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Acearo she/they/any(?) and ready to answer any questions B)
NiftySpiffy

My friend called me a "Genderliquid"
Okay well, in my dream (this was a few weeks ago now) there was this really pretty girl who I'll just call Harper and I'm pretty I was dating her in the dream because we shared a few kisses in it as well as she called me her girlfriend (I think she did anyway, I don't have a very good memory sometimes-), sadly, I soon woke up from it but I couldn't stop thinking about the girl for a while and that made me really think! Soo, is that kind of a sign or am I just looking too far into it?
NiftySpiffy

idrk
Eh, sure, I'll reply to this. I might talk about my journey just a little bit, but not a whole ton because I don't feel like talking a lot.
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As of now, I identify as a trans man, aroace, and gyneromantic (since, AROS CAN STILL HAVE A PREFERENCE. DON'T FORGET THIS). So everything kinda started way back in 6th grade. So before then, I hate to admit, I was a bit of a homophobe by influence by me oh-so-amazing dad /s, but once 6th grade rolled around, I found myself very romantically attracted to one of my friends. And I knew after a bit 'man, this is a crush. I have a crush on a girl??'

I identified as bisexual and labeled myself as a cisgender girl, but if I will be completely honest with you, I have never liked being called a girl. And there were so many other details I should have noticed earlier pointing to the fact that I was trans. Anyways, in 7th grade I think I still said I was bisexual. But it was in 7th grade when I started to realise that I was trans. It took me a long time to understand, but I remember the night so clearly when I finally was like 'yeah'. I was having a sleepover with my cousin and we were lying on the ground in front of the door for some reason and we were just talking about the LGBTQ+ community. After a moment of silence and me staring at the ceiling (thinking over everything they said about them being genderfluid) I just said "You know... I think I want to be a boy." And since then, I've just been trans, right? Next time my cousin and I visited we talked about names and me trying to find my new name. It wasn't until maybe a month or later while cleaning the floors that I was like "...Ali! YEAH!" And then around September last year I changed my middle name, too, to Jax.

Anyways, I found out I was transgender in 7th grade. And I was strongly questioning my sexuality too. Because I didn't think I was bi, because I wasn't feeling attracted to men at all. I think it was mid-8th grade when I finally looked up what term described 'attraction to feminine people' (because I thought I was just straight and liked girls for a while until my best friend/crush came out as NB), and I saw gynesexual and took that term and RAN.

I identified as gynesexual and trans for a very long time after that, and didn't really question it a ton. 8th grade I finally figured out that I never actually like men, but it was instead me trying to fit in with everyone else. I realised this after I developed a crush on some girl and was like 'men never make me feel like this bro'.

For a while, too, I said that I was polyamorous and demisexual. So then I kind of started questioning other stuff. Because I realised that not only the idea of sex bothered me, but so did romance. So I switched from being demiromantic (which only lasted maybe a week) to grayaromantic, because I feel like that fit better than aromantic. This was because I thought I wanted a relationship, but I didn't want the actual romance. More like a platonic relationship, but you both know it's something more. A couple months later I ended up getting rejected by my best friend/crush (the NB one) who I had been friends with for about 6 years and was in love with them for 4 of those years. It wasn't exactly that which 'turned me aromantic'. Honestly, I feel like a lot of things from this year made me more repulsed towards romance that I won't go on to talk about. I already knew I was asexual (learned that earlier this year), but then a couple weeks ago (some of you probably remember), I came out as aromantic.

So yeah :) That's just what it is for now. I don't know if it will change. And, lmao, this was longer than I thought it would be. Anywho, yeah, that's kind of my thing, mates 👉👉

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Luscinioide

are we supposed to have queer villain origin stories? i shot out the womb wearing martens and flannels so it was widely understood and accepted from my birthing hour that i was destined to be gay, the manspreading way of sitting down is sort of just an unfortunate side effect

i might be reaching that 'old crotchety gay' age because i didn't have a journey or whatever that i take pride in lmfao, i'm the same basketball-shorts-socks-with-sandals wearing gay that i was from day one, just without the constant threats to my life and insults that i had in high school. nothing has changed excepted for my refined taste in women. and i mean i guess the religious parts of my family are growing increasingly afraid of me but i take that as a positive thing, bitches best watch out or i'll come at them with my butch drawl

i dont care much about elaborate celebrations or festivals so i have instead elected to make june the month of "bringing cargo shorts into lesbian fashion"

sapphics, support your fellow sapphics by donning cargo shorts, i don't care if you think they make me look like a 48 year-old straight man getting ready to mow the lawn in ratty new balance sneakers
Kim Site Admin

Hi friends,

I had briefly locked this topic to get a handle on what was going on here, but it's back open for business now :)

Though the RPR really wants to avoid being in charge of moderating hot potato political discussions, we also recognize that to a certain extent, it's impossible to discuss being part of the Alphabet Mafia without discussing politics. All over the world - and this includes, very very much, the USA - LGBTQIA+ folk are constantly being made into scapegoats, boogie men, and legislative footballs to excite a bigoted base. This is simply a fact. Laws are currently being drafted and voted on that limits their access to public activities, medical care, even discussing their mere existence.

I'm noticing a more pronounced undercurrent of anger to pride month this year than in some past years, and frankly, it would be weird if there wasn't.

Pride is about more than just existing in public without feeling personal shame.

It is about being able to feel safe, welcome and valid existing in public. It is about being seen as people, not inherently sexual or too "mature" for children to see or know about -- the same way it's okay for a straight couple to kiss each other at the grocery store without it being seen as more than a kiss, so should queer couples have this right.

The ability to do these things is inherently entangled with politics. Our commitment to being a safe space for LGBTQIA+ members comes before our desire to not have to figure out moderating politics. By all means, call out laws (or proposed laws) that hurt you in this thread and share useful information on how we can help oppose them.

You are valid. Your needs are valid. Your safety is essential.

We do need to ask that you not call for or joke about doing violence to people on the RPR. I've removed some jokes from this thread that fell into this category. Some of these jokes have apparently been quotes from youtubers that maybe made more sense in the context they were originally said, but we don't all watch the same media and have the same frame of reference. Your anger is valid and understandable, but I do need to ask for some thought when posting (perhaps especially when posting angry.)
Sanne Moderator

My Pride contribution of 2022 is my new Mermaid avatar... still a WIP, I gotta shade her tail. XD

Show the fishlady!
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Imma share this here and goodnight

For straight people getting offended be my guest



good night, slay and happy pride month everybody y’all are valid and amazing.
I've found that society is hard enough to understand and adapt to when one is on the autism spectrum... but adding non-cishet orientation and gender identity on top of that, and it often feels like being from a totally different planet to everyone else. Growing up for me was tough, not least because social-maturity-wise, I've always lagged behind; and whilst much of that is down to ASD, I can't help but feel my orientation was also involved, as being an aromantic asexual further ate into my development of societal understanding. In a sense, my dysphoria and orientation, whilst not enough to get me ostracised like someone of a more commonly-attacked identity/orientation might be, is at odds with how society works. At best, I feel misunderstood much of the time. At worst, mechanically shunned for being in a position of minority. It's hard to really put into words.

During childhood, I always considered myself straight. Mostly because I was not into same-sex individuals (though I did once try to kiss a same-sex individual in primary school because I mistook friendship for attraction). It didn't help that I also made an opposite-sex friend who knew far too much about things and whose crush on me got me to believe I had one in return (I didn't... I just wanted affection, on account of being heavily bullied and shunned by most other classmates due to being seen as weird). But there was a point later where another student made me prove to them that I wasn't gay and I realised I couldn't think of any opposite-sex person who I found attractive. My parents always told me that I hadn't found the right person and even tried to push me into getting into a relationship multiple times during my mid teens. I never once experienced any of the sensations or descriptions often made about being in love with someone, and by sixth-form, I realised that I was in fact asexual. By that time, maturity was enough that coming out as not-straight during that age amongst peers was generally met with indifference where I live. So I came out to some classmates. And... oh boy...

Being asexual means being told numerous times by numerous people that one day I'll find the right person. My parents tried to turn me straight in the past, but they were nowhere near as heavy-handed as my classmates once I came out. Sure, being asexual doesn't leave one open to the same abuse that being homosexual does, but it does lead to a lot more people trying to 'fix' you. To being treated like some sort of broken mistake. A puzzle to be solved. When a classmate tried one day to force me to read an adult magazine (which I found gross, by the way), that was when I realised that you didn't have to be gay to be discriminated against. After a string of awkward encounters and further attempts to I guess turn me sexual (regardless of which way), I never ended up coming out to anyone irl about it again (except my parents who I told at a later date, mostly because it hadn't come up prior).

But as much as our media is filled with romance and our society is often cruel toward concepts like adult virginity, being asexual alone was not the extent of my experience. Because going back to a few years through puberty, I realised that I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with my body. Years since, I spent hoping and wishing for an undo button. A way to return to childhood to get out out a vessel I was growing more and more hateful of. That was where I found roleplay, actually. I didn't realise it at the time, but it wasn't actually being an adult that disgusted me. What I was feeling was gender dysphoria. It wasn't just androgyny that that longed for, but a total and utter lack of sexual characteristics (secondary characteristics and hormones were the catalyst, but not the full extent of what I wanted to change). I really do envy binary transgender people and how much more accepted binary transition is (which is saying something, given that there is a substantial population of people who do not accept it). Because I feel hopeless in the fact that I will likely never experience relief related to my dysphoria. And no doubt even if it did become possible to achieve a form of transition within my lifetime, how complete would it be whilst still being safe? My only outlet for it is through roleplay. Which is why I'm here now on RPR. In a sense, I am here as a member of this community as a result of my dysphoria. To be - in a fantasy world at least - the type of being I cannot be in real life. To escape the discomfort I have toward my own body.

I don't know how many agender people have dysphoria tied into their reason for assuming this gender identity. To most people, from what I've read, it just seems to be a feeling of being outside of the gender spectrum. I get why many agender people don't like to be considered trans or even non-binary. But I accept both those labels. I guess in a more specific sense, I'm neutrois. Though I haven't really seen it used much, making me wonder just how common it is. Though I'm partly hesitant to use that as part of my identity, because I haven't made a huge amount of effort to transition besides trying to maintain an androgynous appearance in public; though that's mostly because as someone low-income enough to have to rely on nationalised healthcare, I hold no hope of ever actually getting the aid I need toward that end (I was considering waiting until covid ended to see a doctor about my options, but then a lot of anti-trans stuff happened in the interim and now I'm really demoralised).

I'm interested actually in whether there are other neutrois people on RPR and if they have similar experiences.
Zelphyr Topic Starter

Whoops, I wasn't thinking about how the timing of posting this could lead to a moderation problem. ^^; Sorry!

I'm glad to be hearing from so many folks, though, even though so many are stuck in rough times. I'm glad some folks have stuff to look forward to, as well, and I hope those going to Pride stuff have a great time!

There's some more stuff I want to toss out there based on some of the posts I've seen, but that'll have to wait until I'm on my computer again. Some little tidbits some folks may or may not find helpful to think about, if they haven't already. ^^
lesbian here.
Despite growing up in the first country to legalize same-sex marriage on the American continent (Argentina. 2010. I was 6 years old when this happened), one of the first to have the "Trans Law" (2012) and this year or at the end of Last year we achieved that non-binary people can put their identity on the identity document, and be recognized before the law as non-binary people fairly; It is still difficult because we are still a third world country, Catholic and with a lot of misinformation on certain issues.
Since I was little I remember being aware of homosexual relationships, but I remember thinking "I can't be that, I'm normal", and for a long time I thought that was the case. Until at 10 I began to question many things about my identity, and at 12 I realized that I liked women.
I believe that in the lesbian experience, it is easier to realize that we like women than it is to realize that we DON'T like men. Compulsory heterosexuality forces us women to believe that no matter who we are attracted to, we should aspire to be attracted to men and form a life with them. And the fact of realizing that we did not enter the heteronorm, at least for me, was really frustrating. For many years I repressed myself lovingly, in fact, I forced myself to be with men because I believed that "I should work on my taste in men", it was not until I turned 15 that I finally realized that there was nothing wrong in me, and that I deserved to be free and happy with my sexuality.

More than a job of discovering myself, it was a job of accepting myself, but now I can proudly say that I am a lesbian, and I really wouldn't change that for the world.
Genuine question
I go by she/they, but I really don’t care if people use he/him for me. Like- I am a girl, but it doesn’t bother me. Really idk what this means, but— does anyone else deal with that?
Luscinioide

less drama more shitposting


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Zelphyr Topic Starter

H'okay! Home again, and hopefully this time I can type up something in less than four hours. ^^;

Ambiguous identities
One of the trickiest things I've dealt with in sorting out my identity has been getting stuck trying to figure out exactly the right label, and I've seen plenty others struggle similarly and, interestingly, have found that helpful in getting myself sorted. I can recall being frustrated with being told over and over, "no one can tell you the right label for you, only you can determine that." Yes, sure, I'm the only one who knows what I'm experiencing, but what are the right words for what I'm experiencing? How does my experience objectively compare to others? Is this one thing this, that, or some other thing? What am I supposed to do when every time I think I have an answer, I find out about something that seems (at least for a moment) to fit better, or my reasoning for the answer just... evaporates? I'd see others expressing similar confusion and frustration. In general, people like words to have a clear meaning that's easy to understand; language is there primarily to communicate, after all, and communication requires a shared understanding of the words (or signs, or imagery, or gestures, etc) being used. Right?

But there are so many terms. Many may seem indistinguishable at times. Many more haven't spread very far yet. And with so many terms, there are so many definitions and technicalities and exceptions and surely all of it is important and we have to agree on it!

If that sounds like something you find yourself dealing with, please take a moment to pause that. This may sound really dumb, but please bear with me.

Stop prioritizing communication. Words are for expression.

What I mean by that is to set aside any concerns about conveying your experiences to others for now; nothing is objective in that, so you can never be sure how well someone else's interpretation matches the intention in your words. Focus first on, "based on how I am understanding this word, do I see myself reflected in it?" Figure out how to describe yourself to yourself, as specifically or as vaguely as suits you, and how you feel about the various terms you know or look up. After that, then consider how those terms seem to be commonly understood, and aim for what seems best to you in balancing common understanding and how something feels to you, personally. This can absolutely include combining words that seem like they shouldn't go together if the concept still makes sense and feels right to you. And remember: it's not likely that you'll find just one perfect word that fully encompasses that aspect of your identity, and that's totally fine.

Still too much to know what to do with? Maybe even some things that seem contradictory? I feel ya. Eventually you just have to experiment (at least conceptually). Try things on. Give them a little wear and tear. See what using them feels like. And if you still have no clear answer, that's okay. It's only as important as you want to let it be.


Common misunderstandings about asexuality
I've talked more about asexuality in the past; here's a topic I posted for Asexuality Awareness Week back in 2018! It's been awhile since I dove very deep into ace stuff, but a lot of misconceptions about it - both from outside and from within - tend to linger, sometimes just for the sake of simplicity. Please note that regardless of what I say here, what labels you use are always up to you. If you find a label useful, awesome! I couldn't take that away from you even if I wanted to, and there is no need to justify yourself, even if we may have a different understanding of some things.

Moving on, something that is always a big misconception about asexual folks: Asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction (whether that's entirely or with some specifications), and some aces choose to engage in sexual activities anyway. Their reasons can vary, and can include simply enjoying it. Asexual folks do not inherently have an aversion to or total disinterest in sex (though that definitely does seem to be more common among aces than among other sexual orientations). No particular attitude toward sex is inherent to any orientation.

Related: Most aces are sex-positive, even if they don't want to ever be a part of it. Sex-positivity is a societal attitude that everyone should be free to engage in safe, consensual sex in whatever manner they see fit - including the choice not to engage in it at all. Where confusion tends to come in here is mixing up societal attitudes and personal attitudes (an individual's personal feelings about potentially participating). In the negative are "sex-averse" and "sex-repulsed," and many consider the latter to be more extreme than the former, sort of like the difference between disliking something and being downright sickened by something; sometimes this stems from trauma, sometimes it's a sensory issue, sometimes no particular "reason" can be identified, and ultimately it's most likely none of your business. On the positive side is "sex-favorable." In the middle, those who are "sex-indifferent" are generally open to at least considering it, but it's not something they're likely to pursue themselves.

And it's been awhile and my brain has shut down already. ^^;


TheLorekeeper wrote:
Gender is a bit confusing but I might be cis or cis-adjacent, even though dysphoria is really mean to me. Gender-nonconforming for sure. (I'm not sure if this makes me a detransitioner, but if it does, or if it doesn't but someone still wants to ask me questions about my experience, feel free to do so.)

Nah, doesn't sound like you're a detransitioner. Just still going along your journey. :) And if you do end up where you started, you still got to learn about yourself on that journey!

Unfun stuff within
"Detransitioning" is when someone has taken significant steps to transition and then, for one reason or another, opts to transition back to their original presentation. It's usually used in reference to those who at least started (and maybe even completed) some form of medical transition, which tends to mean they have already had permanent physical changes to their bodies, so it's a lot harder to go back. Detransitioning is extremely rare, and from what I've heard (I haven't confirmed), it's usually done because the harassment the person got for being trans was too much to deal with, and that some go on to re-transition once they can get into a better situation. There are at least some, however, who truly believe they were mistaken and are, in fact, cis. It's an experience that would understandably need a lot of counseling and support to deal with, whatever the reasoning.

I have yet to meet anyone (to my knowledge), trans or otherwise, who has any inherent problem with cisgender folks or with those who detransition; to the contrary, I've seen expressions of support and an ongoing welcoming attitude... when reasonable. Unfortunately, transphobes like to point to them as if it's a far more common occurrence and even to be expected, and some detransitioners have even organized to attack and blame the trans community, and to actively fight for anti-trans legislation. When detransitioners are brought up, it's usually in that anti-trans context, so the very concept is increasingly pushing trans folk into a defensive mode and probably making it that much harder for detransitioners to get the appropriate support they need.

That's my very disconnected understanding of the situation; hence, kinda hoping for a chance to talk with some directly to get their take on things.


I may have more to say later...? Oh! Before I go!

ALTY_Heave - Some folks are equally (or close enough) comfortable with all or most pronouns. There could be a number of different reasons - sure, could be a sign of being some form of non-binary or agender, but could just as easily be that you just don't really assign it any value. It can be an easy thing to get hung up on, and you may well benefit from thinking on things more, but unless there's something else bothering you (beyond just wondering if being okay with other pronouns means anything), you'd probably be just fine shrugging it off. :)

Saturninum - Wow. You found a video that, like... is pretty much the definition of Rainbow Capitalism there. I'm both amused and a little uncomfortable (mostly kinda confused) right now. ^^;
Hello, how do I gay? :)

Real talk though... I've had the immense luck of figuring out a lot of things about myself in the modern era where there are spaces to talk freely about it, and I recognize my ability to do so has come at the expense of the people before me who paid for these spaces in blood. I've been learning quite a bit about the history of the movement by just hopping around online, and I want to encourage everyone to do the same.

Listen to the diverse voices in the community, because together we make a song that is missing parts without us. :)
I am Nettle and I am homosexual, which by my estimation places me on the endangered species list.

My personal history vis a vis my sexuality is not open to discussion with strangers on the internet. I am old fashioned, uncompromising in my ideals and a believer in honor and duty. I am grateful for the numerous sacrifices my ancestors made to allow me to enjoy the rights I have currently. I am disquieted by the spectacle pride has become due to this.

I have no real use for most people and I do not make a secret of this. I would however, gladly cut my left ear off for the sake of those I call friend.

That's all I got.

Go away now.
TiredWriter

Update about my sexuality, it’s confusing.


So what is called if I am attracted to both genders but I am not romantically attracted to guys? I also have a crush on my best friend who is non-binary.



Idk…I am tired too.
At least you found out. That’s cool!
Sanne Moderator

TiredWriter wrote:
Update about my sexuality, it’s confusing.


So what is called if I am attracted to both genders but I am not romantically attracted to guys? I also have a crush on my best friend who is non-binary.



Idk…I am tired too.

Would bisexual heteroromantic fit how you feel? Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things. :)

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