Just little venting, I guess.
I got into a small argument with friends so now I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm the only one that experiences this. My friends certainly havent.
When i have a good roleplay going and start talking outside of it my stories get dropped very quickly. Why? Because certain aspects of my life arent what they want or approve of. It's not even anything serious or relevant to anything. In my looong rp career of 20 years my private life was ALWAYS an issue. Sometimes when discussing a story they would tell me if I'm not a single female with no kids irl then they wont roleplay with me.
It's gotten to the point that I have a very difficult time talking to anyone in private that isnt about roleplay. Which means my friends are few and far between and it's so hard to make new ones LOL What makes it worse is when I asked these people about it they couldnt give me a straight answer for feeling that way. Now I feel like I have to lie or just flat out refuse to talk about certain things. Then I just get called names because they think I'm stuck up. No win for me 🙄
I got into a small argument with friends so now I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm the only one that experiences this. My friends certainly havent.
When i have a good roleplay going and start talking outside of it my stories get dropped very quickly. Why? Because certain aspects of my life arent what they want or approve of. It's not even anything serious or relevant to anything. In my looong rp career of 20 years my private life was ALWAYS an issue. Sometimes when discussing a story they would tell me if I'm not a single female with no kids irl then they wont roleplay with me.
It's gotten to the point that I have a very difficult time talking to anyone in private that isnt about roleplay. Which means my friends are few and far between and it's so hard to make new ones LOL What makes it worse is when I asked these people about it they couldnt give me a straight answer for feeling that way. Now I feel like I have to lie or just flat out refuse to talk about certain things. Then I just get called names because they think I'm stuck up. No win for me 🙄
From my understanding of my own experience with this, being seen it or heard of it, it's possible due to a few things. Mind you this is just my opinion only.
If someone is taken in rl, and they rp an OC that's single, then to some people it is considered cheating on their rl spouse. Especially if you were to rp ero, then again it might be considered cheating, unless you've spoken to your spouse about it.
If you have kids. Honestly I'm not sure how that works, since I've not heard of that one.
It's kind of like how when I had it that if an OC was taken in rp, and I kept them to that respective relationship only, then no one wanted to rp with said OC because of them not being single. Because people want the opportunity to form a relationship in rp, if at all possible.
And sometimes people sadly tie rl into it. If you have things that will keep you away from the rp world, then they don't want to bother with you.
If people cannot see the fact that rp is rp, and rl is rl, along with the fact your rl will come first at times, well then that is there loss. I've rped with people who are married, I've rped with someone married and has kids, but I don't shun them for it. I take it into consideration for why I might not hear from them for a while, if they don't respond.
Not sure if any of this helps or not, and again it's just my own thoughts on this. Though I'm sorry to hear you have this kind of issue.
If someone is taken in rl, and they rp an OC that's single, then to some people it is considered cheating on their rl spouse. Especially if you were to rp ero, then again it might be considered cheating, unless you've spoken to your spouse about it.
If you have kids. Honestly I'm not sure how that works, since I've not heard of that one.
It's kind of like how when I had it that if an OC was taken in rp, and I kept them to that respective relationship only, then no one wanted to rp with said OC because of them not being single. Because people want the opportunity to form a relationship in rp, if at all possible.
And sometimes people sadly tie rl into it. If you have things that will keep you away from the rp world, then they don't want to bother with you.
If people cannot see the fact that rp is rp, and rl is rl, along with the fact your rl will come first at times, well then that is there loss. I've rped with people who are married, I've rped with someone married and has kids, but I don't shun them for it. I take it into consideration for why I might not hear from them for a while, if they don't respond.
Not sure if any of this helps or not, and again it's just my own thoughts on this. Though I'm sorry to hear you have this kind of issue.
As someone who is married with multiple kids, I feel like I can speak to this. Heck, if you couldn't figure it out from my profile name then I dunno what to tell ya, hun. 
Interestingly, I haven't run into this too much, though that may be because I have put all that nonsense in my profile and in my name. I throw that stuff out there so that people can see it and if that scares them off, well then I never had to deal with them in the first place. In the end I'm left with people who know where my priorities are and what to expect and can accept that. Weed out the weaklings before we get to the point where they can hurt my feelings.
At the end of the day, unless your personal life is going to affect your rp, it shouldn't affect your rp partner. I know when I had my second child I went dark for months while I dealt with a newborn that had a personal grudge against sleep. Seriously, this kid has it out for the sand man and I wish I knew how to settle this feud because it is going full Romeo and Juliette on me and my husband's stress levels. This also put most of my rps on an indefinite hold. A few never recovered.
It's understandable that some people don't want to risk that sort of thing, but at the end of the day this a hobby. We can't please all of the people all of the time. My recommendation is this. Don't be ashamed of who you are in life. If there are things you feel are scaring people off from rping with you, put them in your profile! Make it prominent! Big bold letters! Own that! Because at the end of the day the people you want to rp with and make friends with are the people who can accept you for who you are. You don't want to make friends by lying and hiding yourself. Those aren't friendships. Not real ones.
Edit: So I just looked at your profile and it looks like you already have most of this stuff out in the open the way I recommended. Good. And girl, if you want to talk kids or rp, hit me up! It got your back.
Interestingly, I haven't run into this too much, though that may be because I have put all that nonsense in my profile and in my name. I throw that stuff out there so that people can see it and if that scares them off, well then I never had to deal with them in the first place. In the end I'm left with people who know where my priorities are and what to expect and can accept that. Weed out the weaklings before we get to the point where they can hurt my feelings.
At the end of the day, unless your personal life is going to affect your rp, it shouldn't affect your rp partner. I know when I had my second child I went dark for months while I dealt with a newborn that had a personal grudge against sleep. Seriously, this kid has it out for the sand man and I wish I knew how to settle this feud because it is going full Romeo and Juliette on me and my husband's stress levels. This also put most of my rps on an indefinite hold. A few never recovered.
It's understandable that some people don't want to risk that sort of thing, but at the end of the day this a hobby. We can't please all of the people all of the time. My recommendation is this. Don't be ashamed of who you are in life. If there are things you feel are scaring people off from rping with you, put them in your profile! Make it prominent! Big bold letters! Own that! Because at the end of the day the people you want to rp with and make friends with are the people who can accept you for who you are. You don't want to make friends by lying and hiding yourself. Those aren't friendships. Not real ones.
Edit: So I just looked at your profile and it looks like you already have most of this stuff out in the open the way I recommended. Good. And girl, if you want to talk kids or rp, hit me up! It got your back.
It's possible that in at least some cases, they might actually be worried that it would make you less available to respond as frequently. More likely... you've had an unfortunate trend of jerkbutts hoping they might get a real girlfriend out of RP, or who at least want to be able to imagine the possibility instead of getting "distracted" by the idea that you're taken or have responsibilities or anything.
This isn't something I've had to deal with much, at least not blatantly. (Closest I can recall offhand was actually a girl upset that I couldn't be her "literate boyfriend.") But I have had games that just sorta fizzled out after I'd mentioned having a boyfriend at the time, or been explicitly or sufficiently implicitly resistant to romantic advances (that I didn't necessarily realize were even happening), etc. There's probably various factors at play in how little I've dealt with it (not noticing, being the one to distance whether aware or not, not really talking a great deal with most of the people I've RP'd with, etc).
Ultimately... it's terrible you've had to deal with such people, and I hope you're able to find better partners in the future. Because you're right, that stuff isn't even relevant.
This isn't something I've had to deal with much, at least not blatantly. (Closest I can recall offhand was actually a girl upset that I couldn't be her "literate boyfriend.") But I have had games that just sorta fizzled out after I'd mentioned having a boyfriend at the time, or been explicitly or sufficiently implicitly resistant to romantic advances (that I didn't necessarily realize were even happening), etc. There's probably various factors at play in how little I've dealt with it (not noticing, being the one to distance whether aware or not, not really talking a great deal with most of the people I've RP'd with, etc).
Ultimately... it's terrible you've had to deal with such people, and I hope you're able to find better partners in the future. Because you're right, that stuff isn't even relevant.
Huh. I've never had this happen to me, and I've always disclosed that I am married (or well, WAS, we are separated now) and that I have an autistic toddler who used to take up all my time and nobody has ever up and ghosted me. However, I have had people stop talking to me whenever I came out as trans male, and perhaps they were interested in something more than just a friendly relationship. Which might be the case here? I'm not sure.
Either way, it is silly, and I am sorry.
Either way, it is silly, and I am sorry.
Thanks to all of you for responding to this ^^ It makes me feel a bit better. I still don't know how to go about telling people about it since none of my characters are listed on my profile. I feel like that'd be an awkward conversation to bring up 😂
That really sounds awful and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I am not married and I don't have kids, however I do know more than 3 partners of mine who are and there was not once an issue. After reading about your situation, I sat and thought about it, trying to figure out why people react the way they do.
I am willing to guess that people take roleplaying very personally to the point where the fact that their partner is in a strong and committed relation and even has children might be too much to digest. I personally think they're in the wrong, because roleplaying is a hobby that is meant to separate you from real life. And it really saddens me that this has ruined some great stories for you.
I really hope that you find people who understand that private life has nothing to do with the roleplays. I would suggest that you don't open up about some aspects of your private life just to prevent things from going off the rails, but I also understand that connecting with your partner is important.
Wish you all the best, here's a cute red panda to hopefully make you feel better
I am not married and I don't have kids, however I do know more than 3 partners of mine who are and there was not once an issue. After reading about your situation, I sat and thought about it, trying to figure out why people react the way they do.
I am willing to guess that people take roleplaying very personally to the point where the fact that their partner is in a strong and committed relation and even has children might be too much to digest. I personally think they're in the wrong, because roleplaying is a hobby that is meant to separate you from real life. And it really saddens me that this has ruined some great stories for you.
I really hope that you find people who understand that private life has nothing to do with the roleplays. I would suggest that you don't open up about some aspects of your private life just to prevent things from going off the rails, but I also understand that connecting with your partner is important.
Wish you all the best, here's a cute red panda to hopefully make you feel better
From what I can wager, it might also be an inability to identify with a person after discovering that they're married or they have kids. Not because they're looking for a relationship, but because they can't see things from a married person's point of view, or they have the (stupid) notion that your marriage and kids are all you want to talk about. They might even be uncomfortable because they've talked to other married people in the past and feel like you may act in a similar manner.
It could also be mere jealousy to the fact that you're married, and they're still single. Or in the case of having children, they don't like kids, you have kids, and they don't want to be around others who have kids. People like to identify with others at the most basic of levels, and being single/without children is one of those things you can bond over, even if nothing comes of it relationship wise.
But if people are giving you trouble just for being married or having children, then you're better off not being around them anyway, let alone roleplaying with them. That's how I see it, at least.
It could also be mere jealousy to the fact that you're married, and they're still single. Or in the case of having children, they don't like kids, you have kids, and they don't want to be around others who have kids. People like to identify with others at the most basic of levels, and being single/without children is one of those things you can bond over, even if nothing comes of it relationship wise.
But if people are giving you trouble just for being married or having children, then you're better off not being around them anyway, let alone roleplaying with them. That's how I see it, at least.
That sounds really terrible tbh and I don't envy you for having to go through that. I love making friends with the people I roleplay with, and I'd probably be really grouchy if someone just up and dropped me because I have a personal life outside of roleplay. You seem pretty neat, honestly. I'm down to chit chat about roleplay if you find yourself looking! :^)
I haven't experienced this myself, but I've seen people (usually single men) posting ads specifically requesting their partner to be a single woman of a certain age with no kids. Although I am picky about my partners as well, I tend to avoid people who ask for their partners to have a specific gender and social status, because I then feel like they might read something into the RP that's simply not there for me.
I generally feel that personal stuff shouldn't be important when searching for a new partner, but at the same time I can't truly commit to that idea. I don't care about my partner's gender, social status, if they have kids/dogs/cats/a goldfish, but it's definitely a no for me if they're not above a certain age. I do enjoy casually chatting and plotting with my partner, and I have to say that if I discovered that my partner had a world view that I think is flat out wrong, then I'd probably shut down the RP even if I was enjoying it. To elaborate a bit on that, I don't care if my partner is voting to the left or right, but I would definitely call it quits if they started to express more extreme political opinions.
I generally feel that personal stuff shouldn't be important when searching for a new partner, but at the same time I can't truly commit to that idea. I don't care about my partner's gender, social status, if they have kids/dogs/cats/a goldfish, but it's definitely a no for me if they're not above a certain age. I do enjoy casually chatting and plotting with my partner, and I have to say that if I discovered that my partner had a world view that I think is flat out wrong, then I'd probably shut down the RP even if I was enjoying it. To elaborate a bit on that, I don't care if my partner is voting to the left or right, but I would definitely call it quits if they started to express more extreme political opinions.
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