Time to dump.
- METAGAMING -- people who will go out of their way to read every little smidgen on your character's website/rpr/reference sheet then utilize that information from ooc to apply it icly instead of having their character organically learn about a person's character. Awesome you already know my character icly? what's the point then
- COMMUNICATION -- Communication is a large part of roleplaying along with any type of creative venture (this is inclusive also of business practices such as taking commissions and the like~) I found that I have acquired a long laundry list of people who simply would retcon their character or delete them before actually telling me what they were planning on doing. Or fail to really say 'hey this plot/character combination/lack of interest for this interaction' is really showing and they kind of blip off in to the internet // then when one asks about a plot or character tie or what ever the case may be some individuals tend to get extremely belligerent or even -sappy- apologetic about their lack in activity or because they -simply were not feeling it-
Not gonna lie -- that sucks. I guess being an adult is really difficult for some and that communicating with some one else on hey this isn't fun for me or you any more is real.
- IMBA/OP characters -- Honestly? Do I even have to say this. People who make their characters virtually UNTOUCHABLE because OHMUHGAWD THEY ARE SO OLD, SO MAGIKUL SO AWESOME SPOOP. Snoozefest. It is understandable at one point or another when we were younger that we thought this was awesome and the best - fantastic. But the older we are we completely understand what we are doing regardless of the fact that some characters should have limitations or weaknesses.
- Yay cliques. They suck - and it is a huge ol problemo now with furcadia. aint it great. It is one of the larger reasons why a couple of my friends actually stepped away from the -game- or client and from roleplaying in that avenue.
People who agree to do an rp with you, and plot with you, and become a significant part of your character's life, only to drop you and disappear with no no word, warning, or reason.
This has happened to me so much that I've begun to think that I'm just a terrible rper, and people don't actually like me.
This has happened to me so much that I've begun to think that I'm just a terrible rper, and people don't actually like me.
Communication is Key I've always said this, and it remains true. I even see some people agreeing with me. You GOTTA communicate to your roleplay partners. Romance especially or familial ties. It's unfair to the player to not hear from their romance partner or family rp partner and be rping all by themselves. Rude as hell to ask to fulfill a family spot, and then not rp it unless you got good OOC reason and good OOC communication with me, I'm not gonna be okay with it. If you have an issue with me, talk it out. Period. To my face. I no longer play that high school shit, even if I will forgive people over it. I will straight out ignore you until you TALK to me about your problems. I literally clearly state. "Open door policy." And the last thing about communication? Bad plots. At least DISCUSS hey btw, I'm gonna cheat on your character. Or HEY btw. Things are coming around so, just to let you know, this is gonna happen.
Trust To roleplay with someone else, a base of trust is needed. It's what I massively see lacking. I couldn't tell you how many romances have failed because I thought people trusted me, and it turns out they trusted their jealous backstabbing friend instead of me. Or how many plots, for that matter. People will say things out of frustration, jealousy. There are such things called emotions, and with those lacking self-control, guess what? They will say things that AREN'T true. Coming to me about it and asking me about it instead of going WELL I SAW THIS AND I BELIEVE THEM 100% is likely to have better results, just saying. Because it shows at least a SMIDGEN of trust that just maybe...their view is biased? Hint hint.
Loyalty Course...with all the failed marriage rates out there, guess this one shouldn't surprise ANYONE too much right? Right. Guess I'm that less than 50% that's loyal to a plot till it dies out or till it's played out to its fullest.
Understanding. UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. There is a REAL LIFE out there. Obviously, we all here wish it was imaginary. But obviously, due to our jobs. And our outside the game connections, and our holidays, and our dinner table family meals (does anybody do those anymore? No? I do.) THERE IS A REAL LIFE OUT THERE. So being patient, being understanding. Hell maybe even realizing we have 24 hours each day, and that there is gonna be definitely spare time to reply to your post, is a nice thing.
Respect Again. It's kinda severely lacking IRL too, so it shouldn't surprise me the issue is here in the game, but yeah. More of it is needed. If someone is wishing to remain Anoy, I don't poke and prod and ask who they are. They want to remain Anoy for a reason. Let them. And mocking them for it certainly, doesn't do you any favors.
Posse Legit, there are so many people who will only stick to people they know or to one character. How limiting. How sad is it that you feel you can only RP with so and so? No. There is a COMMUNITY of WILLING PLAYERS to play with YOUR baby. Why limit yourself to only "a handful" of people? Like, come on. It's an MMO for a reason, bro. Meet new people, live a little. Yes, even through your computer you can do that.
Don't Nudge If you know and have been communicated that IRL is going on, don't freken do guilt trains cuz you aren't gettin the steady replies you used to get. You are fully aware of what your partner is going through IRL and it should Proceed any IC shit. Thanks.
OOC to IC I see this a lot. As a D&D player. I never do it. But you know, some people have never done that. All they've ever had is furcadia and art they spend on their characters. Hey guess what, that art you spent your money on? Easily can be turned into a book. It's exactly what I plan on doing with Acaeus' art pieces. Every one of them (minus the catdeer thing) is gonna be in his book. I won't leave any of it out. Because they are all signficiant pieces. And I don't need, a roleplayer, to make his story good.
Expectations are a get you downer Don't expect stuff. Man just...don't do it. Don't expect anything to work out in RP. OOC plots are STUPID. And I've finally stepped away from them for reasons. I FINALLY stepped away from getting couple art (for the most part) because again, expectations over a damn game? Stupid. That's like expecting me to be able to with no weapons, thinking in skyrim i'm gonna WIN against a dragon. Come on guys. We aren't that silly.
Trust To roleplay with someone else, a base of trust is needed. It's what I massively see lacking. I couldn't tell you how many romances have failed because I thought people trusted me, and it turns out they trusted their jealous backstabbing friend instead of me. Or how many plots, for that matter. People will say things out of frustration, jealousy. There are such things called emotions, and with those lacking self-control, guess what? They will say things that AREN'T true. Coming to me about it and asking me about it instead of going WELL I SAW THIS AND I BELIEVE THEM 100% is likely to have better results, just saying. Because it shows at least a SMIDGEN of trust that just maybe...their view is biased? Hint hint.
Loyalty Course...with all the failed marriage rates out there, guess this one shouldn't surprise ANYONE too much right? Right. Guess I'm that less than 50% that's loyal to a plot till it dies out or till it's played out to its fullest.
Understanding. UNDERSTAND PEOPLE. There is a REAL LIFE out there. Obviously, we all here wish it was imaginary. But obviously, due to our jobs. And our outside the game connections, and our holidays, and our dinner table family meals (does anybody do those anymore? No? I do.) THERE IS A REAL LIFE OUT THERE. So being patient, being understanding. Hell maybe even realizing we have 24 hours each day, and that there is gonna be definitely spare time to reply to your post, is a nice thing.
Respect Again. It's kinda severely lacking IRL too, so it shouldn't surprise me the issue is here in the game, but yeah. More of it is needed. If someone is wishing to remain Anoy, I don't poke and prod and ask who they are. They want to remain Anoy for a reason. Let them. And mocking them for it certainly, doesn't do you any favors.
Posse Legit, there are so many people who will only stick to people they know or to one character. How limiting. How sad is it that you feel you can only RP with so and so? No. There is a COMMUNITY of WILLING PLAYERS to play with YOUR baby. Why limit yourself to only "a handful" of people? Like, come on. It's an MMO for a reason, bro. Meet new people, live a little. Yes, even through your computer you can do that.
Don't Nudge If you know and have been communicated that IRL is going on, don't freken do guilt trains cuz you aren't gettin the steady replies you used to get. You are fully aware of what your partner is going through IRL and it should Proceed any IC shit. Thanks.
OOC to IC I see this a lot. As a D&D player. I never do it. But you know, some people have never done that. All they've ever had is furcadia and art they spend on their characters. Hey guess what, that art you spent your money on? Easily can be turned into a book. It's exactly what I plan on doing with Acaeus' art pieces. Every one of them (minus the catdeer thing) is gonna be in his book. I won't leave any of it out. Because they are all signficiant pieces. And I don't need, a roleplayer, to make his story good.
Expectations are a get you downer Don't expect stuff. Man just...don't do it. Don't expect anything to work out in RP. OOC plots are STUPID. And I've finally stepped away from them for reasons. I FINALLY stepped away from getting couple art (for the most part) because again, expectations over a damn game? Stupid. That's like expecting me to be able to with no weapons, thinking in skyrim i'm gonna WIN against a dragon. Come on guys. We aren't that silly.
mmmmmm i have Lots Of Thoughts about this and some of which i will keep to myself for Reasons but lets address some things.
i've been on the rp scene for like 17 years now and i've seen my fair share of annoying things, had lots of bad experiences, and i've even been the bad experience for some people (it happens no matter how hard you might try otherwise)
annoyingly clingy - theres a big diff between friendship and being plain clingy and annoying. give people breathing room. don't send 312039701239 messages at once. like dayum give people time to respond to a couple things before bombarding them with other things. oocly of course but ic too if ppl are actually like that ic.
stop assuming things - ic and ooc. little annoys me more than me discussing something and automatically someone else assumes it means this or that and they have to jump on my butt about it. ASK, don't just assume. and don't go on the offensive immediately when an assumption is all there is to go on.
people have touched base on flakes, but as one myself hear me out - we have lives that don't revolve around rp and real life will always take priority. MOST flakey people like me will warn new partners about this, so if you get ample warning, don't get mad when it happens. my depression has some pretty severe dips and can cause me to not want to rp for weeks or even months at a time. problem? don't rp with me, its that simple. i'm not gonna get mad (and most ppl like me wont) bc i know it sucks to be stuck in that position. just tell someone you aren't happy with the time its taking (politely) and move on. getting all butthurt on the person is just going to make matters worse. if it's out of the blue, yeah i might be a little annoyed but i still give people the benefit of the doubt. life happens.
communication is hella important when it comes to rp, and moreso when someone has a very unstable schedule.
leadership - boy o boy i could write walls o text about this. if you are going to be the leader of any situation, be it the dm of a dnd game, head of a guild, or just the ringleader of a small group of rpers then do not abandon that role without backup always plan for the off chance that something might happen where you can't be the leader for whatever reason. unexpected medical leave, trip, sudden loss of internet, conditions at home or work, ect ect. people are relying on you, so don't leave them high and dry if something happens. yes people are understanding but only to a point. nothing pisses me off more in a group than the leader not leading and having no second in command to take over or a plan at all. just... don't be a bad leader. it sucks for everyone
jealousy and abusive "friendship" - people do not own another person, period so for the love of all that is good please do not think you can dictate who someone can rp with or when, and if you find that happening with someone then get outta that asap!! you don't need to subject yourself to that. no one should be guilting you into anything and you shouldn't do it either. getting upset about a partner rping with someone else instead of you isn't acceptable. i will drop rp like a molten rock if someone starts doing that to me. i will rp with who i want when i want. i'm doing it to have fun, not to please the every whim of someone else. you do not owe anyone anything and if someone else can't understand or be patient, they aren't worth your time anyway!
rp fights - be fair according to each characters advantages and disadvantages. i suppose this falls under godmoding a bit as well as powerplaying. take a hit, it's not the damn end of the world.
ooc/ic mixing - i wish this didn't happen as much as it did but holy crap does it. why is it such a hard concept? people aren't their characters. what happens ic should not translate into ooc. again, this is something i have no tolerance for. i will drop out almost immediately if i see this happening.
its about fun!!!!!! - first and foremost! if it isn't fun for one or both people, talk about it and try to figure it out. if nothing can be done then don't be afraid to go your separate ways. sometimes rp just doesn't work out and theres nothing wrong with that!! don't try to force it, it will fail miserably.
anyways thats all i can think of that bothers me a bunch
i've been on the rp scene for like 17 years now and i've seen my fair share of annoying things, had lots of bad experiences, and i've even been the bad experience for some people (it happens no matter how hard you might try otherwise)
annoyingly clingy - theres a big diff between friendship and being plain clingy and annoying. give people breathing room. don't send 312039701239 messages at once. like dayum give people time to respond to a couple things before bombarding them with other things. oocly of course but ic too if ppl are actually like that ic.
stop assuming things - ic and ooc. little annoys me more than me discussing something and automatically someone else assumes it means this or that and they have to jump on my butt about it. ASK, don't just assume. and don't go on the offensive immediately when an assumption is all there is to go on.
people have touched base on flakes, but as one myself hear me out - we have lives that don't revolve around rp and real life will always take priority. MOST flakey people like me will warn new partners about this, so if you get ample warning, don't get mad when it happens. my depression has some pretty severe dips and can cause me to not want to rp for weeks or even months at a time. problem? don't rp with me, its that simple. i'm not gonna get mad (and most ppl like me wont) bc i know it sucks to be stuck in that position. just tell someone you aren't happy with the time its taking (politely) and move on. getting all butthurt on the person is just going to make matters worse. if it's out of the blue, yeah i might be a little annoyed but i still give people the benefit of the doubt. life happens.
communication is hella important when it comes to rp, and moreso when someone has a very unstable schedule.
leadership - boy o boy i could write walls o text about this. if you are going to be the leader of any situation, be it the dm of a dnd game, head of a guild, or just the ringleader of a small group of rpers then do not abandon that role without backup always plan for the off chance that something might happen where you can't be the leader for whatever reason. unexpected medical leave, trip, sudden loss of internet, conditions at home or work, ect ect. people are relying on you, so don't leave them high and dry if something happens. yes people are understanding but only to a point. nothing pisses me off more in a group than the leader not leading and having no second in command to take over or a plan at all. just... don't be a bad leader. it sucks for everyone
jealousy and abusive "friendship" - people do not own another person, period so for the love of all that is good please do not think you can dictate who someone can rp with or when, and if you find that happening with someone then get outta that asap!! you don't need to subject yourself to that. no one should be guilting you into anything and you shouldn't do it either. getting upset about a partner rping with someone else instead of you isn't acceptable. i will drop rp like a molten rock if someone starts doing that to me. i will rp with who i want when i want. i'm doing it to have fun, not to please the every whim of someone else. you do not owe anyone anything and if someone else can't understand or be patient, they aren't worth your time anyway!
rp fights - be fair according to each characters advantages and disadvantages. i suppose this falls under godmoding a bit as well as powerplaying. take a hit, it's not the damn end of the world.
ooc/ic mixing - i wish this didn't happen as much as it did but holy crap does it. why is it such a hard concept? people aren't their characters. what happens ic should not translate into ooc. again, this is something i have no tolerance for. i will drop out almost immediately if i see this happening.
its about fun!!!!!! - first and foremost! if it isn't fun for one or both people, talk about it and try to figure it out. if nothing can be done then don't be afraid to go your separate ways. sometimes rp just doesn't work out and theres nothing wrong with that!! don't try to force it, it will fail miserably.
anyways thats all i can think of that bothers me a bunch
actually Michonne, you CAN win against a Skyrim dragon with your fists xP
This maybe minor, sorry to post allot.
Has anyone ever ran into a person who does zero research on their character when they character adds in certain problems? Such as random problems, illnesses, disabilities? Where they do no research and get mad about it when you correct or help them?
Not sure if anyone mentioned. I detest RP fights that lead to petty harassment. Not everyone likes or enjoys RP fights or should be forced to do them. I been on a semi decent RP site where if you got in "trouble" such as a fall out. You were forced to fight the admin and have your character deleted.
Bad admin/GMs as I mentioned before, which I brought up the RP fight thing. An admin, mod and staff are suppose to help and make new people feel welcomed, right? When I was younger, a co mod on a site was VERY rude to some newbie people and would belittle them for no reason.
I seen way too much OOC/IC mixing in my life to where people bring OOC issues into IC with their characters.
Bossy/Naggy type RPers and admins. - Everyone has a life. People work, have school. There are time zones, etc. Not everyone has time or can make a post in a second to meet the player's needs. I had that issue when I told this player I was busy with school. What did they say? "STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND REPLY!!"
Poorly ran, user run forums. - Allot of people make small RP forums based off a fandom that harbour a small handful of people or friends where the admin has their own set of rules and time limits. Such where you have zero creative freedom. I.E follow their rules or leave.
Complex and messy structure. Can't make your own RP or story. Have to follow a site wide story in the many connected threads.
Has anyone ever ran into a person who does zero research on their character when they character adds in certain problems? Such as random problems, illnesses, disabilities? Where they do no research and get mad about it when you correct or help them?
Not sure if anyone mentioned. I detest RP fights that lead to petty harassment. Not everyone likes or enjoys RP fights or should be forced to do them. I been on a semi decent RP site where if you got in "trouble" such as a fall out. You were forced to fight the admin and have your character deleted.
Bad admin/GMs as I mentioned before, which I brought up the RP fight thing. An admin, mod and staff are suppose to help and make new people feel welcomed, right? When I was younger, a co mod on a site was VERY rude to some newbie people and would belittle them for no reason.
I seen way too much OOC/IC mixing in my life to where people bring OOC issues into IC with their characters.
Bossy/Naggy type RPers and admins. - Everyone has a life. People work, have school. There are time zones, etc. Not everyone has time or can make a post in a second to meet the player's needs. I had that issue when I told this player I was busy with school. What did they say? "STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND REPLY!!"
Poorly ran, user run forums. - Allot of people make small RP forums based off a fandom that harbour a small handful of people or friends where the admin has their own set of rules and time limits. Such where you have zero creative freedom. I.E follow their rules or leave.
Complex and messy structure. Can't make your own RP or story. Have to follow a site wide story in the many connected threads.
Moki wrote:
people have touched base on flakes, but as one myself hear me out - we have lives that don't revolve around rp and real life will always take priority. MOST flakey people like me will warn new partners about this, so if you get ample warning, don't get mad when it happens. my depression has some pretty severe dips and can cause me to not want to rp for weeks or even months at a time. problem? don't rp with me, its that simple. i'm not gonna get mad (and most ppl like me wont) bc i know it sucks to be stuck in that position. just tell someone you aren't happy with the time its taking (politely) and move on. getting all butthurt on the person is just going to make matters worse. if it's out of the blue, yeah i might be a little annoyed but i still give people the benefit of the doubt. life happens.
Asroc wrote:
Bossy/Naggy type RPers and admins. - Everyone has a life. People work, have school. There are time zones, etc. Not everyone has time or can make a post in a second to meet the player's needs. I had that issue when I told this player I was busy with school. What did they say? "STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND REPLY!!"
^This is what I hate so, so, SO much. More than anything in the world. I've witnessed this and more from impatient types who complain in the forums (and at me) about it. It's just, does depression and fatigue not hit you so hard, that you don't want to try anything, let alone RP? Does life not happen so bad that not only would you rather not reply, you'd rather not talk to anyone period?
Yeah, some people bury themselves in RP to cope or solve their problems, but I'm not one of them. Oh, you can balance your time out between work and school fine, and still shoot out a RP response every week? Good for you! Some of us don't get that luxury or skillset; some, like me, lose track of time because of how depressed they are.
So please, give me some respect and patience when I don't talk for a while. Like Moki, I'm the type to let people know ahead of any RPs that life/depression happens, and I'mma disappear. Maybe I can't let you know when it's so sudden because of a broken computer/phone. If you understand and you can wait for me, great! (If you can accept my constant and terrified apologizing for it, even better.) We're gonna get along just fine.
If that's something you can't wrap your head around, then don't talk to me. Simple. When people show out like this, I just know to mark them down as impatient and not worth RPing with. If they don't care that people can't give a heads up sometimes, then it makes me wonder what else they're intolerant on, you know?
People like that are also the reason I don't RP as much as I'd like to. (Also the reason why I'm so apologetic with my partners, and I love them for putting up with me.) I'm bound to run into someone like that sooner or later again and... I'm not gonna handle it well. (Fear and a people pleasing attitude doesn't mix well with frustration and anger from real life issues, just as a heads up.) I'm here to have fun, not meet a deadline like I'm writing or drawing for a comic. That's what my own art is for, which also takes up my time to RP. Sorry not sorry. I love art because it's not as stressful on a deadline.
Indeed.
When I moved, I used my phone's data due to no internet yet at my place. It wasn't fun, but I managed.
School and life drain all of us and we need some air time for ourselves.
I have seen the impatient type people who would threaten with a ban or kick as well. Sometimes I lack motivation for my muses.
I have seen people get mad and refuse anyone to have time off if something happens in the family.
That or there are people who will just carry on a rp with short, machine gun responses were it is hard to follow after a.while.
When I moved, I used my phone's data due to no internet yet at my place. It wasn't fun, but I managed.
School and life drain all of us and we need some air time for ourselves.
I have seen the impatient type people who would threaten with a ban or kick as well. Sometimes I lack motivation for my muses.
I have seen people get mad and refuse anyone to have time off if something happens in the family.
That or there are people who will just carry on a rp with short, machine gun responses were it is hard to follow after a.while.
Crud.. Weird double post.
Oops
Oops
I think I only have two major 'bad' experiences with RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
Zacharias wrote:
I think I only have two major 'bad' experiences with RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
^^^^^
It seems that the majority of the problems described in this thread boil down to two ugly things: entitlement and a lack of courtesy. They're unpleasant anywhere, but especially nasty to encounter in environments that are supposed to be fun.
I'm happy to say that I haven't had an overtly negative experience with roleplay for a long time, but I've experienced most of the situations described here at some point or another. For a little change of pace, I'd like to drop a bit of advice for handling and controlling such occasions when they do crop up. The less you have to deal with them, the better, of course--but while you can't decide or discern the actions of others, you can influence how negative experiences turn out through your own.
Here are a few of my secrets:
Roleplay is a very complex social ritual, and sometimes all of the nuances end up in a tangle that is remarkably reminiscent of ye olde court intrigue. Or, er, high school. Well, take your pick, I suppose; are they really that different? In any case, unless you withdraw from the activity all together, one of your bad experiences is bound to repeat itself sooner or later. It is unfortunate and inevitable. But that is the imperfect nature of the world, and it is, therefore, best to be prepared!
I'm happy to say that I haven't had an overtly negative experience with roleplay for a long time, but I've experienced most of the situations described here at some point or another. For a little change of pace, I'd like to drop a bit of advice for handling and controlling such occasions when they do crop up. The less you have to deal with them, the better, of course--but while you can't decide or discern the actions of others, you can influence how negative experiences turn out through your own.
Here are a few of my secrets:
- Be honest; be upfront; be polite; but if something's truly bothering you, don't be quiet. Many unhappy situations can be nipped in the bud before they spiral out of control. If you don't approve of something, examine why you don't approve of it, then voice your concerns in a firm but cordial way once you're sure you have a case that rests on more than your feelings or biases. A lot of grievances stem from our own emotions and insecurities, so it helps to be critical of our own inclinations towards those things. For example: 'Nobody wants to play with me!' is a common expression that I'm sure many of us have at least thought to ourselves, myself among them, for sure; but, before you voice such a complaint, consider objectively whether or not you have been putting forth an effort to engage your would-be writing partners in ways that are relevant to their interests!
If the situation is less ambiguous, one that is a matter of simple lack of courtesy or the breaking of unspoken rules, do know that a lot of problem roleplayers exhibit bad habits because of an immaturity which might be totally innocent, and they may be receptive to being told that what they're doing is inconsiderate or overstepping bounds, especially if you do so kindly.
Of course, if you can't be bothered to talk it out (and you're in no way obligated to,) just remember to....
- Value your own time, energy, and ideas. If you find a group that seems hellbent on excluding you even after you have become a member of the community in which they exist, it is of course best to attempt to open a discussion with them about why, because there may be a misunderstanding--but if you don't want to go through the trouble, or see that they are unwilling to engage, it will behoove you to leave them alone--or, in severe cases where they are the 'dominant' clique through which all story must flow, pack up and go.
Don't think of it as a loss of opportunity, because it isn't. What it is is a matter of self-respect. No randoms are entitled to your leisure time, creative effort or energy, and if they make it clear that they don't want it or won't respect it, why on earth should you give it to them? (Likewise, of course, it is important to remember that they don't owe it to you, either.)
Internalizing this takes a bit of confidence and an eye for objectively understanding a situation, but it's a very rewarding mindset to have, and has steered me clear of a lot of drama over the years. The quicker you can detect a genuine dismissal of what you have to offer, the quicker you can stop wasting your time and cease building investment in something that might not pan out due to petty reasons or simple incompatibility. You can then put that saved time and energy towards something else, instead, and come away happier for it.
- If push comes to shove and you do choose to leave an engagement or end a scene, do so with grace and kindness. This is extremely important: there's no point in exiting a social group of any type with an overt showing of bitterness, no matter how bad your experience may have been. Clearly voice your reasons for leaving, of course, and do so with conviction; but also genuinely thank your DMs and partners for the pleasant experiences you did have, exit stage right, and enjoy your newfound freedom with the knowledge that the nature of your departure, at least, cannot be used against you as a grounds for further headache.
- Be liberal with acquaintances and treat them well, but choose your friends carefully. This one is difficult for many of us, but it's a very valuable skill that applies to more than just roleplay. It is very easy to become invested in not only a storyline you are writing, but in your relationship with your co-authors. While it is good and healthy to cultivate an OOC relationship with your companions, be discerning about which ones you choose to invite into more personal matters. It may save heartbreak in the future when disagreements arise, or help you dodge a bullet you did not expect to find.
Roleplay is a very complex social ritual, and sometimes all of the nuances end up in a tangle that is remarkably reminiscent of ye olde court intrigue. Or, er, high school. Well, take your pick, I suppose; are they really that different? In any case, unless you withdraw from the activity all together, one of your bad experiences is bound to repeat itself sooner or later. It is unfortunate and inevitable. But that is the imperfect nature of the world, and it is, therefore, best to be prepared!
Zacharias wrote:
I think I only have two major 'bad' experiences with RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
The first is cliques and weird, clingy friendships. Maybe it's just been that long since I've been in high school, but I don't understand them. I love to RP with absolutely anyone (time permitting) and have never understood the concept of someone telling me "No, you can't RP with that person because I don't like them and they don't like me and if you want to RP with our group, you have to deal with that." I hear this a lot. And I mean, I work 40 hour work weeks in retail, of all things. I don't want to log online and deal with that kind of mess. It's a game, it's a hobby, it's supposed to be fun. And banning a person from a group because you don't like their friends is weird and rather.. immature, honestly. It's not that serious!
The second is people not understanding that real life will always come first. I don't always have time to tell a person "Hey, I'm gonna be gone for x amount of time". Real life isn't always predictable. Last minute work schedules, unexpected illnesses, spontaneous trips out of town.. collapsing out of sheer stress and depression (hello darkness my old friend).. these are all part of life and the very last thing on my mind is "Hey gotta make sure I tell these people I won't be able to reply to their RP". It was easier for me when I was younger and not an adult living in an apartment I pay for, with bills I'm very much responsible for. The hostility of people has made RP difficult. "Oh so you can check Facebook but not reply?" Yep. I've gotten that. And it makes me immediately back away from RP.
I get these two a lot as well and it's super annoying. Sure, I might not like a person but I'm not gonna tell my partners not to rp with them. I'll just appreciate it if they didn't bring that person or their character's into my character's lives because I am not involving myself with that person for personal reasons.
Another thing I dislike is that there seems to be an overflow of players who will ONLY roleplay with males, I have a few males- albeit most of them are anonymous but they only want to roleplay with my males. Never females which drains my muse so fast for men and then I don't roleplay the male characters for a while. There are a lot of thirsty players out there that only want to roleplay with male characters in order to "tie that male down" or "get in bed with them", it's all about relationships for most people these days from what I can tell. Also a lot of people go for the sex real fast.
OOC standpoint that I've experienced. Flakey people and two-faced people. Happened to me and I was really hurt by it since these people tend to turn out to be close friends that I grew attached to and enjoyed roleplay with. But they just stop roleplaying with you, tell you "later" and that turns into months while they're off roleplaying other characters until they stop even getting on the ones involved with your characters. Or they act one way and say things to you but then are completely different with another person. It's annoying and hurtful.
The biggest thing I have had is lack of interest in plotting. I love to plot and think of ideas that will make my character's life interesting but my partners are so against trying anything that might be shaking the character's lifestyle that it's an automatic "no."
I’m a lousy flake and not a mind reader, so I struggle with partner expectations sometimes.
My bad experiences come from people who repeatedly feed into my excitement for plotting then force the rp to go another way, never want to move story forward, or use my ooc time constraints as an excuse to treat my characters horribly in rp.
I’ve tried really hard to keep myself available for at least discussing how things are going between my rp availability times, but it’s hit or miss with players. I’ve had partners become hooked on my writing when my muse is high then take it out on me when I’m drained. I work a full time job, plus crap loads overtime during holidays. I can’t always set aside time for IC when I only get one day off a week. Don’t treat my character like garbage because I’m a garbage person.
Another thing I’ve had to deal with a lot is the possessive partner that hounds me for replies. The second you go “where’s my post” when you hear wind of me rping w someone else, I lose aaaany desire of replying. I have a multifaceted muse, and sometimes need just a simple one off rp to get me feeling up to rp as a whole. I will let you know if I want to shake things up/bored/lost interest as a whole. I’m not afraid to tell someone I’d rather move on.
Also; don’t complain about my other rp partners to me when we have noooo plots overlapping. If they’re not working with a multiplayer plot, then I understand, but if I’m over rping X and Y who aren’t even connected to A and B, it’s nun ya beez. Let me have my different plots. It won’t affect ours unless you continue to poke and I find myself uninterested in communicating further with the player.
If we haven’t spoke in months and a person decides to be upset when I retcon ic interactions, that’s not my fault. Approach me about it, and we could work something out. I genuinely do miss most people I lost ties with.
Ghosting me because IRL keeps me too busy? Because I rp with partners you personally can’t get along with? Bye. I will gut everything without remorse. It is not my job alone to drive ooc relations, and I’m no ones property.
I want to work on rebuilding bridges with those I’ve lost during my bad choices in partners, and I understand why/when people don’t trust me, but my PM door’s always open. I’m a softy and can empathize with your hurt feelings, if you give me a chance to talk things out.
I know I’m the creator of some bad experiences. I’d love to fix that.
My bad experiences come from people who repeatedly feed into my excitement for plotting then force the rp to go another way, never want to move story forward, or use my ooc time constraints as an excuse to treat my characters horribly in rp.
I’ve tried really hard to keep myself available for at least discussing how things are going between my rp availability times, but it’s hit or miss with players. I’ve had partners become hooked on my writing when my muse is high then take it out on me when I’m drained. I work a full time job, plus crap loads overtime during holidays. I can’t always set aside time for IC when I only get one day off a week. Don’t treat my character like garbage because I’m a garbage person.
Another thing I’ve had to deal with a lot is the possessive partner that hounds me for replies. The second you go “where’s my post” when you hear wind of me rping w someone else, I lose aaaany desire of replying. I have a multifaceted muse, and sometimes need just a simple one off rp to get me feeling up to rp as a whole. I will let you know if I want to shake things up/bored/lost interest as a whole. I’m not afraid to tell someone I’d rather move on.
Also; don’t complain about my other rp partners to me when we have noooo plots overlapping. If they’re not working with a multiplayer plot, then I understand, but if I’m over rping X and Y who aren’t even connected to A and B, it’s nun ya beez. Let me have my different plots. It won’t affect ours unless you continue to poke and I find myself uninterested in communicating further with the player.
If we haven’t spoke in months and a person decides to be upset when I retcon ic interactions, that’s not my fault. Approach me about it, and we could work something out. I genuinely do miss most people I lost ties with.
Ghosting me because IRL keeps me too busy? Because I rp with partners you personally can’t get along with? Bye. I will gut everything without remorse. It is not my job alone to drive ooc relations, and I’m no ones property.
I want to work on rebuilding bridges with those I’ve lost during my bad choices in partners, and I understand why/when people don’t trust me, but my PM door’s always open. I’m a softy and can empathize with your hurt feelings, if you give me a chance to talk things out.
I know I’m the creator of some bad experiences. I’d love to fix that.
I think for me it is when the communication stops. I am all for idle chatter ooc. I will try to be friends with just about anyone.
What I really hate is when a long time rp partner or friend comes to me and tells me that so and so said they do not want them associating with me for one reason or another. Generally I just say okay whatever and keep moving but it is annoying. Also the high school gossip where people will say I heard this and this from so and so about you.
And that is equally annoying but I generally give everyone chance.
I like to think I am a reasonable person.
What I really hate is when a long time rp partner or friend comes to me and tells me that so and so said they do not want them associating with me for one reason or another. Generally I just say okay whatever and keep moving but it is annoying. Also the high school gossip where people will say I heard this and this from so and so about you.
And that is equally annoying but I generally give everyone chance.
I like to think I am a reasonable person.
I understand better than anyone that sometimes RL happens and you have to step away. If someone hasn't responded for a while, I typically check their profile and see how active they have been. I might nudge them and ask if there is a problem with their muse or the rp that I can help with. I'm willing to work with my rp partner on a number of things.
If someone hasn't logged on in a while, I figure they are busy and will get back to me when they can.
But if someone has just lost interest in our rp and won't tell me and carries on being active in the site, I just ignore their posts or messages. I don't reply to future messages and won't reply to their responses if I make a post on a forum.
I'm very chill and laid back, but I feel like a bit of courtesy is warranted. If someone doesn't have enough respect to communicate with me, I don't have much of an interest in rping with them.
If someone hasn't logged on in a while, I figure they are busy and will get back to me when they can.
But if someone has just lost interest in our rp and won't tell me and carries on being active in the site, I just ignore their posts or messages. I don't reply to future messages and won't reply to their responses if I make a post on a forum.
I'm very chill and laid back, but I feel like a bit of courtesy is warranted. If someone doesn't have enough respect to communicate with me, I don't have much of an interest in rping with them.
Oooooohhhh boy. Here we go. I apologize in advance for the language, but I have a lot of bad experiences with RP and RP partners - so much so that it has pretty effectively killed my desire to rp and made my muse so fickle it's almost pointless for me to be involved in anything ICly.
I'm not fussed one way or the other about flakes, personally. I'm known for it, to be frank. But I have a kid, I'm married, I'm in school, and I've been disappointed so many times that my muse is hit or miss - sometimes I'll go months without it. It is what it is.
- My favorite will forever be when someone will sit there and tell me they just can't rp - that they aren't rping with anyone at all. Except they are, and I find out about it secondhand either through guestbook comments or literally someone mentioning it. In short, liars. There are few things I can't stand more than a liar, and when I find out someone has lied to me I will vehemently refuse to rp with them ever again - much less speak to them. I do not tolerate being lied to. If you can't be honest and straight up with me like an adult, then there's nothing to discuss. I have had so many instances of this it's pathetic.
- I have a character of 15 years. He's my oldest character, he's my brainchild, my baby - he's as much a part of me as anything else. I have had people guilt trip me into playing him in a way that is contrary to his actual design. I can't stand being guilt tripped, and I'm at the point now where if someone starts trying I tell them to shut up and walk away.
I will not play my character in a way that is not fitting to his continuity or design.
- Stalkers. Creepy stalkers who somehow found me in my real life. They found my facebook, found my phone number, and started harassing me about why I wasn't doing this or that, when I'd be online, etc. It got to the point that I stopped rping all together for almost a year because I was so uncomfortable.
- People who lie about their age. I'm a RPer on furc - I play in the AO (adult only) areas because I'm just not interested in rping with people who are not adults - not because I RP sex but because I'm just not comfortable with people who are underage being associated with me or my characters in an IC setting. I've recently found out that a number of my former RP partners were underage for a good period of time that I knew them - these are the same people who guilt tripped me. Talk about creepy.
- People who whine about how "overpowered" my (or a random character) is. Yes, Lucas is overpowered. Why? Because he's not human, he's a greater archdemon who's been around since the greco-romans. He's a 15 year old design and has survived every attempt on his life (and by survived I mean he died and came back to life because, again, demon) and built himself an empire off the wealth and connections he's accumulated through being old as hell. If you'd actually read his RPR you'd know that. I don't care to listen to someone whine about something that's very clearly stated on his site.
I'm not fussed one way or the other about flakes, personally. I'm known for it, to be frank. But I have a kid, I'm married, I'm in school, and I've been disappointed so many times that my muse is hit or miss - sometimes I'll go months without it. It is what it is.
Yikes, so sorry that a lot of these things have come up for you guys.
I do want to say that specific communities will have some universally accepted bad habits. Furcadia has already been mentioned so I don't want to drag it again, especially since I enjoyed it for a great deal of time as a teen.
Flakey doesn't bother me. I assume people run into an incompatibility, a personal time issue, or even mental illness and have to bail. For me it's like a tinder date ghosting -- it just happens. It sucks but I'm not going to judge someone for wanting to invest time elsewhere. In fact, I really hope my partners aren't putting RP before other priorities, because that's what leads to the rough interactions I've experienced.
Clinginess, obsessive stalking, toxic clique behaviors (I say toxic because cliquing seems idk... Like a thing people just do. They form close friend groups, have a good time and tend to favor one another), and hyper controlling personalities have all really put a kibosh on my will to be a part of various communities from forums to furcadia. These behaviors tend to stem from places of insecurity and people just not having a lot outside of our interactions, the community, or the rp itself. Like this is their only form of self care or entertainment or even their only hobby. It's a big red flag to me if someone is constantly online and accessible.
To be honest, I think Cami's first point hit the head on the nail for me, as well. People can be shy about lacking muse or wanting to move on, but communication about that is so helpful.
I do want to say that specific communities will have some universally accepted bad habits. Furcadia has already been mentioned so I don't want to drag it again, especially since I enjoyed it for a great deal of time as a teen.
Flakey doesn't bother me. I assume people run into an incompatibility, a personal time issue, or even mental illness and have to bail. For me it's like a tinder date ghosting -- it just happens. It sucks but I'm not going to judge someone for wanting to invest time elsewhere. In fact, I really hope my partners aren't putting RP before other priorities, because that's what leads to the rough interactions I've experienced.
Clinginess, obsessive stalking, toxic clique behaviors (I say toxic because cliquing seems idk... Like a thing people just do. They form close friend groups, have a good time and tend to favor one another), and hyper controlling personalities have all really put a kibosh on my will to be a part of various communities from forums to furcadia. These behaviors tend to stem from places of insecurity and people just not having a lot outside of our interactions, the community, or the rp itself. Like this is their only form of self care or entertainment or even their only hobby. It's a big red flag to me if someone is constantly online and accessible.
To be honest, I think Cami's first point hit the head on the nail for me, as well. People can be shy about lacking muse or wanting to move on, but communication about that is so helpful.
Sundial wrote:
Clinginess, obsessive stalking, toxic clique behaviors (I say toxic because cliquing seems idk... Like a thing people just do. They form close friend groups, have a good time and tend to favor one another), and hyper controlling personalities have all really put a kibosh on my will to be a part of various communities from forums to furcadia. These behaviors tend to stem from places of insecurity and people just not having a lot outside of our interactions, the community, or the rp itself. Like this is their only form of self care or entertainment or even their only hobby. It's a big red flag to me if someone is constantly online and accessible.
This, this, this this, this. Probably my number one bad experience in RP (with the client I tended to RP on anyways) was a sense of cliquishness, and I know a few people who have felt the same way. Most of us have left. I liked a lot of people individually, but I never particularly felt I could blend in with the community and have a good time. Definitely had 'the outsiders' feel; didn't feel welcoming. No one was necessarily hostile, but it just never felt welcoming.
Another thing was a lack of communication, and people seemingly to get easily EXTREMELY hurt at simple misunderstandings. I'll be the first to admit I have a low tolerance for bullshit, and if I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me or yank my chain, or try and manipulate my feelings, I'm likely to drop you like a hot potato. This always seemed to come from the people who were REALLY REALLY REALLY invested into the client I was RPing on, and I think it goes back to what Sundial said about people who treat RPing as their sole hobby and forms of social communication.
I get misunderstandings happen, feelings get hurt, we're all human beings after all. But I'm here to have fun, and I don't want to feel perpetually guilty or stressed over people drawing out misunderstandings that can easily be fixed by coming up to me and talking to me like an adult. I always felt like there was more drama than was necessary.
hollie wrote:
I get misunderstandings happen, feelings get hurt, we're all human beings after all. But I'm here to have fun, and I don't want to feel perpetually guilty or stressed over people drawing out misunderstandings that can easily be fixed by coming up to me and talking to me like an adult. I always felt like there was more drama than was necessary.
Thank you for framing this so well!
On the point of drama some of my most trying experiences with individuals -- though rare -- was the propensity for some people to be so "anti-drama" that having adult conversations or expressing concerns was immediately framed as someone wanting to cause drama. There was such an extreme aversion to negativity that conflicts would never be resolved in a mature fashion.
Tough conversations suck, but they're often the most productive thing you can do in life. Misunderstandings can be sorted and concerns assuaged so easily by having one. Difficulty does not always mean drama. It's only drama if you opt not to participate in the resolution. At that point, who's really the problem in the situation?
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