and take care of yourself because even though you reply on here you also have a life outside of RPR and nobody blames you for that. And if they do... I guess they don't have a life. Just kidding. If they blame you for that, make it clear that you have stuff to do sometimes so you won't be able to post right away everyday! You owe yourself that. Have a great day, TYB.

Communication is key, as has been mentioned.

So is trust. Communication means nothing if you don't trust the person when they say they enjoy your writing and are having fun, and I don't think that gets discussed enough.

It's hard. If you have any kind of anxiety, yeah, your brain is going to insist up and down that you're terrible and everyone is doing everything out of pity. (I don't think many people have the patience to continue an RP out of pity alone, though!)



Ask for reassurance again if you need it. Explain that you're feeling intimidated and need some time to wheel through it if that helps.

Focus on thanking them for their time instead of apologizing for "wasting" it. (Again, it's hard, but with practice it can be done, and it's super helpful for both of you.)

And trust people when they say they like it. If they're lying, that's on them, not on you. You're doing your best.

And remember that just a week isn't long enough to ghost. ;) Starting back up after a week isn't really that awkward, at least not to the other person, who may actually be super excited to hear from you again. Even if it has been a really long time, folks will usually appreciate an explanation of what happened. :)

Communicating your insecurities and self-doubts to your rp partners is absolutely important in these types of situations. Try not to assume the worst of yourself, as more often than not, we end up degrading ourselves instead of praising ourselves. Remember, though, that you practising self-praise won't fix your doubts over-night, and it's going to be a really rough battle. However, with good friends and writing partners willing to communicate with you in return to let you know what there is to improve the experience and skills for both of you is going to make it so much easier.

I went ahead and poked through a few of the public roleplays you've put yourself in to, and even your shorter replies are really nice. You have a good flow in your writing, you paint a clear picture, and you only make a few typo mistakes. Your grammar isn't bad at all, though I do find you're a little bit heavy handed when it comes to ellipses( Using "..." to format a soft pause is good, but when one does this too much it can make writing a little like reading how William Shatner speaks. It's not awful, but it can be something to improve upon! ) Your writing isn't something I can see as "bad" or "not enjoyable."

I've found that the majority of "really great" writers, that I have personally enjoyed, come from all walks of writing speeds. Great writers can take anywhere from 20 minutes, a couple of hours, a couple of days, to a couple of weeks to reply and bring their A-game to a reply. Life can get in the way, personal inspiration can take a toll for some, and who knows, you might be thinking this about you and one of your own writing partners might be thinking they're the horrible ones instead. Everyone is their own worst critique, and we are all just here to have a bunch of fun. Try to remind yourself that you're doing your best, and that is really all that matters. It doesn't matter if a reply comes to you easily in seconds one time, but other times it takes a really long time to jot down. If you are enjoying it and it feels good to you, that's what really matters at the end of the day about your own writing.

I'm a multi-para writer, and sometimes I write really short replies around a few sentences, but it all depends on what's going on in the story. Sometimes my replies are awfully short because I'm writing a more action-y scene that requires less detail, and more movement between myself and the other writer. Sometimes my replies are short because my writing partner needs a shorter reply from me to continue on something in their own part of the scene. The length of a reply is never set in stone on what is good and what is bad.

As Novalyn mentions above, you also need to build trust with your writing partners. You can't communicate well if you and the writing partner don't trust one another to be honest. Anxiety plays a great enemy to these kinds of communications though, and it can cause trust to be even harder to manage with new people. I have only met one single writer in all my years of writing who was willing to write with someone out of pity, and I personally discouraged the behaviour. I don't believe it's any kind of common trait, because all of us are here to enjoy ourselves and if they're not enjoying it in the least, people are less likely to reply at all.

I don't want to push any boundaries here, but if I could offer one final piece of advice. There's a phone app and google chrome app(this can be used as an extension, but it fiddles horribly with RPR's text boxes) called Grammarly. You can use it for free and it will help improve grammar and spelling. It'll inform you as to why something doesn't belong or is missing. It can even tell you if something is really difficult to read. (You don't always have to listen to it, because it can be a little picky at times.) However, it's extremely useful. I personally used it for a really long time, and now I use it when I'm unsure of something. :)

I hope your confidence gets a bit of a boost, because no one deserves to beat themselves up so brutally. You're doing great and you can keep climbing even higher.

I get where you’re coming from. It’s intimidating, and while not to put ourselves down, sometimes there is a real difference in skill between players.

Roleplaying is your hobby, right? In every hobby there are people who only do it for fun, they’re not trying to be the best and it’s even okay if they don’t care about getting better at it because it’s just that: a hobby. Not their job, a competition, or a task another person needs them for. But, it sounds like you want to be better than your current level. Comparing yourself to others has lowered your esteem but it doesn’t have to - when I RP with someone who I think is better than me, I acknowledge that I’m impressed. Maybe they did something new and unusual, or pulled off a difficult writing technique, things I can try myself to improve my own writing. You’ve already identified things you like in your partner’s work and I guarantee you can learn to do it yourself. You just need practice, but how can you if you give up now?

Voldarian_Empire is onto something, if you can muster the courage, asking your fellow players what they liked/didn’t like sounds like a good idea. I avoid saying the word ‘critique’ because I feel being that’s is a whole skill in itself that not everyone is good at. People who are professionally good at it become editors for a living :P

Remember, roleplaying is a team effort, not a competition. If they’ve stuck around they obviously want to keep writing with you no matter how good you think you aren’t so you’re not ‘driving them away’. I don’t know what your preferred pace is but sometimes waiting a week is normal for some people, other times we really are caught up with life and I know I’ve kept some of my partners waiting for over a month (and vice versa), but after communicating we’re still good to game however long it takes. If you really want to quit an RP, don’t guilt yourself that you’ve stopped because there’s always the opportunity to pick things up again too.

Be kind to yourself. :) It's okay to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. It's okay to tell someone that.

You have value as a roleplay partner and friend. Sometimes people don't match up well, but it's not because one is superior to another. We're all different, and sometimes those differences just make for a poor team. That's not anybody's fault! You should aspire to be the best version of you that you can be, which all comes down to continue trying. Comparing yourself to someone else doesn't help you much with that, since they're... Well, not you!

You're allowed to set your boundaries and tell someone you're not feeling it, just as much as you're allowed to take a break. Roleplay is a hobby, not an obligation. If you're not having fun and it's causing you stress, take a deep breath and be a bit selfish. Your health matters, don't be afraid to stand up for it!

I agree with Sanne, though thought to offer--not exactly a counterpoint, but more a different view that stems from a similar source. I also agree with the need to communicate. That, right there, is the most important thing.

As for feeling intimidated by one's partner, almost everyone goes through that. Here's something else I learned--someone, right now, is very likely intimidated by your writing. Just as much as you see someone and are thinking, holy crap, there's no way I'm good enough to be in the same forum as them, someone's thinking that about you.

While I could leave it there, I suppose, really, the point is to say that even if there are notable differences in writing between partners, that doesn't mean anyone's not enjoying it. Most of us aren't elitist and snobbish enough to demand our partners mirror our posting style to a T. Speaking for myself, the main thing I look for is the "energy". If my partner is really enjoying the role-play, is really getting into it, that'll show, and to me that's the most important thing. I feed on that energy; however "good" of a role-player I may be, that's because I take the energy my partner gives, work it up, then chuck it back at them; back and forth, back and forth. It's the enjoyment that matters.

If people didn't want to role-play with you, they wouldn't. Yet they do. That tells us you're a good role-player in the ways that really matter.

Please don't underestimate yourself. I recently joined a group, offered RP for a week or so, got no bites, left. Afterwards, the owner of that group sent me a friend request on Discord, and as soon as I accepted it they messaged to ask why I took off. When I explained I felt like no one was interested in what I was pitching, she said no one spoke up because they were intimidated by my intros :') most of the writers there averaged 4 sentences where I usually put down a paragraph. But I'm around for RP, not to compare my writing to that of others. Give your partners the benefit of the doubt. If they decide not to write with you, it's their responsibility to say so, don't take it upon yourself to decide what they're thinking! We're all writers here. If all else fails, instead of comparing your writing to a style you think is fantastic, let yourself be inspired by it.

Just to add to what everyone else has already stated (and they're all right, by the way!), I completely understand this feeling and it's something I have to tackle with myself as well.

TheYodelingBear wrote:
I feel like I have nothing to bring to the table.

There's that saying, 'You are your own worst critic.' And I feel like this is exactly the case in this situation. It's easy to assume and worry that you're not up to par compared to the other person, but please don't assume what you feel about your writing is indeed what the other person is feeling. Most of the time (practically always, in fact) it isn't! ♥

Remember that quantity does not equal quality - and there's an entire spectrum of different abilities and styles out there. If you begin to worry, just drop a little OOC comment to your RP partner and explain what you're feeling.

I thought I'd replied to this but see I hadn't. I have these times when I work at writing a reply and I start overthinking things and then I start editing and I end up having a bit of crisis of confidence that what I am writing and posting isn't up to the standards of my co-writers. Other days I can bash out posts to several RPs without a thought and it all works out ok.

I love all the advice given here, and taking the train to free posting even if it is not so long or articulate, it is the way to go. If the RP ends due to my posts, oh well.

Hang in there with your creative writing, and enjoy the tales, and don't fall into the trap that so many times snags me... overthinking the reply.

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Forums > RP Discussion > Wimping Out