Hello, folks!
I know at least a few people here know, but: I have worked as a fully legitimate, certified Professional Cuddler and Group Cuddle Facilitator. Due to the nature of both the work and aspects of certification, I'll be limited in some of what I can share, but will try to offer generalized information when possible to balance info with obscuring details.
For some quick starter info:
And a quick FYI/disclaimer: I haven't worked this job in awhile now, even before covid, even though I still technically hold the title. I haven't kept up super well either, so while I can dig to get some updates, I may still miss a lot of recent developments.
Also, I went and decided to do a separate non-binary one of these.
I know at least a few people here know, but: I have worked as a fully legitimate, certified Professional Cuddler and Group Cuddle Facilitator. Due to the nature of both the work and aspects of certification, I'll be limited in some of what I can share, but will try to offer generalized information when possible to balance info with obscuring details.
For some quick starter info:
- Yes, it's a real thing!
- Yes, there are multiple organizations that offer certification - but no, it is not yet a well-standardized field. Different organizations can have vastly different training and requirements, and though they are increasingly trying to organize to agree on better-set standards, no legal requirements exist.
- No, it is not at all a sexual thing.
And a quick FYI/disclaimer: I haven't worked this job in awhile now, even before covid, even though I still technically hold the title. I haven't kept up super well either, so while I can dig to get some updates, I may still miss a lot of recent developments.
Also, I went and decided to do a separate non-binary one of these.
Oh man I always thought this was so cool!
What's your favorite memory of working as a professional cuddler?
What's your favorite memory of working as a professional cuddler?
Have you encountered clients who were exceptionally judgmental about this, but changed their mind after experiencing it?
Sanne wrote:
Oh man I always thought this was so cool!
What's your favorite memory of working as a professional cuddler?
What's your favorite memory of working as a professional cuddler?
Well heck, that's multiple levels of tricky.
Let's see... I think I'll go with the general experience of the trip I took for part of my certification. I didn't have to stress over paying for the class or the trip since it was being paid by my employer, and I lucked out with housing and some meals thanks to what was basically an extra-personal business share thing going on, and I got to meet a bunch of other really cool folks among both the others going through the training and those leading the training. Everyone was so sweet and a good balance of silly!
MissPixie wrote:
Have you encountered clients who were exceptionally judgmental about this, but changed their mind after experiencing it?
Yes and no...? "Exceptionally judgemental" makes me think along the lines of having some aggression/hostility about it (which is possible my employer might actually have experienced, but I don't recall myself), but that probably isn't what you meant. There have been folks who came in with a great deal of caution, though. Folks who wanted to make sure it wasn't a scam, it wasn't a cover for something sexual, that we would respect their boundaries, etc.
For one-on-ones, even when folks aren't nervous, it's still standard for us (where I work) to do a sort of consultation chat first to get to know them a little, discuss boundaries and expectations and whatnot, and we have them read a sort of rules thing and fill out a short form that lets them specify what they are and aren't comfy with, want or want to avoid, and so on. We also have images of cuddling positions that can help them know even better what to expect and even select what they'd like (though few do). So far, by the end of the process, folks have seemed reassured enough to proceed forward, and many return.
For groups, again, there have been some who came in nervous, but there's even more of a process there. We explain expectations and rules and such; point out areas reserved for people who are afraid to ask (and want to be asked) and for people who just want to exist in the space while being left alone, and I think there was another; go through exercises on consent and being polite about asking and refusing and such (one exercise even requires you to turn down a request, because some people have a really hard time with that); etc. And sometimes, there are people who opt to stay in the "leave me alone" area for the entire event, and we might see them again or not, or they might have been using a group even to scope out things for an interest in one-on-ones, and basically all of that is fine.
It's very common for folks to come in nervous for the first time, only to end up half asleep in someone's arms (or sometimes outright napping). It's even typical, especially with group events, to have some time at the end to sorta come back to reality because a lot of people end up addle-brained from all the brain's natural happy-chemicals just flooding their system.
Honestly I'm jealous, professional cuddling sounds amazing. Have you ever fallen asleep on the job or had a client fall asleep during their session with you before?
Have you found professional cuddling to benefit or harm you emotionally/mentally in a way you didn't expect?
SolarLoki wrote:
Honestly I'm jealous, professional cuddling sounds amazing. Have you ever fallen asleep on the job or had a client fall asleep during their session with you before?
I... am not supposed to, but I think I have dozed off a little a couple times.
As for clients, absolutely. Probably a good third at least have dozed off on/beside me, and some even do so intentionally to some degree.Sad info in here
And although it isn't a service I've offered, there are some cuddlers willing to arrange overnight sessions, usually for special cases like if someone lost a partner and had been struggling to sleep alone. This is most common with elderly clients, and the cuddlers who offer this also take time to set up plenty of safeties, such as a friend who expects them to call by a specific time and phone apps that make alerting police or selected individuals in a way that gives them important into like location super simple.
MercyInReach wrote:
Have you found professional cuddling to benefit or harm you emotionally/mentally in a way you didn't expect?
Hm, ways I didn't expect...
Well, I suppose a benefit that I hadn't really expected was that I'm pretty sure it helped with my confidence and self-agency. I'm still not great about those things, especially depending on circumstances (probably at my worst when it should be easiest!), but it's necessary for the job, and a lot of the training (especially on consent) helps to draw it out.
(And seriously, even if you feel you have a great understanding of consent, consent training is still amazing. Even the instructors keep learning new things while teaching it again and again.)
And a hurt I didn't expect... For the "didn't expect" part, all I can think of is ending up feeling the same sorts of issues I seem to develop at any job. I never seem to make it past a couple years before I end up with frustrations over one thing or another that can get pretty intense at times, and I really didn't expect to get that with this of all jobs.
Do you make a point out of clarifying to clients that there’s nothing sexual about cuddling? Or are they usually aware of that, before requesting your service? 
So I have a few questions about professional cuddling which I hope you won't mind answering?
heh heh ummmm how do you cuddle without getting aroused???
How did you come up with this idea?
What does a session entail?
Who is your clientele?
How many clients do you see on an average day?
What do clients talk about?
What's your cuddling space like?
how many clients do you see every year?
How does someone become a professional cuddler if they don't like touching people?
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about the cuddling industry?
What are the rules?
How do you keep yourself safe if you knew your patient was someone in jail?
What do your friends and family think?
Isn’t it kind of sad that this needs to exist?
Do you ever get tired of cuddling?
heh heh ummmm how do you cuddle without getting aroused???
How did you come up with this idea?
What does a session entail?
Who is your clientele?
How many clients do you see on an average day?
What do clients talk about?
What's your cuddling space like?
how many clients do you see every year?
How does someone become a professional cuddler if they don't like touching people?
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about the cuddling industry?
What are the rules?
How do you keep yourself safe if you knew your patient was someone in jail?
What do your friends and family think?
Isn’t it kind of sad that this needs to exist?
Do you ever get tired of cuddling?
LittleLilac wrote:
Do you make a point out of clarifying to clients that there’s nothing sexual about cuddling? Or are they usually aware of that, before requesting your service?
I haven't personally needed to explain it very often. Websites for cuddling services usually find ways to mention this, be it stating it directly, something that comes up in blog posts, etc. Emails or social media messages sometimes ask about it, but I don't often see the more general messages from those who haven't already seen it stated on our site. It's also mentioned multiple times in our pre-session paperwork, both directly and indirectly. So, at least where I've worked, it's been pretty rare that I've either been asked if there's anything sexual to it (usually asked in a way that comes across like they want to be sure it won't happen) or that I've gotten any "vibes" that made me feel like it needed to be explicitly stated out loud.
sarah18394729 wrote:
So I have a few questions about professional cuddling which I hope you won't mind answering?
Hoo, lots of questions! Alright, let's see now...
How do you cuddle without getting aroused?
For me, personally... I'm asexual. Granted, that doesn't mean I'm incapable of being aroused, but it does make it much less of an issue. I also don't have anything that would make arousal really obvious.
Speaking more generally... there's a lot going on here, actually. First, a point of harsh bluntness: many of those who seek this service are individuals who, for one reason or another, have difficulty getting cuddles by any other means. I've had clients who, physically, would typically be considered plain to downright unattractive. I've had clients profusely sweat on me. I've had clients with significant body odor issues. I've had disabled clients. I've had clients who I had to repeatedly reassure they would not crush me. I've had clients with overt neurological disorders. I've had clients who were clearly much older than me. Many of the clients we get are not the sort who, as strangers/formal acquaintances, you're likely have any unintentional sexual thoughts or feelings with/about. There are certainly those who fall within the realm of, iunno, standard attractiveness? But it's a lot easier to not be aroused than you might think, even for those who aren't asexual.
Beyond that, much of it is the same as how we respond to client arousal. (For all your questions, you didn't ask that!) For some no-big-deal incidence, don't make a fuss, shift as necessary to stop anything that might be encouraging it, and focus on other things. If it seems like a recurrent issue, it might take some more planning to work out how to avoid it (or if it's a client, we might have to, yes, talk about it with them to work that out), and ultimately we might have to face that a giving pairing isn't going to work out and perhaps recommend another cuddler to the client. Much the same course of action if emotional attachment seems to be developing too strongly, to being dependant or something.
And finally, those who do this work tend to be the sort who'll also cuddle with friends. Not just lovers. So for many of us, it's just not a sexual thing to begin with. It's just a more involved hug.
Speaking more generally... there's a lot going on here, actually. First, a point of harsh bluntness: many of those who seek this service are individuals who, for one reason or another, have difficulty getting cuddles by any other means. I've had clients who, physically, would typically be considered plain to downright unattractive. I've had clients profusely sweat on me. I've had clients with significant body odor issues. I've had disabled clients. I've had clients who I had to repeatedly reassure they would not crush me. I've had clients with overt neurological disorders. I've had clients who were clearly much older than me. Many of the clients we get are not the sort who, as strangers/formal acquaintances, you're likely have any unintentional sexual thoughts or feelings with/about. There are certainly those who fall within the realm of, iunno, standard attractiveness? But it's a lot easier to not be aroused than you might think, even for those who aren't asexual.
Beyond that, much of it is the same as how we respond to client arousal. (For all your questions, you didn't ask that!) For some no-big-deal incidence, don't make a fuss, shift as necessary to stop anything that might be encouraging it, and focus on other things. If it seems like a recurrent issue, it might take some more planning to work out how to avoid it (or if it's a client, we might have to, yes, talk about it with them to work that out), and ultimately we might have to face that a giving pairing isn't going to work out and perhaps recommend another cuddler to the client. Much the same course of action if emotional attachment seems to be developing too strongly, to being dependant or something.
And finally, those who do this work tend to be the sort who'll also cuddle with friends. Not just lovers. So for many of us, it's just not a sexual thing to begin with. It's just a more involved hug.
How did you come up with this idea?
I didn't. I think there might have been times I thought "wouldn't it be cool if...?" but I first found out it was a real thing from some article about a woman in I think New York? And from what I heard, she wanted nothing to do with turning it into a whole industry.
What does a session entail?
It may differ between cuddlers and cuddle organizations, but for where I've been:
For one-on-ones, the first session starts with a consultation of sorts. We chat about expectations, get to know the client a bit, watch for any red flags... If the client wants to proceed (almost always), we have them fill out some paperwork (some legal stuff, some stuff for our reference like preferences, and a copy of their ID as a safety precaution and making sure they're an adult). If all is still good, then we head to a room (with a security camera) to cuddle, almost always on a bed. Not in, but on. We do have small blankets if needed, but that's it. Music is optional. Usually have a fan to keep cool. Client has the option to lead the session or to just be guided while they relax, and can change their mind at any time. Position changes are used in part to help keep us both awake, so there's usually a number of them. Client has the option of a "warning" alarm some period of time before the session ends. Once it's over, we try to ensure the client is alert and has all of their belongings before leaving. For follow-up sessions, instead of a full consult at the start, we do a check-in to see if they have any updates to make any different requests, etc. After the session, we promptly change out the bedding. Oh, and payment happens prior to the session.
In group events, most the the event is a guided series of exercises, followed by a period of open cuddling. We try to have a large space for this, which can make having it be soft and comfortable a little tricky. The specifics of the guided part can vary, but it focuses on consent, assurance that it's okay to say "no," practice making requests, little social games, etc. In group events, we actually welcome folks to use false names.
For one-on-ones, the first session starts with a consultation of sorts. We chat about expectations, get to know the client a bit, watch for any red flags... If the client wants to proceed (almost always), we have them fill out some paperwork (some legal stuff, some stuff for our reference like preferences, and a copy of their ID as a safety precaution and making sure they're an adult). If all is still good, then we head to a room (with a security camera) to cuddle, almost always on a bed. Not in, but on. We do have small blankets if needed, but that's it. Music is optional. Usually have a fan to keep cool. Client has the option to lead the session or to just be guided while they relax, and can change their mind at any time. Position changes are used in part to help keep us both awake, so there's usually a number of them. Client has the option of a "warning" alarm some period of time before the session ends. Once it's over, we try to ensure the client is alert and has all of their belongings before leaving. For follow-up sessions, instead of a full consult at the start, we do a check-in to see if they have any updates to make any different requests, etc. After the session, we promptly change out the bedding. Oh, and payment happens prior to the session.
In group events, most the the event is a guided series of exercises, followed by a period of open cuddling. We try to have a large space for this, which can make having it be soft and comfortable a little tricky. The specifics of the guided part can vary, but it focuses on consent, assurance that it's okay to say "no," practice making requests, little social games, etc. In group events, we actually welcome folks to use false names.
I'll get around to more of your questions later.
more questions
Who is your clientele?
How many clients do you see on an average day?
What do clients talk about?
What's your cuddling space like?
how many clients do you see every year?
How does someone become a professional cuddler if they don't like touching people?
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about the cuddling industry?
What are the rules?
How do you keep yourself safe if you knew your patient was someone in jail?
What do your friends and family think?
Isn’t it kind of sad that this needs to exist?
Do you ever get tired of cuddling?
Who is your clientele?
How many clients do you see on an average day?
What do clients talk about?
What's your cuddling space like?
how many clients do you see every year?
How does someone become a professional cuddler if they don't like touching people?
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about the cuddling industry?
What are the rules?
How do you keep yourself safe if you knew your patient was someone in jail?
What do your friends and family think?
Isn’t it kind of sad that this needs to exist?
Do you ever get tired of cuddling?
sarah18394729 wrote:
So I have a few questions about professional cuddling which I hope you won't mind answering?
Who is your clientele?
Pretty much the only restriction is that they are adults coming to us of their own volition. Beyond that... In my experience, there's a distinct majority of male clients. Some folks seek us out after the loss of a partner (breakup, death, or otherwise) to help them cope, or to help fill in social needs, or because they just really like to cuddle, or are just generally curious, etc.
Humans are social creatures, and while specific needs and desires and such will vary, evolution made physical contact a very important aspect of that. There is even the term "skin hunger" to describe the craving for physical contact, something like a withdrawal issue. Positive physical contact with another being is one of the major things that causes "happy" chemicals (things like oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine) to release.
Humans are social creatures, and while specific needs and desires and such will vary, evolution made physical contact a very important aspect of that. There is even the term "skin hunger" to describe the craving for physical contact, something like a withdrawal issue. Positive physical contact with another being is one of the major things that causes "happy" chemicals (things like oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine) to release.
How many clients do you see on an average day?
For me personally, it was more of a weekly or even monthly count, depending on what else was going on. I took things pretty slow. Once in awhile, I'd have more than one client on a given day.
Some busier cuddlers commonly average two or three a day. I'm not sure I've seen more than 5 scheduled for a single cuddler on the same day outside of certain special periods, like test-sessions as part of an interview process or something.
Some busier cuddlers commonly average two or three a day. I'm not sure I've seen more than 5 scheduled for a single cuddler on the same day outside of certain special periods, like test-sessions as part of an interview process or something.
What do clients talk about?
Pretty much anything. We do make an effort to avoid conversations that focus much around sex, and we can ask not to discuss things that make us uncomfortable, but conversation roamed all over the place. Might be what they had for lunch, something they watched recently, someone bothering them at work, even some childhood trauma might come up. There are also long periods, sometimes entire sessions, that are pretty much just silent.
What's your cuddling space like?
I got to work for a group with a dedicated building with multiple rooms that each had a different theme. Each has a bed, and we have a few bluetooth speakers to play music through. We also had a larger room for group events, with bedding and lots of plushies. Snacks were kept handy for cuddlers and clients alike.
Most cuddlers freelance it, though. They may or may not have an "office" space for cuddling. Often, cuddlers simply go to the homes of their clients.
Most cuddlers freelance it, though. They may or may not have an "office" space for cuddling. Often, cuddlers simply go to the homes of their clients.
How does someone become a professional cuddler if they don't like touching people?
I'm not sure why they would...? If there's maybe some other way they are trying to help people, or they have some other goal, it might be best to focus on that aspect instead and see what they can achieve with the things they are comfortable doing.
More to come.
sarah18394729 wrote:
So I have a few questions about professional cuddling which I hope you won't mind answering?
Let's see if I can finish these up...
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about the cuddling industry?
I've been having the hardest time with this one. I guess that it exists, is legitimate, is nothing to be ashamed of, and should be made more accessible to all.
What are the rules?
They vary from cuddler to cuddler or business to business, and I'm not sure if you're asking about rules for the pros or rules for the clients.
For pros, it's too new of an industry to have any specialized rules, so it's pretty standard laws that are followed. We additionally hold ourselves to many of the same rules in massage and mental health for ethics purposes. Caution around anything that could possibly be interpreted sexually, maintaining client privacy, etc.
Where I've worked, some general rules (for everyone) are things like clothes stay on; no kissing; no intentional contact between hands and the chest, crotch, butt, or lips; no touching in places you've been asked not to; no going under clothing; etc. With groups, everyone is also asked to respect each other's privacy and not do anything that could compromise it, including things like greeting them in public without prior consent. Overall, consent is a really big deal.
For pros, it's too new of an industry to have any specialized rules, so it's pretty standard laws that are followed. We additionally hold ourselves to many of the same rules in massage and mental health for ethics purposes. Caution around anything that could possibly be interpreted sexually, maintaining client privacy, etc.
Where I've worked, some general rules (for everyone) are things like clothes stay on; no kissing; no intentional contact between hands and the chest, crotch, butt, or lips; no touching in places you've been asked not to; no going under clothing; etc. With groups, everyone is also asked to respect each other's privacy and not do anything that could compromise it, including things like greeting them in public without prior consent. Overall, consent is a really big deal.
How do you keep yourself safe if you knew your patient was someone in jail?
We're unlikely to ever know that unless they share it with us, which would not change anything. We take the same precautions with everyone, and allow the same access to everyone.
That said, since your phrasing implies the client would be currently in jail... I'm not aware if any pro cuddlers have made arrangements to work with people who are currently in jail or prison, nor do I have any idea what might be involved in that process.
That said, since your phrasing implies the client would be currently in jail... I'm not aware if any pro cuddlers have made arrangements to work with people who are currently in jail or prison, nor do I have any idea what might be involved in that process.
What do your friends and family think?
Everyone who's expressed any thoughts about it has thought it was pretty cool and that it made sense for me. Just some cautioning to be careful, too.
Isn’t it kind of sad that this needs to exist?
Ideally, everyone who has a need or desire for cuddles or even just some social time would be able to get as much as they need. In a perfect world, cuddling wouldn't be so taboo outside of romantic and/or sexual relationships. Cuddling with friends would just be a totally acceptable thing, and folks could be less nervous about it. Professional cuddling is one of the few industries that actually hopes to be run out of business because everyone is getting when they need.
I'm glad that it does exist, though. I'm also glad that some pros have been trying to find ways to include folks with lower incomes without themselves going out of business because they just can't afford to operate.
I'm glad that it does exist, though. I'm also glad that some pros have been trying to find ways to include folks with lower incomes without themselves going out of business because they just can't afford to operate.
Do you ever get tired of cuddling?
Uh... Well, there are times I get tired of being in one place, or when it's just too hot to be in proximity to another person without A/C. And, well, I take cuddle-naps with friends sometimes, for the other kind of tired. I also have poor circulation, so I need to be extra careful not to let parts go numb.
But tired specifically of cuddling? That makes about as much sense to me as getting tired of sitting.
I also have poor circulation, so I need to be extra careful not to let parts go numb.But tired specifically of cuddling? That makes about as much sense to me as getting tired of sitting.
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