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Can we have a little talk? Great; fantastic. I won't take up more than an hour of your time.

I find it a wonderful thing that you want to write. Creativity is one of life's decent gifts.

But for the love of most of the audience who reads your roleplay posts, short stories, and character descriptions, can you please stop sounding so darn precocious, and in some places, just plain awkward?

There is no need for having a "faux-naïf"(naive) personality, "emerald luminescent orbs", or "wavy tresses of gold". '*False naivety' is a perfectly legitimate phrase, "energetic green eyes" is just as descriptive(since when do eyes in real life take on a jewel-like quality anyway?), and your hair is not literally made out of gold unless you're some sort of constructed entity composed of the same material.

And people, please, use some sentences with a subject and verb! You don't look any smarter with your fragments and lack of pronounces and the word "the". Your writing sounds like it's suffering from asthma and needs a treatment, or that it is a poem that you squished together onto a single line/paragraph. If you can't fit everything into the Furcadia description editor, either shorten it down or open up the .ini file in Notepad-- it'll give you a bit more room to work with, I promise. And just because you can write like that in your description doesn't mean it needs to reflect your posts and character websites either. Really, people, give proper English a little love sometimes. The poor thing needs it when dealing with the amount of crappy grammar already on the internet.

Also why on earth do you keep using 'would' in your posts? Either your character has performed an action (past tense) or is performing one currently (present tense). There is no need to imply an action will occur-- it's sort of obvious since you're writing that post! Besides, it will never come to fruition anyway. The action is "always going to happen" and "never does". It never comes to pass. There's just an endless line of actions that "will happen" but are never shown to happen-- that's how the future tense is supposed to work, by the way. An action will happen, and then it does. When you use 'would', it will happen, but you never show it happening in the next post. It's awkward. Wean yourself of the usage of 'would' and stick to the past or present tenses in your posts, please.

And don't give me the excuse "I'm only 14!" I've seen some of those Wix and Webs websites before-- some of you out there in the RP scene claim you're young adults. Show it then! You wouldn't give an important college paper or a document to your boss the same poor treatment, right? C'mon, clean up your work a little and make it truly shine (and not with "shining orbs of sunlight"!)

So, can we come to this agreement? Can you please stop riddling your wonderful work with fragments, future tenses, and awkward "fancy" words that are uncommon to the common man? None of them make for a better written piece.

With great sincerity,
A concerned fellow writer & RPer

*Revelation in the bathroom-- 'faux' means fake, so that's really faking naivety. My mistake.

Post Script: please refrain from dropping names, characters' sites, or specific posts. I used specific examples, but as you can see, I didn't drop any names. This is just a discussion that finally came out about something I've seen for years in Roleplay, and I hope we can all learn from it and not be a little mean by pointing fingers. Thanks ahead of time, posters and readers! <3
*Raises hand* Actually..."Would" is a wonderful tactic to use when trying to avoid god-modeing.
Janie would jump onto the table, and put her hand into Jordan's face to show off her ring
Gives room for Jordan to instead decide that he wanted to get up as she jumped onto the table, or maybe he was going to flip the table. By using the term "would" it creates a space in between what the character is doing without assuming that no one is going to react in a way that would disrupt it.

At least, that is why I use it when I do.
Copper_Dragon Topic Starter

Sorry, Luulu, but I have to disagree with you there. "Would" isn't a substitute for "attempting" something, which is what you actually do when you want to avoid godmodding. By using "would", you're still saying you're doing the action-- you just aren't doing it in the past or present tenses. There is no attempting anywhere in the example.
Safiye (played by Kim)

I usually use the word "attempt" when I mean my sentence to be read as an attempt. And of late I have taken to using weighted dice to make certain everyone feels fairly treated. For example:

Safiye attempts to stab some unlucky sucker.

And on a 7 fails if the other person is at all coordinated. :D

rolled 1d20 and got 7

Sanne Moderator

Luulu wrote:
*Raises hand* Actually..."Would" is a wonderful tactic to use when trying to avoid god-modeing.
Janie would jump onto the table, and put her hand into Jordan's face to show off her ring
Gives room for Jordan to instead decide that he wanted to get up as she jumped onto the table, or maybe he was going to flip the table. By using the term "would" it creates a space in between what the character is doing without assuming that no one is going to react in a way that would disrupt it.

At least, that is why I use it when I do.

Actually, the term 'would' implies something is about to happen, but for some reason that action can never be completed. "She would have jumped, but..." That is the proper method of applying the word 'would' in this case. It also means that the condition is uncertain. If you check the dictionary, 'would' is never used in the way you described unless there is a condition set.
Quote:
aux.v. Past tense of will2
1. Used to express desire or intent: She said she would meet us at the corner.
2. Used to express a wish: Would that we had gone with you!
3. Used after a statement of desire, request, or advice: I wish you would stay.
4. Used to make a polite request: Would you go with me?
5. Used in the main clause of a conditional statement to express a possibility or likelihood: If I had enough money, I would buy a car. We would have gone to the beach, had the weather been good. See Usage Note at if.
6. Used to express presumption or expectation: That would be Steve at the door.
7. Used to indicate uncertainty: He would seem to be getting better.
8. Used to express repeated or habitual action in the past: Every morning we would walk in the garden.

Number 1 comes closest, but the sentence's structure implies that what she wanted never happened, or else the sentence should have been "she met us at the corner". Now I understand that you're leaving an opening for others to intercept the action, but there are better ways to go around that!

A better structure to leave an opening would be something like "Janie jumped, unless stopped, onto the table" or as Kim said, "Janie attempted to jump onto the table". In either cases your sentences make sense, grammatically, while giving others ample opportunity to prevent your character from doing it.

I suffered from this quite a bit and catch myself using 'would' the wrong way too. There are people who use the word 'would' in literally every sentence, and while I certainly won't reprimand them, if I catch them doing it I always try to gently raise their awareness of the misuse of the word. It becomes very annoying to read very quickly, because it never feels like anything is definitely happening.

Don't be afraid to make things happen. It's good for the roleplay. If you're afraid to make a decision - i.e. THIS is going to happen NOW - then you will only find it hindering your story's progress! I know people are afraid that they might be seen godmoding, but if you're really unsure, let the dice decide for you. Roll a 1d2 for a yes or no, or a 1d10 with 1 being the least likely and 10 being the most likely of it happening. The dice are not rigged (digitally at least :P) and will always give a fair outcome. If you're a sensible person who carefully avoid playing overly powerful characters and balances them out with flaws, very few people will mind you making decisions!

Something that bothers me a lot is that people use incredibly difficult words for the simplest descriptions. Now I'm certainly not a poor writer (I dare say my English writing skills exceed my Dutch writing skills, and English is the language I learned last of all the languages I know!) but such descriptions become a chore to understand. There's nothing wrong with saying "She had an oval shaped face with bright green eyes and beautiful curly red hair reaching her shoulders". I don't need some intricate metaphor tell me her emerald pools of wisdom are framed by the fires of the setting sun, and that metaphor consisting of thesaurus words on top of it.

Here is a quote I love dearly and strive to live by when I roleplay and write:
"In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story. -Ben Bova"
Copper_Dragon Topic Starter

Sanne, managing to put my topic back on track as I fumble my way through this sentence. Thank you. While I just vent my frustrations, you take my thoughts and put them into instructional use for us all! <3
Sanne Moderator

Copper_Dragon wrote:
Sanne, managing to put my topic back on track as I fumble my way through this sentence. Thank you. While I just vent my frustrations, you take my thoughts and put them into instructional use for us all! <3

I was thinking of making a topic similar to this because I was growing increasingly frustrated but unsure how to address it. Your topic did most of the work for me! <3
SeraphicStar

Copper, Sanne, I love you two. I completely agree with everything you two said. I'm a recovering wouldoholic myself (slow, painful process, but getting there one day at a time). As for the overly complicated prose, fragmented sentences, and all that - they're some of my pet peeves in RP.

I wish I had something to add, but these two lovely ladies put it better than I ever could.
Kim Site Admin

While I agree absolutely 1000% with everything expressed so far, and Sanne posted one of my most favorite quotes ever in the history of the universe because it is SO true and deceptively difficult to master -- I think it's worth mentioning that language is a living thing and sometimes subcommunities form that use it in unique ways. There are whole pockets of people who use "would" in a way that is incorrect by dictionary standards, and they love it and all understand one another.

But when trying to mingle in a more mixed group, or for goodness sakes when trying to write work for publication, confident simplicity is the best way to express yourself to the most people possible. And, in my personal opinion, the mark of true elegance and refinement. It's harder than it looks to write truly clear prose!
I think, with "Would" it is one of those hings that are up to the individual as a person. I also think it is a phrasing for role playing only, as I agree that it is improper writing. Of course, I only say it is up to the individual because I still maintain that it can be used the way I use it, mainly because that is how I was taught to use it, and a much better alternative to stepping on another writers toes. Granted, this most likely means I am wrong and just stubborn.
Well, I don't disagree with this in anyway, except for the idea of not using a phrase like 'Her eyes were like shimmering sapphires in the moonlight." I mean, it is very common for writer's to use metaphors and similes like that to give the reader a better picture in their mind to envision what they are seeing. I prefer detail, and comparisons, because it makes for longer posts, which I enjoy.

I mean, if every writer just made the same phrase, "Her eyes were blue," then it would be far less entertaining, and dare I say, bland, for the reader. Making comparisons like that makes the thoughts and pictures just flow well together, because you have something to compare it to.

To be honest, that's why metaphors exist, right? So you can compare something to something else, even though having truly gold hair is impossible, or gem-like eyes in that manner of speaking. But, it is talking about how the beauty compares to a gem. It opens the mind's eye.

If you think about it, the greatest writers of all time have used similar phrases of metaphors, so, I'm not quite sure what the problem is with this.

**I also use the word 'would' but in a sense like this. "Ria would continue after him, unless told to stop." And that gives my partner the chance to react if they want it otherwise. And if they don't tell her to stop, then it is implied that she continued to follow, so why would I reiterate myself in my next post by saying, "Since she wasn't told to stop, she continued following him." To me, that is just a waste of time, because, it was already implied since she wasn't told otherwise.

*** But to the fact of making complete sentences... yes... please do this. I hate when I'm not sure whether or not my partner meant to do something, because they didn't complete a sentence. I'm not sure if you meant to add more? Or should I just go ahead an reply?

And it is down right annoying. I mean, I'm doing my best to structure my posts to the best of my abilities to make it enjoyable for you. I know we all don't have English degrees, but, at least make it so I can understand what you are saying. Use periods every now and then, or use some adjectives or some prepositional phrases. I don't like sentences like this --> 'He laughed.'

Really? What did he find amusing? My joke? Was there something going on behind me? Do I have something on my face? Plus, it doesn't give me a lot to work with, and therefore, makes my next post 10x smaller.
Sanne Moderator

Luulu wrote:
I think, with "Would" it is one of those hings that are up to the individual as a person. I also think it is a phrasing for role playing only, as I agree that it is improper writing. Of course, I only say it is up to the individual because I still maintain that it can be used the way I use it, mainly because that is how I was taught to use it, and a much better alternative to stepping on another writers toes. Granted, this most likely means I am wrong and just stubborn.

And you know what? That is absolutely fine! If you want to use the word 'would' that way, you're entitled to use it any way you please. :) A lot of this post is aimed towards people who don't know any better. They pick up the way a word is being used and think it's right because other people use it. As a person who learned English on the internet, I was always asking people to help me figure it out.

For the longest time I didn't know the difference between the words witch and which, until one day someone got snarky and told me "DUDE, IT'S WHICH, NOT WITCH". It upset me, but from that point on I always used the proper word for the sentence. I'd rather someone tells me I'm using the word wrong than to never correct me at all (preferably in a nice way!) because I like to learn.

Some people don't care how often you use 'would'. Others find it very annoying if you use it that way. It's a personal preference and everyone should decide for themselves whether they will RP with someone or not! I suppose everyone can just take from this topic what they need. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe they're going "Oh damn, I didn't know this!" and write different from now on. It's all up to you what you do with it, we're just trying to explain it!
Jetticus

Copper_Dragon wrote:
Sorry, Luulu, but I have to disagree with you there. "Would" isn't a substitute for "attempting" something, which is what you actually do when you want to avoid godmodding. By using "would", you're still saying you're doing the action-- you just aren't doing it in the past or present tenses. There is no attempting anywhere in the example.

How about, "Jett would then attempt to kick over the table."

This is proper English, and the use of would is common in modern English, for describing a scene that a writer has already depicted... just saying.
Sanne Moderator

kuroi_neko wrote:
I mean, I don't disagree with this in anyway, except for the idea of not using a phrase like 'Her eyes were like shimmering sapphires in the moonlight." I mean, it is very common for writer's to use metaphors and similes like that to give the reader a better picture in their mind to envision what they are seeing.

I mean, if every writer just made the same phrase, "Her eyes were blue," then it would be far less entertaining, and dare I say, bland, for the reader. Making comparisons like that makes the thoughts and pictures just flow well together, because you have something to compare it to.

I mean, that's why metaphors exist, right? So you can compare something to something else, even though having truly gold hair is impossible, or gem-like eyes in that manner of speaking. But, it is talking about how the beauty compares to a gem. It opens the mind's eye.

I mean, the greatest writers of all time have used similar phrases of metaphors, so, I'm not quite sure what the problem is with this.

**I also use the word 'would' but in a sense like this. "Ria would continue after him, unless told to stop." And that gives my partner the chance to react if they want it otherwise. And if they don't tell her to stop, then it is implied that she continued to follow, so why would I reiterate myself in my next post by saying, "Since she wasn't told to stop, she continued following him." To me, that is just a waste of time, because, it was already implied since she wasn't told otherwise.

Metaphors aren't wrong to be used, but often people use such far-fetched comparisons to describe things that the description no longer makes sense, or is exceptionally difficult to follow. While it may enhance the prose, it often does little to enhance the story. It's commonly used in writing, yes, I'm just saying I personally don't need it to make the post interesting. I prefer a clear picture to be painted in my head so I won't mess up. (It's particularly important when I have to draw someone's char that I know exactly what I need to draw. Metaphors make it difficult)
Jetticus wrote:
How about, "Jett would then attempt to kick over the table."

This is proper English, and the use of would is common in modern English, for describing a scene that a writer has already depicted... just saying.

If you leave the word 'would' out (also in kuroi_neko's example), you're left with the exact same sentence. She followed him unless stopped. He attempted to kick over the table. I'm just wondering in what way the word 'would' enhances the sentence, or makes it different? In both cases the meaning of the sentence doesn't change at all, you're still making attempts and still leaving an opening with or without 'would'.

Again, if that makes you happy then you should definitely use it that way. But it's not necessary for the reasons you both mentioned, because the goal is accomplished either way. :)
Copper_Dragon Topic Starter

@Kuroi- Wait, let me be clear: I'm not anti-metaphor. I'm anti-purple-prose-metaphor: the metaphors that start to go overboard and just look like you're writing a love-letter to your sweetheart. "Alex von Pickles had eyes as bright and radiant as the sun."

Picture that for a second-- eyes as bright and radiant as the sun. So they have two little suns for eyeballs? Owch, I have a hard enough time looking at our sun on a normal day, but now I have to be blinded by those bright sun eyes too? *puts on some shades* B) This is not a snark smilie, btw-- it just... y'know, has shades. For my emote. A better example could be something like... ahm... "Alex von Pickles had eyes like the petals of sunflowers". It's still yellow, but it's not making me picture sun-eyes now.

My point is, I don't mind metaphors. I just get a little bothered by over the top metaphors. You can have a metaphor and make it work... yet then, on the flip side, you can just step off into giving me a weird mental image when I read it.

@Kim, Luulu, Sanne, Jetticus- Sanne put my being irked by "So and So would" and how people RP with each other perfectly:
Sanne wrote:
Some people don't care how often you use 'would'. Others find it very annoying if you use it that way. It's a personal preference and everyone should decide for themselves whether they will RP with someone or not! I suppose everyone can just take from this topic what they need. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe they're going "Oh damn, I didn't know this!" and write different from now on. It's all up to you what you do with it, we're just trying to explain it!

Just because you use 'would' doesn't mean I'm going to hate you forever. It just, as someone who's used to past and present tensing in their posts, boggles my mind about how it can be used in a person's actions like I tend to see it. To me, logically, it makes no sense in the flow of roleplay. If you use it though, that's fine-- I'm not here to hate or dislike or point fingers at anyone. I was just venting a little on reoccurring writing quirks that tend to get under my skin a little, but in doing so it's gone and opened up this wonderful discussion on how people write, why they write the way they do, and what styles suit people. This isn't my personal little hate thread, not by any means, and it shouldn't be anyone else either!

Edit: I think Sanne ninja'd me, but that's okay-- it works.
I agree that metaphors aren't needed. There are a lot of things in the English language that aren't needed. Adjectives aren't necessarily needed, but it helps create a bigger picture. The only thing you truly need for a sentence is a noun and a verb. And that is just boring. So, as a preference, most people enjoy the overly exaggerated details.

I understand that you don't like it, but to me, making a post about it and telling people how annoyed you are with it, is, in itself a little precocious. I mean, I understand giving a point of view on this topic, but the very first post, to me, seems to be raging on this.

I am just giving my two cents, but coming back and telling me what you prefer when roleplaying seems to negate any form of polite conversation.

I'm just pointing out why people do this, use metaphors that extend out to use high end adjectives, and use the word 'would'.

I completely understand that you do not enjoy it, and the opening post was fine, one reply was fine, but you are countering every person who replies and does not agree with you. You gave your point of view, several times, but can we give our point of view without someone instantly making me feel like an idiot, or anyone else that replies.

Perhaps I am being hypocritical, by just replying back and countering, but, poor Luulu, I feel she was just shot down, and I want to let her know she isn't the only one who feels that way. The same with Jetticus.
Copper_Dragon Topic Starter

Well... goodness, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't really think of my responses like that. I guess my piece has been over-stated, and I'll step out and y'all can continue on.
Jetticus

Jetticus wrote:
How about, "Jett would then attempt to kick over the table."

This is proper English, and the use of would is common in modern English, for describing a scene that a writer has already depicted... just saying.
Sanne wrote:
]If you leave the word 'would' out (also in kuroi_neko's example), you're left with the exact same sentence. She followed him unless stopped. He attempted to kick over the table. I'm just wondering in what way the word 'would' enhances the sentence, or makes it different? In both cases the meaning of the sentence doesn't change at all, you're still making attempts and still leaving an opening with or without 'would'.

Again, if that makes you happy then you should definitely use it that way. But it's not necessary for the reasons you both mentioned, because the goal is accomplished either way. :)

What would does in this particular scenario is allows you to say, then the character did this... would is not only a past tense verb, but it is also an expressed condition, meaning that if someone can jump on the table they would!
Okay, I didn't mean to go off like that, and I do apologize. It just irks me that people rant like this on a website that tries to be open about RP standards. Some people like some things, and others like other things. I understand that you want to rant, I want to do it too, but it belittles people who actually do these things, and enjoy doing it.

I mean, if you don't like the way someone RPs then don't RP with them; or let them know what you prefer. But, doing it in mass like this really makes some people feel bad.

I know that wasn't your intention, but, it kind of felt that way. Even when I make it a goal to avoid these things, I felt that I wasn't doing well enough. You know what I mean?

Unfortunately, not everyone has the best English. That is just the way the system works nowadays. Schools don't really seem to care anymore about giving the best, and proper English education. So, it's going to be really hard to find someone who fits up to yours or my own standards. I make a good amount of mistakes, but I really appreciate my RP partner for not calling me out on them, because I know I'm not perfect, and I know they aren't.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm not really helping anything here. I feel I'm just raging, and I do apologize, so, unless I have something constructive to say after this, I'll be done.

No hard feelings intended, I just wanted to voice that.
-looks down-

I'm sorry... one of the reasons I roleplay is because I am trying to improve my writing skills... And if my posts are guilty of any of the aforementioned, I sincerely apologize.

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